mr.gerbick Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Okay, quick overview...I have posted quite a few threaads on here and I am sure some people know my story. My girlfriend and I of 6 years broke up about 7 months ago and we are trying to give it a second chance. She slept with someone while we were apart, and I have been dealing with that, but I guess I am okay with it now. So basically she has been wanting to take it slow and I have been trying my best to do that also. We have been hanging out here and there lately, but something strange just recently happened. Like I said we have been haniging out here and there, I mostly have been asking her if she wants to do things, like go to the movies or whatever, with no pressure, i just ask once and she always says yes. She asked me to hang out once, but she never objects when I ask her, she's always like yeah...that would be cool. Well we went to the show last night and she just had this outburst of how I am moving too fast for her. She said the way that we are acting is like we are boyfriend/girlfriend already, and pretty much blamed me. Now, like I said I asked to do things with no pressure, plus we always have a good time when we go out, atleast she seemed to have a good time. So I think it is unfair for her to blame me, to say I am pushing her back into this. Things that we do just happen naturally when we are around eachother, or atleast they seemed to. I am just really confused about her outburst out of nowhere, especially when things seemed to be so good between us. What do I make of it? Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Oh, oh. I feel for you. She does want to take it slow, so let her. Don't be the one who's always asking her to hang out with you. Let her take the initative herself. This will allow her to set the pace of how she wants to continue the relationship with you. I'm not saying you should stop inviting her to do things with her, but you know, leave the ball in her court. Sorry, that's the best advice I can give you, as I don't have much experience in the dating field. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 It sounds like she's not ready for a full relationship with you. Blowing up at you is an immature way to deal with her confusion, however, and you shouldn't have to take it. When she pulls stuff like that, tell her she's exactly right, that she needs more space to figure out what she wants, and that you want to stop seeing her if she's so upset about your relationship. Then back off on inviting her to do anything, and let her come to you when/IF she ever gets her act together. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 I think she either knows if she wants more with you or she is just playing with you and trying to let you down easy. I think she just wants to be friends and thinks you are pushing for another relationship ( duh ). I would back off of her for a good while. Do not call her and see how she responds. If she calls you and wants to do things then she might be wanting the same things you do but if she leaves you alone then she really doesn't miss you and you need to deal with that. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 I totally agree with the others. You and she have become a "habit" and she's not willing to give it up yet. Let her be. If she's unable to get you out of her system that's HER problem, but you should try your best to get her out of yours. JMO Link to post Share on other sites
mountain mover Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 You're not slow, she is playing games. She maybe dating others you know nothing about, and want to leave her options open. Watch for the outbursts, its a direct way to make you back off, so she can get the freedom she wants to do other things, and not with her girlfriends either. Watch yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 My girlfriend and I of 6 years broke up about 7 months ago She dumped you. we are trying to give it a second chance. You might be; she isn't. So basically she has been wanting to take it slow. "Take it slow" means she has low interest level in you. Case closed. We have been hanging out here and there lately, but something strange just recently happened. There's nothing strange about your story. Girl dumps guy; guy still asks her on these "no pressure" dates, hoping to get back together; girl goes along with it because she feels badly for the guy, even though she no longer has any romantic interest in him. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this girl just doesn't dig your company any more. Bow out gracefully, say goodbye, and start hustling new phone numbers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.gerbick Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 First, I would like to say thanks for all of the replys, I appreciate it. It is a little more strange then presented. She did not dump me, we broke up under a mutual agreement. I pretty much fell apart after I found out she slept with someone, before that I was cool with it all, because I think I never fully let go. We always talked about a possibility in the future, because life was getting in between us at the time, I was ridiculoisly busy. The relationship only went sour for like the last year...the previous 5 years were really good. We already established that in this period of slowness that it would not be wise to date other people, she agreed to it. I do agree with you guys that I want her to start doing some of the initiating as far as hanging out. She said she wants to also, but she needs space, she says I don't give her a chance to. Now when I first found out about what she did, I admit I was really clingy to her, but that was about 2 months ago, and I have gotten a lot better since. She agrees, but she thinks the only reason I have gotten better is because she hasn't pushed me away. I am not sure about that. I just asked her if she is just doing this out pity, because it seems like the slowness of all of this could be a metaphor for low level interests. She replied, it's not pity, it is because she loves me. We have always been really honest with each other, that is why I know what I know about when we were apart. I believe her, but sometimes I have doubts. Just because I feel so strongly towards her. I don't know...this whole situation is driving me up a wall. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 The relationship only went sour for like the last year...the previous 5 years were really good. Exactly. Women generally lose interest in a guy gradually. Over the course of that last year, her interest level in you started sinking, until it finally hit the dreaded point where she says she wants to "slow down." Breakups are never by "mutual agreement." One of you had to be the first to bring it up. And, I'm betting the farm that it was her. She probably said something to the effect of wanting to "slow it down," or needing time to "find herself," right? You only "agreed" to it in the sense that you had no choice but to accept her decision. it seems like the slowness of all of this could be a metaphor for low level interests. It isn't a metaphor. It IS low interest level. I'm not trying to pick on you. Just giving you the bottom line. When you've reached this point with a girl, it's hopeless. It's time to hit the showers, review your mistakes on the game tape, and don't make those mistakes with the next girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.gerbick Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 Actually no. She didn't want to slow down. She wanted to speed up, I waas so busy that I didn't have enough time for her. She felt unloved and like she wasn't special to me anymore. It really had nothing to do with losing interest. I just wasn't able to provide her with what she needed at the time. I tried to explain my busy schedule was to benefit us in the future, but she felt neglected. She also said in one of our talks that she wants to take it slow because if we get back together then thats it, I am going to be the one she marrys, so she just wants to make sure, which is understandable in a sense, but I was trying to tell her that it is a risk regardless, no matter how long or short we wait. So, I understand what you are tyring to suggest, but I would honestly read my other threads to get a little more insight on the overall situation, it is really complicated, and pretty much all of these past 7 or 8 weeks of this situation have been posted on theis forum. Its weird, I am going to see her today and we will see where that goes, we still have a lot to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
binevrywear Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Every story is more complicated than it looks, but I think it's pretty clear you two are breaking up for good. Life isn't a date movie, unfortunately. If she has an outburst that things are moving too fast, well, that's a pretty good sign she doesn't even want things to move in that general direction. And if you've been clingy, that's a real turn-off to women. My advice is to bite the bullet and go into no contact mode with her. Chances are, she will announce to you sooner rather than later that she's got a new boyfriend. Believe me, you will feel 10 times worse if you find that out. Do you really want to go through that pain? Better not to know and get on with your own life. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 it is really complicated, Only to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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