Relationship help

[Cyberbeer]

Alright this is difficult for me to post..but I would like everyone to post they're honest opinion.

 

I've been in a relationship for 10 months now. This person gave me the chance of a lifetime to start over. Taught me everything I needed to know to succeed in life. Taught me everything about everything.

 

When I first met him, he was extremely confident...to the point of arrogance, but he always carried humility. I was not very confident in myself and he taught that to me. I know that I can do anything, and have anyone. Marriage is out of the question as he is in the middle of divorce. We're both stubborn and pretty much set in our ways...it seems we are butting heads more and more. He is quite a bit older then me, which is fine, he looks my age hehe.

 

Anyway I feel the biggest issue is sex. He has "needs", everyday...perhaps even 2-3 times a day. In his marriage(15 years), I assume he was accustomed to getting sex when and where he wanted it. When I say no, he takes it as rejection, and later resents me for it. We've had many debates on the topic but can never come to a middle ground. He assumes when I was no, it means I do not love him. Which is not the case, we've been through hell...his X-wife is trying to rape him financially. My childhood was full of abuse and neglect.

 

He comes off as very dominant and assertive. If things are not seen his way, its pretty much the highway. I do not know how to fix things between us. He calls me selfish, and I think his expectations are way to high. We can not seem to find any middle ground. Sometimes I think we are so much alike we hate one another.

 

Anyway, any advice that you guys can give me would be most helpful. Please be totally honest, as I want things to work out. Thanks in advance.

[Ed]

Alright this is difficult for me to post..but

 

I would like everyone to post they're honest opinion.

 

I've been in a relationship for 10 months

 

now. This person gave me the chance of a lifetime

 

to start over. Taught me everything I needed to

 

know to succeed in life. Taught me everything

 

about everything.

 

When I first met him, he was extremely confident...to

 

the point of arrogance, but he always carried

 

humility. I was not very confident in myself and

 

he taught that to me. I know that I can do anything,

 

and have anyone.

 

This is positive. I like to see people looking on the positive side of a situation. If you have gained nothing else, you can at least take this with you.

 

Marriage is out of the question as he is in the middle of divorce.

 

This confused me. Why would you even consider marriage when you are having compatibility problems like this? No one in their right mind would advise you to marry him anytime soon.

 

We're both stubborn and pretty much set in our ways...it

 

seems we are butting heads more and more. He is

 

quite a bit older then me, which is fine, he looks

 

my age hehe.

 

Anyway I feel the biggest issue is sex. He

 

has "needs", everyday...perhaps even

 

2-3 times a day. In his marriage(15 years), I

 

assume he was accustomed to getting sex when and

 

where he wanted it.

 

It sounds like you two are incompatible in a number of ways, not the least of which is sexual frequency.

 

When I say no, he takes it

 

as rejection, and later resents me for it. We've

 

had many debates on the topic but can never come

 

to a middle ground. He assumes when I was no,

 

it means I do not love him. Which is not the case,

 

He has sex and love confused. Is he divorcing his wife or is she divorcing him? It sounds like she is divorcing him, therefor he is feeling rejected by her. It will take some time for him to work through this, but only if he really works on it. If he's got another partner, he probably won't do it and the feelings of rejection may linger for quite sometime, if not forever.

 

we've been through hell...his X-wife is trying to rape him financially.

 

She can't put anybody through hell that doesn't want to go through it with her. He needs to talk to a good divorce lawyer about his finances.

 

My childhood was full of abuse and neglect.

 

You may need some professional help with this.

 

He comes off as very dominant and assertive.

 

If things are not seen his way, its pretty much

 

the highway. I do not know how to fix things between

 

us. He calls me selfish, and I think his expectations

 

are way to high. We can not seem to find any middle

 

ground. Sometimes I think we are so much alike

 

we hate one another.

 

Anyway, any advice that you guys can give

 

me would be most helpful. Please be totally honest,

 

as I want things to work out. Thanks in advance.

 

I think you should separate yourself from him while he is getting divorced and for some time after that. Encourage him to seek counseling, financially and emotionally. You may benefit from some yourself. He needs to get his life straightened out before he will make a good partner for someone.

[darcy38]

A person who is going through a divorce alway has issues, My advice to anyone is get your divorce first serios relationship later!!! No relationship is funtional under the premise my way or the highway. The sex issue well if you don't want to have that much sex then so be it, don't. No relationship on the face of this earth will be a happy one without a least a decent form of communication, taking temper tamtrum is not communicating. i believe you and your bf should seek councelling and maybe your relationship can be helped. best wishes

[Tony T]

As others have said, the two of you sexually incompatible. There are also many other aspects of your personalities that are incompatible as well.

 

The fact that he has to have everything his own way and is assertive about that is a major danger sign and a signal that you need to exit this relationship immediately. I would recommend counselling but it is highly unlikely that a man who has gotten his way for so long with this behavior will be willing to change it for you.

 

You have given some excellent reasons why he is in the middle of a divorce at this time. Get away from him lest he be in the middle of one with you later on.

 

I'm surprised you even had to post this question. The answers are written all over your post.

[Cyberbeer]

I've been thinking and have discovered the reason why I stay in this relationship. I feel in debt to him for all he has done for me, and kinda feel sorry for him. Is this wrong? Normal? Stupid?

[Tony T]

It's mostly wrong and stupid. But, frankly, both of those things are normal for many people as well.

 

It's insane to stay in a sorry, unfilling relationship because you feel some sort of obligation.

[Cyberbeer]

Could I possibly be what some call the rebound "guy"? Is there no fix whatsoever? Do I need to change?

[matt]

Could I possibly be what some call the rebound "guy"? Is there no fix whatsoever? Do I need to change?

i have read through the posts and come across the word "confidence" several times that you imply you have. i am not hearing it. your "confidence" might stem from what you see in your boyfriend, not in you. please, seek some advice from people who know you two, and if you can't do that, seek professional counseling - its not a bad thing.