What To Di If She Dumps You

[Fun2BMe]

If you take them back, proceed with extreme Causion. Because its worse the 2nd time.

 

Not in all instances. Sometimes it's twice as good the 2nd time around.

[thekhris]

of course in all intances the second time is the happiest..but what i mean that you should be carefull in the second time..its bcoz its more dangerous..

[thekhris]

When a woman leaves a man, it's always because of one

single reason - a lack of attraction.

 

It's not because she has found a new man. It's not

because she doesn't trust her boyfriend or husband anymore.

It's not because she thinks he is "too good for her."

 

These are all EXCUSES that women use. The REAL reason

for any woman to breakup with her lover is due to a LACK of

ATTRACTION. Always.

 

I want you to imagine a balance scale in front of you.

On one side is whatever problem your relationship is facing.

On the other side is a woman's attraction for you. If the

attraction is greater than the negative forces, she'll stay

with you. Otherwise, she's leave you in a heartbeat. It's

as simple as that.

 

Using this model, you can see how attraction is ALWAYS

the underlying force that makes or breaks a relationship. If

the attraction is high...

 

1) She won't leave you because you've made a tiny

mistake. ("Mistakes" are just "excuses" for a woman to

breakup with a man!) Even if you do make a mistake, if

the attraction is great enough, she will forgive you.

 

2) She won't think you're "too good for her."

 

3) She won't choose her family, culture, or religion

over you.

 

4) She won't fight with you everyday.

 

And the list goes on and on...

 

In short, if the attraction is strong, the

chances of a woman staying in a relationship with you will

be MUCH higher. Heck, if she likes you enough, you won't be

able to pry her off with a crowbar. This is EXCATLY why

most men are DEAD WRONG when it comes to fixing their

relationships. They fight and beg and promise to "change

themselves"...when the women they love is really NOT leaving

them JUST because of whatever problem the relationship is

facing...but because of a lack of attraction.

 

Let's put it this way:

 

The "reasons" for the breakup are merely the

"symptoms"...the UNDERLYING cause is ALWAYS a lack of

attraction, get it?

 

So...how do you keep the attraction high?

[toonicegirl]

When a woman leaves a man, it's always because of one

single reason - a lack of attraction.

 

It's not because she has found a new man. It's not

because she doesn't trust her boyfriend or husband anymore.

It's not because she thinks he is "too good for her."

 

These are all EXCUSES that women use. The REAL reason

for any woman to breakup with her lover is due to a LACK of

ATTRACTION. Always.

 

isnt this the same with men? ... i think when he's not attracted to her, he goes away

[thekhris]

isnt this the same with men? ... i think when he's not attracted to her, he goes away

exactly.......

[whir]

ithink its time for me to contribute somthing

 

this is all about My gf last 2 years ago..I can attest. Going strict No Contact with your ex is the best thing to do. My girl of 3 months broke up with me in January. I was a typical AFC. Which kind of suprised me. I am confident, funny, good looking, good built, and have no trouble getting woman. Its just this chick had something that made me fall in love. The sad thing is I can't pinpoint what it is. Anyway, she broke up with me, because she said she didn't feel the same way as I did. It hurt, but I moved on. I didn't call, e-mail once. I did see her in church one Sunday, and I just waived to her. No biggie. In my mind its over, she wasn't into me, there is no chance. However, she e-mails me 9 weeks later. Asking me about my band, and if its O.K if she can see my band play. It funny she didn't care much about it when I was with her. Anyway, she also said she had time to reflect on our situation and wanted to talk.

 

I played it cool for awhile. She came to see my band play, and it didn't hurt that we attract many female fans. We eventually talked over coffee, and she told me she missed me and had feelings. We get back together. Happy story, right? Not quite.

 

You see it was great the first months. In fact I believe she fell in love with me. She said it, and it felt like it. I am thinking I can't believe it. Things are awsome, and I am actually going to marry this woman (I am 37 and she is 29, I am ready to settle)

 

2 weeks ago, she opens up to me, cries in my arms about stuff she is going through, and I am like "Wow, she even trusts me now" (she was very guarded and not to open about things). Only to have her tell me a hour later, she loves me, but is not in love with me.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I then asked her. "Why the hell did you call me back then"? You knew what I was about? You knew I am looking for a serious relationship, why did you come back. She tells me "The thought of another woman in your arms drove me crazy". "I wanted to snatch you up before someone else did". Looking back I wish I would have pressed her on this, but I was so in shocked. I didn't think of it.

The crazy thing is, she said she wanted a commited relationship with me.

Now, I am going crazy. I am still with her. I got a taste of her love, and it sucked me in.

[Pink Amulet]

I want this thread to die because I am so sick of seeing the typo in the title.

[MrPot]

You may want this thread to die, but man, what thekhris just wrote was concise and brilliant. Everyone should read it. So bump.

[thekhris]

thanx man.. me too this tread helps me a million.. wish everyone could read it ..

 

but sad to say don pepot was banned to this site..

 

i think pink amullete is the responsible for it...lolz

[Pink Amulet]

I WAS?! I don't think I reported him?

[Rooster_DAR]

After all the research I've done, the conclusions you posted here are damn near on target. I don't believe this is always the case, but 99% of the time it is. I believe if you give somebody too much and don't put yourself first, they lose respect for you and this is exaxtly what you are describing.

 

Good day!

[Fun2BMe]

When a woman leaves a man, it's always because of one

single reason - a lack of attraction.

 

It's not because she has found a new man. It's not

because she doesn't trust her boyfriend or husband anymore.

It's not because she thinks he is "too good for her."

 

These are all EXCUSES that women use. The REAL reason

for any woman to breakup with her lover is due to a LACK of

ATTRACTION. Always.

 

I want you to imagine a balance scale in front of you.

On one side is whatever problem your relationship is facing.

On the other side is a woman's attraction for you. If the

attraction is greater than the negative forces, she'll stay

with you. Otherwise, she's leave you in a heartbeat. It's

as simple as that.

 

Using this model, you can see how attraction is ALWAYS

the underlying force that makes or breaks a relationship. If

the attraction is high...

 

1) She won't leave you because you've made a tiny

mistake. ("Mistakes" are just "excuses" for a woman to

breakup with a man!) Even if you do make a mistake, if

the attraction is great enough, she will forgive you.

 

2) She won't think you're "too good for her."

 

3) She won't choose her family, culture, or religion

over you.

 

4) She won't fight with you everyday.

 

And the list goes on and on...

 

In short, if the attraction is strong, the

chances of a woman staying in a relationship with you will

be MUCH higher. Heck, if she likes you enough, you won't be

able to pry her off with a crowbar. This is EXCATLY why

most men are DEAD WRONG when it comes to fixing their

relationships. They fight and beg and promise to "change

themselves"...when the women they love is really NOT leaving

them JUST because of whatever problem the relationship is

facing...but because of a lack of attraction.

 

Let's put it this way:

 

The "reasons" for the breakup are merely the

"symptoms"...the UNDERLYING cause is ALWAYS a lack of

attraction, get it?

 

So...how do you keep the attraction high?

 

 

So it is less likely for a woman to leave her man if he cheats, lies, is rude to her, doesn't do romantic things, religion, culture all those things are secondary, compared to her sexual attraction to him? If the sex is good, she will put up with anything? And if the sex was bad to begin with, it's only a matter of time until she leaves? It's all about the sex? Does this theory apply to men (or maybe only to men) as well? What about LTR couples saving sex until after marriage? Somtimes the attraction is higher after having sex, so what keeps her with him for so long?

[thekhris]

So it is less likely for a woman to leave her man if he cheats, lies, is rude to her, doesn't do romantic things, religion, culture all those things are secondary, compared to her sexual attraction to him? If the sex is good, she will put up with anything? And if the sex was bad to begin with, it's only a matter of time until she leaves? It's all about the sex? Does this theory apply to men (or maybe only to men) as well? What about LTR couples saving sex until after marriage? Somtimes the attraction is higher after having sex, so what keeps her with him for so long?

 

I dont think anyone mention that attraction is equal to sex..

 

the compostion of attraction is not based on sex alone nor physical aspects or anything that can be seen by a naked eye.. but we have to admit that its one of its components.. but the big percentage of attraction is more on behaviour..

[donpepot]

read the first page guys

[0hpenelope]

Well, I do like reading LS classics from time to time.

[Sugarkane]

I want to know why I've done everything right and it didn't work. My ex dumped me by text, out of the blue. We were together almost a year. He said he wasn't attracted to me anymore. How do you prevent this from happening? I never contacted him, begged, pleaded called or anything. Its been over 6 months and he hasn't contacted me once. So why is that?

[bslchump]

I want to know why I've done everything right and it didn't work. My ex dumped me by text, out of the blue. We were together almost a year. He said he wasn't attracted to me anymore. How do you prevent this from happening? I never contacted him, begged, pleaded called or anything. Its been over 6 months and he hasn't contacted me once. So why is that?

 

Because not begging and pleading isn't a 100% way to get someone back. If he broke up with you because of a lack of attraction and then hasn't contacted you, it's just over. He won't be calling because he hasn't changed his mind.

[El_Enamorado]

WHAT TO DO IF SHE DUMPS YOU

see there are still a lot of guys digging themselves into deep holes every time they're dumped by their girlfriend or rejected by someone they’ve been involved with. They want to know how to win them back, but don't have a clue how to do it.

 

Rather than write this as an instructional tip, I decided to share a number of true examples in which the advice speaks for itself.

 

 

Example #1

 

Earlier this year I met a girl in a 3 year LTR. She admitted she was attracted to me and started developing feelings for me. Things with her boyfriend were turning stale and in the end she decided to break up with him and pursue a relationship with me.

 

I felt flattered and rather cocky knowing I had just won this girl from her long term boyfriend. Things were going well, she didn’t want to talk to him and every time he called she brushed him off. Her friends praised me, she was proud to be with me and things were developing fast.

 

However, her ex-boyfriend suddenly changed his attitude and instead of getting jealous of me or upset over being dumped, he gave us his best wishes, told her there were no hard feelings and he moved on. He started hanging round with his friends more and stopped calling her. After two weeks of not hearing from him she started calling him to check if he was ok and see what he was upto, only to find he was fine and enjoying his free time. Soon she started pushing him to remain friends and asking him to meet up with her. He postponed, cut his calls with her short and even stood her up a few times. Yet she persisted more.

 

All this time I could see it was getting under her skin and that I was losing her affection. I could have been the perfect guy, but he had the upper hand and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. Every time he made an excuse not to meet her or ignored her call, she would get uptight and keep moaning about him. Sure enough she told me she wanted him back. She left me and started pursuing him all the time, but he continued backing off. She became obsessed and depressed, wouldn’t look at another guy and even burst out crying if he didn’t answer her calls. Next thing I hear, they’re back together under his terms. He had her in the palm of his hand, even cheated on her and she still stuck with him and remained loyal.

 

 

Example #2

 

During my wuss guy days, I was brushed off by a short term girlfriend. She told me she needed time to herself blah blah, but she wanted to stay friends. I took that to mean I could win her back, so I called her and text messaged her regularly, only to keep getting brushed off. I asked her to meet up and she refused or stood me up.

 

I then found David DeAngelo’s Double your Dating and started applying some things I learned. I tried being more cocky and arrogant with her, tried being a jerk, tried being more bold, started standing upto her and eventually it scared her away completely and she completely ignored and avoided me. She even told her friends I was acting weird and it was freaking her out.

 

 

Example #3

 

I had a few dates with a girl some months ago. We didn’t hit it off particularly well, but there was some physical attraction. After the 4th date she sent me a text message telling me she felt no chemistry and we should stop seeing each other. I replied by telling her “You’re right. No hard feelings”.

 

The following day she contacted me again asking if we could give it another try. I told her no, she was right there was no chemistry. She called me to have a go at me and insult me, then called me a few hours later to apologise. I told her it was no problem, but I was on my way out so I couldn’t stay and chat. She started sending me flirtatious text messages and emails, suggesting we get together for sex. I ignored them. Soon I started receiving anonymous calls and text messages (which I suspected and later proved was her). Almost a year later, she still sends me occasional emails asking if I want to meet up.

 

 

Example #4

 

A female friend of mine was in a relationship for 2 years with a typical “nice guy”. He’d buy her gifts, pay for her and do anything for her. She flirted with guys in front of him and he’d just sit there like a goof and say nothing. Then she finally accepted he was “too nice” and decided to break up with him.

 

At first he cried and took it really badly. He confessed his love for her and asked how he could change. Meanwhile she started ****ing another guy in secret. Every time this new guy was mean to her, she’d call her old boyfriend and he’d take her out and buy her gifts etc. Then she’d ignore him for weeks after.

 

Next time she tried to contact her ex- he finally acted like a man. He told her it was over, he wasn’t interested in being friends any more and she should stop calling him. She did the exact opposite and started calling him more. He started ignoring her and she started getting upset and moaning to her friends about how she regrets leaving him and she was stupid for letting him go.

 

Months have passed and she still tries to contact him. She recently found out he has a new girlfriend and since then she has been crying herself to sleep at night, looking through old photos and listening to their favourite songs. She has said she would take him back within a second, has begged him to give her another chance, but he has refused.

 

 

Example #5

 

I started getting interest from a very attractive girl and so I decided to ask her out. She seemed very keen and we arranged our date. The day came and she flaked out on me, sending me a last minute text message saying she was too busy. I never replied.

 

Next time I saw her I was polite, showed no hard feelings, but I spent the night talking to her friend. The flakey girl kept trying to get my attention, kept glancing at me all night and looked really uncomfortable. Eventually she left and I casually waved bye to her and continued talking to her friend.

 

Two days later, she called me (I missed the call), then emailed me a dramatic apology, telling me how she regretted not meeting me and wanted another chance. I waited two days then sent her a text message asking if she wanted to meet. She replied within 10 seconds and her friend told me she had been moping for days, checking her phone and her email to see if I would get back to her. We did go on our date, but I’m seeing someone else now so I didn’t pursue it further than that.

 

 

 

Conclusion

 

People place higher value what they can’t have or what they fear losing. When you are rejected or dumped, back off and you make their decision final. Don’t be taken for granted, don’t try to seduce them, NEVER try to explain or repair mistakes, don’t try to be friends, don’t change who you are or put on any acts, just cut them off and get on with your life. If they try to get in contact, be polite, but indifferent and don’t give them your time. Your time now is for other things and other people! Finally, if and when you do take them back, do so on your own terms and continue letting them know you can’t be taken for granted!

 

This is old advice and a golden rule, but hopefully the examples I’ve given have helped illustrate and emphasise this point.

 

 

Damn homie. Real spit right there .

[kingofhearts]

So...how do you keep the attraction high?

thekhris I agree with everything said in your post. Especially this ^^. It makes sense in my situation.

This thread has been really helpful in understanding how things led to this point...

 

 

I have just been dumped because "the spark is gone". I take it that our relationship got too routine and I became predictable and I did treat her out to dinner and the movies every week and stuff. She is willing to find where it went and have suggested our breakup as the answer until she finds it.

 

What do you guys think about this?

 

And How do I become attractive to her at this point?

 

This is killing me because I get hit on a lot and I work out..... I don't get it... meh.

[Cupiddd86]

I wish I read this thread at the time of my break up. I'm still not really sure what my break up is all about or what to do at this moment. But I must say you guys are giving out really good advice!

 

For my situation: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t270578/

Situation in a nutshell:

So we used to be talking every day at any moment possible. In the morning before she went to work; and in the evening until going to bed. In some cases entire days when she was off. I went there and it was amazing we had a really good time and were even more in love. +- a month after my visit we had a misunderstanding and I got jealous.. after going out, she told me a guy brought her home, called her after and then she was going for coffee with him. (or so I made out) After this I got a week of silence, she didn't contact me and when we talked it was very short and she told me she had to leave. Then I went there in person again.. we had some small arguments and she told me she can't do this anymore, doesn't want to find a solution and she quits. When she broke up I walked with her to her car and she told me she was so sorry for leaving me like this and we could still hang out the following days (considering I was there alone) During the walk I tried to reason with her and ask her why and what.. (pathethic.. :s) So I spend the remaining days with her but on the last day it was different. She seriously spend some time on her outfit and make up looking great; she was more clingy and loving.

 

I would really appreciate if you guys could take a look and hand me some advice/help how to handle this situation. If I've read this thread correctly it's seems she's fallen out of love with me. She has given me a couple of BS reasons for a break up and directly after it thrown in the friendship card. I as the inexperienced fool that I am took the friendship. We have called for a couple of hours (2 times) since that time and talked occasionally on MSN. She has told me she is really happy that we can still talk. Every time we did talk she immediately asked me how I am and well I've been great; was cheery every time we talked and all in all she knows I'm great.

 

The funny thing about this all is however that I don't really feel that broken up.. there is the occasional memories flooding that gets me a bit down but all in all I feel really good.

 

On a sidenote: my gut is telling me she might be cheating on me. Why? The trouble started around the same time she became friends with this guy on facebook. (the guy that brought her home etc) He happens to live in the same area as her and she has been commenting on his status, he has been on hers and she is awfully 'heart spamming' with him.

 

On me; I suppose I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic. Cheating wouldn't cross my mind. I'm true to my feelings a real straight shooter. I don't play games but I'm also not the most emotionally mature person.

 

If you need more information just ask! I would really like to thank you for your help beforehand and also thank you for this amazing thread!

Edited March 28, 2011 by Cupiddd86
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