SmoochieFace Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Well, if that's all you care about, then don't complain when that's all you get. Commitmentphobes, as a general rule, do not want more than just that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amerikajin Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 A man has to be masculine, and that means showing the ability to dominate and control. I know that's not very p.c., but that's the truth. We lose sight of this in this modern age when there's equality between the sexes. Now, I don't mean that women want to be dominated all the time, but every now and again, a man has to be able to communicate that he's in charge. The key, of course, is to do it and come away looking like a gentleman, not some control nut. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Tonight, for example, my girl first started off by telling me that she doesn't want me to sleep over so often, so I said 'Okay, if that's what you want, then that's fine.' So what does she say after that? 'Well, it's not that you sleep over too often, sometimes it just seems like you've got so much to do and you're so busy.' So which is it, I sleep over too often or I don't spend enough time with her?!?!?! Looking back, is there anything you may have inadvertently said or done that may have accidentally given her the impression that you are "fitting her in" only when it's convenient (???) For instance, when you stay the night, is it after spending quality time together before hitting the sack … or are you popping in late at night between all your running around here and there? Are you in a rush to kiss her goodbye in the morning and dash off before grabbing your coffee? Do you constantly talk about how busy you are to the point where it may seem as if your doing her a favor by fitting her in your hectic schedule?? You’re a good man Amerikajin … so I don't mean to imply that you're doing something wrong. Just trying to comprehend the situation from a female's perspective given my own unique experiences with this very subject. There are a lot of us who hate to feel like "booty calls." And as Alpha has pointed out (in his not-so-politically-correct way ) many of us females are quick to respond to our emotions … whether real or imagined. There are times when we read too much into what a guy says or does … or doesn't say or do. None of us are mind-readers so the hidden meaning in cryptic messages such as: "it seems like you've got so much to do and you're so busy" tends to fly right over one's head while they're scratching it in utter confusion. Meanwhile, from your perspective, you are making as much time for her as your schedule allows hoping it shows her that she's worth making the extra effort for. Mixed signals. I'm convinced that's all it is. Maybe the two of you just need to sit down and try to talk things out. IF she's capable of being completely open and honest with you regarding her doubts and insecurities. We ALL have them (even you). Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Tonight, for example, my girl first started off by telling me that she doesn't want me to sleep over so often, so I said 'Okay, if that's what you want, then that's fine.' So what does she say after that? 'Well, it's not that you sleep over too often, sometimes it just seems like you've got so much to do and you're so busy.' So which is it, I sleep over too often or I don't spend enough time with her?!?!?! It was her trying to sound cool and aloof because she's also got a 'rules' book that tells her to pretend to be uninterested. However, she wasn't able to keep it up when the ploy (which of course is supposed to result in you protesting that you WANT to sleep over more often just as you think she'll want you more if you pretend to not care) failed and you played your own end of the game and acted as though it didn't matter whether you slept over or not. And that's the problem with these games - both people playing them at each other with the result that you think she's confused and she thinks you don't care much. That's because women don't know what they want. No, it's because women are also being told - even on LS - to play by these stupid 'rules'. But because it's unnatural and dishonest, they don't pull it off well. Everybody wants to be wanted. Period. What nobody wants is someone who clings like a barnacle and can't live without them. However there is a VAST gap between 'too clingy' and 'too distant' and people playing these games usually go too far in the direction of 'too distant'. that women want men who are always a little bit detached from things. Um. No. They just don't want the 'I can't live without you' clingers. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Amerikajin sounds mature and honest to me. He posted these, shall we say, 'guidelines' to help men getting the attention of the women they want. I have to admit that these guidelines will work - at least with me. But I'm the kind of person who likes excitement - but not 'drama'. I grew up pretty much as everyone expect of me and then some (so no drama in my real life). I guess I'm very confident of myself as well, that any guy who serves me hand and foot are generally not regarded as 'masculine' or 'worthy of my time'. Well anyway. The guy that I have the hots for... is doing exactly what Amerikajin is suggesting! He lets me know that he likes me... yet he's aloof and just taking it slow. (My husband is not like that at all. My husband was always thinking about sex when we were dating.) So Amerikajin, what is the antidote for falling for a man who plays by YOUR rules? Link to post Share on other sites
Stupid_Dummy Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 The first post is absolutely spot on! However, this is true as well - The idiots have very young, insecure, silly women flocking around them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amerikajin Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 I reiterate, this guide is golden for men!!! GOLDEN, I tell ya! "Well I would NEVER date a man who followed these rules" Of course not - if he was so clumsy that he was making obvious that he was sticking to a set of rules he wasn't really comfortable living up to on his own. But if a man does this naturally, you'll have no choice but to fall for him if you're attracted to him. "There are couples out there who've been married 50 years who don't play these games". I, too, think it's sweet to see a couple married into their 80's. Most of the couples I know also come from a time when men dominated their women, and life was simpler for married couples. But nowadays, both men and women have a lot more freedom to come and go. That's why you need to employ some useful techniques to keep that love burnin. 'Tis true, there are couples out there who are well-matched and don't need to play games. For example, the fundamentalist religious types and so on. But for the rest of us, it takes a little something extra. Here's your bottom line: Nice guys can get women, and occasionally, nice guys can get good women. But the nice jerks get MORE women because they exhibit qualities that are more appealing to more women. So all things even, the jerk will probably get a substantial number of women before the nice guy does. Women reward a jerk's behavior by being with them. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Nice guys can get women, and occasionally, nice guys can get good women. But the nice jerks get MORE women because they exhibit qualities that are more appealing to more women. So all things even, the jerk will probably get a substantial number of women before the nice guy does. Women reward a jerk's behavior by being with them. I would much rather have a few GREAT women than have many mediocre women. I place quality over quantity. Think about it... why is it that *jerks* have so many women and *nice guys* have so few? Is it possible that the *nice guys* are getting BETTER women AND staying with them, on average, longer than those *jerks* who are getting many more women who may not be as good and thus staying in relationships with them for shorter periods? Hmmm... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Why don't you just find one you like, beat her over the head with a club and take her home? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 So all things even, the jerk will probably get a substantial number of women before the nice guy does. Women reward a jerk's behavior by being with them. agreed...and these men get more and more experience with women which enables them to get even MORE women. While the loser-nice-guy gets less and less women and his confidence deflates to zero. Poor nice-guy Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 At this point I'll take the ugliest, nicest guy around! Yep, was married to a fabulous looking ass for 20 years... he thought he was God's gift to women... No thank you! In the end - he was ugly to me because of the way he behaved.... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 In the end - he was ugly to me because of the way he behaved.... Maybe 2SUNNY....but you did choose to be with him for 20 yrs. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Maybe 2SUNNY....but you did choose to be with him for 20 yrs. Thanks for that reminder alpha! You really know how to make a gal feel good! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Thanks for that reminder alpha! You really know how to make a gal feel good! sorry 2SYNNY...it is not intentional. I'm trying to make a point that bad guys get the girls and good guys don't. And you have proved my point. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 sorry 2SYNNY...it is not intentional. I'm trying to make a point that bad guys get the girls and good guys don't. And you have proved my point. So glad I could make you feel "right." Point from my perspective being - Wouldn't choose it again! Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I think the only positive thing I've gleaned from this story (so far) is the value in 'standing up for yourself '. That doesn't necessarily make one a "jerk" … or even a "b*tch," for that matter. But I admit the message comes across much more colorful when you phrase it that way. So aside from a little vindication and renewed sense of masculine worth, what has this hand really won you? I'm worried because you really don't seem all that happy with the current situation as it stands --- In fact, you seem to be rather frustrated and angry with the whole game-playing ordeal (understandable). But how do you see this strategy holding up in the long-run? Won't you eventually loose the girl (or your sanity) if you have to continue at this pace just to keep her interested in you? And where will the power struggles and mind games stop… do you foresee a time when the two of you will finally get the chance to sit back, just be yourselves, and RELAX. (???) Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I think what bugs me the most about this subject is this idea that relationships seem to always have to be about power and domination and competition. Whatever happened to COOPERATION? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 You can only manipulate and play games for so long. These games are only meant for short-term relationships. Playing games will never get you a long-term meaningful relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Playing games will never get you a long-term meaningful relationship. hA hA HA Ha ah aha ahhah ahah ahah hh aHA H ahH HAh H A AhAha ha h AH A ahah Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Why would you want to be in a relationship based solely on games? Wouldn't you prefer to be with someone because they are actually right for the real you? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Wouldn't you prefer to be with someone because they are actually right for the real you? That would be true for those who are seeking out genuine relationships but not for those of the commitmentphobic persuasion. They are in it for shallow and superficial reasons (easy sex being a biggee) and they will bail when things get too *hot* (when their partners want an emotional commitment). Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 hA hA HA Ha ah aha ahhah ahah ahah hh aHA H ahH HAh H A AhAha ha h AH A ahah Thanks for elaborating my point, Alpha. Won't you eventually loose the girl (or your sanity) if you have to continue at this pace just to keep her interested in you? :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 That would be true for those who are seeking out genuine relationships but not for those of the commitmentphobic persuasion. They are in it for shallow and superficial reasons (easy sex being a biggee) and they will bail when things get too *hot* (when their partners want an emotional commitment). Fair enough. Link to post Share on other sites
vi_pn_babe25 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 That would be true for those who are seeking out genuine relationships but not for those of the commitmentphobic persuasion. They are in it for shallow and superficial reasons (easy sex being a biggee) and they will bail when things get too *hot* (when their partners want an emotional commitment). That's true, except when I blew up at my f buddy about a relationship. After it happened we didn't see each other for a month, then I called him, he answered and now we're back to seeing each other again...the relationship thought is always in the back of my mind...but the sex is just too hot to give up lol Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 I think what bugs me the most about this subject is this idea that relationships seem to always have to be about power and domination and competition. Whatever happened to COOPERATION? AMEN, fuzzy brothah! Link to post Share on other sites
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