thekhris Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 ill bet my car ...you will win her back again.. just be patient and always be care full... Link to post Share on other sites
sacred cow Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 i also want to pretend that I'm also dating a new girl already to make her jealous, two can play her game...I know for a fact that she's a jealous person which would really tick her off thinking that I've already moved on and not thinking about her anymore. This would then affect her status with this new guy since she'd be thinking at the back of her mind what's happenin' to me with this new girl Link to post Share on other sites
sacred cow Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 i realized after reading a number of threads that I was a involved in rebound rel. with her last month which explains why she suddenly dropped me like a cold tomato, obvious signs was that she seemed really into me really fast, always wanted to see me, always calls and txts me, asks me out...hell she even let me meet her parents and I had lunch with them on father's day. I know it sounds stupid after what she put me through, I still want this girl to be my girlfriend because I can't overlook the fact that she is an amazing woman never mind if what she showed me before were feelings for her ex (she came from 6 mos. rel. before meeting me...told me she was over him and I was gullible enough to believe her) I still want to pursue her, but another guy whom might be another prey to her instability started dating her Saturday. I dunno if I should warn this traitor (since we're friends yet he still pursued her) but I'm also concerned with this girl since she might also get hurt in the process if things doesn't work out again like what happened to us. Now I dunno what to do?! Link to post Share on other sites
Diver012 Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 i realized after reading a number of threads that I was a involved in rebound rel. with her last month which explains why she suddenly dropped me like a cold tomato, obvious signs was that she seemed really into me really fast, always wanted to see me, always calls and txts me, asks me out...hell she even let me meet her parents and I had lunch with them on father's day. I know it sounds stupid after what she put me through, I still want this girl to be my girlfriend because I can't overlook the fact that she is an amazing woman never mind if what she showed me before were feelings for her ex (she came from 6 mos. rel. before meeting me...told me she was over him and I was gullible enough to believe her) I still want to pursue her, but another guy whom might be another prey to her instability started dating her Saturday. I dunno if I should warn this traitor (since we're friends yet he still pursued her) but I'm also concerned with this girl since she might also get hurt in the process if things doesn't work out again like what happened to us. Now I dunno what to do?! This doesnt sound like a rebound relationship to me, it sounds like a CP relationship. She allows relationships to progress to a certain point, then cuts them off and moves on to the next. Never putting any real effort or work into it. I would thank your lucky stars it didnt go any further, and leave it alone. As far as your friend goes, doesnt sound like much of a friend I would want around. I would let him find out for himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Jadey Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 Great post . But..would this apply for males that dump you? lol. I think so huh. Link to post Share on other sites
Thursday_le Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 ..ok ill have to level with you...im loosing my patiece to your mambo jambo crap...i read all your treads and post..and all your post did not help any body..never did i read a person who said"hey thanx rkman your advice help me to get my gf back"..your all post is all about initiating nc (wich all of us know the value of that already) and let everything fall in their places..that is not an advice...your just playing along to their pain but your not giving them a straight forward answer and solution to their problems... first of all this tread help a me a lot to get my gf back..i did not do it with bad intentions..because god knows i love my girl friend so much..and since the day when were back togeteher... everyting is pure happiness we love each other more...and our life is even more colorfull since we reconcile..this tread is all about iniating nc and doing the right thing and right behaviours so i will ask you, why are we doing nc's besides the fact that we need a space to heal? NC= letting her miss the things that you have. NC= realise that what she is missing without you in her life NC= let your self be compare to that new guy... This tread is all about winning her back..to win her respect..to upgrade your attraction... to make her realise that you have a great value in her life.. to make her realise that your a strong and worthy man to be his guy... I dont know what this gambo is saying...read the first topic man... its not about manipulating its about how you should behave...Just look around you..all the posters to this tread..many of the guys nice guys win there ex back bcoz they did the right thing they follow this tread..they did not manipulate them they just boost they attraction level..and show to the girl that they are a man..and dont start again about your parents story crap..there is more evidence here in this site than your storys..im the living proof that this tread is workin... my girl realise my value even damn more... Awsome post....Your an inspiration to us all. I want to be like you and win my girl back. If you could...could you look at my threads? I think you could give me some helpful advice because you actually won your girl back. Thx Link to post Share on other sites
MrPot Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 The original post in this thread was phemonenal. Thank you, DandePot (perhaps a cousin of mine ). A couple comments: First of all, all this talk about the NC strategy being "games" is totally off-base. NC isn't about playing games; it's about deciding that you're done with the games and behaving in such a way that you will inevitably either A) get your ex back or B) move on faster and healthier. Once you understand and see the benefits of the "NC" strategy, you'll realize how stupid you were behaving without it, whether or not you want your ex back. Playing games would be something like telling your ex you're seeing someone when you're not, or intentionally being dishonest in any way to see how she reacts. Deciding "I'm going to take this like I have a spine and just move on with my life," is NOT a game. Second of all, Waitingforlove: what made your situation unique and your advice irrelevant to most break-ups is that you broke up with your boyfriend only because he did something to hurt you and you wanted to teach him a lesson. Most of us don't get dumped for that reason. We get dumped because our woman fell out of love with us because of our own behavior. When this is the case, NC is the best medicine. It's the smartest thing to do, and is also the most respectable thing you can do - not only for yourself, but for the ex as well. When you grovel and beg and say that you'll change, you're telling your ex "I don't care about your feelings. This is how I feel. Pity me." and you ultimately make things hard on both of you. When you get dumped and you instead say "You know what, I agree" and then move on and be your own person, you're not "playing games" to make your ex jealous. You're doing the most pragmatic, respectable thing, and you're saving your pride and your own sanity, regardless of the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
MrPot Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Oops, misspelled your name. Well you had a typo in the title, so we're even Link to post Share on other sites
thekhris Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Oops, misspelled your name. Well you had a typo in the title, so we're even i think donpepot was banned to this site Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Great thread guys! Thanks for putting so much time & effort into you're thoughts. Has helped me out a GREAT deal, so thanks so much guys. Link to post Share on other sites
thekhris Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Awsome post....Your an inspiration to us all. I want to be like you and win my girl back. If you could...could you look at my threads? I think you could give me some helpful advice because you actually won your girl back. Thx thanx..ill check it out Link to post Share on other sites
whir Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 polite,be indifferent,cut contact,show no hard feelings... show to her that your really move on... damn! Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 polite,be indifferent,cut contact,show no hard feelings... show to her that your really move on... damn! That's good advice, to do it with politeness! Link to post Share on other sites
mika Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 sometimes breaking up is just the right thing to do and it isn't about hurting someone or trying to get back at them. sometimes you love someone but just aren't right for them. i don't think you should try to make them want you after they leave you or try to make them sick that they left you. if that's the case then maybe you never really loved them in the first place and that could be the very reason they left you. Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy20013 Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 My first gf dumped me in May after 18 months of dating. I was destroyed, cried, got depressed, tried impressing her and did every stupid thing in the book. I finally initiated NC but its hard because we are neighbours. Everytime she says 'hi' or greets me, I just ignore her but I feel bad about it. My question is ," Is there anyway I can undo my "Wussiness" because I know she is taking me for granted?" Link to post Share on other sites
thekhris Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 yah just follow the sence of what this tread is saying.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0npep0t Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 I finally initiated NC but its hard because we are neighbours. Everytime she says 'hi' or greets me, I just ignore her but I feel bad about it. My question is ," Is there anyway I can undo my "Wussiness" because I know she is taking me for granted?" dont ignore her totally bcoz its look like you still hurt or somthing..if youre gonna study this tread youl notice that the firsy objective is your showing no hard feelings and your still having good time and everything is normal with you even she dumps you.. To be in control...you should be in different and demonstrate that she dosnt control you and she has no string on you... youre not hurt and NO HARD FEELINGS.. Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy20013 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 youre not hurt and NO HARD FEELINGS.. I like that. I am not hurt and I have no hard feelings. I should just act indifferent which I take as not to show interest in her personal life or anything related to her. Right? Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 I like that. I am not hurt and I have no hard feelings. I should just act indifferent which I take as not to show interest in her personal life or anything related to her. Right? You can show interest but from a distance without allowing your feelings to get too involved, otherwise she tends to walk all over you. Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy20013 Posted July 29, 2006 Share Posted July 29, 2006 I agree. I was a pushover. I thought she would be different. But nope. I was proved wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Wes Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Alright guys, I'm in a situation right now that is related to this topic. My girlfriend and I have been pretty serious for about 1.5 years now. During the first two months, we moved pretty fast. We are both still virgins, though. Anyway, during the time we've been together, things have been excellent. We never fight, we both have 100% trust in each other, and we are both each other's best friend. We've talked about getting married several times, but have acknowledged that it won't happen until we are both out of college (I'm 21 and she's 20, btw). Everything was perfect up until around April, which is when she said I was smothering her and that I needed to give her her space. So I did. I didn't do NC, but there was very limited contact. For example, I only talked to her on AIM twice during this period, and it was for about 2 minutes each, just before I was going to bed. I gave her her space for about 4 days, and after that, she was begging to see me again. So from then up until about 2 weeks ago, everything was going great again. Then just out of nowhere...BAM. She tells me she feels tied down and smothered, again. She starts telling me that we're young and that we shouldn't be so tied down and serious, and that she would like to be able to meet new people. I was fine with the idea of being in a toned down relationship with her...no problem. However, the next day, she tells me we should go from being in a serious relationship to being in an "open" relationship, which is something I am very much against. I think it's very selfish to want to be in an open relationship. Her definition of it was that her and I would still be a "couple", but if a guy ever asked her out, she could go out with them as a friend. To me, that told me she wasn't happy being with me. A couple of days later, I decided to have a talk with her and tell her I wasn't very crazy about the idea. I kept saying "If you don't want to be with me, just say so", and she kept saying she wasn't sure what she wanted. I asked her if she wanted to break up with me, and she said that she wasn't sure. She said something like "I don't want to break up with you and then two weeks from now, regret it." She knows that if she breaks up with me, I won't go back to her. To me, if someone breaks up with you, they're basically saying "You're not good enough for me." So why should I go back? Anyway, she said the conversation was starting to make her feel awkward and that she was feeling awkward just being around me. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said that we should take a break from each other for a couple of weeks and see how we feel afterward (this conversation occured last Wednesday, btw). So I've gone NC with her since then. Today, however, she texted me and asked me if I was feeling better (I've been sick for about the last week or so), and I replied with "Yeah I've felt much better ever since about Thursday", which is not a lie. She replied with "That's good." That was earlier today, and neither of us have said anything since. Right now, I'm kind of in limbo with it all. I would really rather us stay together because I could very easily see myself marrying this girl in the future, and she really is a good person. If she had broken up with me last Wednesday, when I had not been expecting anything, I would have been devestated. However, if she was to break up with me now, I almost feel like I'm halfway over her already, only because I guess I've already prepared for the worst. I still feel like she is my best friend, and she feels the same with me, so it was very hard for me to give her such a short, blunt reply earlier today. What I really wanted to do was ask her how her day was, what she's been doing the last few days, etc. But, at the time, and even right now, I feel like continuing NC is the best thing to do, until she comes around to me. However, I also don't want to be too indifferent or careless because she may see that as "well, he doesn't even want to speak to me anymore, so I might as well break it off with him." I actually had thought that maybe tomorrow or the next day, I could ask how she's been doing the last few days. So that's why I come here. What do you guys think? Continue NC? Or no? Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 dont ignore her totally bcoz its look like you still hurt or somthing..if youre gonna study this tread youl notice that the firsy objective is your showing no hard feelings and your still having good time and everything is normal with you even she dumps you.. To be in control...you should be in different and demonstrate that she dosnt control you and she has no string on you... youre not hurt and NO HARD FEELINGS.. Well.. I think I messed that up this weekend. I saw her out and about, hitting on other guys and I think she saw that I wasn't happy. I was a bit frustrated to be sure (and in the hours afterward I felt angry, I don't now though) but I'm sure that she saw it. If she did, she probably saw it and thought I was pathetic. I'm a bit upset with myself about it right now. I hope that I can avoid that from happening in the future. She's such a beautiful woman and I guess it hurts to know that she can get any man she wants (she may not be able to keep them of course) while I'm pretty much alone at this point. Now.. how do you correct looking bad that initial time? It was a trial run for me and I feel like I messed up a bit. (I didn't talk to her though or acknowledge her as I feel it's up to her to speak to me as the dumper. Am I correct in that?) So... do I just do my best to look strong in the future? Or has that one moment made me look like a sap? Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 is it just me.. or am I threadkiller? Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Now.. how do you correct looking bad that initial time? It was a trial run for me and I feel like I messed up a bit. (I didn't talk to her though or acknowledge her as I feel it's up to her to speak to me as the dumper. Am I correct in that?) So... do I just do my best to look strong in the future? Or has that one moment made me look like a sap? No it has not made you look like a sap, at least not permanently if you don't repeat your mistake.Take d0npep0t's advice listed above. It's worth repeating: "dont ignore her totally bcoz its look like you still hurt or somthing..if youre gonna study this tread youl notice that the firsy objective is your showing no hard feelings and your still having good time and everything is normal with you even she dumps you.. To be in control...you should be in different and demonstrate that she dosnt control you and she has no string on you... youre not hurt and NO HARD FEELINGS.." Link to post Share on other sites
thekhris Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 If you can keep being cool with her and make her feel like she has lost her opportunity she will start to realise how she really feels about you. You should also let her know tactfully and subtly that you are interested in other women. Its about giving her a taste of loss and taking away any indecision - it's all or nothing, now or never! It is hard to walk away and painful to give up but in doing so you heal quicker and also have the best chances to get them back. Walking away without contacting them again certainly gives them the WTF feeling. Do everything possible to avoid your ex. Don't call, e-mail, text etc. Go on with your life, and work on yourself. That is what I did, and it worked like a charm.If you take them back, proceed with extreme Causion. Because its worse the 2nd time. Link to post Share on other sites
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