Catching and keeping women

[ronnieromance]

I've always used a $100 bill on a stick and a bear trap.

Hey, works for me...

 

 

-R-

[gfto]

I agree with Amer and Alpha. And, these aren't "games." The guy is simply behaving as though he has a life which doesn't revolve around her. Neither should her life revolve around him. I essentially practice the kind of stuff Amer noted in his post, and I'm in the 10th month of a great relationship with a woman who is independent, intelligent, physically attractive, flexible and has a really good attitude.

 

Perhaps the confusion here is over the notion of the guy acting like he doesn't care. I don't necessarily think anyone suggested that. Sure, send flowers from time to time, and give her romance and affection. But, you also have to use the word "no" from time to time and impress upon her, through your behavior (acting like you have your own life), that she can be replaced quickly.

[Touche]

That is SO ridiculous. What woman with a brain with stay with a man who made her feel like she can easily be replaced? Like she isn't special? I certainly never would have when I was single.

[johan]

I just be myself. Rules are for fools. If you have to remind yourself to let your maleness come through, you're in trouble. If you can't speak when you feel like speaking, then you don't know who you are. I fall in love with women right away, or else I never do. I may decide when to express it.

 

It's pretty much a fact that when you meet the right girl, the rule book goes out the window. And if she really is the right girl, she won't care a bit.

 

Amerikajin is pretty much right, but most of the signs of a self-assured man are a result of actually being self-assured. Acting self-assured when you aren't is always going to come off as fake.

[Tony T]

Amerikajin is pretty much correct on all counts. I think to interpret his statements correctly, you have to have been there. With few exceptions, a very refined male who can stick to Amerikajin's guidelines can have great success. The key is to pull it off in a VERY suave and natural way...in such a way that the female never realizes what is going on. It's a true art. In my opinion, Amerikajin has got it right down.

 

I truly don't think any female in the universe would ever, ever say they agree with all he has written. That's a whole other thread.

[obsession]

I agree with walk. Having said that, I am not disagreeing that those Don Juan methods won't work, but take it to the extreme, and you will drive any good girls who might want a relationship away.

 

I know this guy like that. He's very physically attractive and has a great personality. And, he is smart too, so a lot of girls like him. I liked him quite a bit because he was challenging and unpredictable, though his non-caring attitude made me feel insecure. I resented him for that (since I am relatively secured). After quite some time of this, I wised up and realized that I don't need somebody like him.

 

I *want* someone who cares about me (just as I do him), and a good, nice guy who cares about me and not play games is someone I'd like to stay with (I lost my chance, but I live and learn).

 

[Walk]I agree with Crazy grl. Too extreme. Yes there are good points, but seems that the implication is to make the girl feel insecure and as though you'll split at any second. Probably wont' fly with most well-adjusted women.

[Tim'sAngel]

Catching her--

 

Rule #1: act like you don't give a f*ck about whether you get in her panties or not. From the very first time you meet her to the very last time you kiss, make her think that p*ssy's not everything to you. 'Coz if you do the opposite, she'll know that she can control you, and you don't want that. Never bring up the topic of sex. Never joke about it. Avoid innuendo. Let her be the one to kick off that conversation if it ever comes up at all.

 

FYI, you don't have to act like you do or don't want to score, because we know you do. Unless the women is extremely naive that is.

 

Rule #2: be real. Although DD's 'cocky and funny' routine does work, you don't necessarily have to have it. You just have to be real. You just have to look like you're comfortable in your own skin.

 

I agree

 

Rule #3: Let her do all the talking. On dates or just idle chats in between meetings, make sure she's the one running her mouth. Men almost always kill their chances in the beginning by saying something that kills the attraction. You can rarely say too little, but you can almost always say too much. Don't. Just make sure you're the one asking questions and don't answer any personal questions until at least you've got a few dates under your belt.

 

I can sort of agree with this. I don't want him to just sit back and not say anything, but I tend be unatracted to men who babble too much and not let me get my say in as well. The first few dates are interviews, you ask questions, and answer them, you just getting to know each other although you should never answer or ask anything too personal.

 

Rule #4: Know the signs of attraction and pay close attention to them. Eye contact, smiling, laughing and touching...if you have two or more of these in tandem, it's more than a coincidence - act on it. If you don't get these signs too often, keep looking.

 

Agreed to a certain extent. The very first date I had with my SO, I was so nervous I kept my arms folded and was withdrawn a little. SO told me later he thought I wasn't that into him because of my body language, but I really really liked him alot, was just very nervous at first. But I think after an hour or so you should be comfortable enough with each other to know if your into each other or not.

 

Rule #5: last but definitely not least, be masculine. Understand that women want men. You don't have to be a tough guy, but you've got to let that maleness come through.

 

I am attracted to manly men. Not the "alpha male", overpowering, manipulative type, but men who know their masculine side well

 

Keeping her (the hard part)--

 

1. Again, act like you don't give a f*ck about getting in her pants. Make her think 'If he gets laid...dammit, I still can't control him.'

 

Read my first answer.

 

2. Do NOT take her crap for a second. If she starts flirting with guys right in front of you, or makes plans whenever it's convenient for her or otherwise makes you look like a clown, don't tolerate it - not even once. Which brings me to point number 3...

 

I'm assuming this is after a relationship has been established. I would agree that flirting with other men after this point would be innapropriate

 

3. Don't tell her what you're going to do, just do it. Don't tell her you're angry. Don't tell her that you don't like it when she changes her plans at the last minute. Don't get jealous if she starts talking about her new 'friend' she met at a party last weekend. Just start pulling back and seeing a few 'friends' of your own. Let her see that you're a man of action and that you're not going to put up with her crap.

 

Without good communication, a relationship will crumble. I don't think you have to tell each other every little detail, but you should communicate what is important to you. If the other person in the relationship is not sensitive to what you are feeling, then it's time to bail, it won't work.

 

4. Keep your mouth shut. Sorta like rule number 3 except in general, this is a good rule to remember when it comes to arguments. Just keep your mouth shut. You may be tempted to tell her what you really think, and she may always go on about how she really wants to know your true feelings, but believe me when I tell you she does NOT want to know what you're really thinking. She wants you to tell her what she wants to hear - nothing more, nothing less. Avoid arguments. You will never be right, you will always lose. Just shut up and decide when you've had enough...and then go back to rule number 3 if necessary (or break up if you're really had enough).

 

Sadly, this is true for most women and even some men. It is something to work on, realize in order to maintain a healthy relationship, you have got to consider your SO and be open minded

 

5. Don't fall in love before she does. It's as simple as that. Women are more emotional, so let them get carried away with their emotions the way they normally do, and continue to be the cool, calm, reserve, detached male whose love she tries to win over.

 

I hardly see how anyone can actually control falling in love. Thats why its called "falling". You don't ever fall on purpose do you?

 

6. Never let her change who you are. Taking karate lessons on the weekends and she wants you to give that up for more 'us time'? Don't give in. Keep kicking ass in the dojo and keep her waiting for you to come home.

 

I do think that it is important for both persons in a relationship to have their own time to themselves enjoying what they like to do. I would agree with this unless whatever they are doing takes up the entire weekend to where no time is spent together.

[timidity99]

Figured I'd just cut through the s*** and help my fellow man out a little bit. A few tips for the road.

 

Catching her--

 

Rule #1: act like you don't give a f*ck about whether you get in her panties or not. From the very first time you meet her to the very last time you kiss, make her think that p*ssy's not everything to you. 'Coz if you do the opposite, she'll know that she can control you, and you don't want that. Never bring up the topic of sex. Never joke about it. Avoid innuendo. Let her be the one to kick off that conversation if it ever comes up at all.

 

Rule #2: be real. Although DD's 'cocky and funny' routine does work, you don't necessarily have to have it. You just have to be real. You just have to look like you're comfortable in your own skin.

 

Rule #3: Let her do all the talking. On dates or just idle chats in between meetings, make sure she's the one running her mouth. Men almost always kill their chances in the beginning by saying something that kills the attraction. You can rarely say too little, but you can almost always say too much. Don't. Just make sure you're the one asking questions and don't answer any personal questions until at least you've got a few dates under your belt.

 

Rule #4: Know the signs of attraction and pay close attention to them. Eye contact, smiling, laughing and touching...if you have two or more of these in tandem, it's more than a coincidence - act on it. If you don't get these signs too often, keep looking.

 

Rule #5: last but definitely not least, be masculine. Understand that women want men. You don't have to be a tough guy, but you've got to let that maleness come through.

 

Keeping her (the hard part)--

 

1. Again, act like you don't give a f*ck about getting in her pants. Make her think 'If he gets laid...dammit, I still can't control him.'

 

2. Do NOT take her crap for a second. If she starts flirting with guys right in front of you, or makes plans whenever it's convenient for her or otherwise makes you look like a clown, don't tolerate it - not even once. Which brings me to point number 3...

 

3. Don't tell her what you're going to do, just do it. Don't tell her you're angry. Don't tell her that you don't like it when she changes her plans at the last minute. Don't get jealous if she starts talking about her new 'friend' she met at a party last weekend. Just start pulling back and seeing a few 'friends' of your own. Let her see that you're a man of action and that you're not going to put up with her crap.

 

4. Keep your mouth shut. Sorta like rule number 3 except in general, this is a good rule to remember when it comes to arguments. Just keep your mouth shut. You may be tempted to tell her what you really think, and she may always go on about how she really wants to know your true feelings, but believe me when I tell you she does NOT want to know what you're really thinking. She wants you to tell her what she wants to hear - nothing more, nothing less. Avoid arguments. You will never be right, you will always lose. Just shut up and decide when you've had enough...and then go back to rule number 3 if necessary (or break up if you're really had enough).

 

5. Don't fall in love before she does. It's as simple as that. Women are more emotional, so let them get carried away with their emotions the way they normally do, and continue to be the cool, calm, reserve, detached male whose love she tries to win over.

 

6. Never let her change who you are. Taking karate lessons on the weekends and she wants you to give that up for more 'us time'? Don't give in. Keep kicking ass in the dojo and keep her waiting for you to come home.

 

These are just a few pointers. Follow these basic rules, grasshoppers, and you'll succeed with women.

 

 

I believe that the fewer words a man speaks the better. Silence usually works in his favor as a friend. Afterall it's better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[Outcast]

a very refined male who can stick to Amerikajin's guidelines can have great success

 

I guess it depends what you consider 'success'. This kind of philosophy is common to men whose goal in life is to bed multiple women. It will not get you a loving wife - but if you don't want one, then sure, follow these 'rules'.

[j.carsey]

Let's hear it men. How does a woman catch you and keep you interested?

 

I had the most interesting experience ever, just a couple weeks ago. A random girl, who I had never seen before, not only captured my attention but somehow got me to change my opinion of her. At first I almost ran away from her, later I was seeking her out.

 

And although this is probably a lot easier to pull off when done by a woman, I suspect some things are the same for both genders. Also I think a woman can safely come off very strong but it's much harder for a man to pull off.

 

The main thing was, when I first ran into her she was exceedingly friendly. A very happy girl. At that time I had no idea what she had in store for me. We were at a park, she was with friends, and invited me to join them doing some harmless enough activity. After not too long the COMPLIMENTS started... they started and kept on coming.

 

And they were pretty serious compliments about my apperance. This impressed on me, wow this not only works on women but on men too. She totally had me in her hands, it was incredible! What a pro, and she was a teenager.

 

When the flood of compliments first started I really was trying to run away. I thought this was crazy and some of the compliments were far fetched. But not only was it all flattering but I was thinking, wow some of this is probably genuine.

 

Anyway another thing she did was initiate physical contact, like grab my hand and hold it. Now this is something that would be difficult for a man to do with a woman he has just met but it can be done more mildly.

 

And even when we were heading apart, she insisted on a kiss goodbye. I had only known her a half hour? And I did kiss her, what could I do.

 

This was a bit nuts, the strongest advances a girl has ever made on me. But ladies let me tell you the effect was very powerful, memorable. I don't think a guy could do the same things without seeming like a creep (more difficult) but when done by a woman it comes across great

[Pyro]

To many rules. If I have to act like I don't care and can't let her know I want in her panties then she is not the girl for me. I would just be off to the next one. My rule is to show interest and don't become a friend if you want more. If things don't work out then we were not meant to be. period.

 

This is so true. Just be yourself. Don't overdue it but show enough interest.

[jerbear]

These are just a few pointers. Follow these basic rules, grasshoppers, and you'll succeed with women.

 

 

I'll digest all of it, especially the grasshoppers!

[alphamale]

...a series of go-nowhere 'relationships' based on being fake sounds mighty empty and soul-destroying to me.

hey, if it was good enough for Jerry Seinfeld its good enough for me...

[catgirl1927]

All of these "rules" seem to be rooted in a deep seated insecurity and anger. The whole point is to make the girl feel like you don't want her and to manipulate her, while never revealing, or in fact having, any true feelings for her at all. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you hate? Basically, it sounds like someone was treated very badly in a relationship and thinks the answer is to be a jerk to every girl from now on just so he can protect himself from getting hurt again. Yeah, good luck with that.

[alphamale]

All of these "rules" seem to be rooted in a deep seated insecurity and anger.

so what CG1927....women have had their "rules" for centuries. You know...how to catch a man, how to keep a man, how to look good for a man, how to use and manipulate men, how to take a man to the cleaners, etc...

[catgirl1927]

so what CG1927....women have had their "rules" for centuries. You know...how to catch a man, how to keep a man, how to look good for a man, how to use and manipulate men, how to take a man to the cleaners, etc...

 

Oh I know. I hate it. Rules are so stupid. They are a sure-fire way to get in a fake relationship.

 

See, the thing is, not ALL women are like that. That's the downfall of just about every "how can I find a nice girl to date" thread I see on here. There is an assumption that all women are the same person in a different outfit. Until you guys realize that we're actually human beings that are as different from each other as you guys are, you're not going to be able to figure it out.

[Sand&Water]

Your rules, amerikajin, don't hold together.

 

The points mentioned above, vary from one extreme to another. If a guy, in today's world, followed these disasterious "rules" - I wouldn't be surprised if he walked home alone.

 

A man is rooted in his beliefs, morals, values, and manners. All these play a major role in catching and keeping a woman. There are no "Rules".

[amerikajin]

You guys are the ones who are off-base. Nowhere did I say this was a manual to treat women like crap, nor would I suggest anything of the sort. At no point do I say act like you don't care about her; I'm saying don't get carried away, and more specifically, I'm saying that some of the more popular notions about romance are just plain garbage.

 

Rule #1: act like you don't give a f*ck about whether you get in her panties or not.

 

How many women on this board have been pursued by some guy, thinking he was a gentleman only to find out on the first date that this guy didn't really care so much about your dreams or passions, but was sitting there scheming on how he could get in between your legs? I'd say it's probably complaint - and hence, date killer - number 1. Right?

 

Rule #2: be real.

 

How does 'be real' get interpreted by some as closeted anger and bitterness? I meant exactly what I said: be real. Be comfortable in your own skin. Be yourself and don't apologize for it. Too many guys sit around thinking of all the right lines, funny jokes they've heard on tv, and otherwise goofy crap to talk about when all they ever have to be is...themselves.

 

Rule #3: Let her do all the talking.

 

Oh, this is a symptom of misogyny for sure! Let's face it: women like to explain, verbalize and otherwise discuss things more than guys do. The guys who like to run their mouths are usually the egotistical braggarts who like to go on ad nauseam about what makes them superior to others while trying to cover up their deep-seeded insecurities.

 

And sorry, but you ladies know I'm right on this one. Men who talk all the time irritate the crap out of you, and you know it. I'm not saying that men should be mutes, but they should let the woman speak at least 80 percent of the time on the first date or two.

 

1. Again, act like you don't give a f*ck about getting in her pants. Make her think 'If he gets laid...dammit, I still can't control him.'

 

Too many guys I know end up letting women control them with their punani. This is manipulation. I'm saying, don't be manipulated by something that we all naturally desire. Be a complete person and don't enter a relationship seeking only one thing...so that way, you won't allow yourself to be controlled by that one thing.

 

2. Do NOT take her crap for a second. If she starts flirting with guys right in front of you, or makes plans whenever it's convenient for her or otherwise makes you look like a clown, don't tolerate it - not even once. Which brings me to point number 3...

 

This was probably one of the rubs, but I stand by it. Hot women in particular know they are hot, and they are used to getting away with whatever they damn well please. Most guys can't handle hot women for this reason, because when they start doing their routine (i.e. whatever they want, whenever they want), they don't know how to respond. So they flip out, get angry, lose control, become insecure and show that insecurity and ruin what could be a good relationship with someone if they just had a little more composure and knowledge of the dynamics at play.

 

3. Don't tell her what you're going to do, just do it.

 

'Communication is so important in a relationship'. I agree - it is. And there's also more than one way to get your message across. Using words to express dissatisfaction is effective in some situations, but not in all. And it's especially ineffective for men. In my experience, expressing dissatisfaction verbally equates to lecturing in the eyes of a women. You're either a condescending lecturer or a whining little baby, neither of which is attractive. So just screw it and communicate with action. It's a lot more effective. She flirts? So should you. She doesn't return your calls? Don't return hers. She keeps insisting on you paying the bills for dinner and eating at the finest restaurants? Stop taking her out. And if she can't deal, then you know you picked the wrong girl , in which case you're better off without her.

 

4. Keep your mouth shut.

 

I stand by this one. I can think of few arguments I've ever one with a woman in a relationship. Women are fine at work, but in a relationship, they get too emotional and start using straw men tactics - or simply refuse to give in. Or start crying and whailing, causing a scene. You just can't win an argument. So just avoid it. Agree to disagree. Keep your mouth shut.

 

5. Don't fall in love before she does.

 

Men can't give away their power. Falling in love is giving away your power as a man, so don't do it.

 

6. Never let her change who you are.

 

If a woman is too insecure that she has to try to change you, she's not worth having anyway. So either keep doing whatever you're doing or dump her.

[catgirl1927]

5. Don't fall in love before she does.

 

Men can't give away their power. Falling in love is giving away your power as a man, so don't do it.

 

 

That you believe this, makes me really sad for you.

[Tony T]

That you believe this, makes me really sad for you.

 

I think he means don't do it right away or too soon...let the woman fall first. I don't think anybody on this site is against falling in love. Professing love too soon on either person's part can be a real turn-off in most cases.

 

A GREAT book to read if you want a woman's side of this (good stuff for a man to know) is: "Why Women Marry Bitches" by Sherry Argov. It's a great read and gives incredible insight into the subject of this thread. It's cheap too!

[SmoochieFace]

You guys are the ones who are off-base. Nowhere did I say this was a manual to treat women like crap, nor would I suggest anything of the sort. At no point do I say act like you don't care about her; I'm saying don't get carried away, and more specifically, I'm saying that some of the more popular notions about romance are just plain garbage.

 

You can't speak for everyone... especially when it comes to the last line of your quote.

 

Everyone's experiences are different and for you or anyone else to say that certain notions about romance are *garbage* is not only incorrect but illogical as well.

 

Thing is... your *rules* will only work if the guy has a single goal - to get laid. And let's not forget that it takes TWO to tango and not all women will fall for it as well.

 

Back to *romance* - it does work for some of us - myself included. And one does not have to rely on *rules* or *guides* in order to have a happy and successful relationship. The best thing one can do is be oneself and not even attempt to emulate the attitudes, ideas, and mannerisms of others in order to *score*.

[Outcast]

How many women on this board have been pursued by some guy, thinking he was a gentleman only to find out on the first date that this guy didn't really care so much about your dreams or passions, but was sitting there scheming on how he could get in between your legs? I'd say it's probably complaint - and hence, date killer - number 1. Right?

 

So you advocate pretending you don't want to get into her pants even though you actually do not care about dreams or passions and really only want to get laid. Deception. Unattractive.

 

How does 'be real' get interpreted by some as closeted anger and bitterness? I meant exactly what I said: be real. Be comfortable in your own skin. Be yourself and don't apologize for it. Too many guys sit around thinking of all the right lines, funny jokes they've heard on tv, and otherwise goofy crap to talk about when all they ever have to be is...themselves.

 

Fine

 

Oh, this is a symptom of misogyny for sure! Let's face it: women like to explain, verbalize and otherwise discuss things more than guys do. The guys who like to run their mouths are usually the egotistical braggarts who like to go on ad nauseam about what makes them superior to others while trying to cover up their deep-seeded insecurities.

 

If that's the case, doesn't the woman deserve to know? And if the man is actually thoughtful and intelligent, trust me, that is WAY more attractive than some dude who's got his lips clamped shut.

 

And sorry, but you ladies know I'm right on this one. Men who talk all the time irritate the crap out of you, and you know it. I'm not saying that men should be mutes, but they should let the woman speak at least 80 percent of the time on the first date or two.

 

Any guy who can't manage a conversation won't get another date. And by 'conversation' I mean 50-50 participation.

 

1. Again, act like you don't give a f*ck about getting in her pants. Make her think 'If he gets laid...dammit, I still can't control him.'

 

It's so offensive that you think women are out to 'control' men.

 

...so that way, you won't allow yourself to be controlled by that one thing.

 

If a guy is so lame that he'll take any garbage just for the sake of getting laid, the woman deserves to know how lame he is.

 

2. Do NOT take her crap for a second. If she starts flirting with guys right in front of you, or makes plans whenever it's convenient for her or otherwise makes you look like a clown, don't tolerate it - not even once.

 

And nor should a woman take that kind of crap. Basically, it's about respect. If someone (male or female) shows you no respect, ditch them.

 

3. Don't tell her what you're going to do, just do it.

 

So just screw it and communicate with action. It's a lot more effective. She flirts? So should you. She doesn't return your calls? Don't return hers. She keeps insisting on you paying the bills for dinner and eating at the finest restaurants? Stop taking her out.

 

Great. Men keep bitching that women want them to be mind-readers. You're advocating the same. Don't tell her what's wrong, just punish her. That's real mature. Not.

 

4. Keep your mouth shut.

 

I stand by this one. I can think of few arguments I've ever one with a woman in a relationship. Women are fine at work, but in a relationship, they get too emotional and start using straw men tactics - or simply refuse to give in. Or start crying and whailing, causing a scene. You just can't win an argument. So just avoid it. Agree to disagree. Keep your mouth shut.

 

Chicken way out. Learn to disagree productively.

 

5. Don't fall in love before she does.

 

Men can't give away their power. Falling in love is giving away your power as a man, so don't do it.

 

You act as though all women are evil manipulators just waiting to pounce on weak males and that's what's offensive about your 'rules'. Develop the ability to not be led by your own groin rather than learning elabourate ways to fake out a woman in order to pretend you're not being led by your own groin.

 

If you're a schmuck, she deserves to know it. This is the 'insecure lame guy's way to pretend he's got some gonads through deception'. And women aren't stupid; when they find out they've been deceived like that, you're history so fast your head (both of 'em) will spin.

[alphamale]

I don't think anybody on this site is against falling in love.

I am getting to this stage TT...falling in love only causes trouble as far as I can tell...

 

The idea is to get HER to fall in love with YOU and you stay indifferent. That way you can manipulate her like a piece of clay.

[ronnieromance]

What I find ironic, is that (and I'm willing to put money on this) all the women have dumped a guy who made mistakes that Amerikajin has warned about. I think it bolis down to them seeing the manifestation as being different from the root cause, though.

 

I know those were mistakes I made when I was younger and have thus learned not to.

 

 

-R-

[catgirl1927]

I am getting to this stage TT...falling in love only causes trouble as far as I can tell...

 

The idea is to get HER to fall in love with YOU and you stay indifferent. That way you can manipulate her like a piece of clay.

 

Because that's the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Since in all relationships someone is being used and lied to by the other person. You want to be the one who does the screwing over, not the one who gets screwed. Because for two adults to be in a healthy relationship where no one gets screwed over, well, that just doesn't happen.