What To Di If She Dumps You

[donpepot]

WHAT TO DO IF SHE DUMPS YOU

see there are still a lot of guys digging themselves into deep holes every time they're dumped by their girlfriend or rejected by someone they’ve been involved with. They want to know how to win them back, but don't have a clue how to do it.

 

Rather than write this as an instructional tip, I decided to share a number of true examples in which the advice speaks for itself.

 

 

Example #1

 

Earlier this year I met a girl in a 3 year LTR. She admitted she was attracted to me and started developing feelings for me. Things with her boyfriend were turning stale and in the end she decided to break up with him and pursue a relationship with me.

 

I felt flattered and rather cocky knowing I had just won this girl from her long term boyfriend. Things were going well, she didn’t want to talk to him and every time he called she brushed him off. Her friends praised me, she was proud to be with me and things were developing fast.

 

However, her ex-boyfriend suddenly changed his attitude and instead of getting jealous of me or upset over being dumped, he gave us his best wishes, told her there were no hard feelings and he moved on. He started hanging round with his friends more and stopped calling her. After two weeks of not hearing from him she started calling him to check if he was ok and see what he was upto, only to find he was fine and enjoying his free time. Soon she started pushing him to remain friends and asking him to meet up with her. He postponed, cut his calls with her short and even stood her up a few times. Yet she persisted more.

 

All this time I could see it was getting under her skin and that I was losing her affection. I could have been the perfect guy, but he had the upper hand and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. Every time he made an excuse not to meet her or ignored her call, she would get uptight and keep moaning about him. Sure enough she told me she wanted him back. She left me and started pursuing him all the time, but he continued backing off. She became obsessed and depressed, wouldn’t look at another guy and even burst out crying if he didn’t answer her calls. Next thing I hear, they’re back together under his terms. He had her in the palm of his hand, even cheated on her and she still stuck with him and remained loyal.

 

 

Example #2

 

During my wuss guy days, I was brushed off by a short term girlfriend. She told me she needed time to herself blah blah, but she wanted to stay friends. I took that to mean I could win her back, so I called her and text messaged her regularly, only to keep getting brushed off. I asked her to meet up and she refused or stood me up.

 

I then found David DeAngelo’s Double your Dating and started applying some things I learned. I tried being more cocky and arrogant with her, tried being a jerk, tried being more bold, started standing upto her and eventually it scared her away completely and she completely ignored and avoided me. She even told her friends I was acting weird and it was freaking her out.

 

 

Example #3

 

I had a few dates with a girl some months ago. We didn’t hit it off particularly well, but there was some physical attraction. After the 4th date she sent me a text message telling me she felt no chemistry and we should stop seeing each other. I replied by telling her “You’re right. No hard feelings”.

 

The following day she contacted me again asking if we could give it another try. I told her no, she was right there was no chemistry. She called me to have a go at me and insult me, then called me a few hours later to apologise. I told her it was no problem, but I was on my way out so I couldn’t stay and chat. She started sending me flirtatious text messages and emails, suggesting we get together for sex. I ignored them. Soon I started receiving anonymous calls and text messages (which I suspected and later proved was her). Almost a year later, she still sends me occasional emails asking if I want to meet up.

 

 

Example #4

 

A female friend of mine was in a relationship for 2 years with a typical “nice guy”. He’d buy her gifts, pay for her and do anything for her. She flirted with guys in front of him and he’d just sit there like a goof and say nothing. Then she finally accepted he was “too nice” and decided to break up with him.

 

At first he cried and took it really badly. He confessed his love for her and asked how he could change. Meanwhile she started f***ing another guy in secret. Every time this new guy was mean to her, she’d call her old boyfriend and he’d take her out and buy her gifts etc. Then she’d ignore him for weeks after.

 

Next time she tried to contact her ex- he finally acted like a man. He told her it was over, he wasn’t interested in being friends any more and she should stop calling him. She did the exact opposite and started calling him more. He started ignoring her and she started getting upset and moaning to her friends about how she regrets leaving him and she was stupid for letting him go.

 

Months have passed and she still tries to contact him. She recently found out he has a new girlfriend and since then she has been crying herself to sleep at night, looking through old photos and listening to their favourite songs. She has said she would take him back within a second, has begged him to give her another chance, but he has refused.

 

 

Example #5

 

I started getting interest from a very attractive girl and so I decided to ask her out. She seemed very keen and we arranged our date. The day came and she flaked out on me, sending me a last minute text message saying she was too busy. I never replied.

 

Next time I saw her I was polite, showed no hard feelings, but I spent the night talking to her friend. The flakey girl kept trying to get my attention, kept glancing at me all night and looked really uncomfortable. Eventually she left and I casually waved bye to her and continued talking to her friend.

 

Two days later, she called me (I missed the call), then emailed me a dramatic apology, telling me how she regretted not meeting me and wanted another chance. I waited two days then sent her a text message asking if she wanted to meet. She replied within 10 seconds and her friend told me she had been moping for days, checking her phone and her email to see if I would get back to her. We did go on our date, but I’m seeing someone else now so I didn’t pursue it further than that.

 

 

 

Conclusion

 

People place higher value what they can’t have or what they fear losing. When you are rejected or dumped, back off and you make their decision final. Don’t be taken for granted, don’t try to seduce them, NEVER try to explain or repair mistakes, don’t try to be friends, don’t change who you are or put on any acts, just cut them off and get on with your life. If they try to get in contact, be polite, but indifferent and don’t give them your time. Your time now is for other things and other people! Finally, if and when you do take them back, do so on your own terms and continue letting them know you can’t be taken for granted!

 

This is old advice and a golden rule, but hopefully the examples I’ve given have helped illustrate and emphasise this point.

[Diver012]

I needed this reminder this morning. My Ex and I will never reconcile, my decision, not hers. I made a golden rule years ago that I would never do the Ex thing. Ever... As much as I miss her sometimes, I am moving forward and forgetting about her.

 

Damn good advice

[RealBroken]

DONPEPOT

 

We were madly in love, both of us. But life got hard.

 

All youve said here is so so true. i learnt all that stuff thru the net.... unfortunately it was all too late for me. I sent the i wld like try again card, expressed my hurt etc for about a week or two after the break up. I wish i had known.

 

My ex told ME not to contact HER.

 

My question is, how can i REVERSE the situation, so then I'M IN CONTROL.

 

At the moment it just feels like im doin as im told and hate it.

 

I would LOVE to know!!! if anyone can put their thinkin cap on that would be great!

[donpepot]

well if you will try fully to understand my explanation up there... what is the common thing that held all those examples together?

they see the guy live normal life and dosnt give a dam if she dumps him or what...she must see your enjoying your life and busy and havo no time for her...I agree that cutting connection is a big part of the thing you should do for reconcilation...but if her last impression to u is a devastated human being that cant live without her and will do anything to get her back,cutting contact is not enough even you cut your contact she is still thinking that your just a thing in the closet that she can pull everytime she needs it and as a result your not valueble she is still have control over your life...the thing here is she must see or heard that your really dont give a dam if she dumps you and your surving without her and enjoying life without her...

please reply so i can explain further..thanx

[RealBroken]

Oh yeah........ i DO understand that.

 

Thats where i'm at.

 

I'm living my life, building it up to be better.

She wont hear about it or see it happening though as she is in a different city....... 2 hrs away. Until the end of the year maybe anyway.

 

A bastard thing is straight after the break up i said in a card, ur decisions are yours and as long as your happy (a good thing) but then i bloody said "as a friend i'm always here for you and my door is always open" damn it.... not good. She thinks i'm always there for her.

 

I need to prove i'm not and i wanna do it quickly, she will have no other way of finding out, we're far apart at the moment.

 

Thing is in her mind im guessing she thinks im not contacting her because SHE TOLD ME NOT TO, rather than the other way around.

 

I'm not actually contacting her coz i knows its what i should do..... but as i just said,..... she probably thinks she is in charge and im not contacting her coz SHE SAID SO. I'm being the softy and non-dominant in her mind. unattractive!

 

She has a birthday .....21st (big thing over here) and i have decided not to contact her for that either. its in 2 months. I'm hoping that, that maybe a shock to the system that i ignored that. I mean i feel i should and will feel bad for not doing it, but know I shouldnt because it shows im still there for her.

 

I just dont wanna go about it half heartedly.

 

i want her to KNOW for sure if you know what i mean.

 

Not just have a small feelin that maybe i dont give a stuff.

 

I need her to know I DONT GIVE A STUFF!

 

Just dont know how to go about it.

 

She's got the upper hand and i wanna reverse it and have HER KNOW its reversed.

 

Do u get me???? i hope my rambling is makin some sense.

 

Thing is, she's in a different city, we dont have mutual friends who may report to her that i'm happy and doing well and busy.

 

But i cant contact her. am i stuck between a rock and a hard place?

[donpepot]

well do you have any personal stuff that in her house or somthing that you can get back?

[RealBroken]

yeah she's got some of my stuff and ive got some of hers.

 

I just think if i ask for it back she'll think im using it as an excuse to contact her.

[RealBroken]

has only been a month of no contact.........

 

maybe leave a bit longer so doesnt seem as much that way.

 

and then be real indifferent........ and when she asks act like life is great and that im busy....... in fact dont turn up for pick up first time coz i was busy.

 

problem is she'd need to post it as in different cities.

 

look stupid driving 2 hours to pick something up. that would look like an excuse huh.

[Brittanyjean06]

This was a really good thread, and enjoying to read and very True.

 

I don't think any of us who have experienced a break up, have followed these rules at first. Because at first you are just in shock...now If you have plead , beged, cried...bought crap for your dummper....in the begining of your break up...or anything else...now the time is to stop

 

The sooner you stop, the faster nc will start and continue to stay that way..

 

I wasn't dumped, I was the dumper but my ex had gotten with someone else a week later...that was painful and I begged cried and what not...only to realize you know I don't want him back, how could I want him back after that...or after how i truely felt about our relationship

 

I was surprised to stick with nc for 8 months and will stay that way,

 

no matter who was dumped, they will always think of you...you have to move on with your life,( the sooner the better)...and if they don't come back than you are made for someone better...

 

I just hope for our next relationships we can not have history repeat its self..

 

stay strong everybody, your probaly desperate to have them back because it's the early stages...I was like that to, yeah after a year it still really hurts, but I am in no stage to try to get them back..

[Guest]

true people want what they can't have but this is all games. if you have to play a game to win someone back the challenge will be over once they win you back. mature adults don't play games like these. once you get over 30 you'll realize sooner or later that true love doesn't follow the bait and switch game. when its really true love you wont need to play hard to get. you both will want each other.

[ronnieromance]

I like the 1st example. I've found, if you want to see spontaneous human combustion, when she dumps you, become friends witht he new guy. Or at least be cool with him.

 

OMFG, she'll light up like she was doused in gasoline.

 

-R-

[Fun2BMe]

yeah she's got some of my stuff and ive got some of hers.

 

I just think if i ask for it back she'll think im using it as an excuse to contact her.

 

has only been a month of no contact.........

 

maybe leave a bit longer so doesnt seem as much that way.

 

and then be real indifferent........ and when she asks act like life is great and that im busy....... in fact dont turn up for pick up first time coz i was busy.

 

problem is she'd need to post it as in different cities.

 

look stupid driving 2 hours to pick something up. that would look like an excuse huh.

 

I don't think you should wait to ask her for your things. I broke up on Saturday May 20th. It was a mutual but nasty break up via email and text.

I wanted to ask for my boxed DVD set back of a cable series I had not yet watched. Everyone told me he'd see it as an excuse to contact. In reality I wanted to use the contact as an excuse to tell him off some more and to really get my DVDs back. Everyone told me to wait.

 

On Tue May 23rd I sent a 6 word email asking him to mail it back to me. He wrote back ok, which maybe I was also hoping he'd apologize for what he had said to me, but this was closure for me too.

 

Well, that was how many days ago? I wrote so many emails telling him off and asking why he had not sent the DVDs yet but as tempted as I was, I didn't send any one of them and bit my tongue. I feel like he was delaying to be rude or get me to write to him again or something. On June 7th he emailed that he will be sending the DVD. I was tempted to respond again but instead I ignored him completely as if I had forgotten all about it. SUre enough on the 8th, yesterday, I received it in the mail, packaged with expidited delivery he paid a lot to have it delivered express next day. I was tempted to email back that I got it or something. Instead I tossed it in my garage and don't even want to open the package.

 

So my point is, the sooner you ask for your belongings, that is if you really want your belongings back ( I really wanted my DVDs back lol) the sooner you ask the better. The longer you wait, I think then they will think you are using it as an excuse to contact them. Don't use the contact to talk about ANYTHING about yourself or try to prove you've moved on or anything. Focus on only how you will be getting your stuff back, if you want her to leave it out at a certain time for you to pick up from outside or have her mail it to you or whatever. No extra how are you or revealing anything about yourself. This in and of itself will show her that you are moving on.

[Fun2BMe]

I then found David DeAngelo’s Double your Dating and started applying some things I learned. I tried being more cocky and arrogant with her, tried being a jerk, tried being more bold, started standing upto her and eventually it scared her away completely and she completely ignored and avoided me. She even told her friends I was acting weird and it was freaking her out.

I can't imagine how cocky you were acting to scare her away completely. Maybe you took it too far? lol

[Diver012]

The last time I spoke to my Ex I wasnt happy. I didnt care. I asked her for closure a few weeks later so I could move on (never got an explanation for the breakup), and she insulted me by saying, im not coming back...

 

I didnt want her back then, and I dont now. Im happy when shes not around. People around work, even her sister, has seen me smile, joke, ect... When I know shes there, I avoid contact at all costs. I do not want to even be in teh same room. I could honestly care less about winning her back cause shes no prize. That to me gives me complete power.

 

The End

[BrandonBP]

true people want what they can't have but this is all games. if you have to play a game to win someone back the challenge will be over once they win you back. mature adults don't play games like these. once you get over 30 you'll realize sooner or later that true love doesn't follow the bait and switch game. when its really true love you wont need to play hard to get. you both will want each other.

I agree. Too much of the advice here centers around playing games. Playing games is what you do when you have an emphatuation for someone, not if you both truly love one another.

 

Now, if you truly love one another but one stops loving the other, then the games won't help anyway. Game playing is good for getting some booty, but not good for true love.

[Sand&Water]

I like Examples #3 and #5. Both illustrate the point very clearly. I couldn't believe that women would do such a thing to a guy, in both examples. Very helpful, thank you for posting.

 

I agree. Too much of the advice here centers around playing games. Playing games is what you do when you have an emphatuation for someone, not if you both truly love one another.

 

Now, if you truly love one another but one stops loving the other, then the games won't help anyway. Game playing is good for getting some booty, but not good for true love.

 

You're right, Brandon. I agree too. It's a relief to know that there are still people out there past the age of maturity (~30) who don't practice head games. Playing games is not the solution to the dating scene.

 

Should also include fondness, and contentment. People play it out as though it's a race. One wants to win out the other.

[Guest]

they wont cuz.. they are desperate.. if you are 30+

[donpepot]

Some great replies in this thread! Nothing says this will work every time, but it shows there's more to it than just theory and I personally know of no better way to handle these situations.

 

Girls will say it would never work with them, and if they catch on to your intentions it probably won't. But if they truly believe they stand to lose you, it can completely scramble their logic (as it does with many guys).

[donpepot]

I thought I would share something from my distant wussy past. Here is an email exchange between me and a girlfriend who had just finished things with me:

 

My email 2 weeks after we split

 

Quote:

Hi Hayley,

 

I can't pretend I don't care. The truth is I still care for you so much and things are hard for me right now. I kept hoping you would change your mind, even if we just went out on dates like we used to when you have time. But I know you don't see me as attractive any more.

 

 

Sense the desperation! I am not only guilt tripping her, but I am trying to salvage a casual dating relationship on her terms and I am also fishing for answers or reassurance. By saying I know she doesn't find me attractive, I was hoping she would tell me different so I had something to hope for and also so I wouldn't feel so insecure. However...

 

 

Her Email

 

Quote:

I am sorry for the hassle I have caused and if I hurt you, but i dont feel the same. I do really like you but i dont want to be serious with anyone. i hope that you won`t ignore me now and we can stay friends.

 

She obviously feels guilty and has offered me the consolation friendship, but there's no way she wants me back.

 

 

My Reply

Quote:

Thanks for being honest with me. I just got the wrong idea and hoped you liked me as more than a friend. I guess it upsets me that you said it's because you don't have time but you make time to go out with other people.

 

I am hurt because I feel like you were playing with me. I get messed around a lot which is why I think like this.

 

It's not your fault you aren't attracted to me. That's just life.

 

Again with the guilt trip and fishing for an explanation. I was also pushing for her to reassure me that she is still attracted to me, just to give me something to cling to.

 

She never spoke to me again after this email and she even changed her phone number to avoid me.

 

Obviously this is an extreme example of how pathetic guys can become in times of rejection, but I believe others make similar mistakes in their own way. They try to salvage something (sex, dates, even friendship) in the hope of getting their ex- back. They also try seeking explanations or reassurance that they're still attractive, just so they have some shred of hope to cling to...or maybe just to help heal their wounded self-esteem.

 

Of course, you're doing yourself no favours. If you keep wondering, keep hoping, keep trying, you're not only going to drive her away forever but you are just prolonging your own misery. Moving on without any fuss is a benefit to everyone, saves a lot of embarrassment, guilt and pain, and may even keep your options open.

[Yoyito]

it's going on almost 2 weeks since my gf of over 5 years broke up with me. after some LC, i initiated NC 3 days ago, seeing that she either is truly confused or is too cowardly to tell me that it is 'truly over', not just a break or whatever she says. i understand that there is nothing i can do to improve the present situation so therefore i will do nothing. i'm going to vanish from the face of the earth, i blocked her on my instant messenger friend's list and i made my myspace site private, (she's not on my friends list).

 

i'm not above just getting ass from her, so if this improves my chances, great. if it doesnt, at least i'm giving myself a chance to heal and avoid any future heartache from her. best case, we both realize how much we mean to each other. worst case, i move on on my terms, knowing that i didn't do anything wrong.

 

after not talking to her two days prior to the final contact, the second thing she said to me was 'are you seeing anyone?' lol.

[thekhris]

I agree. Too much of the advice here centers around playing games. Playing games is what you do when you have an emphatuation for someone, not if you both truly love one another.

 

Now, if you truly love one another but one stops loving the other, then the games won't help anyway. Game playing is good for getting some booty, but not good for true love.

NAH! its not about games man...when the topic of break up is concern there is only two words that only matter your VALUE AND ATTRACTION ..

no matter how you love her...that is the two word that you must fight for..

Women don't usually feel the love until it's GONE. And they will take the good or most emotional parts of each particular relationship and hold on to them...giving her the feeling of love..sort of like when you listen to a song and it brings back memories. She even remembers the afcs.

 

Unless the guy is a rebound relationship, extremely unattractive, or is a 100% complete jerk, this usually happens:

 

 

Girl dates guy A (niceguy)...good relationship, she gets bored and gets with guy B

 

Girl dates guy B ...good/decent relationship, girl thinks about guy A. Girl obsesses over guy A and breaks up with guy B. Guy A has already moved on.

 

Girl dates guy C(player) ...but remembers how good it was with Guy B. Guy C recognizes this...breaks up with her and moves on. Girl is upset and wants to prove she can get guy C, but in the mean time...

 

Girl dates guy D ...but is still in love with C... girl breaks up with guy D and wins guy C back.

 

Girl gets bored of C and is interested in guy E, F, and G because they give her attention. Girl gets with guy F, but has feelings for guy E and G.

 

Girl is still in love with A, B, C, and D.

 

 

The End.

[Fun2BMe]

(I kept hoping you would change your mind, even if we just went out on dates like we used to when you have time. But I know you don't see me as attractive any more.)

 

 

Sense the desperation!

It's oozing with desperation and low self esteem!

 

 

(I am hurt because I feel like you were playing with me. I get messed around a lot which is why I think like this.

 

It's not your fault you aren't attracted to me. That's just life.)

 

 

She never spoke to me again after this email and she even changed her phone number to avoid me.

 

Obviously this is an extreme example of how pathetic guys can become in times of rejection.

Isn't it funny going back and reading desperate emails like this? I love it. That's too funny how she changed her email address and number, but I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time.

[RealBroken]

I think its terrible that she changed her number just because u made her a bit guilty. Funny how people wipe others out of their lives completely. I've never done it to anyone ive dumped. I stil email every now and then. All is usually happy and nice. Did you have much to begin with? Is kinda scary.

 

Do guys do this too?

 

Did you not go out with this girl for long, or were you still quite young?

 

Oh and DONDEPOT if you could continue answering my questions to you at the beginning of this thread would be really good ( :

Thanks

[Fun2BMe]

I think its terrible that she changed her number just because u made her a bit guilty. Funny how people wipe others out of their lives completely. I've never done it to anyone ive dumped. I stil email every now and then. All is usually happy and nice. Did you have much to begin with? Is kinda scary.

 

Do guys do this too?

That's a good question if guys do this too, or how common it is for girls to do it. I used to change my number after every break up almost. In fact I was tempted to do it after my last one but resisted the temptation since it's a hassle updating everyone. Once a relationship ends, I don't like to look back or wonder if any call I get might be from any ex. I want to answer my phone without having to look at the caller ID or not answer if it's private fearing it might be an ex I am trying to avoid.

 

As far as "All is usually happy and nice." I do not know of many breakups that end on a happy note. Usually there is a lot of heartache and anger involved.

[RealBroken]

FUN2BME

 

So when u end it with a guy........ are you able to simply switch off any emotion you had for him.???

 

Do girls find it easier to forget than guys????

 

Is just that this site is FULL of guys upset, coz the girls have just taken off without lookin back.

 

Maybe a guy loves a woman different from how a woman loves a man maybe. Hmmm interesting