Catching and keeping women

[Sapiens]

or that you want to marry a women who has 5 kids from 5 different men so you can have baby daddy drama? I think not...

 

 

ROFLAO!!!! This is some crazy s***.

 

-Sapiens

[alphamale]

I don't even really know anymore what point your trying to make.

my point is that most people like drama and excitement in some form even they say they don't like it....it breaks up the boredom of everyday life.

[catgirl1927]

some people thrive on it...

 

SOME do. Not all. Not me for sure. Blech. I don't have time for drama, I have bills to pay and dogs to walk and the price of gas is insane and I have enough worry figuring out what's going on with my career. My plate is full, thanks.

[Sapiens]

SOME do. Not all. Not me for sure. Blech. I don't have time for drama.... I have enough worry figuring out what's going on with my career. My plate is full, thanks.

 

Very well said, my own philosophy exactly!

 

-Sapiens

[Tim'sAngel]

my point is that most people like drama and excitement in some form even they say they don't like it....it breaks up the boredom of everyday life.

 

 

Well, I can't speak for every women, but I love roller coasters and I hate relationship drama... nuff said

[Sapiens]

Think of these tips as tools to get you through those "times of the month" when she is prone to making rash decisions.

-R-

 

You know, I hate the saying it's the time of the month, blah, blah, blah... It does not give them license to become illogical. Excuses, excuses.

 

-Sapiens

[Outcast]

Alphamale's stance is rooted in a fear of being vulnerable - and that fear doesn't cut it in a *real* relationship. If you can't be vulnerable then you can't be in a real relationship.

 

Amen, bunny!

 

my point is that most people like drama and excitement in some form even they say they don't like it....it breaks up the boredom of everyday life.

 

Well I guess people who are themselves 'boring' may find life boring and need some sort of artificial high - be it 'drama' or drugs or some dumb sports event - to give them a lift. However those of us who enjoy life and are always occupied and enjoying their lives don't have any need to seek out some sort of entertainment. So those of us who say they don't like it MEAN IT!

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Great posts OUTCAST!

 

I completely agree with you.

 

For the MEN, a little story here for you:

I know a guy who does everything that Amerikajin suggested in the original post. Well, guess what? His marriage is a disaster! They don't communicate with each other. In fact, they are often in different rooms of the house. They have their own 'schedules' and do their own things without ever missing the other person! Now, is this the kind of marriage that you want, guys??

 

Independence - even within a marriage - is a good thing, and I am all for it. But I think that communication, honesty, and having common interests are more important. When you propose that men internalize anger and disagreements, then you are really telling them to take the short cut in the relationship. Eventually, all that pent up anger and resentment will blow up!

 

I also happen to a romantic who believes that every bottle has its cap... you just have to find it!

[vi_pn_babe25]

 

This was probably one of the rubs, but I stand by it. Hot women in particular know they are hot, and they are used to getting away with whatever they damn well please. Most guys can't handle hot women for this reason, because when they start doing their routine (i.e. whatever they want, whenever they want), they don't know how to respond. So they flip out, get angry, lose control, become insecure and show that insecurity and ruin what could be a good relationship with someone if they just had a little more composure and knowledge of the dynamics at play.

 

 

Hmmmmmm.....hate to say it...but it sounds familiar....and it's true

[amerikajin]

I know a guy who does everything that Amerikajin suggested in the original post. Well, guess what? His marriage is a disaster!

 

My guess is, he probably doesn't do everything suggested in my original post.

 

They don't communicate with each other. In fact, they are often in different rooms of the house. They have their own 'schedules' and do their own things without ever missing the other person! Now, is this the kind of marriage that you want, guys??

 

At no point did I say, avoid your significant other. I'm saying, establish your boundaries and stick to them. A woman has a right to time and attention, but not around the clock. A man has to be an individual before being a partner. Video game geeks or workaholics aren't what I'm using as paragons of virtues here; I'm talking about the guy who has his passions and interests and continues pursuing them. Yes, some compromises are made along the way, but too many guys think that means giving up everything that's important to them, or even giving up things they simply like doing in their spare time.

 

Independence - even within a marriage - is a good thing, and I am all for it. But I think that communication, honesty, and having common interests are more important. When you propose that men internalize anger and disagreements, then you are really telling them to take the short cut in the relationship. Eventually, all that pent up anger and resentment will blow up!

 

I'm not really saying a man should hold back. I'm saying there may be more than one way to get your point across without having to say so much as a word. And I'm sorry, but in my experience and in the experience of so many other guys on this board, a man complaining about a lack of respect will be tuned out, and in the end, he'll even lose more respect. He'll either be the 'whining wussy' or the 'lecturing daddy', neither of which makes for an attractive companion as a boyfriend or husband. Instead, a guy should simply take matters in his own hands and communicate with actions. When a woman starts to ask 'What's wrong?' That's when you start talking.

 

As predicted, the women reading this are predictably disagreeing vehemently with what I've written, but deep down inside...you all know I'm right:) Think about it: how many times have we known women who will swear up and down that they're not jealous, only later to admit that they are? How many women have sworn they're not attracted to someone only to sleep with them later? How many women tell a guy they want the truth about how they look and then get angry with the guy once he actually tells them that they're wardrobe sucks? Women will never admit to this kind of stuff when it's written down on paper, but they know it's true in practicum. What women say they want, and what they really want are two different things.

[SmoochieFace]

And I'm sorry, but in my experience and in the experience of so many other guys on this board, a man complaining about a lack of respect will be tuned out, and in the end, he'll even lose more respect. He'll either be the 'whining wussy' or the 'lecturing daddy', neither of which makes for an attractive companion as a boyfriend or husband.

 

Think real carefully about what you wrote here.

 

Most guys who are here have been *burned* one way or another. Most guys who have been *burned* are also a bit jaded as well. People who are jaded tend to extrapolate their experiences in a way that leads to making generalities that are bogus - such as *all women this* or *all women that*.

 

Your personal experiences do not mirror the experiences of others as we are all different and the people we have in our lives are different as well therefore our experiences are different. So making a blanket generality such as you seem to be doing is flawed.

 

 

As predicted, the women reading this are predictably disagreeing vehemently with what I've written, but deep down inside...you all know I'm right:) Think about it: how many times have we known women who will swear up and down that they're not jealous, only later to admit that they are? How many women have sworn they're not attracted to someone only to sleep with them later? How many women tell a guy they want the truth about how they look and then get angry with the guy once he actually tells them that they're wardrobe sucks? Women will never admit to this kind of stuff when it's written down on paper, but they know it's true in practicum. What women say they want, and what they really want are two different things.

 

No, you are not right simply because you cannot take a limited number of experiences and apply them to everyone.

 

Your views may apply to certain types of women but they do not apply to all women. Perhaps you should open your eyes and realise that not all women are the way you believe.

 

One more thing - it's not just women who think you are wrong here.

[Outcast]

but deep down inside...you all know I'm right

 

Boy I hate when people say that.

 

No, you're not right in that it's a worthy pursuit to fake women out and you won't 'keep' a woman that way. You may manage to find a dysfunctional female who will agree to bed you for a while but if you're going to bring up multiple examples of immature behaviour by people and cite them as 'typical female behaviour' then the problem is a serious lack of discernment.

 

If you keep picking women who flip out on you, are jealous, can't handle a normal discussion, etc. etc. then don't figure out ways to pretend you're something you're not in order to have people like this in your life. Instead, figure out how to find sane, mature women to relate to. There's nothing pleasant about a relationship in which you have to pretend to be someone you're not. So look for someone who accepts you. You'll enjoy that kind of relationship much more.

[crazy_grl]

As predicted, the women reading this are predictably disagreeing vehemently with what I've written, but deep down inside...you all know I'm right:)

 

Like at least a few of us have already said, you do have some valid points, but what you've said is to extreme. The parts that women are "disagreeing vehemently with" are the parts that go beyond a man having respect for himself and having his own independence. They border on manipulation and hatred for women.

 

"Don't tell her what you're going to do, just do it." What kind of a rule is that? It's common courtesy to tell someone about something you're going to do when it may involve them or affect them/their feelings in some way. If you're planning to move across the country away from your gf, should you just do it without a word to her? Your rules could certainly be interpretted to say you should.

 

Maybe it's the way you worded it, but your rules make it sound like all women are going to flirt with other guys in front of their SO, tell him what to do, try to get him to give up things he enjoys, etc. Your list makes it seem like a guy should treat his relationship more like a battle than a partnership.

 

And besides that, this isn't going to work for all women in all situations. Plus there's the contradiction between rule #2 that says to "be real" and following a set of rules. Any person following strict behavioral rules is not in fact being real or being themself. They're acting like someone else's idea of what they should be.

 

For example, if a man who is very outgoing and talkative follows rule #3 and lets her do all the talking, he's not being himself. When/if he finally does start being himself, it may turn out that his gf doesn't like talkative guys and he gets dumped. If he'd been himself instead of following your rules, he could have elimated that girl early on and met someone who likes him for who he is. (And I happen to like outgoing guys who communicate well, btw. My ex bf's lack of communication skills is the main reason I never took him back.)

[Guest]

Maybe it's the way you worded it, but your rules make it sound like all women are going to flirt with other guys in front of their SO, tell him what to do, try to get him to give up things he enjoys, etc. Your list makes it seem like a guy should treat his relationship more like a battle than a partnership.

 

Good point. Why is it that some guys view relationships as a *competition* thing instead of a *cooperation* thing?

[Art_Critic]

As predicted, the women reading this are predictably disagreeing vehemently with what I've written, but deep down inside...you all know I'm right:)

You seem to be defending these new found rules with a hearty fight..

Which is good.. but do you really practice these rules in your dating life today ?

And if you do practice these rules can you say that they work with such efficiency that they should be adopted by men in how to date women ?

 

Is that the message I'm to get from the rules ?

[loony]

People would fare better if they followed (and had...) their personal values instead of some rules.

 

I think too many guys neglect other criteria apart from looks when they look for a partner thus they end up with a relationship that resembles a battle field where their self-esteem is constantly undermined. If they had chosen a decent person then they would not have to deal with the problem of having their girfriend flirt in front of them with other people. If something like this happens, you either discuss it, because you assume that you are dealing with a rational and decent person and s*** sometimes happens. If you don't think she is that kind of person you leave. Feeling resentment for staying while at the same time trying to manipulate her into submission to your will is rather a testimony of desperation and shallowness. It's really not smart to choose someone solely based on looks.

 

I personally think you attract wacko hot women with these rules. If that's what you want, more power to you.

[SmoochieFace]

If you keep picking women who flip out on you, are jealous, can't handle a normal discussion, etc. etc. then don't figure out ways to pretend you're something you're not in order to have people like this in your life. Instead, figure out how to find sane, mature women to relate to. There's nothing pleasant about a relationship in which you have to pretend to be someone you're not. So look for someone who accepts you. You'll enjoy that kind of relationship much more.

 

Exactly.

 

I really do not understand why some people will find someone that they deem physically attractive but at the same time completely incompatible personality-wise and values-wise then will *give up* who they really are and become a *fake* in an attempt to make the relationship work.

 

Seems to me that the OP (and others who devise *rules* and *guides*) are in these relationships for the sake of being with a *hot* woman and little, if anything, else.

 

As long as the woman is *hot* everything is A-OK, right?

[amerikajin]

The things I'm talking about here are things that guys do when they're only somewhat attracted to their partner; they are themselves in the presence of someone they consider their equal. But put an attractive female down in front of them and they can't control themselves. They become insecure little wuss boys.

 

So this is a guide for the men out there for when they finally meet that one girl who turns them on and reciprocates interest. And I'm sorry, but guys are attracted to looks - that's just the nature of the beast. 'If guys would not focus so much on looks' is like saying 'If women wouldn't focus so much on personality and money'. It's only natural for a guy to find a woman he's really attracted to. Of course personalities have to mix, but a guy also has to know how to handle himself. Many guys don't. They forget who they are because they focus on what others want instead of themselves. And moreover, it's almost universal that hot women know they are hot, and they all get so used to having their way that they act in ways that more ordinary women don't. They need guidance. This guide is about showing men how to give them that guidance.

[catgirl1927]

The things I'm talking about here are things that guys do when they're only somewhat attracted to their partner; they are themselves in the presence of someone they consider their equal. But put an attractive female down in front of them and they can't control themselves. They become insecure little wuss boys.

 

So this is a guide for the men out there for when they finally meet that one girl who turns them on and reciprocates interest. And I'm sorry, but guys are attracted to looks - that's just the nature of the beast. 'If guys would not focus so much on looks' is like saying 'If women wouldn't focus so much on personality and money'. It's only natural for a guy to find a woman he's really attracted to. Of course personalities have to mix, but a guy also has to know how to handle himself. Many guys don't. They forget who they are because they focus on what others want instead of themselves. And moreover, it's almost universal that hot women know they are hot, and they all get so used to having their way that they act in ways that more ordinary women don't. They need guidance. This guide is about showing men how to give them that guidance.

 

Isn't it slick how he stuck the word "personality" in there to make it sound legitimate?

[vi_pn_babe25]

The things I'm talking about here are things that guys do when they're only somewhat attracted to their partner; they are themselves in the presence of someone they consider their equal. But put an attractive female down in front of them and they can't control themselves. They become insecure little wuss boys.

 

So this is a guide for the men out there for when they finally meet that one girl who turns them on and reciprocates interest. And I'm sorry, but guys are attracted to looks - that's just the nature of the beast. 'If guys would not focus so much on looks' is like saying 'If women wouldn't focus so much on personality and money'. It's only natural for a guy to find a woman he's really attracted to. Of course personalities have to mix, but a guy also has to know how to handle himself. Many guys don't. They forget who they are because they focus on what others want instead of themselves. And moreover, it's almost universal that hot women know they are hot, and they all get so used to having their way that they act in ways that more ordinary women don't. They need guidance. This guide is about showing men how to give them that guidance.

 

Hopefully not by calling her a slut.....but if that's said, does that mean he's insecure?

[crazy_grl]

And moreover, it's almost universal that hot women know they are hot, and they all get so used to having their way that they act in ways that more ordinary women don't.

 

If a guy's with a woman who acts in ways that are selfish or otherwise unacceptable whether it's because she knows she's hot or for any other reason, then she's not worth being with. Believe it or not there are women who are hot that aren't selfish bitches, and I'm sick of guys like you assuming that's not the case. It's very hurtful to have guys not listen to your feelings and totally disrespect you in order to form some kind of pre-emptive strike because they assume you're a selfish bitch simply because you're attractive.

 

What loony was saying is that you shouldn't just accept a girl because she's hot when she's not a good person, and then try to battle your way into retaining your dignity because you settled for a girl who's too self-absorbed to actually show you some respect. If a guy actually developed some depth and really looked at these "hot girls" that you're referring to, he'd see that they're pretty ugly people and he'd have no problem not being their doormat.

 

There are beautiful women who are good people, and for those women you won't have to use your rules. In fact, your rules are just going to push them away.

[crazy_grl]

Isn't it slick how he stuck the word "personality" in there to make it sound legitimate?

 

haha. nice catch

 

Ya know, amerikajin, it's weird because up until this thread, I remember thinking your posts made a lot of sense... Has your stance on women changed or did I just happen to come across only the posts I agreed with and missed the rest?

[gfto]

Question for the ladies who disagree with Amer's rules:

 

Tell us a little about the best relationship you've ever had, whether it's from the past, or you're still in it. Tell us about him. What made you stay with him? Describe him. Or, if it's a past relationship and you ended it, what caused you to get rid of him?

[a4a]

:lmao:

 

WTF is up with the need for "how to ________ a woman" guides for men :lmao:

 

If you are that much of a reject to need such BS throw in the towel already!

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Question for the ladies who disagree with Amer's rules:

 

Tell us a little about the best relationship you've ever had

 

If you are going to ask us why this question, then you will get answers from across the board!! The thing is, we are all so different.

 

I think that the biggest factor in 'getting the girl' has more to do with the chemical attraction. We can't explain it. But I know that the types of men that I'm attracted to are not necessarily viewed as 'hot' by all my girlfriends. (Thank god for that, too! )