Anyone else out there who has no family support?

[Guest]

I lost my husband when I was 29 - he died suddenly after the birth of our only child. I then lost my mom, dad and oldest brother to cancer all within the past 14 years. I'm now 43 years old. I have a niece and another older brother who are total idiots. My niece is always in angst about something - she's off in another country and doesn't communicate unless she needs something. My brother is a drunk and a total spineless idiot.

 

I'm a hardworking single mom who's raising a teenage son totally alone. I'm dating someone but he's nothing to brag about - he's a single dad but he doesn't care about his own son so as far as being any kind of role model to my son - forget it.

 

I've tried turning to church for support but I ended up getting harrassed by some lady who felt compelled to run my life and all she could say to me was "You poor thing" all the time. I got turned off by the church people who wanted to help - all they ended up doing was talking about themselves and all their problems most of the time.

 

I'm handling life fairly well - I just get depressed because I don't have any family and I can't stand my brother - I can rely on him or depend on him for anything - he drinks alot and recently lost his job.

 

My boyfriend is another one who constantly goes on and on about himself - it's always about him.

 

Anyone else out there with no family?

[Love Hurts]

I do not apply to your ending question.

 

I hope you do not mind my responding.

I have spent a few years around seniors... In senior retirement homes.

Some of the retirement homes are like a mini palace...

The seniors are energetic and mobile ,, many still drive and are involved in activities outside of the retirement homes.

 

While some are more grounded, they no longer drive or may be in a wheel chair. Or may have poor vision. Some pretty much stay inside the walls of the retirement home and socialize within.

 

They have mini marts, small shops, salons, work out centers, library, pool room, dining rooms, art & crafts, auditorium for entertainment and a chapel. Naturally the homes and what they have to offer seniors have variables.... But the same equation in these homes.. Is ... they are living happy souls.

 

They are wonderful to talk to .... they have the wisdom, they are our history, and just lovely people. For the most part good hearted.

 

I know for a fact some of them have family that live out of state and do not get to see their loved ones very much.

Some are alone, the soul survivors of a wonderful family that was.

 

I wonder if you could make a connection to one of these establishments in order to socialize............ talk to those who know.

Warm hearts and welcome hugs.

Caring souls and some are lonely people, they would love for you visit with them.

 

Great advice can be gained from a wise old owl.

Once you get to know them, you are family.

Some, or one of them may want to go shopping with you ,,,, or out to lunch and the'll give you a new nickname; HONEY.

 

You can start with the forgotten and yet still very much alive. They have so much to offer. You can fall in love and feel like a new person yourself.

 

Someone needs someone.

[silktricks]

Hi guest - register up and then maybe I'll tell you, but the short answer is yes. There are others out there with little or no family. I'm one.

[Blackfrost]

I also have zero (absolutely none) family support, and have had none since I was 17 (which was about 20 years ago )

 

The only family I have is my wife and daughter - my wife also has very little family support as her mom and dad are both very very old and live in Australia in a nursing home.

 

It's just the three of us - and I do feel very bad every day that the future for my daughter will also inevitably have no family support after my wife and I are one day gone from this earth That's why, if nothing else, I bust my ass in this world to make sure she at least has something financial from us (though I'm not rich by any means), as well as many little books and journals (written over the years by us for her) and various artwork (I am a professional artist by trade) that she can look back to us when she's lonely and can remember how much we love her and believe in her.

 

It sucks not to have family, I definitely sympathize with you and understand your emptiness at times.

 

Cheers

[amerikajin]

I don't think my situation is quite as bad as some I've seen, but I think things have gotten worse between me and my siblings (actually half siblings) with age. I haven't seen my two half sisters in almost 9 years - not since my dad's funeral. I haven't spoken to one of my sisters since about 2000 and another since 1998 although we have continued to communicate via email. My sisters are a lot older than I and I guess we've never really been all that close, although I am happy to say that one of my nephews is coming to visit me next month - I'm excited about that!

 

The situation with my brother is what really has me all up in a huff as of late. He used to be very supportive of me no matter what I did - up until about five or six years ago. Then it's like something in him just snapped. I moved away from my home state to live with my then ex girlfriend, whom I was planning to marry at some point. He just stopped communicating with me and then got angry at me over petty things like the fact that I told my mother that I wasn't able to get health insurance at my new job - even though I still kept my old coverage. He used that as a segue to 'get a few things off his chest' about other issues as well.

 

We patched that up, but then things slid back to where they were about two years ago. He first claimed that our mother and I kept him out of the loop sometimes, which is not true. Then he started demanding that I return home from overseas, implying that mom needed all kinds of help which she has repeatedly refused from me. Simply put, I think he's been a complete ass, and I don't think he's ever come out and said what's really bothering him. But even my sister in law (his wife) has been saying he's out of line. Not that I've enlisted her support or anything but I think he's just sliding into a funk.

 

Part of the problem is that I live overseas. I have found that people have sort of gone about their own lives, and I guess some of that is my fault although I have made no less an effort to contact them than they have me. Whatever - I'm coming back home in the next 12-15 months...hopefully this stuff will take care of itself when I do.

 

I think that familial relationships have a way of becoming complicated with age. People always seem to have their expectations of you as an individual based on your role/rank in the family. It seems like when you don't conform to your role, then people hold that against you - and it goes for both older and younger members of family.

 

Older family members expect you to respect their inherent authority. When you don't, they try to dominate you and rein you back in. Any act of defiance will be seen as disrespect for the family and will be summarily punished. Move out of the house? Marry someone they don't approve of? Start a career they think is stupid? You'll definitely hear about it from older members of family.

 

Younger siblings typically expect to be pampered. When you don't pamper them, they can have a tendency to get bitter and take the answer 'no' a bit too personally - they want to know what's changed all of a sudden? Don't give them money in a pinch? Stop putting up with their incessant irresponsibility and disrespect? They'll think you're being mean spirited and don't care about them anymore.

 

Healthy people are able to separate their own feelings from the feelings of others and can respect people as individuals who are likely going to change over the course of their lives.

 

Gotta love family dynamics.

[typical]

I have no one as well. I got over it pretty quickly though.

[a4a]

I have no family...... H has no family..... honestly I don't mind it. I see the flip side of things when families are a negative influence.

[luvtoto]

Yep, that's me. No family, husband, or close friends.

 

But...

 

I do have two awesome kids, that keep me going. ... and LS!

 

Does a two-faced x-sister in law count?

[MarnieGirl]

 

...many little books and journals (written over the years by us for her) and various artwork (I am a professional artist by trade) that she can look back to us when she's lonely and can remember how much we love her and believe in her...

 

 

that is the sweetest, most beautiful thing i have heard all day. good for you, and what a lucky little girl.

[MarnieGirl]

 

Does a two-faced x-sister in law count?

 

hahahahahahahaha. no.

 

[luvtoto]

I lost my husband when I was 29 - he died suddenly after the birth of our only child. I then lost my mom, dad and oldest brother to cancer all within the past 14 years. I'm now 43 years old. I have a niece and another older brother who are total idiots. My niece is always in angst about something - she's off in another country and doesn't communicate unless she needs something. My brother is a drunk and a total spineless idiot.

 

I'm a hardworking single mom who's raising a teenage son totally alone. I'm dating someone but he's nothing to brag about - he's a single dad but he doesn't care about his own son so as far as being any kind of role model to my son - forget it.

 

I've tried turning to church for support but I ended up getting harrassed by some lady who felt compelled to run my life and all she could say to me was "You poor thing" all the time. I got turned off by the church people who wanted to help - all they ended up doing was talking about themselves and all their problems most of the time.

 

I'm handling life fairly well - I just get depressed because I don't have any family and I can't stand my brother - I can rely on him or depend on him for anything - he drinks alot and recently lost his job.

 

My boyfriend is another one who constantly goes on and on about himself - it's always about him.

 

Anyone else out there with no family?

By not having any family support, do you find yourself having a hard time bonding with new people that come into your life?

[yanks22]

I actually worry about this on a pretty regular basis. Im 22 years old, and have no brothers or sisters. Two parents, however I am especially close with my mother. Aside from them, there isnt much out there for me when they are gone (which is constantly on my mind and causes me much uneccessary grief). Ive got a few aunts and uncles who are nice people but i am not close in the least to them. See them once every few years. Cousins, which are pretty much the same. My mothers parents are very nice and I am very close to them but unfortunately they are nearing the end of their lives. My dad's sister is probably the only relative I talk to and see the most of on a semi-regular basis.

 

I worry that when my parents are gone so will all these other people and I will be left with nothing. I had a small family to begin with and as time takes it toll its only getting smaller. I worry about having to spend thanksgivings and all the other holidays alone. Thankfully, I have MANY great friends Id consider brothers and sisters. Even still, sometimes I am lonesome for a big happy, close knit family that many others are lucky enough to have.