What do I do

[Guest]

I met this girl probably a month ago, and we've been hanging out quite a lot lately, almost every night. We started just cuddling, little kisses etc......and eventually we had sex a few times. I have told her my feelings, and shes says that Im special, but she never gives me a clear cut answer weather or not she wants to date me. I even asked her out, but she said she didnt know because her past boyfriends have treaded her s***ty and therefor she has a hard time trusting guys. She is always really fun to hang out with, and I really would like to date her, however I dont want to press it by asking her too many times. However I really want to know what she is thinking, can anyone give me advice?

[Amiesatia]

Hi,

 

You've had sex a few times and spend almost every night together, isn't that consider dating? Are you both on an open relationship meaning you are free to date other men and women?

 

If you really want an exclusive relationship with her, ask her out officially, make it an official date. Express your desires to advance this to an exclusive relationship, assured her you are unlike her ex(when you said this, make sure you do really mean it and not to turn up like another s***ty ex of her) and at the same time, let her know you are not presurring her but are looking for her thoughts on where do you stand in the relationship with her. If she still can't make up her mind, tell her firmly and calmly that you respect her decision no matter what and will give her time to consider. Let her know you won't contact her to give her additional pressure and when she is ready for an answer, she contacts you. Please make sure you said SHE CONTACTS YOU WHEN SHE HAS AN ANSWER. and if you are worried of the no-end waiting, give her a time frame. You can say something like "it's two weeks enough for you to make a decision?" You'll then have to refrained yourself from contacting her again until she contacts you.

 

Sometimes, if you are too readily there and available, people will not notice how significant you are to them. Make yourself scarce for that time being, give yourself space and time to think about this too. Let her experience the difference without you being readily there, this will "force" her to think about her relationship with you, if she wants you to be there or she doesn't. Either outcome, you'll come to a resolution and know where you stand and save yourself from all these emotional worries and mental burden.

 

Hope all turns out well!

[norajane]

I agree with Ami...

 

...and I really think you're spending far too much time together for having just met a month ago. Why are you spending almost every night together? Don't you have other friends, studies, hobbies, interests? Doesn't she?

 

Not only are you too available to her, but you'll both become boring to each other pretty quickly! You'll also get what you're getting - a woman who knows you will be 'hers' no matter what. You don't want a friends with benefits relationship, so tell her that, and step back.

 

Step back a little and start living the rest of your life again, do all the things you used to do before you two met. That way, when you are together, it becomes more like dating rather than just 'hanging out'.