Catching and keeping women

[Pyro]

hA hA HA Ha ah aha ahhah ahah ahah hh aHA H ahH HAh H A AhAha ha h AH A ahah

 

Is that the best that you can do to debate this topic?

 

But how do you see this strategy holding up in the long-run? Won't you eventually loose the girl (or your sanity) if you have to continue at this pace just to keep her interested in you? And where will the power struggles and mind games stop… do you foresee a time when the two of you will finally get the chance to sit back, just be yourselves, and RELAX. (???)

 

Enigma, why are you disagreeing with my point? From the looks of what you have written above, you seem to agree with me.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Enigma, why are you disagreeing with my point? From the looks of what you have written above, you seem to agree with me.

 

Not disagreeing with anyone at all.

 

Just poking a little fun at our comedic character Alpha. When I saw his response, it reminded me of how years worth of game-playing might eventually scramble one's brains.

 

Of course, you have to remember this is just Alpha's internet persona … an over exaggerated version of Neanderthal Man … (I think? )

 

Still --- I wouldn't want to see Amerkajin (twenty years from now) a single, embittered middle-aged man sitting alone in front of his laptop posting macho rants about "how to get and keep women" … long after the young, naïve putang has stopped rolling in.

 

It would be a pathetic waste of Amer's youth (and full head of hair) if he missed out on his opportunity for a happy, meaningful relationship because he was too busy trying to "get" control over woman rather than figuring out what it takes to "keep" them.

[loony]

Nice guys can get women, and occasionally, nice guys can get good women. But the nice jerks get MORE women because they exhibit qualities that are more appealing to more women. So all things even, the jerk will probably get a substantial number of women before the nice guy does. Women reward a jerk's behavior by being with them.

I find it incredibly fascinating that you only seem to think in terms of quantity instead of quality. Women who stay with a jerk have issues. Men who stay with a bitch have issues. See the analogy?

[SmoochieFace]

I find it incredibly fascinating that you only seem to think in terms of quantity instead of quality. Women who stay with a jerk have issues. Men who stay with a bitch have issues. See the analogy?

 

Well, it's not that unusual for some guys - especially the macho types - to place quantity way over quality.

[Pink Amulet]

I agree. It sounds like you are more interested in racking up numbers than finding one female to make you happy.

[amerikajin]

No, think carefully about what I am saying.

 

Whether we are single or in a relationship, people who want a relationship obviously want to avoid being single for too long.

 

My anecdotal evidence - both from my own personal experiences and watching the experiences of others - tells me that a friendly but smug bastard is going to remain single for a much shorter period of time than the nice guy who wants to 'stop playing these silly little games'.

 

You can wait to find your 'soul mate'...but how long will that take? Keep in mind that a lot of other people might want that same soul mate? A lot of other soul mates are already taken. The pickings get slim after a while, so holding out isn't always the most comfortable option.

 

My situation is a perfect example of what I'm talking about.

 

Go to some of my past threads and you'll see there's this girl I've been courting/dating the better part of the last five months. Nice girl but frankly a bit full of herself. And she's full of herself because she knows that 19 out of 20 guys she meets treat her like a goddess and essentially get on their knees and act like little wussy boys hoping to score a date with her. Or they try to act all smug but ultimately show their wuss behavior by hanging around her even when it's clear that she's being cool and aloof.

 

And even though she started separating me from her other stack of resumes, I still put up with a lot of crap from her in the beginning. Probably for similar reasons - I was awed by her beauty initially and just happy to be sitting in front of her. And I'm guessing that she knows this, and that she's used to this. But the problem is, despite my being nice - something that in most other types of relationships is itself rewarded with niceness in kind - I was rewarded with disrespect. She showed up late for dates. Didn't call. Didn't return my texts. Would flake out and change plans. And despite my lecturing to her that I didn't appreciate it, she still went out and did it anyway.

 

Long story short, I have gradually been pulling away from her over the last month, and I have actually been trying to break up with this girl for the past week now. Even so, she is coming on harder than ever before. I can pretty much say or do anything I want to her right now - she still keeps coming back for more. I've been in this situation with other women too. Trust me, women dig jerks. You know it. I know it. Everyone here knows it. Women don't like reading anything written by a man that tries to dispel the notion of women being emotionally driven rather than logically driven in relationships, but the fact is, they are.

 

And there's the flip side...like the time when I was so nice and respectful to this one girl. Took her out to dinner. Paid her way. Bought her flowers. Texted her daily. Then went over to her friend's house party where she started hooking up with this guy right in front of me and two of my other friends whom I had brought with me.

 

Or another girl I bought dinner for and took her out on the town, only to have her tell me a few days later that she actually had a boyfriend already and that she 'just couldn't continue seeing me anymore'.

 

I, and most other guys reading this, pay attention to results, not feel-good jibberish about how we should wait to find someone who won't play games. Who knows how long that'll take?

[Pyro]

 

Trust me, women dig jerks. You know it. I know it. Everyone here knows it.

 

I, and most other guys reading this, pay attention to results, not feel-good jibberish about how we should wait to find someone who won't play games. Who knows how long that'll take?

 

That first sentence cracks me up. Yes, SOME woman want that in a guy but I think that its safe to say that MOST woman do not want that in a guy.

 

If someone knows exactly want they want, they can detect the red flags early when meeting someone and tell if they are playing games or not, at least IME.

[SmoochieFace]

My anecdotal evidence - both from my own personal experiences and watching the experiences of others - tells me that a friendly but smug bastard is going to remain single for a much shorter period of time than the nice guy who wants to 'stop playing these silly little games'.

 

Not good enough. Anecdotal evidence still does not speak for all people and situations. Sorry.

 

 

Go to some of my past threads and you'll see there's this girl I've been courting/dating the better part of the last five months. Nice girl but frankly a bit full of herself. And she's full of herself because she knows that 19 out of 20 guys she meets treat her like a goddess and essentially get on their knees and act like little wussy boys hoping to score a date with her. Or they try to act all smug but ultimately show their wuss behavior by hanging around her even when it's clear that she's being cool and aloof.

 

Well, here's why your generalisation is bogus. You are only looking at this based on your experience with one woman who is *a bit full of herself*. Do you believe ALL women are *full of themselves*?

 

Your *rules* MAY work with the particular type of woman you have described but they certainly will not work for ALL types of women and therefore it is wrong to tell naive and unsuspecting guys that they should treat women in the way you describe. If I adopted your stance and began to treat my GF in the manner you describe I would be single in a flash. she wouldn't put up with that - and why should she?

[Pink Amulet]

I don't

[blind_otter]

 

My situation is a perfect example of what I'm talking about.

 

Oh AJ, come on (my face. hahahahaaaa). She's not full of herself because she can get dudes. Any moderately attractive and self-confident woman can do that. Pussy is a dime a dozen, to be sure, and dick -- well that's more like a penny a dozen, eh?

 

She's full of herself because she's full of herself. Honestly I never really was able to infer from your descriptions what it was that attracted you to her so much, because she seemed like a straight up rude bitch. No offense.

 

And she is chasing after you now because, like any self-involved person who has an issue with ego -- she doesn't want to lose. Not you, but in general. She doesn't want to lose in the arena of competitive dating, as it seems to be evolving into. And that's how dudes are, too. It's almost guaranteed that a chick can get a guy to chase after her if she simply exudes the aura that he is about to lose her to someone else. And it's not the person he is scared of losing, it's the ego blow that is involved with the end of a relationship when, for whatever reason, the person you pursue finds you lacking and moves on to greener pastures.

 

I can personally attest to the fact that the women who respond to this kind of emotional carrot dangling are not, by and large, the types that any sane man would want a LTR with. Once you get involved in those emotional power struggles you get locked into a never ending arm wrestling match that some people equate to love, sad as it may seem.

 

It is what it is, AJ. It is what it is.

 

You can analyze and theorize til the cows come home but that won't make it anything other than what it is.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I've been in this situation with other women too. Trust me, women dig jerks.

 

So given the way you pined after this woman in spite of how poorly she treated you … is it now fair to say that "All men dig bitches?"

 

I get where you're coming from, Amerikajin. I really do. But I'm wondering if the problem has less to do with how you treat a woman, and more to do with the kind of women you choose. I'm also wondering, with the exception of being gorgeous, what other positive qualities do you see in her. Obviously, you must have something "good" to say about her (???)

 

Meanwhile … I'm eagerly awaiting Chapter Two: How to KEEP the High-Maintenance Trophy Girl Without Losing Your Sanity

 

Hey! … I'm learning, too!!

[a4a]

I, and most other guys reading this, pay attention to results, not feel-good jibberish about how we should wait to find someone who won't play games. Who knows how long that'll take?

 

Does this mean that you are feeling that needy for female companionship or what? Need a woman that bad all the time?

 

Goodness for all the BS you are tossing around you are just getting ready for some short stint relationships........ nothing long term or worthwhile will come out of this. Take the easier road then....... hire an escort.

[SmoochieFace]

But I'm wondering if the problem has less to do with how you treat a woman, and more to do with the kind of women you choose.

 

Yep. My feeling exactly.

[loony]

Go to some of my past threads and you'll see there's this girl I've been courting/dating the better part of the last five months. Nice girl but frankly a bit full of herself. And she's full of herself because she knows that 19 out of 20 guys she meets treat her like a goddess and essentially get on their knees and act like little wussy boys hoping to score a date with her. Or they try to act all smug but ultimately show their wuss behavior by hanging around her even when it's clear that she's being cool and aloof.

She's a bitch and you still wanted to date her because of her looks. What does this tell about you?

 

But the problem is, despite my being nice - something that in most other types of relationships is itself rewarded with niceness in kind - I was rewarded with disrespect. She showed up late for dates. Didn't call. Didn't return my texts. Would flake out and change plans. And despite my lecturing to her that I didn't appreciate it, she still went out and did it anyway.

You know, women who are nice you call clingy, women who act aloof are bitchy. You don't really know what you want, do you? I think most of your complaints can be traced back to insecurities on your part. She's like this, it doesn't have anything to do with you, but you get upset about her disrespecting you. You assume that she is doing these things in order to disrespect you, while she's probably doing it with everybody.

 

Long story short, I have gradually been pulling away from her over the last month, and I have actually been trying to break up with this girl for the past week now. Even so, she is coming on harder than ever before. I can pretty much say or do anything I want to her right now - she still keeps coming back for more. I've been in this situation with other women too. Trust me, women dig jerks. You know it. I know it. Everyone here knows it. Women don't like reading anything written by a man that tries to dispel the notion of women being emotionally driven rather than logically driven in relationships, but the fact is, they are.

This doesn't have anything to do that she's a virgin and you're her first sexual partner?

 

And there's the flip side...like the time when I was so nice and respectful to this one girl. Took her out to dinner. Paid her way. Bought her flowers. Texted her daily. Then went over to her friend's house party where she started hooking up with this guy right in front of me and two of my other friends whom I had brought with me.

I bet she looked really cute, eh? If that's your only criteria I'm not surprised if you end up with people who are not necessarily relationship material.

 

Or another girl I bought dinner for and took her out on the town, only to have her tell me a few days later that she actually had a boyfriend already and that she 'just couldn't continue seeing me anymore'.

And men never do this? Do you really want me to start giving anecdotical evidence about guys in relationships who have hit on me?

[loony]

So given the way you pined after this woman in spite of how poorly she treated you … is it now fair to say that "All men dig bitches?"

You know, this is a truly amazing observation. I wonder why I haven't noticed this yet.

 

The only guys who complain that women like jerks are the ones who dig bitches themselves.

 

Edit:[...] I'm just a confused woman.

 

But I'm wondering if the problem has less to do with how you treat a woman, and more to do with the kind of women you choose. I'm also wondering, with the exception of being gorgeous, what other positive qualities do you see in her. Obviously, you must have something "good" to say about her (???)

I don't get it either. The first criteria is looks and then he complains that she acts like a bitch.

[Vertex]

I am hoping it's a maturity issue.

 

But I am 19 going on 20... so many people my age seem to be attracted to abuse or being mistreated.

 

My friend Kelly keeps hanging out with/making out with her ex-boyfriend even though she knows they have no future together and that she dislikes who he is as a person and finds him really immature and irresponsible. My other friend Jennifer keeps going back to a guy for sex even though he doesn't give her the time of day. Another, Andrea, is in a relationship with a guy who is utterly selfish and self-gratifying. Everything is at his own convenience but she still stays with him. My ex-girlfriend left me and went right back to the ex before me that rejected her -- he didn't even please her, it was just my ex giving him all the physical attention he wanted. I never get the milk from my cow for free -- I always pay for the cow but someone else always enjoys the milk. I'm sick of immature, stupid people getting all the luck in this world.

 

I see this pattern over, and over, and over, and over, and freaking over again. It's so common to the point of being sickness-inducing. Too many people want to feel as if they are in a movie, I guess. Something about the abuse is exciting to women. It's like an unpredictable chase that people enjoy -- "I wonder what's going to happen next!" Gives you something to gossip about with your buddies. I guess.

 

But what really grates my nerves is how those same women will deny this. They'll assure me "I just want a nice guy" and yet they don't try too hard to avoid the random hookups and abusive chases. It's like a certain truth of immaturity that goes rejected verbally by the majority. From my own experience, girls like me the most when I treat them poorly or disrespectfully.

 

I hope to god that this will change soon. It's like girls play around with the jerk-types until they are tired of the instability and suddenly want to be with the guys they shot down earlier in life.

 

If I am wrong about something I'd like to know the truth... why does it seem like girls love abuse? I have yet to find one girl who genuinely wants something stable and enjoyable... so many that I've met follow self-destructive patterns. What is the reason for all this?

[crazy_grl]

If I am wrong about something I'd like to know the truth... why does it seem like girls love abuse?

 

Well, I think some other posters have already covered this, but usually it's because all the girls who aren't looking to be mistreated are often looked at as clingy or needy and not given a chance by guys who are looking for abuse themselves.

 

A thought that just occurred to me is that nice girls and nice guys have to be super secure with themselves so as to not come off needy and scare people away (and possibly end up chasing after them) whereas the jerks and b*tches can get away with their insecurity and still get a partner, because there's always going to be someone who's insecure enough to take their abuse and chase them for validation. The jerk/b*tch also gets ego boosts from it.

 

Acting like a jerk is the easy way out. It's a lot harder to actually develop real self-esteem and be secure with who you are.

[amerikajin]

It all starts with attraction.

 

Beyond that, you have to keep the attraction by being dominant. Any woman knows that's true.

[BenJammin]

yes I would agree with all this stuff...and BTW, women are usually going to say this stuff is crap and does not work but from a male perspective it does work.

 

yeah, sorry it does. women don't like to admit it, but i guess they just don't let themselves see it working, or it's just so smooth they really don't see it.

[Outcast]

but smug bastard is going to remain single for a much shorter period of time than the nice guy who wants to 'stop playing these silly little games'.

 

And exactly how many 'smug bastards' that you know are married? How many married women describe their spouses as 'bad boys'? That you may happen to think some guy (who, coincidentally, has won a female away from you) is a 'smug bastard' doesn't mean he is. Just as your stunner woman may not at all be fun to live with.

[Outcast]

If you are willing to manipulate someone, you have no respect for that person. Essentially, you decide they're stupid enough to fall for your ploys. And what kind of relationship is based on that sort of lack of respect? What kind of person would slaver over someoe who treats them so poorly and with such little respect? You win yourself someone who falls for your game, you win yourself someone with issues. Some prize.

[loony]

Vertex, I think you're an extremely gifted and hard-working person and you deserve someone who loves you back. I do think you're wrong though about the claim that most women like abuse. I'll still stand up to what I said in my previous post. The only guys who complain about women liking guys who treat them badly are the same ones who feel attracted to good-looking women with issues.

 

Well, I think some other posters have already covered this, but usually it's because all the girls who aren't looking to be mistreated are often looked at as clingy or needy and not given a chance by guys who are looking for abuse themselves.

Would you really say that not wanting to be mistreated results in appearing clingy or needy? It seems like a clandestine support for the claim that women don't like 'nice guys' which I have never supported. I simply do not think that 'nice guys' are really just nice. In my experience they use their niceness to bribe people into liking them. Sometimes they also try to manipulate people by putting them on a guilt trip for not appreciating or reciprocating their niceness. That's not nice. Nice in my eyes is just nice and is rarely mistaken for being clingy.

 

whereas the jerks and b*tches can get away with their insecurity and still get a partner, because there's always going to be someone who's insecure enough to take their abuse and chase them for validation. The jerk/b*tch also gets ego boosts from it.

They are able to still attract people despite their insecurity, because they are able to project an image of themselves that a lot of people who are a tad insecure mistake for self-confidence.

 

Acting like a jerk is the easy way out. It's a lot harder to actually develop real self-esteem and be secure with who you are.

That's true. You can either follow rules and manipulate in order to maintain control over the relationship with your trophy girlfriend or you start working on becoming the real you and standing up for what you believe in.

[loony]

Beyond that, you have to keep the attraction by being dominant. Any woman knows that's true.

I think many people react to attempts of domination with resistance, which is a pretty healthy reaction. If your girlfriend likes it, it's because she is insecure or a masochist.

[crazy_grl]

Would you really say that not wanting to be mistreated results in appearing clingy or needy?

 

That's not what I was saying. I was saying that some people (mostly guys) mistake a person who shows affection instead of playing games as being needy or clingy. I've seen a lot of guys call a girl clingy when in reality she was just acting like she liked them and THE GUYS were the ones with the problem, mostly fear of commitment. The girl would have actually been good to them. One of my guy friends did this recently. Now he flirts with me, and I really have no intention of pursing anything with him.

 

It seems like a clandestine support for the claim that women don't like 'nice guys' which I have never supported.

 

Not in any way shape or form. I've never supported that idea. I'm supporting the idea that men who think women don't like nice guys probably have issues of their own that make them go after the wrong women.

 

They are able to still attract people despite their insecurity, because they are able to project an image of themselves that a lot of people who are a tad insecure mistake for self-confidence.

 

I'm not sure if you were agreeing with me here or disagreeing, but since the rest of my post didn't come across right, I just want to say that this is basically what I was saying.

[Outcast]

I've seen a lot of guys call a girl clingy when in reality she was just acting like she liked them and THE GUYS were the ones with the problem, mostly fear of commitment. The girl would have actually been good to them.

 

You are SO right on!