lannhalsted Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 My BF and I have been together for 4 and 1/2 years. We have a 1 yo and I have a 10 yo from a previoius relationship who thinks of him as dad. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but when we talk about marraige he tells me he's not ready. Recently we were discussing our oppinions on marriage and he said that he's waiting for "that feeling" and he;s not sure if I'm his soul mate. He doesn't understand why I marriage is so important to me. I was crushed. I've been planning my dream wedding since I was 8 years old. It's just not something I'm willing to sacrifice. My question is, shouldn't he already have these feelings he's waiting for? We've been living together with a family for years. Am I waiting for nothing? I'm 28 (he's 27), I have 2 kids and due to medical issues I had my tubes tied. It will be hard enough now to find a decent man whose ok with all of that, but if I wait another 5 years while he's looking for his soul mate, I could end up a single mom forever. I don't really want to leave my BF. I love him so much. I just don't know if I'm getting played or not. Is he just stringing me along until something better comes along? Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 I really don't know what you should do as far as the relationship. I think you are really the only one who could answer that. But I did want to tell you that you will not be single forever without him. I know sooo many people who have found love under similar circumstances. In fact, I know at least three wonderful young men who have married women with children and are not having any of their own. I can understand what you are feeling. I was in this situation myself at a time. It's like some men don't mind "playing house" but when it comes to the real thing, to hear that they aren't ready is devastating! It forces you to wonder if they have plans of leaving you one day and that's their reason for not marrying. I know now that, that wasn't the reason, but that relationship ended. Later he told me the same thing your guy said to you. He just didn't know if he was ready. Link to post Share on other sites
carolineislands Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 ...that he's waiting for "that feeling" and he;s not sure if I'm his soul mate. If that's the way he feels then why is he up in your bed every night? You deserve to be loved, especially by the man in your life. LEAVE HIM. There is a man out there who will have no doubts in his mind of your worth and his love for you. Go out and find him. Life is too short, girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 You have to understand where he is coming from. Take a look at some of the threads and the seperation and divorce forum and he probably does not want to end up like that. You may be nothing like those women but men end up paying all the time for what other men do and now I guess some women are paying for the actions of other women. Link to post Share on other sites
greystone08 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I know why he's afraid. As a man, i can understand why he might not think he's ready. But i know we often think that once we're married, we're basically on shackles and we lose all our freedom and space. We also lose that sense of independence that makes us a "man". I've been together with my girl for 3 years but i often ask myself if marriage is for me. That doesn't mean i don't love her, it just means that i have some personal issues of my own to deal with before tying the knot. Maybe he's feeling the same. But that's up to you on if you want to stay or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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