Tricky situation

[Stephen P]

Ok this is a wierd problem, but I would be grateful to hear what people think.

 

My girlfriend is quite jealous, but I love her and her jealousy is something that she is getting better at.

 

One of the things she stopped me doing was masterbating. And I did. Only I slipped up a few times and ended up not telling her for a few weeks that I had, until I finally told her, and she got mad for ages and still even brings it up now.

 

Well if you are a man you know how hard it is to not masterbate, and I don't masterbate over anything or look at porn or other men or women. The other day I did it a couple of times. She had said previously that I should be allowed but said that she would still be angry if she found out.

 

She asked me a few days ago when was the last time and a lied. I hate lying so much. Only we were out in the park about to go off for a long walk and meal and the sun was out, and I was really not in the mood for two days of questioning about "what I think about" or "Why do men have to do it?". I didn't create my biology, some women fail to see that in men, and blame them for the way their body works. It's really as bad as saying to women why do you have monthly cycles? Pointless. So I lied.

 

I figured that what she has is essentially a really mild maddness (I don't mean that to sound so harsd), she is even in therapy, and has a past which contains some serious problems with eating disorders.

 

So the question I have is do you think I should come clean, or is it really none of her buisness about how I deal with my body functions. I've made a deal with myself that the next time I do it I will tell her, just for the sake of openess. I don't want to go back I say that I lied and go over all that stuff, it will just create hurt and problems all over again and at the heart of it is such a small thing. The thing is I feel guilty and keep thinking about it. I'm not sure if it is irrational or not, but it is really bothering me.

 

For the most part I am the most honest person in the world. I really was just trying to avoid conflict, and considering her mental situation I did want to create problems where there really didn't seem any need to.

 

I would be highly grateful for any help on this one... although realise coming clean means about 2-3 days of arguments, jealousy and her feeling more insecure.

 

Thanks

[littlekitty]

I'm sorry... you're not allowed to wank?! WTF? Hell, I'm a girl and if my man told me I couldn't flick my bean when ever I fancied it, I'd tell him to pee off!!

 

It's a god given right that we be allowed to play with ourselves! How else would we know about our bodies. I take it she doesn't masterbate at all? How is your sex life other than this?

 

I think you need to give her a wake up call. Masterbation is natural and some would say necessary.

 

What is the reason she gives that she doesn't want you to masterbate? And why on earth did you agree to it? You must have known it wasn't something you'd be able to do?!!

 

For many of us, sexuality begins with masturbation. Evidence has shown that most people in the world masturbate. People masturbate as early as infancy and a late as late adulthood. Masturbation is healthy. It is safe. It won't cause hairy palms or acne and it won't cause AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases. It can help you in numerous ways: It is a healthy, positive way to release sexual tension. It teaches you about your body and your physical and emotional responses to sexual stimulation.

 

Becoming comfortable with masturbation, your body and your sexuality is the first step toward a healthy, fulfilling sexual life.

 

I think you need to sit her down (collect some information on how it's natural and good to masterbate), explain to her that you agreed to her request for abstenance because you wanted to please her, but that you find that you ar uncomfortable and unable to do so. Explain that it's not a bad thing, and that you can not promise not to do it!

 

Then maybe tell her she should loosen up and have a go!!

[Stephen P]

We have a good sex life. She used to masterbate when we went out but then she stopped. I think I am going to do what you said, I don't know why I agreed to it, she had some serious mental health issues at the time and I wanted to do anything that I could to help, but I've had more than enough of it now.

 

Thanks for your response.

[littlekitty]

We have a good sex life. She used to masterbate when we went out but then she stopped. I think I am going to do what you said, I don't know why I agreed to it, she had some serious mental health issues at the time and I wanted to do anything that I could to help, but I've had more than enough of it now.

 

Thanks for your response.

 

Your welcome Stephen! I think that sounds like the right thing to do. Be gentle and loving and explain you don't wish to hurt her, but that this is something you can't feasibly abstain from just to try to please her.

 

Perhaps even some mutual masterbation could help!

 

Good luck....!

[Spiderman]

Some good advice LK,

 

IMHO - Masturbation comes pretty naturally to most guys. Let's face it; a male child discovers that his penis feels good before he can talk! So it's not surprising that boys fondle this area of their bodies a lot, and then, at the age of around 14, discover that masturbation can lead to orgasm and ejaculation - all of which they find extremely exciting and pleasurable.

 

There are some men who don't masturbate, but i'd say these are mainly people who don't want to do it because of religious reasons, or because they're a bit uptight about sex. Also, some guys who have a fairly low sex drive don't masturbate.

 

From one guy to another, choke that chicken my good man!!

[Outcast]

It's no good living with a jealous control freak. Think hard if this is the way you want to live your life from now on.