3 years long distance lost my soulmate

[Adam_Hexum]

hey my names Adam I'm 21.

 

my girlfriend Danielle broke up with me. almost unexpected. we were together for 3 years. but we both lived 2 hours away from each other. saw each other every weekend though but we did live together for 6 months while we were at school her parents never knew. it was pretty well set that we were going to get married. but i never had the money for a ring. some problems we had with our relationship were.her parents are very controlling over her. they pretty much make all of her deassigns shes not allowed or so it seems they treat her like shes still 14 or something but shes 22. she lives at home with her parents i live by my self.we both had been through some amazing times while we were together and some very rough times with some things that happened with my family. and myself. but for these years no one could touch how in love we were with each other. we both gave up allot of friends to make everything work. but part of the downfall with are relationship was her family is very wealthy mine is not at all so she probably did 75% of the driving back and forth. her parents never really excepted me. it was always a your not good enough for my daughter attitude twords me.

 

about march through April are relationship was rocky at times i lost my job. and her parents would say how I'm never going to amount to anything.but the past month had been incredible we had a great time every time we saw each other. but last Saturday she called me and told me she thinks we should see other people and that she didn't love me anymore like she once did. and that she had been kind of leading me on the past few weeks. because she didn't want to hurt me because she knew how much i loved her and how much she said she wanted to marry me. but she asked me not to talk to her. (just for your information i never cheated on her or thought about it) but after 3 years of living with each other at times and talking on the phone every night it was hard for me not too. i would try to call her the next day she answered her phone and said my cells gonna die. i said fine just call me back i waited about 15 min. for her to plug it in i tried calling she never answered her phone it would just ring and ring and as sad as i was i would keep calling it that night all the time. she Finley called me back later on. i then thought there was another guy involved. she said that she had told her family and everything what was going on and they both decided that it would be best if she just didn't answer the phone and not talk to me so i would get over this faster. and was very short with me on the phone and she pretty much said i have to go goodbye.the next day the stupid guy i am chasing the girl i love. i called her at her office phone she would send it to her voice mail and she would send her cell to voice mail or just not answer the phone. at that point i knew this wasn't going to be something small and i could try to fix.

the next day i tried calling her all day she never answered the phone. i then started leaving her more messages saying i missed her and if she wasn't going to talk to me at least give me the chance to say good bye to her.

 

we agreed she would come on Friday after work we would give each other back belongings we had. but her and her parents didn't want her to come to my apartment for fear we would get back together and so they also decided she couldn't come by her self she had to bring her dad. during this phone conversation her mom got on the phone with me. and told me how i never tried to come to there house that she always had to drive. Danielle knew i tried my best i was making 8.00 an hour and paying 550$ a month in rent so she would drive because she had the funds available.

 

the next day i called many times to talk to her she Finlay called me back late that night. and said she wasn't sure if she would come. she just might have her parents pick the stuff up i told her that wasn't fair to me i needed the closer for myself i wanted her to come. i then asked her what she had been doing that Day and she told me she went to the movies with a guy she had met 2 days ago to get her mind off of me and try to move on i was heartbroken. she explained to me it wasn't a date he just paid for it. she explained i was the only guy she has ever slept with and after 3 years she couldn't do anything that fast. i was fine with it i said ok. I'm going to go but let me know if your coming on Friday.

 

didn;t hear from her till Friday "yesterday" morning and she said her dad was bringing her she would be there at such and such time. and we had to talk up at the campus not at my apartment.

 

i met her at the campus with all of her stuff and i got her a small rose i spent my last 3 dollars i had on. we walked around the campus just the 2 of us we hugged we cried together it was just like it had always been you could tell we loved each other. we had a good goodbye. i shook her dads hand all that good stuff but in the conversation while walking she expressed that i shouldn't call her for a long time she said she would call me in a few weeks maybe and check up on me. she expressed to me that she did love me very much just not the way i love her. you could tell in her eyes she didn't mean it you could tell it wasn't what she wanted she would kiss me and hug me and even held my hand as we walked.

 

but i can't wait that long to talk to her.i need her she was my world and I'm afraid that if i call she will get pissed and if i don't i will end up losing her forever. i need some real advice i want to send her flowers at work next week but I'm not sure if she would be angry and i know i need to leave it be for a little while and let her have her fun and she will probably be back with me but she expressed not to call her because she wouldn't answer her phone. someone help me this girl means everything to me and i know shes "the one" and i want to do everything in my power to make sure she i don't ever lose her she said we can't even be friends because it would be too hard on me.

 

HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gunny376]

Twenty years in the Marine Corps ~ I've seen A LOT ~ of breakups, divorces, etc.

 

What you've got here is a girl that loves you, who is in love with you, ~ and her parents throwing you under the bus.

 

What I would do would be to write her a one page letter ~ tell her you love her, that your in love with her, that's she's the "one" ~ and that you know that she feels the same way. And, then add that you feel that its unfortunate that she's made the decision that she's made ~ but if that the choice that she's made ~ you'll just have to accept that and move on. Don't go on for pages and pages, don't get sappy with it. Just brief and to the point. Mail it ~ and then get busy with living your life.

 

No contact, no phone calls, no letters, no flowers, no cards, ~ no nothing. Get back out and about ~ even if you don't feel like it ~ and under NO circumstances let her or any mutual friends know that you're taking it any otherway other than nonchalant ~ present an as if I could care attitude ~ I don't care if your going home everynight crying your ever loving eyes out! When she calls (she will ~ be strong) act as though you could care less. Most definately act as though you''ve got a life and as though your busy.

 

One of two things will happen ~ one she'll come back into your life ~ somehow ~ someway ~ she'll find a way ~ despite her parents ~ or two she won't. If a woman really, truly wants to be a part of your life ~ and in your life ~ nothing in Heaven nor Hell can nor will stop her!

 

There's really nothing more than you can do ~ "They've" made the decision ~ and you really don't have any other choice but to deal with it until "She" makes a decision to the contrary.

 

Writing letters, sending cards, flowers, calling, begging, crying, pleading only serves to make you seem weak minded, weak spirited, no control over your life ~ that is to say un-appealing, un-attractive ~ and only reinforces her decision. Women are not attracted to wussy's ~ don't become a wuss. Women find this very un-attractive. Its absolutely the worse thing that you can do ~ and its a hugh waste of time, effort, energy, money ~ and is ultimately self defeating.

 

Don't watch "The Graduate" that's out of Hollyweird ~ and isn't reality. It won't work ~ it will get you a restraining order and labeled as a stalker ~ perhaps a police record.

 

Go to Men.com and bone up, read the archieves, you can even post your question to Dr. Love and read his archieves.

 

I wish you well and the best of luck

 

Its a hard row to hoe!

 

Guns

[Fun2BMe]

I don't think it will be a good idea to call her or to send her flowers at work next week. By the way, if you can pull together some money to send her flowers, why couldn't you do that for gas money so that you could've shared the burdon of the drive every now and then? Two hours each way isn't THAT expensive if done every other week to share 50-50 with her instead of her doing it almost all the time and now her parents the first thing they tell you is why you have made her do all the driving. I'd get pissed off as a parent too for my daughter to have been in that position.

 

Your options if she really loves you is to plan on running away maybe and getting married for cheap somewhere then live together. If she was strong enough she would stand up to her parents instead of letting them run her life. She is 22 and like you said treated like she's 14. You also said you couldn't afford a ring. Now you are paying the price for it. You could've gotten a loan or something to buy her a ring, get married and move in together. Now you are losing her.

 

Yes she will get upset if you continue to call and on top of it send flowers. At this time it might be best to wait for the few weeks like she said until she calls to check up on you. You can't rule the possibility that maybe she has fallen out of love with you. You might be wanting to believe what you want and not see things as what they are. She might have not spoken up about how the drive and possibly other things bothered her so much to the point until one day her feelings towards you started to fade.

 

For the time being, you have to sit tight and resist contacting her until she calls you. Respect what her wishes are. Don't be a pest by calling her nonstop just because it will make YOU feel better to talk to her, not her. See what she has to say in a few weeks and determine if she really has lost her feelings and then deal with it then.

[mental_traveller]

I generally agree with Gunny - no whining, stalking, flowers or other sappy behaviour. But do send just the one shortish letter so she know you are serious and it gives her one last chance to be with you. I would say don't send it immediately, rather wait 2 weeks. So just when she thinks she can start moving on, she gets a big reminder of how things are/were between you. If she's genuinely in love with you then she'll find it hard to resist. If she goes for it and agrees to meet up, then maybe buy a ring (however hard it might be to afford one) and pop the question there and then.

 

But you have to accept maybe it's not going to happen. If so then put it behind you and act in a dignified way, even if it tears you up inside. Go get drunk with the guys, put on a few films or whatever, and move on in life, put it down to experience and remember you'll meet someone else eventually.

[Gunny376]

Because your still young ~ but in every man's life there are about three "Great Ones" ~ three women who just send you over the moon. They come around about every ten years. Some men have more than three ~ some have just one. Sometimes they come into your life all at the same time ~ it happens that way sometimes.

[Adam_Hexum]

after every thing i wrote at the top i have found out information from her she told me how she has been dating this other guy for a little while and how she hasn;t loved me since Christmas time i wanna write her a letter telling her to go fxxk herself

[Fun2BMe]

The relationship didn't start to get rocky until March when you lost your job and her parents were pressuring her to leave you. It doesn't make sense that she fell out of love in December. I think she's giving you excuses because the real reason is shallow - the fact that she and her parents don't think you are good enough for her. And yes you did have faults as far as making her do all the driving and that comes across as loser material for her parents on top of you losing your job and not doing enough for her.

 

Whatever the real reasons are that she left you, and I don't think it was for another guy judging by how in love she still acted the last time you were together, you have to move on and not send her a nasty letter which she will share with her parents and they will only confirm that she made the right decision. It won't help you in any way by making you look like a good person she made a mistake to leave.