Guest Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 I didn't know if this would fit into long-distance relationships or friends and lovers... So I started dating this guy a year ago, we started out as just friends with benefits but grew to care about each other so much more, and as a result last summer I had the best 3 months of my life... The only problem was that in September we would both be 3 hours away for school, and we went our own ways leaving it just as "we would see what happened," which seemed to work out well at first because we didn't have too high of expectations of each other. We ended up talking to each other on the phone every day and seeing each other about once a month. The relationship was always kind of unexpected and confusing, because we don't have much in common (many of our political beliefs are different, we have very different interests and are going to practically the complete opposite types of schools) but I always thought these differences just proved that we cared about each other even more if we could get beyond them. However, those differences combined with this distance created contineous strain on the relationship, and by December we were getting into serious arguments pretty often (mainly concerning politics, and time management of when we could see each other.) When he visited me at school he would never have a good time due to our seperate interests and he told me he didn't like any of my friends, who are like family to me there. But on the other hand, he would put more effort into spending time with me and trying new things than any of my other friends even with similar interests. It became ambigous whether or not we were only friends or in a serious relationship, and we decided mutually a few times we could see other people. I kept my eye open for other people I might want to date who had more in common with me, but I couldn't find anyone I could even imagine caring about as much as him, and he never met anyone new either. So now after these long, difficult months we're finally both home for the summer again and I mistakenly thought that would mean everything would go back to exactly the way it used to be. However, right now I feel like we get along better when we're apart and only talking on the phone than we do in person. He recently told me that he doesn't believe me that I care about him and that he thinks I'm only interested in him when it's conveniant for me (which I explained to him I'm too busy when I'm at school for my life to revolve around him and of course when we're both home and I have so much free time I will want to spend it all with him) I also told him if he isn't getting what he needs from me of course he has every right to leave me for someone else but whatever happens I want to stay friends. So I wrote him this long letter telling him I planned to spend my summer proving to him that I care about him...by now he's both my best friend and my lover and I don't want to lose him, I'm trying to do whatever's neccessary to prevent us getting into a fight that will end all contact completely. So things have went back and forth the past few weeks from being amazing to us not even speaking to each other, just this afternoon we got into another argument over politics (which always start out as interesting conversations) and now once again he won't even return my phonecalls and it's me leaving him voicemails apologizing for getting angry. Am I supposed to try to fix things or let the relationship end(which I don't think I could bear to do?) And if we work this hard to fix things, then what will happen once again at the end of the summer? (we already decided we can't be together next year because he said it was way too hard on him, but I'm always the one who cries when we're saying goodbye) Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 It sounds as though these differences are indeed significant. Political differences can be about values, and having different values can be bad for a relationship. People can seem to overcome these things for a while, as you have, but eventually it becomes too difficult. I suspect there are too many cracks in this relationship now and it might be better to leave it be and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 It sounds as though these differences are indeed significant. Political differences can be about values, and having different values can be bad for a relationship. People can seem to overcome these things for a while, as you have, but eventually it becomes too difficult. I suspect there are too many cracks in this relationship now and it might be better to leave it be and move on. Well half the time it seems as though our arguments come from not communicating well enough rather than different values. We already relized we agree upon the issue we were arguing about yesterday(which seems to happen alot after the fight) but I don't understand how these things keep happening when if we agreed it should have been clear from the begining. Half the time I think you're right, but the other half of the time he makes me so happy that I couldn't imagine moving on. I know I don't want to end all contact but I'm not sure what the other options are, we could probably manage to be just friends but I know I like him so much more than that. I'd like to at least try to make the most of our time before we go back to school but I don't know if that's wrong to do to him when he seems to want a more serious relationship. But I feel like if I keep on making his life this stressful soon he won't talk to me at all anymore, and I wish I could make him happy in return... Link to post Share on other sites
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