Marcus1963 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 My little sister recently married her 2nd husband. Her first husband dumped her and didn’t pay child support for their kids and she was jobless. Now she wants to have a kid with this new guy. While he seems like a great guy, I am worried about her rapid decision and think she should wait. I am a bit paranoid that he might leave her with the baby too. She says, if we talk about money, she’d actually be better off WITH than WITHOUT a child, if he would decide to leave her. His income is around $150,000 plus $100,000 from property rent plus some stocks plus he has a few million on aside that he will invest in something. He is definitely wealthy. They didn’t sign any prenup (prenups don’t include child support anyway) and she had nothing before she married him except her car and personal stuff. I don’t know the laws, but she says that she would get like $50,000 child support (per year). I kinda doubt it. What if she ends up with very little, 3 kids, and unemployed? She wants the baby cause she loves him, it’s me who has worries about her financial state. She is 34 and doesn’t want to wait. He also wants a baby since he has none. I live in another state and don’t do well money-wise so I couldn’t help her if she’d get in trouble this time again. Not saying they’d divorce, they have no problems, just think it would be good to be prepared for any disaster, since she doesn’t work. So is it possible that she could get $50k child support if he makes like $250k a year (PT) in case he dumps her? Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 if she's used to relying on him for money in the long-term, she probably will get a whole bunch including probably money he's made during the marriage, not only after it. i wouldn't worry. looks like she "golddig"ged herself in the right situation. he got no prenup?? HAHA Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Since when did a decision to have a child become a discussion about how much money one will get in support when they've only just married? What are you saying, that she shouldn't have a child unless she makes megabucks when she ditches the guy? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Since when did a decision to have a child become a discussion about how much money one will get in support when they've only just married? What are you saying, that she shouldn't have a child unless she makes megabucks when she ditches the guy? Yeah...what's up with this thinking?? That's really messed up thinking. Children are precious and priceless and deserve the best possible environment...WTF?? I think your sister should practice safe sex. JMO Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Child support awards depend on the law of the state involved, and of course many individual factors. As far as I know, $50k is a POSSIBILITY. However, if she really wants to count on such a thing, she had better pay a family law attorney for a 1 hour consultation and find out for sure. Or you could do the same. Certainly, she should not view her potential child as a money machine. However, it is prudent to understand her financial options before she takes on responsibility for another child. Link to post Share on other sites
trevty Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I thought women gave birth the babies, not $$$$$ signs! I think you should try being helpful and get her some councelling for her misguided thoughts and encourage her to practice safe sex until she feels the love you should when bringing a child into this world! WTF, Trevty Link to post Share on other sites
wanda1974 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 My little sister recently married her 2nd husband. Her first husband dumped her and didn’t pay child support for their kids and she was jobless. Now she wants to have a kid with this new guy. While he seems like a great guy, I am worried about her rapid decision and think she should wait. I am a bit paranoid that he might leave her with the baby too. She says, if we talk about money, she’d actually be better off WITH than WITHOUT a child, if he would decide to leave her. His income is around $150,000 plus $100,000 from property rent plus some stocks plus he has a few million on aside that he will invest in something. He is definitely wealthy. They didn’t sign any prenup (prenups don’t include child support anyway) and she had nothing before she married him except her car and personal stuff. I don’t know the laws, but she says that she would get like $50,000 child support (per year). I kinda doubt it. What if she ends up with very little, 3 kids, and unemployed? She wants the baby cause she loves him, it’s me who has worries about her financial state. She is 34 and doesn’t want to wait. He also wants a baby since he has none. I live in another state and don’t do well money-wise so I couldn’t help her if she’d get in trouble this time again. Not saying they’d divorce, they have no problems, just think it would be good to be prepared for any disaster, since she doesn’t work. So is it possible that she could get $50k child support if he makes like $250k a year (PT) in case he dumps her? Yes, $50,000 sounds about right for his income. For one child, it is 20% of his...OR HER pay...going towards child support. Whomever is making more money is how it's determined who pays the support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marcus1963 Posted June 11, 2006 Author Share Posted June 11, 2006 Ridingthebulls, SoleMate, and Wanda, thank you for being so intelligent and willing to carefully read my post. You understood what I was talking about. My sister doesn't care what would happen in case of divorce, I do. I don't want to see my sister homeless and jobless with 3 children (is this the healthy environment some people were talking about???) Naturally, I am worried. She never thinks in advance, she wanted another kid even before she met her 2nd husband. She is the desperate romantic in our family, I am the down-to-earth type of guy. I guess this time things are different, this guy is not a bum like her ex so I am paranoid for nothing. I only want the best for her and she doesn't ask me for a permission to have a baby anyway. But I'll let her know that a few people from Love shack said she shouldn't have another child, because kids are precious and she never knew that. I'll also tell her husband that he is not allowed to have children, because the law says he'd have to pay child support in case of divorce...so any kid he would have would be a potential money machine. Link to post Share on other sites
slinkysu Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Ridingthebulls, SoleMate, and Wanda, thank you for being so intelligent and willing to carefully read my post. You understood what I was talking about. My sister doesn't care what would happen in case of divorce, I do. I don't want to see my sister homeless and jobless with 3 children (is this the healthy environment some people were talking about???) Naturally, I am worried. She never thinks in advance, she wanted another kid even before she met her 2nd husband. She is the desperate romantic in our family, I am the down-to-earth type of guy. I guess this time things are different, this guy is not a bum like her ex so I am paranoid for nothing. I only want the best for her and she doesn't ask me for a permission to have a baby anyway. But I'll let her know that a few people from Love shack said she shouldn't have another child, because kids are precious and she never knew that. I'll also tell her husband that he is not allowed to have children, because the law says he'd have to pay child support in case of divorce...so any kid he would have would be a potential money machine. I'd suggest not saying anything at all. It isn't your place and if you were my brother I'd be beyond offended with you for sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. your thinking is messed up - you are dooming her marriage before anything has happened and are working out the finances in case it goes badly! wrong - just plain wrong. If she and her husband want a child then it is their decision and up to them. Butting your nose in and telling other people what to do with their lives is wrong and never works out well. Stay away. if you can't support her then say nothing - but pushing your nose in where it doesn't belong will never end up well. This isn't your problem so stop making it all about you and creating problems where ones don't exist. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Could work out like my old neighbors - he lost his 6 figure job, went through some weird midlife crisis and was underemployed for the next couple years, had an affair - they split and since he then made about $35k a year and got joint custody (half time at Mom's, half time at Dad's), he pays NO support (just medical). You can't predict, you have to make sure you can take care of yourself AND your children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marcus1963 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Share Posted June 12, 2006 I'd suggest not saying anything at all. It isn't your place and if you were my brother I'd be beyond offended with you for sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. I completely agree with everything you said and she told me the same thing this morning. She called me a selfish loser and hung up on me when I told her that I was WORRIED about her future. You know I could really say it's none of my business when she gets in trouble too. Last time she stayed at our parents' house and argued with them like 6 times a day. She is a great person, but very irresponsible and doesn't think twice before doing something. She's the best mother I've ever met, but not very good in relationships. She has a temper and the reason why I am so worried is not because I think her husband might be an ass like her previous guys, but because she can cause storms on sunny days. I actually looked up the laws for her state and it turned out that he wouldn't pay more than $2,000 per month no matter how high his income is. I just hope that she will be a good wife and won't end up in the street with 3 kids like the last time. I'd gladly live with her (and will if necessary), but can't afford to support 5 people/including myself. She flies very high and falls very low when something kicks her in the head. I have another brother who is an alcoholic (always "between jobs") and has blown up all his chances in life. I am just tired of worrying about my family and their problems, because they make such crappy choices. I wish I could tell her to be a good wife and then everything would be ok. I wish she would wait a year or two with the baby so she can be sure that her husband is sure he wants to be with her forever. I wish and hope she didn't take the life she has now for granted. You can't predict, you have to make sure you can take care of yourself AND your children. I totally agree with this!!! She needs to plan things in advance for ONCE in her life. I don't care if she will control herself or think 10 times before doing something or wait with the baby, I just hate to see her act like there's no tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 I don't believe that you cannot see how bad your thinking is. Future Child Support in the event of a divorce ( unless one was pending ) should never be used as a retirement planning tool. I hope you see the error of your ways and learn from this.. besides the fact that you stepped way over the line you were totally wrong about planning on the future child support.. It is woman like you that give women a bad name in the name of child support. Child support isn't for the mother.. it is for the children... Who knows.. 2 years may pass and he may find himself unemployed and no income and hers may be the only income they have.. should he plan on what he should get in the event of a divorce ? Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Uh, isn't the OP the brother of the woman in question? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Uh, isn't the OP the brother of the woman in question? My mistake.. thanks for catching it.. Care to add your opinion on the OP's thread ? Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Good, I thought I was confused. I can understand why he is concerned, because he thinks she's a dingbat who can't take care of herself. His planning for her divorce settlement and child support does come across as very mercenary. He is assuming she will fail at this marraige as well. I don't know the sister. I know a lot of people who go around bungling through life and screwing things up. A better plan would be to get the sister a job so she can have some self-respect and take care of herself and her children, rather than figuring out how to soak some poor sap for money to support her. But finally, it is really none of his business. She is not his child. If she screws up, it's not his responsibility. But I can see where he would feel responsible for her and would try to take care of her. I say, she fights with the parents? Too bad. If you can't make it as an adult, you're going to get treated like a child. I would imagine that's the situation, she wants to get to be irresponsible and have someone take care of her like she's a child and still have all the freedoms and respect given to an adult. No way. Lie in the bed you make. But seriously, the OP sounds a tad self righteous. I have to wonder if he's not taking some measure of joy in her inability to get it together. Which she may potentially have done in this new relationship, but she's not being given the benefit of the doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marcus1963 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Share Posted June 12, 2006 Artcritic please read my last post. I assure you I have no agenda or any materialistic interest in this whole thing whatsoever. It's her life but I keep the right to be worried about my sister whom i love more than anything. She happens to be the poor one> not her husband in this case. I know I am paranoid but i just want the best for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Good Post CG.. I can't believe that he spoke to her about it.. Whew... talk a controlling brother.. I know if he feels responsible for her and is onlt looking out for her.. But man he needs to cut the apron strings from his little sister To the OP : What do you think should happen when you finally get married ? do you think your wife should be planning on how much child support your worth before the marriage ? Also what do you think about your future wife wanting you to advance and excel in your career so you will be worth more child support ? Obviously advancement and net worth and income potentional always play into those things.. but only a fool would count their chickens before they hatch Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 She happens to be the poor one> not her husband in this case. I know I am paranoid but i just want the best for her. I get it.. but if she does what you want then she is playing the man she loves for a fool and using him as well as trashing her marriage.. Any marriage built on the foundation of money/mistrust ( they are the same in this scenario ) would fall apart very fast.. You are asking her to destroy the foundation her marriage is built on.. your not helping her.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marcus1963 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Share Posted June 12, 2006 I only told her to wait a little bit with the decision to make a baby, to make sure that her marriage will last first. It's only been a afew months. She said she wanted a baby and wasn't losing anything in any case. I've seen my sister down and don't want to see her like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
slinkysu Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 But seriously, the OP sounds a tad self righteous. I have to wonder if he's not taking some measure of joy in her inability to get it together. Which she may potentially have done in this new relationship, but she's not being given the benefit of the doubt. I'd say he sounds more jealous than anything. Here is his sister, married to a very rich man who loves her dearly and wants to have children with her. She is 34 and so having a child now would be safer than waiting till later. they are both in love, married in a good relationship and want to bring a child into the world. What's the problem? The problem is a brother who sticks his nose in where it doesn't belong, phones her up and tells her she's going to fail miserably at something that makes her happy and is a success in her eyes and he comes on here trying to work out future child support? Get. a. life. of your own! Your sister is happy, settled and in love. Maybe if you focused on your life as much as you focused on other people's you'd be in a better place too instead of coming onto relationship boards asking questions about scenarios that haven't even taken place yet! Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marcus1963 Posted June 25, 2006 Author Share Posted June 25, 2006 I'd say he sounds more jealous than anything. there's no person in this world that i love more than my sister, i love her more than myself.. i dont care about my own happiness as much as i care about hers.. i used to change her diapers and feed her when my mom was working and my dad was drinking beer in the backyard. Link to post Share on other sites
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