Butterflying Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 I just don't get it. What is flirting? How do you know when someone is flirting with you? How do you flirt? There is a lady who works with me whom everyone says is an expert flirter. I've asked her how she mastered the skill of flirting, but she denies flirting. She has been in a committed relationship for five years long distance. Yet she dates a number of guys (unknown to her BF). This lady is not the most attractive woman in the world. But she is beautiful. She's 49 years old and gets more attention than me, and I'm a beautiful 26 year old. Some of our male clients have bought her expensive gifts like a $500 pair of earrings. One guy is the CEO of a Lexus car dealership. He offered to GIVE her a car so she could get rid of the Honda she's driving. He left his business card, and told her to give him call. I've watched this lady. Most of the time, it doesn't seem like she's doing anything out of the ordinary. Small talk and a few laughs is standard for good customer service. That is the reason I'm baffled by the way flirting works. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 I just don't get it. What is flirting? How do you know when someone is flirting with you? How do you flirt? some people are born flirts and do it naturally without knowing it. they are overtly sexual and give off "signals". they just have the "mojo" and it shows. it is how they dress, how they look, what they say, their body language, their personality, their intelligence (or lack thereof)... there are many books on the subject BUTTERFLYING...hit the library or bookstore Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Apparently I'm one of those who do it without realizing it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Apparently I'm one of those who do it without realizing it. ahh TOUCHE...those are the best flirts by far. it should be like breathing, natural and easy without having to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 ahh TOUCHE...those are the best flirts by far. it should be like breathing, natural and easy without having to think about it. Yeah, well I wish EVERYONE thought like you do! Link to post Share on other sites
ruskrewed Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 I have been told that I am one of those people that do it naturally too. Its great except sometimes people think you are flirting with them when you are not. My friends always accuse me of flirting with so many guys and half the time I am just being nice and friendly. Apparently there is some vibe or "mojo" that some of us have. I agree though that this natural flirting is the best kind. At the same time, its all in the eye of the beholder, one person could think you are a great flirt, the next no. Its all in how you define it and flirting could be viewed in so many different ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterflying Posted June 11, 2006 Author Share Posted June 11, 2006 Originally Posted by alphamale ahh TOUCHE...those are the best flirts by far. it should be like breathing, natural and easy without having to think about it According to the lady I work with, it is like breathing. Owwwwwww!!! I wish I knew how to flirt. Guys flirt with me sometimes. But if I'm not interested, I don't flirt back. Recently, just for pratice, I met a guy at work. He flirted. I recipricated. Next thing I know, he was asking me out on a date. I declined the offer. Now he doesn't speak to me because he thinks I play games and led him on. Maybe I do know how to flirt, but it just doesn't work the way it does for the lady I work with. Men ask her out, she declines, and they keep coming back for more. I'm affraid of attracting attention I don't want by flirting. I don't want to lead anyone on. But I never know when to take flirting seriously, or not. How can you make flirting work so that no one gets hurt? How do you know who to flirt with? Link to post Share on other sites
Amiesatia Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Happy, Confidence and self assurance is the key! When you are confident and self-assured, people are instantly attracted to you. We like happy people, people who are happy with themselves because happiness is infectious. In your eyes, you see others who are attracted to her is because she can flirts effortlessly. But to her, she doesn't see that as flirting, she sees that as being just herself and making friends thus she isn't hurting anyone or leading anyone on. Like fans and superstars. Why are you particularly attracted to some celebrities? Do they flirt with you? They don't but yet you are attracted to them. Why? Think about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Amiesatia Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 How can you make flirting work so that no one gets hurt? How do you know who to flirt with? If you want to know, "flirt"(in your words) with people who are happy with themselves, don't "flirt" with people who are grumpy, self-concious with low self-esteem, they will take everything too seriously. If you are happy, not overly self critical, self concious, you are flirting before you even know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Foufi Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Hey All I liked that topic, well yeah ur right girl somtimes it happens when you see a girl and al guys are arround her and you think "OH I WANT TO BE LIKE HER" maybe to attract "YOUR GUY" i mean your crush...I've met that kind of girls...Tell you a secret. Don't take it the way you see it just think of it deeply...I'll tell you what I personaly think. When I've met a girl like that I was like I want to be her friend so she helps me...When I knew her more and more , I knew that she is soo easy she gives the guy what she wants that's WHY they get her expensive gifts...So they can go out with her , have sex with her or whatever. You are telling me that she has a bf right ? Than I think you should have more selfconfidance than before.(Just incase you dont go out with other guys when ur in a relation) Always think that your Better !!! Btw once I was talking to my bestfriend she askd me "How can I be like you ?" I was like "Like me how like me?" she answerd "The way you flirt with guys!!! I startd thinking about it and as your friend said when u act friendly...But when I flirt I don't flirt too much its all abt flirting with limts The prob is I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FLIRT WITH THE GUY I WANT AND LIKE ... Good Luck ..!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterflying Posted June 11, 2006 Author Share Posted June 11, 2006 Hey All I liked that topic, well yeah ur right girl somtimes it happens when you see a girl and al guys are arround her and you think "OH I WANT TO BE LIKE HER" maybe to attract "YOUR GUY" i mean your crush...I've met that kind of girls...Tell you a secret. Don't take it the way you see it just think of it deeply...I'll tell you what I personaly think. When I've met a girl like that I was like I want to be her friend so she helps me...When I knew her more and more , I knew that she is soo easy she gives the guy what she wants that's WHY they get her expensive gifts...So they can go out with her , have sex with her or whatever. You are telling me that she has a bf right ? Than I think you should have more selfconfidance than before.(Just incase you dont go out with other guys when ur in a relation) Always think that your Better Sounds like you're saying she's EASY and that's why men love her so much. Actually, I agree with this. She and I spent a day together on a trip to visit a museum we liked. She has male friends everywhere. She called up a guy who lived in the city we were visiting. He met us and took us out to lunch. The the two of them hugged and kissed as though they were a couple. Meanwhile, this lady still has a boyfriend. Guys at work ask me about her all the time when she and I aren't together because they know I work in the same department with her. Recently, she was flirting with a guy at work who is my age. Somehow, the flirting lead to them french kissing in front of everyone. Rumors started because of that. But the lady lauhgs and insist that the kiss was harmless, and playful. I can understand how men who have been out with her and spent private time with her would buy her expensive gifts because they know she's easy. But how could men who don't know her outside of work be so giving? We see our clients at least once a week because they travel a lot for work. Those men can't know she's easy because they only see her while she's working. Their flirting only takes place in a professional setting with other professionals around. I've never heard the lady announce that she is EASY. So how do men know this about her without being told? And she doesn't dress provocatively either. A car is an expensive gift. It's really hard for me to believe that flirting led to such an offer from a man she hardly knows. But somehow, flirting works for her !! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Like others said, it's just part of the person naturally... My siblings have always said that I do it, but I never considered it that way. To me, I just enjoy people! YES, I am genuinely interested in them! This may be your biggest key... you may give them the feeling that you are not genuinely interested in what they say or do. I like to make the person feel as though they are the only person alive... You need to address them with eye contact and participate completely in the conversation... even making an effort to remember something they mentioned in a previous conversation. Add something to your time with them, share a FEW things about yourself, but DO NOT make any encounter ALL about you! People like to feel loved and important... if you remember this and interact with them accordingly, it will work. Young - old - male - female... try it! Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Those men can't know she's easy because they only see her while she's working. Oh yeah they can. You don't see her every moment she's with them. Besides, word gets around. If you think the guys you work with don't tell the clients, you're too naive. I worked with a woman who was basically sleeping her way through every single guy in the place. They all knew what she was up to but because they were horndogs they didn't care - they just wanted their turn. Trust me, this is not about 'just flirting'. I always feel sorry for men who fall for women like that. Someone who'll sleep with anyone clearly isn't discriminating so where's the compliment in getting to sleep with her when you're one of the dozens she's allowed into her crotch? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 But I never know when to take flirting seriously, or not. How can you make flirting work so that no one gets hurt? How do you know who to flirt with? Flirtation isn't supposed to be taken seriously...it's playful and light, but not intended to be serious...that's the trick. Genuine warmth and interest in people, combined with smiles and eye contact, goes a long way without venturing into conversation that leads people to think you want to follow-through on the flirtations. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Like others said, it's just part of the person naturally... My siblings have always said that I do it, but I never considered it that way. To me, I just enjoy people! YES, I am genuinely interested in them! This may be your biggest key... you may give them the feeling that you are not genuinely interested in what they say or do. I like to make the person feel as though they are the only person alive... You need to address them with eye contact and participate completely in the conversation... even making an effort to remember something they mentioned in a previous conversation. Add something to your time with them, share a FEW things about yourself, but DO NOT make any encounter ALL about you! People like to feel loved and important... if you remember this and interact with them accordingly, it will work. Young - old - male - female... try it! I just read this after posting....EXACTLY RIGHT!! Link to post Share on other sites
Amiesatia Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Like others said, it's just part of the person naturally... My siblings have always said that I do it, but I never considered it that way. To me, I just enjoy people! YES, I am genuinely interested in them! This may be your biggest key... you may give them the feeling that you are not genuinely interested in what they say or do. I like to make the person feel as though they are the only person alive... You need to address them with eye contact and participate completely in the conversation... even making an effort to remember something they mentioned in a previous conversation. Add something to your time with them, share a FEW things about yourself, but DO NOT make any encounter ALL about you! People like to feel loved and important... if you remember this and interact with them accordingly, it will work. Young - old - male - female... try it! Exactly! I can't agree more! Link to post Share on other sites
Amiesatia Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Flirtation isn't supposed to be taken seriously...it's playful and light, but not intended to be serious...that's the trick. Genuine warmth and interest in people, combined with smiles and eye contact, goes a long way without venturing into conversation that leads people to think you want to follow-through on the flirtations. Exactly. Flirtation isn't supposed to be taken seriously, however, there are people who does. "Flirting" with grumpy, self concious and serious people often backfired. They take your words too seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
binevrywear Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 OP, by the way you describe that woman you work with, she is a classic attention whore. Google that term or attention wh0re. You will be amazed how many similarities you see in the descriptions you read. Also wade through Histrionic Personality Dysfunction on psychforums.com. These women are BAD NEWS to anyone who takes their flirting to mean they are genuinely interested in you. It's all about using people and satisfying their ego. I am just getting over one. It is good to know now what I was dealing with, because it makes simply ignoring her much easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 im gunna say something and it might be contradictive but its the truth...out of all the girls i talk to (im in highschool... i talk to a lot of girls... especially my school ... if your not out going your finished)... and i think about flirting while im flirting and any girl you can ask will tell you that im a champ when it comes to the flirting game... and it might sound like im braging but ok ok maybe i am but theres a certain skill and finesse when it comes to flirting... you have to know what makes you sexy and use it to your advantage... make it desirable... it will make anyone believe it is irresistable... also ... flirting is a lot to do with eyes .. where they look... touching... your lips ... for example if a girl looks at my lips while shes talking to me ... it makes me feel kindda wondering ... does she wanna kiss me or does she think i have nice lips... or you know your making her hot if she bights he nail... or licks her lips.. theres a lot of signals... you just have to know which ones to read and look out for... finally when you know your gunna say something thats awsome and will make that person your flirting with ... know your flirting with them... anticipate his/her reaction... think about what your gunna say next ... and set your self up for lines .. it will always work... thats my advice and if you use it properly you wont have a problem Link to post Share on other sites
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