Why did she do this to me?

[Don]

A woman I have known for 20 some years started working at the factory where I work. She and I go a long way back.We started dating about a year after meeting each other. At that time I thought the world of her. We went steady for about 2 or 3 months. Then one day she left me for someone else. No arguements. No fights. I thought I treated her right. But she left me anyway.

 

About 2 years later she came back and wanted to date me again. So we,dated again for a even shorter go around, maybe 1 or 2 weeks. Then the same thing happened. She left me.

 

Now 18 years later she shows up where I work. We have had contact with each other a little bit over the years on friendship basis only, and only talked to each other if we happened to cross paths.

 

Once again she asked me if I would be interested in seeing her. Only things are much different now. She is married.

 

She asked me out for a couple of drinks one night and started telling me about the way her husband was treating her. She told me that he had physicaly and verbly abused her. Also told me of the controlling things he was doing to her such as keeping her away from her family. She also told me she has intention of divorcing him. In fact she said her and her husband have been separated for 2 months. So once again I started seeing her.

 

So now after commiting adultery, which I pointed out to her that we should`nt go out with each other till her divorce was final,for I did not want to be a reason for her divorce but the things that her husband had done to her be the reason for divorce. She went back to her husband.

 

Why does she do this to me? I feel that today as well as 20 years ago that she only sees me as a back up man. That when things go bad in her current relationships that I am there to catch her from her fall. In fact when she told me she was going back to her husband she asked me if my door was always open for her.

 

Should I keep my door open for her?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Should I keep my door open for her?"

 

Not in a thousand years.

 

Will you ever get tired of being a fool? Aren't there any other ladies in your parts you can see who aren't married, who aren't users, who aren't manipulators and who aren't totally screwed in the head?

[silvermoon]

If you're ok with being man #2 (and occassionally man #1 or maybe even man #3), then keep the door wide open. If you're expecting more from the relationship, then put some conditions on opening the door for her (for example, her divorce has to be finalized before you'll see her again). Why does she do it? I think she contacts you because she likes you and you offer her everything that's missing in her marriage, but she thinks of you as the back-up man because you're meeting those needs for her without requiring any commitment from her.

[napstr_grrl74]

Dump that chick. She's using you because you leave the door open for her to do it. Be smart and stay away. Trust me. It takes one to know one.

A woman I have known for 20 some years started working at the factory where I work. She and I go a long way back.We started dating about a year after meeting each other. At that time I thought the world of her. We went steady for about 2 or 3 months. Then one day she left me for someone else. No arguements. No fights. I thought I treated her right. But she left me anyway. About 2 years later she came back and wanted to date me again. So we,dated again for a even shorter go around, maybe 1 or 2 weeks. Then the same thing happened. She left me. Now 18 years later she shows up where I work. We have had contact with each other a little bit over the years on friendship basis only, and only talked to each other if we happened to cross paths.

 

Once again she asked me if I would be interested in seeing her. Only things are much different now. She is married. She asked me out for a couple of drinks one night and started telling me about the way her husband was treating her. She told me that he had physicaly and verbly abused her. Also told me of the controlling things he was doing to her such as keeping her away from her family. She also told me she has intention of divorcing him. In fact she said her and her husband have been separated for 2 months. So once again I started seeing her. So now after commiting adultery, which I pointed out to her that we should`nt go out with each other till her divorce was final,for I did not want to be a reason for her divorce but the things that her husband had done to her be the reason for divorce. She went back to her husband.

 

Why does she do this to me? I feel that today as well as 20 years ago that she only sees me as a back up man. That when things go bad in her current relationships that I am there to catch her from her fall. In fact when she told me she was going back to her husband she asked me if my door was always open for her. Should I keep my door open for her?

[sparkle]

Get this lady out of your life immediately, and get FAR away from her. Do not let her back in. She's really been jerking you around...what a hoochiemama!!!

[Tony T]

hoochiemamas - RAID insecticide is excellent for getting rid of those things.

[arthropod98]

totally agree with all responses to NOT see, talk to, think about, WHATEVER, this woman again!!

 

she is playing you, and you are only good enough when her current situation STINKS. this kind of person makes me ANGRY, and i DON'T want anyone like that around me -- think that's the attitude you need here.

 

don't let her or ANYONE use you like this!!

A woman I have known for 20 some years started working at the factory where I work. She and I go a long way back.We started dating about a year after meeting each other. At that time I thought the world of her. We went steady for about 2 or 3 months. Then one day she left me for someone else. No arguements. No fights. I thought I treated her right. But she left me anyway. About 2 years later she came back and wanted to date me again. So we,dated again for a even shorter go around, maybe 1 or 2 weeks. Then the same thing happened. She left me. Now 18 years later she shows up where I work. We have had contact with each other a little bit over the years on friendship basis only, and only talked to each other if we happened to cross paths.

 

Once again she asked me if I would be interested in seeing her. Only things are much different now. She is married. She asked me out for a couple of drinks one night and started telling me about the way her husband was treating her. She told me that he had physicaly and verbly abused her. Also told me of the controlling things he was doing to her such as keeping her away from her family. She also told me she has intention of divorcing him. In fact she said her and her husband have been separated for 2 months. So once again I started seeing her. So now after commiting adultery, which I pointed out to her that we should`nt go out with each other till her divorce was final,for I did not want to be a reason for her divorce but the things that her husband had done to her be the reason for divorce. She went back to her husband.

 

Why does she do this to me? I feel that today as well as 20 years ago that she only sees me as a back up man. That when things go bad in her current relationships that I am there to catch her from her fall. In fact when she told me she was going back to her husband she asked me if my door was always open for her. Should I keep my door open for her?

[Ed]

There is an old saying (I think the great philosopher Confusions or somebody said it) that goes:

 

Screw me Once...Shame on you.

 

Screw me Twice...Shame on me.

 

Screw me Three Times...People will call you all kinds of derogatory names!

 

I can just imagine what kind of stories you have to tell about the other relationships you've had in the past 20 years.

[deelyte]

I think you should ask NOT why did she do this to me, BUT why do I allow her to keep doing this to me. People will do to you, only as much as you allow them to do. You come off sounding helpless in this situation, which you are not. If you are satisfied being second choice (because that's what you are as you said so yourself) & you are content in a non committed relationship, than by all means leave the door open. If you were seriously searching for a committed & caring relationship, you would NOT be asking the question should I leave the door open or not...you would know to slam that door shut & lock it up for good. Good Luck to you!

A woman I have known for 20 some years started working at the factory where I work. She and I go a long way back.We started dating about a year after meeting each other. At that time I thought the world of her. We went steady for about 2 or 3 months. Then one day she left me for someone else. No arguements. No fights. I thought I treated her right. But she left me anyway. About 2 years later she came back and wanted to date me again. So we,dated again for a even shorter go around, maybe 1 or 2 weeks. Then the same thing happened. She left me. Now 18 years later she shows up where I work. We have had contact with each other a little bit over the years on friendship basis only, and only talked to each other if we happened to cross paths.

 

Once again she asked me if I would be interested in seeing her. Only things are much different now. She is married. She asked me out for a couple of drinks one night and started telling me about the way her husband was treating her. She told me that he had physicaly and verbly abused her. Also told me of the controlling things he was doing to her such as keeping her away from her family. She also told me she has intention of divorcing him. In fact she said her and her husband have been separated for 2 months. So once again I started seeing her. So now after commiting adultery, which I pointed out to her that we should`nt go out with each other till her divorce was final,for I did not want to be a reason for her divorce but the things that her husband had done to her be the reason for divorce. She went back to her husband.

 

Why does she do this to me? I feel that today as well as 20 years ago that she only sees me as a back up man. That when things go bad in her current relationships that I am there to catch her from her fall. In fact when she told me she was going back to her husband she asked me if my door was always open for her. Should I keep my door open for her?