Maple Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 I am a post graduate student, and recently ive been, well ok flirting with my lecturer. In my defence he is the youngest lecturer we have and he is 8 yrs my senior. Anyway he is just that flirty happy type and so am I. We have a great working relationship with him and we did the small flirting on the side just to keep us smiling as the work day gets hectic, our research is time consuming and stressful. Anyway these days the flirting is getting a little bit more...than basic. Mostly because we recently found out what the other is like outside of the university campus. Its weird because Im not sure where the line is anymore. So Im single, broke up with my bf 3 months ago, but not looking actively for anyone, hes single and as work obsessed as I am. Hes a decent guy, and ok yes I am attracted to him, and enjoying the flirting as it keeps me smiling during the day. There is still the stigma attached to dating a lecturer though, so its stopped me from smiling too widely or holding his eye contact when i know hes going to ask me to go get a drink, etc. So, should I go for it? or should I just bow out? A. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 One of the perqs of being a prof is a constant supply of nubile young females with which to flirt - or more. If you get a kick out of being one more notch in a guy's belt, continue, but don't do so thinking this is anything special. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maple Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 If i had read this yesterday i would have agreed with you, but something happened. I had proposed a switch in supervisor for my MPhil, to him, a few months ago as we ended up together anyway as my supervisor is always out of the country and he and I are on the same research. He was fine with it and had actually offered the idea. It came down in writing yesterday to the office for approval and my supervisor called me into the office. He told me the lecturer (flirting guy) stated he could not take the assignment after all and that I should talk to him about it. I was a bit stunned seeing we had agreed on it previously, and okay a little hurt (mostly angry though) thinking ok we finally crossed the line and he was backing away fast. I ahould mention we flirt well but our fights are legendary in that department. So I stormed over upset but mostly angry and was ready to take a turn in his behind ( ie to argue with him). When I got there he was on the phone so I let myself in and sat glaring at him like a petulant child till he was done. When he put down the phone, he went to close the door and came to stand in front of his desk, his hands up placatingly his first words were " ok I know ure mad but let me expl.." so i didnt let him finish and started arguing that ok fine things were getting a little weird but this was my research and it was important to me he could have talked to me first and if there was a prob..etc etc...and he cut me off with a kiss, it wasnt even a kiss he just brushed his lips to mine, as he went to deepen this kiss my phone went off with his hand still resting on my cheek, with all the built in guilt of a student I jumped half a mile away. As romantic as the moment was, the second it was over while his first words were " is this okay? and my first words were" how many students have you slept with?" He said none, and i mostly believe him because i had never heard anything otherwise in campus gossip, and our campus is famous for gossip. He moved away as i turned off the call and said him taking the assignment would be a conflict of interest and he would ask another lecturer he trusted that could take it over. He kinda glared at me a bit as if this was my fault and goes " this is .." Then My cell went off again, I swore loudly but had to go, before we could talk about what had just happened. I just got home, my roomate said he called, to let him know when I got in please. OKAY im a born romantic, but yes im also very cautious of opportunistic men. Everything i know about guys ( i have 6 brothers) says this guy is for real, but am i totally wrong?? Its so possible im totally wrong and letting the fact im attracted to him blind me. I know went on a bit but my mind is still reeling from that. Logic is prevailing though and should I go with this, or stop it right here. He seems like a good guy, ive heard the skeletons of some of my other lecturers sleeping with students, but never about him. Still, anyone, opinions please, before i give in and call him. biting my nails here :-S Link to post Share on other sites
Amiesatia Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 When in doubt, don't do anything. The cops are not going to hunt you for not calling him. If he is really interested in you, it doesn't change his interests if you don't call him immediately. If he is sincere of explaining things to you, he will call again. Wait for his call and observe what he is going to say and do. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 He said none, and i mostly believe him because i had never heard anything otherwise in campus gossip, and our campus is famous for gossip. I'd still be leery. The guys who are best at lying seem the most sincere. I agree that you should not fall immediately into his arms. Let him court you. Make him work for it. And listen to your gut - your instincts will usually send up an alarm if red flags appear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maple Posted June 11, 2006 Author Share Posted June 11, 2006 thanks amiesatia, I did just that mostly out of cowardice though. He called back around 11, asked why I didnt call back, I lied and said I had just gotten in. Then immediately felt bad and fessed up, saying my mind was too full to make that call. He said he appreciated honesty. He said we needed to talk and could we meet up. I said honestly I wanted some more time to myself to think this through as we were crossing these invisible lines. He said he thinks we crossed those lines a few hours ago, and he wasnt exactly sorry about it, but sorry for being so forward. We couldnt talk for long as my roomates began pounding down the door for me to come celebrate with them (world cup), so I asked him if we could meet up tomorrow instead. He agreed, said he had a family thing but would call me when he got back. Later that night now, when everyone was finally quiet I was itching to call him, supposed to be finishing a paper, instead sitting on the couch holding the phone. Like I said we were close platonically before so us calling each other at retarded times was nothing new, but this was different. Anyway a few mins later he popped up on my msn( all lecturers and grad students have each other on msn as it made more sense than running back and forth between offices- its a small university) and said he couldnt sleep and blamed me. I laughed and told him it wasnt my fault. We didnt really broach the topic as it was msn and sort of impersonal, but talked happily about work and family and friends till about 4am, till I was too tired to keep my eyes open. That was that . So am I crazy? Honestly I was not even thinking about sleeping with him, I am an innocent in that area so it was one of the last things on my mind, but my mind is going- he's a guy- am I getting in over my head. I am still battling the stigma of being linked romantically with him, no idea what hes thinking. What should i be thinking ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maple Posted June 11, 2006 Author Share Posted June 11, 2006 thanks outcast, yes I hear you. With a normal guy Id be worried about how sincere he is, now with this whole stigma attached its as though i have to face one problem at a time, and even if we get past the whole stigma, there is still the chance hes a lying dog, Im in no rush , I just want to know im not getting played by a guy thats done this before Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maple Posted June 12, 2006 Author Share Posted June 12, 2006 he called,`and is a good guy...what are the chances Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Edited: I had posted about whether there was any possibility his "family thing" might be wife and kids, but saw the OP's comment in post #1 that he was single. Withdrawn.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maple Posted June 13, 2006 Author Share Posted June 13, 2006 thanks trimmer, the thought had crossed both of my roomates minds as well so it was warranted. The family thing was his aunts birthday, and I know his sister and she confirmed it. I've been to his house though, and met his parents (both all before any of this started, just doing research etc) so I was sure he wasnt married- but thanks to all of you. I mean I still have my doubts..but hes a great guy. Not perfect, none of us are, the last few days have had their ups and downs, but at the end of it I'm alright with it. I just have to get past my brothers taunting now lol...but thats a piece of cake, I know all their secrets. thanks again A Link to post Share on other sites
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