Separating from PS hubby

[wizedup]

I'm new here and just wanted to get your opinions on my situation.

 

Background: We've been married 15 years...together a total of 23. We were 16 and 17 when we met. We both did drugs (pot and coke). He also sold these drugs. My father was an alcoholic so I was used to the chaos of living with an addiction.

We got married (dumb, yes I know now). We had 2 kids.

Fast Forward to 10 years ago - I stopped using, haven't touched the stuff once in 10 yrs. He stopped coke but not pot and alcohol. Within these past ten years, I've begged, pleaded, yelled, screamed, left him once for 3 months, etc. to please stop smoking pot and drinking so excessively for the sake of his health, his family, etc. It all fell on deaf ears. He liked it, he didn't have a problem, but yes he agrees he should stop. But he never did. He always made promises...gave me hope...but he never made good on his word

About two years ago, I simply gave up. I figured it was his life, his body, as long as he didn't smoke it around the house then do whatever you want. I finally realized I couldn't win the fight. I played the good wife, took care of the kids, had to be strong and sober since the other 1/2 wasn't, smiled when I wanted to cry, and pushed forward. I know he loves his kids and felt terrible "taking them away" by leaving. So I stayed and became more and more resentful, and disappointed with my life.

 

Now we're 2 days before Mother's Day.... my 13 yr old daugther found his bag of pot in the car. I saw her grab it, she looked at me, I at her, and she put it back. I was shocked, devastated, scared, I just couldn't believe that he could be so careless. After the kids (we also have a 9 yr son) got out of the car, I said to him "she just found your bag." He said "oops, sorry, didn't mean for that to happen." That was it! That's all he could say. I dropped it then - didnt' want to fight in front of the kids, right? He didn't want to discuss it later either. Meanwhile the gravity of the situation slowly sank in for me.

 

2 weeks ago, I smelled pot in my bathroom at my kids end of the year pool party. I said "you're smoking in our bathroom?" He says , no, I don't know what you're talking about... Completely denied it.

AGain I dropped it. There was no use anymore.

A week later I told him he has to move out.

 

Now...he swears he's quitting...will never touch it again....threw all his paraphernalia out....went to an NA meeting....he loves me...loves the kids....he's going to sign up for couseling....never wanted it to come to this....you know, saying all the "right" things. But I have a serious problem believing that he really will quit because I believe this is all a knee jerk reaction to my telling him to move out; that I want a divorce. Wouldn't someone who really feels this way have come to his own realization after his daughter found his bag???

He's been smoking since he was 12...he's 40 now. He's in for a serious life changing event, if he's really going to do it.

But the real clincher is...I am no longer in love with this man. Nor do I respect him. I hope he fulfills his goal for his own sake as well as the kids....I don't hate him...and want to remain on good terms for the sake of our kids, but I definitely want a divorce. This separation is just a stepping stone for the kids to get used to the situation...

 

Questions:

Daughter has not talked to me about her "discovery". She and I usually talk about everything. She has not brought it up. He says he's going to tell her very soon. I'm mad that she might think it's mine. Should I tell her or let her Dad to it?

Any other advice?

Based on what I've told you, anyone think he'll make it?