Well, folks. Tonight. The. Shit. Hit. The. Fan.

[Sup]

Y'know, I don't think she really wants them anyway, to be honest.

 

She's threatened to fight for them - lots of times - but when I say "go on then", she always backs down.

 

For example, after what happened tonight, she texted me to say she's going to "report me and fight for the kids". Report me? For what? Being pissed that my wife is telling a 24 year old kid who she's never met that she loves him? Huh?

 

Anyway, after telling me that she'll fight for the kids, she then goes on to say that she wants to see them on Saturday.

 

Saturday? It's only Monday now. If she cares for them that much, what about the rest of the damned week?

 

See what I mean?

 

Just make sure YOU never back down!!!!!!

[cbabirdee]

Sorry to come in late in this board and give my opinion, but I really feel for you, UK, you are obviously an intelligent, kind, forgiving person. And you know what will happen with this online thing with the 24 year-old: either he will be totally unattractive to her or she will regret EVERYTHING and then try to come back and it will be too late. I hope, for YOUR sake, that you have been able to move on, file papers and perhaps even think about life with someone else, or just a life without her in it, aside from the parental responsibilities.

 

I have been SEPARATED since 2001. I never filed, he never filed. Quite awkward when it comes to relationships (as if there are any on my part). He was a cheater x2 and it was HORRIBLE beyond anything I can measure on a pain scale. I truly did not think I would survive it. I did. I have had dates, I am VERY happy, my kids are happy, we all get along well (although it took me five years to get over the anger and to be able to LOOK at his girlfriend -who had been a FRIEND of ours- at all without cursing her and wanting to punch her face in). I needed to get over HIM and move on. I am doing OK. It would be so much better, I think, though....had I filed for divorce in that first year. He supports us completely while I am in nursing school. Pays all the bills. I am hoping that it will all work out, but honestly, UK, I hope that you end things and can get over her. I get it. I just think, don't linger TOO long on it. One year is PLENTY of time. Anyone else agree?

[Gunny376]

dragging around a dead horse everywhere you go! People look, point, and stare ~ laugh at you ~ tell you ~ "Hey! You're dragging around a dead horse!" After awhile you get use to it ~ you become accustomed to it ~ until one day ~ years upon years later ~ you realize ~ "Hey! Why am I dragging this dead horse around with me everywhere I go?

[CryingCanuck]

How long has this been going on for UK? Early May?

Not that long, yes it's traumatic and yes it's very very sad but give him a break. UK take all the time you need buddy, it's been what? 6 months since my wife left, and as much as my anger was able to mask a lot of my grief, now that the anger is somewhat gone, I'm still in pain and will be for some time. I'm trying to move on and I hope the sooner the better but really I still care for her even though she says she has feelings for me but doesn;t love me in the least, her illness has as much to do with that as anything but I'm trying to let go, and you are/will also but s*** man give yourself some healing time.

 

You're going to have very bad days and some not so bad but ( I hope I'm right here) they will become less and less sad and less stressful.

 

Bud we're all behind you and know that you will do what's right for you and your kids.

[Billy Bob]

Not to give you too much of a sob story, but I visited the twilight zone with my wife 6-8 months ago and went through about 4 months of what I thought was the worst misery a man could go through. After 13 years and two kids my stay-at-home wife suddenly decided she didn't love me anymore (wasn't in-love) and wanted to be 21 again and hang out at nightclubs with 21 year olds? (She's 35). She wanted to move out to her own place and leave the kids with me.

 

Well, to make a long story short, after me contacting a lawyer, getting documents prepared, marriage counseling, anti-depressants.. we finally patched things up (her fantasy bubble popped). I had missed quite a bit of work and became very depressed during all of this, I was physically ill often, throwing up and lost 15-20 lbs. I was soooo in-love with my wife I didn't understand what was happening.

 

In March, just as things were on the mend, I was diagnosed with aggressive bladder cancer (really really rare for someone my age), and although I am in the middle of dealing with cancer, my wife is starting to flake out yet again. I truly believe part of the reason I got cancer was that my immune system was so run down from the maritial problems/stress. (Hint - take care of yourself - it takes a tremendous toll on your body).

 

I will not be a doormat for her next time. I learned my lesson, no woman who can knowingly put you through the emotional pain you have been through is worth pursuing. Find someone who treats you right and respects your relationship.

 

What I am afraid of for you is that your wife will come crawling back in a few weeks, you will take her back and a few months later the cycle will start again. There is no erasing her actions, they will stay in your mind. I'm starting to realize that I probably made a big mistake not making a run for it when I had the opportunity (although I may soon again )

 

I'm actually looking forward to seeing how much better I can make my life. And, let me guarantee you, when I was diagnosed with cancer, life looked real good with or without my wife. Its all a matter of perspective.

[Billy Bob]

Oh, and make no mistake, when (if) you do actually file for divorce, she will go after the kids (even if she says she doesn't want them right now) and become very nasty. Just speaking from experience.

[uksurfer]

Not to give you too much of a sob story, but I visited the twilight zone with my wife 6-8 months ago and went through about 4 months of what I thought was the worst misery a man could go through. After 13 years and two kids my stay-at-home wife suddenly decided she didn't love me anymore (wasn't in-love) and wanted to be 21 again and hang out at nightclubs with 21 year olds? (She's 35). She wanted to move out to her own place and leave the kids with me.

 

Well, to make a long story short, after me contacting a lawyer, getting documents prepared, marriage counseling, anti-depressants.. we finally patched things up (her fantasy bubble popped). I had missed quite a bit of work and became very depressed during all of this, I was physically ill often, throwing up and lost 15-20 lbs. I was soooo in-love with my wife I didn't understand what was happening.

 

In March, just as things were on the mend, I was diagnosed with aggressive bladder cancer (really really rare for someone my age), and although I am in the middle of dealing with cancer, my wife is starting to flake out yet again. I truly believe part of the reason I got cancer was that my immune system was so run down from the maritial problems/stress. (Hint - take care of yourself - it takes a tremendous toll on your body).

 

I will not be a doormat for her next time. I learned my lesson, no woman who can knowingly put you through the emotional pain you have been through is worth pursuing. Find someone who treats you right and respects your relationship.

 

What I am afraid of for you is that your wife will come crawling back in a few weeks, you will take her back and a few months later the cycle will start again. There is no erasing her actions, they will stay in your mind. I'm starting to realize that I probably made a big mistake not making a run for it when I had the opportunity (although I may soon again )

 

I'm actually looking forward to seeing how much better I can make my life. And, let me guarantee you, when I was diagnosed with cancer, life looked real good with or without my wife. Its all a matter of perspective.

 

Thanks, man. That helps. Sounds almost identical to what's going on over here. About the bubble popping, yeah, I know that's a possibility, and that she might come back. But whether I'm open to that is all down to timing. If it happened tomorrow, I think I'd be the happiest man on the planet. If it happened in four months time? Y'know, I'm not so sure...

 

Take it easy with the cancer, too. I hope things work out for you.

 

How long has this been going on for UK? Early May? Not that long, yes it's traumatic and yes it's very very sad but give him a break.

 

Yeah, about early May. But she only moved out less than 2 weeks ago, and has been back here a whole bunch of times since then. However, the real blow only happend on Monday night when I overheard that phone call. Up until then, she'd been hinting that there'd be a chance of working this out between us.

 

Thanks for the words, too, CC.

[iron_m]

1) She tells you: I am not in love any more . I want to live my life. OUR marriage is not good (=you are not good enough for me). I want to meet other people (=I can do better)...

 

2) BUT all she is really saying is: I want to have fun with this 24 y.o. boy while you cry and do the household chores (and beg me to return).

 

3) I bet that if you confront her, she'll say that he is only a friend and that she never "cheated on you", that they "fall in love" AFTER breaking with you. (even though the emailing and stuff was already going moth ago probably!)

 

4) She is so desperate to live her "new life" that she is leaving kids behind and she doesn't think of consequences.

 

That's something you will read a lot around here. It is happening to me right now.

 

One thing I am working on is to understand that I do not LOVE my wife. it is not love any more... it is obsession! man, you cannot love a person who is doing that to you. It is against your own integrity!!!

 

 

It is hard, I know, but you have to realize that she does not deserve your love and you do not deserve the treatment you are getting from her. and your kids deserve a stable home with one responsible parent (better that a crazy home with a dad and a crazy woman who is open her legs to any young male that she meets in the internet or a nightclub)

 

listen to cta he has a story to tell from his experience. Your health and your children's health is far more important than anything right now.

 

regarding divorce... you know what is best. but try to fight in your own territory and with the advantage of facts in your favor:

 

a) your kids are with you already= you are a responsable father. keep doing the good job and try to improve as much as possible. build your own network of support and get rid of the help of her mother

 

b) DO NOT attempt to prevent your wife from seeing the kids. let the kids call her, let them time together, if she rejects it (because she wants to be with the boyfriend) OK, just take note of it and keep doing the right thing.

 

c) Let her to be at fault. let her to be late for visits, let her skip visits, let her to see with the boyfriend while still married... and try to document it or at least take notes to remember the details.

 

d) try to be ok, don't fall into deppression, get help, counseling, talk to friends, organize activities for you and the kids.

 

with all this points OK, then you'll win custody because it will be clear what is the best interest for the kids!

 

now, if:

you start puting down your wife in fron of the kids.

you don't let the kids see/talk to the mother

you are deppresed to the point you can not deal wit basic tasks/do your job

you are issolated from friends and other people and carry your kid with you in that lonely word....

you behave along the lines your wife is behaving and start being a jerk...

 

then it would be easier for her to take away your children...

 

 

AND

 

do not assume that she will not fight custody.

because as soon as she realizes that you can be happy and a responsible father WITHOUT her. as soon as she start hearing comments from friends and family saying good things about you...

she'll go for the kids for two reasons: one to "appear reasponsible", the other to make you unhappy.

 

A fraction of her joy right now cames from seeing you desperate about her. so she has both things: a young 24y.o. that desires her because she is hot at 35 (she thinks ;^) ) and the husband "loves" her because she is so nessary and wonderfull as a partner. she thinks she is superwoman right now...

If you move on and break that bubble that she has made around her, you can expect that she'll be all pissed off and who know what is she ready to do.

so do not assume, do not panic, but try to think of it better. keep talking to people here, but start talking to friend and family. ask for help for you and the kids.

 

all the best for you!

[Gunny376]

People do what they do, make the decisions that they make based upon two human emotions ~ either fear or desire.

 

You are doing ~ what you do out of fear ~ fear of losing your wife ~ fear of losing the "Love of your life"

 

She is doing what she is doing out of desire, becuase she desires to be desired by younger men ~ because of her own in-securties, low self esteem. but she is not acting out of fear ~ because she has nothing to fear. At present she can have her cake and eat it to.

 

Do you not see the incompatability of the two.

 

I'm not adavocating being a jerk ~ I'm just saying that if you have a chance of getting this all back together ~ you're going to have to instill fear and desire in her. Fear of losing everything that she has, and desire to come back into her comfort zone.

[uksurfer]

1) She tells you: I am not in love any more . I want to live my life. OUR marriage is not good (=you are not good enough for me). I want to meet other people (=I can do better)...

 

2) BUT all she is really saying is: I want to have fun with this 24 y.o. boy while you cry and do the household chores (and beg me to return).

 

3) I bet that if you confront her, she'll say that he is only a friend and that she never "cheated on you", that they "fall in love" AFTER breaking with you. (even though the emailing and stuff was already going moth ago probably!)

 

4) She is so desperate to live her "new life" that she is leaving kids behind and she doesn't think of consequences.

 

That's something you will read a lot around here. It is happening to me right now.

 

One thing I am working on is to understand that I do not LOVE my wife. it is not love any more... it is obsession! man, you cannot love a person who is doing that to you. It is against your own integrity!!!

 

 

It is hard, I know, but you have to realize that she does not deserve your love and you do not deserve the treatment you are getting from her. and your kids deserve a stable home with one responsible parent (better that a crazy home with a dad and a crazy woman who is open her legs to any young male that she meets in the internet or a nightclub)

 

listen to cta he has a story to tell from his experience. Your health and your children's health is far more important than anything right now.

 

regarding divorce... you know what is best. but try to fight in your own territory and with the advantage of facts in your favor:

 

a) your kids are with you already= you are a responsable father. keep doing the good job and try to improve as much as possible. build your own network of support and get rid of the help of her mother

 

b) DO NOT attempt to prevent your wife from seeing the kids. let the kids call her, let them time together, if she rejects it (because she wants to be with the boyfriend) OK, just take note of it and keep doing the right thing.

 

c) Let her to be at fault. let her to be late for visits, let her skip visits, let her to see with the boyfriend while still married... and try to document it or at least take notes to remember the details.

 

d) try to be ok, don't fall into deppression, get help, counseling, talk to friends, organize activities for you and the kids.

 

with all this points OK, then you'll win custody because it will be clear what is the best interest for the kids!

 

now, if:

you start puting down your wife in fron of the kids.

you don't let the kids see/talk to the mother

you are deppresed to the point you can not deal wit basic tasks/do your job

you are issolated from friends and other people and carry your kid with you in that lonely word....

you behave along the lines your wife is behaving and start being a jerk...

 

then it would be easier for her to take away your children...

 

 

AND

 

do not assume that she will not fight custody.

because as soon as she realizes that you can be happy and a responsible father WITHOUT her. as soon as she start hearing comments from friends and family saying good things about you...

she'll go for the kids for two reasons: one to "appear reasponsible", the other to make you unhappy.

 

A fraction of her joy right now cames from seeing you desperate about her. so she has both things: a young 24y.o. that desires her because she is hot at 35 (she thinks ;^) ) and the husband "loves" her because she is so nessary and wonderfull as a partner. she thinks she is superwoman right now...

If you move on and break that bubble that she has made around her, you can expect that she'll be all pissed off and who know what is she ready to do.

so do not assume, do not panic, but try to think of it better. keep talking to people here, but start talking to friend and family. ask for help for you and the kids.

 

all the best for you!

 

Excellent post, man.

 

And I'm pretty much doing everything you say already. She's the one who's been trying to use the kids as a bargaining tool.

 

I guess at the end of the day, I could have just done without all this happening. I just can't be arsed to deal with it all - and even though she says she now wants no contact with me, she keeps emailing me every day to ask how things are, how the kids are, etc.

 

Jeez, I wish she'd either f*** off and leave me alone, or come and talk to me properly about all this, like the adult she's supposed to be.

 

See, I think I'm starting to get indifferent about this, now.

 

Great point about love vs. obsession, too. I agree. This can't be love now. It *was* love. But yeah, how can I possibly love someone who's able to do this to me and my family?

 

That's given me something (else) to think about!

 

 

(Oh, and she's 38, not 35. She's hot to me, make no mistake, but I can't understand how she'd be hot to a 24 year old who probably spends all of their time with a whole bunch of 24 year old girls. I know that when I was 24, I certainly wasn't chasing married 38 year olds who had 2 kids!!)

[DesperateDad]

I can't understand how she'd be hot to a 24 year old who probably spends all of their time with a whole bunch of 24 year old girls. I know that when I was 24, I certainly wasn't chasing married 38 year olds who had 2 kids!!)

 

I have to point out that the reason this guy isn't out chasing other 24 year old girls is that he's obviously a f***ing loser. Think the comic book store guy on the Simpsons. My two cents!

[dgiirl]

I have to point out that the reason this guy isn't out chasing other 24 year old girls is that he's obviously a f***ing loser. Think the comic book store guy on the Simpsons. My two cents!

 

lol I was about to say something similar. Obviously there's something strange about this guy and I fear that your wife is putting herself into danger. This isnt something for you to worry about or fix, but make sure YOU protect yourself and kids. Make sure you pay very close attention to the finances and make sure she's not creating any debt in your name! This is why it's important to start the divorce proceedings, atleast get a separation agreement or something. You might still love her and all that, but right now you need to be legally protected.

[uksurfer]

I have to point out that the reason this guy isn't out chasing other 24 year old girls is that he's obviously a f***ing loser. Think the comic book store guy on the Simpsons. My two cents!

 

s*** man, that's just made my day. I'd never thought of it like that before.

 

Heh.

[Guest]

Wow, what a story.

 

Her behavior is pretty classic for one of those women in mid-life crisis who isn't thinking quite clearly.

 

It's tough that you have kids, because I can pretty much guarantee that you could scare the crap out of her by going NO CONTACT and she'll start to panic and the open the doors for reconciliation. I don't know how to swing it when you have kids.

 

I predict that if you do the cold 180 degree turn, start acting like you don't give a crap, don't answer her emails or phone calls except rarely in regards to the children, you'll see more A LOT more progress towards her coming back. If you want it.

 

Classic. Stay strong, dude. The ball will soon be in your court. Trust me on this one.

[Ladyjane14]

What a crappy situation, UK.

 

What was it that she told you when you separated? That she needed time to think about the marriage? She needed space to sort things out?

 

Apparently, that's not quite the case. You know, I think there are two kinds of separations. One is a prelude to divorce with no words minced about what the final outcome is going to be. In some places, it's part of getting a divorce decree that both parties prove they aren't living together.

 

The other kind of separation is the one that's ostensibly to provide "time" and "space". This is the one that most often is abused by the wayward party. They sell a big old bag 'o crap to their partner about how they're using their time to think it over.... then they go their merry way, justified in the idea that "separated" is the same as single.

 

I think it's wise for you to prepare your divorce strategy and see an attorney, much as you've already planned. You've already called her on her plans to meet this boy, but I'm wondering if you've addressed the original terms of your separation. It should be VERY clear to her that "dating" is cheating.... and will be addressed as such. She should never be able to come back with the "But we were separated...." arguement in order to justify her infidelity.

 

I think if I were you, I'd continue to Plan A until she actually takes action on her plans to meet this boy. If she does.... I'd expose her to all of her important people in one fell swoop, and then I'd go to Plan B. (Well, if it were me.... I'd actually go to Plan D , but I'm assuming you aren't ready for that yet.)

 

All in all, I think your best bet is to get your consequences prepared in advance.

[iron_m]

Excellent post, man.

 

And I'm pretty much doing everything you say already. She's the one who's been trying to use the kids as a bargaining tool.

 

I guess at the end of the day, I could have just done without all this happening. I just can't be arsed to deal with it all - and even though she says she now wants no contact with me, she keeps emailing me every day to ask how things are, how the kids are, etc.

 

Jeez, I wish she'd either f*** off and leave me alone, or come and talk to me properly about all this, like the adult she's supposed to be.

 

See, I think I'm starting to get indifferent about this, now.

 

Great point about love vs. obsession, too. I agree. This can't be love now. It *was* love. But yeah, how can I possibly love someone who's able to do this to me and my family?

 

That's given me something (else) to think about!

 

 

(Oh, and she's 38, not 35. She's hot to me, make no mistake, but I can't understand how she'd be hot to a 24 year old who probably spends all of their time with a whole bunch of 24 year old girls. I know that when I was 24, I certainly wasn't chasing married 38 year olds who had 2 kids!!)

I am in a very simmilar situation, my wife (33) is very hot to me, I loved her. I may have not been the best husband, but I am not a jerk at all. She has met someone in the internet and she is leaving everything (even our daughter) to go with him. Of course that she has a ton of reasons other than that:

1) I was wrong 8 years ago when I married you and I didn't know

2) We do not get along

3) My career is so important

4) we could recover our lost friendship

5) oh! and there is this guy I met some 6 month ago in msn...

 

When she told me everything some 3 weeks ago y said: I'll love you for ever... I'll wait for you... what an idiot!!!

 

But I am now seeing the real picture (piece by piece). I will not love her forever. I do not even love her now, it is not reasonable or even convenient to my mental health!

 

I am in no interest of being her friend. Why should I? And for sure she CANNOT expect me to be waiting with open arms if her "trial love" does work!

 

Now, you ask yourself what class of man can get involved with a spouse and mother? Some other fellow members already gave you a clue

I don't have a general rule, but I can describe my wife's boyfriend: my wife says he is so sweet and understandind, but has had bad luck with his previous relationships ... I have tracked him to a bunch of internet sites, he is into this virtual love thing with girls from all over the hispanic world (spain, mexico, etc...) he was all day inside his parents house surfing those sites (yeah, at 30 he lives with mama and dad) until he found one woman crazy enough to cross the ocean and go to "try" this with him... man! that's my sweetheart!

 

now, do you think I can love a woman this crazy? I suffer for my daughter that is very much attached to her... but hell! I can not let my daughter to live with a woman this crazy!

 

So I am playing the "understanding soon to be ex"... to get divorce and full custody with a "resonable visitation scheme" for her and without contesting anything... once that is done (cheap and quick hopefuly)... she'll have to fight her way up the hill if she wants any change, and I'll be in my strong position protecting my child and myself.

 

and one more thing:

if looking at her makes you weak because you find her hot, DON'T look at her any more... or try to be there when she gets up and she still didn't brush her hair and all that stuff LOL

[Trimmer]

When she told me everything some 3 weeks ago y said: I'll love you for ever... I'll wait for you... what an idiot!!!

 

It was a year ago yesterday.... D-day 1-1/2, I call it. Discovered that it really was - at least partially - about the OM. (D-Day 1: initial indications that she was thinking of leaving, D-Day 2: final termination, stop trying, don't go away mad, just go away.) I told her I loved her, that I would wait for her, that I would fight for her, that I would change for her. But luckily, in retrospect, I had the sanity not to say, or think, "forever"... She remained uninterested, and the rest is history.

[iron_m]

It was a year ago yesterday.... D-day 1-1/2, I call it. Discovered that it really was - at least partially - about the OM. (D-Day 1: initial indications that she was thinking of leaving, D-Day 2: final termination, stop trying, don't go away mad, just go away.) I told her I loved her, that I would wait for her, that I would fight for her, that I would change for her. But luckily, in retrospect, I had the sanity not to say, or think, "forever"... She remained uninterested, and the rest is history.

 

more or less the same in my case:

day 1: she says she wants divorce

day 1-1/2 (just next morning) she says she just stop talking to OM and "upon gettin the news he proposed to her and she said yes"

 

I wish this had happened one year ago though!

[uksurfer]

Obviously there's something strange about this guy

 

Obviously, there's something even stranger about my wife!

 

Like, I'm starting to bump into more and more of our friends that she's told, and they're all telling me about how *proud* she sounded of what she's done when she told them. (Proud? Huh? That still gets me every time.) However, unfortunately for her, they're also telling me abut how messed up, how ridiculous, and how 'mid life crisis' she sounded, too.

 

All in all, I think your best bet is to get your consequences prepared in advance.

 

Yeah, it's all in hand. (And I knew you'd keep checking in here - even if you were on vacation! )

 

Her behavior is pretty classic for one of those women in mid-life crisis who isn't thinking quite clearly.

 

It's tough that you have kids, because I can pretty much guarantee that you could scare the crap out of her by going NO CONTACT and she'll start to panic and the open the doors for reconciliation. I don't know how to swing it when you have kids.

 

I'm actually doing no contact right now (2 days in ) as much as having kids will allow, however, she found out today that I'm planning to get rid of this house ASAP, and to go bankrupt - and so she called me today, crying. She sounded like she was panicking. She's realised that she has a lot of stuff still in our house and she obviously can't keep all of that in her box room, and also that when I go bankrupt, she'll be chased for all of the joint debt (which is a fair bit), and also that she knows that when I have my own place, she's not gonna be able to pop round and let herself in and use the washing machine or the dryer, or have a cup of tea, and all that kind of stuff.

 

This is just the reality of her decision setting in and I think her little bubble is about to P.O.P.

 

But I am now seeing the real picture (piece by piece). I will not love her forever. I do not even love her now, it is not reasonable or even convenient to my mental health!

 

Me either. If I carry on, I'm gonna end up as screwed up as she is!!

 

Of course that she has a ton of reasons other than that:

 

Yeah, "reasons", in quotes. Don't you just love 'em. She didn't like me sitting on the sofa. Huh? She didn't like my feet. Huh? Ad infinitum. Pretty damned solid reasons to end a marriage without even wanting to discuss it, eh?

 

(Umm, there's nothing at all wrong with my feet, btw! It's not as if I have, like, webbed feet or twelve toes or anything like that. Jeez. )

[uksurfer]

more or less the same in my case:

day 1: she says she wants divorce

day 1-1/2 (just next morning) she says she just stop talking to OM and "upon gettin the news he proposed to her and she said yes"

 

I wish this had happened one year ago though!

 

Hmmm.

 

Day 1: I catch her IMing this 24 year old, and she tells me it's over and she doesn't even want to talk about it.

Day 2: She takes off her wedding ring and tells me "we're not married any more".

Day 3(ish): I protest, naturally, and she says "you're dumped, get over it!"

 

And bang goes my seven week teenage relationship. Whoops, I meant my seven year marriage.

 

Silly me.

[Art_Critic]

Did you hire a lawyer yet ? what did he have to say about your situation ?

 

 

I hope you don't think this is going to blow over and she will return..

[uksurfer]

I hope you don't think this is going to blow over and she will return..

 

What? You mean she won't?

 

Seriously, though, I'm *making* myself think that she won't.

 

Best I can do so far, I'm afraid.

[most]

I feel so sad for you & your children. Since she left your household I would think that would be abandonment. Sounds like shes trying to be something shes not....young again, and doing all of this to satisfy her selfish ego. Why be with someone that would do that to her family with no regrets? I wonder how your children are adjusting.Honestly I think your better off.

[Billy Bob]

Me, I think she will try to reconcile. I think as soon as this fantasy bubble pops she will be telling you what a mistake she has made, that she was out of her mind.

 

I think the bubble will pop right after she meets her fantasy 24 year old. I can tell you this that whatever happens it won't last more than a week. He is just some dumb kid jerking off while texting your wife and telling her how hot she is. The fantasy bubble might pop 15 minutes after she meets him. She is going to have quite a revelation at that point.

 

The big question is what are you going to do when she shows up crying at your doorstep, begging you to take her back. Just her financial reality will cause her to fall to her knees when she finally confronts it.

 

Big question is what are you going to do when (not if) this happens? Do you have the balls to shut the door on her? (I didn't - and regretting it now).

[iron_m]

UK:

Things for you to think about (I am thinking of these for myself right now also):

1) Her bubble may pop and she may decide to return... would that be good or bad for you? sincerely...

 

2) taking very important desicions right now, such as selling the house, going into bankrupcy, etc: is that really necesary?

all the reading I've done in these weeks are in fact recomending the contrary DO NOT MAKE ANY EXTREME DESICION NOW (unless there is no other choice). talk to your legal advisor/lawyer... would this be a problem if you have to fight for custody? I have no idea, but a father that just went into bakrupcy may be seen as not very reliable... or not? ask an aknowlegeable person. one thing you have to differentiate from your STBXW is this: she thinks with her gonads... you think with your brain.

 

3) Are you doing things just to upset your STBXW? if you go into that you are giving her a lot of your energy, energy you have to save for you and your kids. Maybe it is better to do things that are good for you and the kids, no matter if that makes her happy or sad.

 

4) Think about getting the best help (financial/legal/psycological/etc..) you can afford: if you feel you need them, you most likelly really need them.