why do i do it?

[danny]

i have a loving girlfriend of a few years now. but it seems as if every year i want to have some sexual relationship with some other woman.and of course one thing leads to another,and some how their is more than sex involed. and the break up does not go according to plan.

 

when you say no strings attached. some how it becomes a spider web. why is it that way????

[dl]

I kinda wondered if you would post again, Danny. I saw your response to someone else where you said you look for other "interests" outside the relationship you have with your girlfriend.... I don't know if you mean breaking up with your girlfriend has strings attached or not, but if you do, a relationship of a few years would have some strings and complications - I don't think you can be with someone for that long and not having something there. If you mean sleeping around on your girlfriend with others and then finding out the others are trying to hang onto you, you must have something that attracts them and wants them to hang on. Women do not view a sexual relationship the same way as a man - despite any woman feeling she's just "in it for the sex" it always becomes something more - to her - while to a guy it's usually just the sex, especially when each thinks it's just a casual thing. It always seems to develop into something more for the woman - must be in the genes somewhere! I think I would ask yourself why you feel you have to sleep around on your girlfriend... does she know you do? If she does and accepts it - well, then you're one lucky guy because most woman involved in a long term relationship wouldn't accept it. If she doesn't know, and you still feel you want to experiment with others, you should come clean with your girlfriend, make a clean break if she's unaccepting and experiment all you want (hope your practicing safe sex all around...). The thrill and excitement of a new conquest is one that both men and women always enjoy - it just depends on who's doing what to whom and how or what kind of other relationships they may have or be involved in. Cheating on someone who doesn't know about it is not a very good thing.... Lots of people do it - I've done it myself and learned the hard way that it's not good - so I made a pact with myself that if I was involved in a long term or serious relationship and found myself attracted to someone else that I would get out of the relationship I'm in rather than do something behind someone's back.... The web you get caught in is really one of your own weaving but I think if you try to understand that it's more than "just sex" for a woman, it might help you out... More than you probably wanted to hear for a three or four sentenve post but it's my $1.00's worth to you...

[Andrea]

I must agree with DL. I learned in Psychology that biologically, women have a greater concentration of something called Oxytocin (don't quote me on the spelling) and this is something that goes back to when we were created. This creates and brings out the maternal and nurturing feelings in a woman therefore causing them to feel

 

much more emotionally attached than men. It is not something that you can truely control. It is in our make up.

 

I cannot emphasize more, the safe sex issue-don't endanger yourself or your girlfriend and have enough respect for her

 

after all the time she has invested in your relationship to tell the blunt, honest truth rather than lie because I know,

 

that a lie makes it ten times worse. At least if you are honest, it may hurt, but she will have to give you credit and respect for that much.

I kinda wondered if you would post again, Danny. I saw your response to someone else where you said you look for other "interests" outside the relationship you have with your girlfriend.... I don't know if you mean breaking up with your girlfriend has strings attached or not, but if you do, a relationship of a few years would have some strings and complications - I don't think you can be with someone for that long and not having something there. If you mean sleeping around on your girlfriend with others and then finding out the others are trying to hang onto you, you must have something that attracts them and wants them to hang on. Women do not view a sexual relationship the same way as a man - despite any woman feeling she's just "in it for the sex" it always becomes something more - to her - while to a guy it's usually just the sex, especially when each thinks it's just a casual thing. It always seems to develop into something more for the woman - must be in the genes somewhere! I think I would ask yourself why you feel you have to sleep around on your girlfriend... does she know you do? If she does and accepts it - well, then you're one lucky guy because most woman involved in a long term relationship wouldn't accept it. If she doesn't know, and you still feel you want to experiment with others, you should come clean with your girlfriend, make a clean break if she's unaccepting and experiment all you want (hope your practicing safe sex all around...). The thrill and excitement of a new conquest is one that both men and women always enjoy - it just depends on who's doing what to whom and how or what kind of other relationships they may have or be involved in. Cheating on someone who doesn't know about it is not a very good thing.... Lots of people do it - I've done it myself and learned the hard way that it's not good - so I made a pact with myself that if I was involved in a long term or serious relationship and found myself attracted to someone else that I would get out of the relationship I'm in rather than do something behind someone's back.... The web you get caught in is really one of your own weaving but I think if you try to understand that it's more than "just sex" for a woman, it might help you out... More than you probably wanted to hear for a three or four sentenve post but it's my $1.00's worth to you...

[danny]

she knows about both times that i have done it and yes i kinda agree with you but sometimes i feel that it is our age differance wich is eight years. we try and not keep things from each other but some things are better kept that way. where she works i know she does friendley flirting but she says that is as for as it goes. and i do the same but is carried out a little further,but it's the thrill of having that other woman for a few hours that really gets me going. and as far as my own web i guess your right because i an the one who started it.

 

but one last thing here why is it that all relationships kinda become the same old routine unless you are allways having to be the one that is spontanias!!!!!

[danny]

belive you me before there is a sexual relationship i feel that both parties should be able to provide ther test results on clymedia. goneria,syliflus, and aids (don't look at the spelling) my girlfriend on the side we have been with each other for a year now and yes they know of each other and hate each other. something i created i guess.

 

but the most important thing along with the safe sex is PEOPLES FEELINGS!!!!!!!! we have a lot of emotions involved

 

here. won't you agree????????

[Andrea]

Well, I know it gets a bit routine after time and you are right, you should both be creative in the relationship and also be open enough to suggest what you would like your partner to do-in a tactful, suggestive manner.

Yes, definitely emotions are number one importance right along with health. I have to give you credit for telling them about one another and not hiding it, though. It still doesn't condone the behavior but, to me lying, is even worse. Just think of how you would feel in the reverse, if you were your girlfriend. How would you feel if, assuming she is, devoted and faithful to you.