P O I S O N

[SadGreenEyes]

My bf had a "friend" of 13 years before we started dating. She had always been in love with him however he was never interested in her that way. Over the course of the 13 years he told me that they kissed once, when he was drunk at a wedding with her. This is the same wedding the bitch borrowed her mothers engagement ring and told her friends they were engaged. She is dilussional!

From the second he told her we were dating she flipped out on him, treating him as if he had an affair on her and from that point on and for the 12 months following she did everything she could to break us up. She called him several times a day, feeding him guilt trips, threatening suicide, bashing me, a woman she never met nor spoke to. She became poison to me and to our relationship, I cant tell you enough. Her being "around" led to many many nasty arguments, either from my disapproving of their friendship because she was in love with him, to her putting ideas in his head leading him to question some things about me. I can not begin to tell you...let's put it this way, my bf is in remission from cancer....well, she had become MY cancer, and I begged and pleaded with him to make her go away. He said, She will go away soon, she'll get the hint. I still resent him for not telling her to take a hike and to leave him and us alone.

9 Months ago I moved in with him. When he told her "before hand" that we were discussing my moving in with him, she told him - If that bitch moves in with you, I'll never speak to you again. I moved in, somehow she found out, no doubt by a drive by or a phone call that would end with an immediate "click". They havent spoken since!!!! There is a GOD!!

I always sensed in the back of my head and in my gut that she would resurface...someone who is dilussional and that relentless doesnt give up that easily.

Well, wouldnt you know it. This morning she called him on his cell. Ironically I decided to take a "mental health" day off from work and was here when she called. The first time she called it was quarter after 8am. Second time she called it was an hour later, he answered, he kept saying..Hello?Hello?Hello?, then he hung up and turned off his cell. He said who ever it was was saying back to him, Hello?Hello? On his way into work this afternoon, he listened to his voice messages. She left one saying she heard his sister passed away, 8 months ago by the way, she ran into a friend of his, another female whom she has never met, seen or spoken to...weird, huh? Approached her, asking if she new my bf, and asked this other friend about him, etc. which is where she came up with this information.

We both find it hard to believe, but possible. He called me and told me that "she" called and left a message, saying she was sorry about his sister, that she ran into this friend of his, that if he wanted to talk to her he knew her email address, which he said he doesnt remember, and that she changed her phone numbers and didnt want to disclose them.

Added bonus - she told him in the message she got a new job, less that 3 miles from where we live in our area. He himself was uncomfortable to hear that.

I was numb. I got so pissed and told him that if he calls her back or writes her an email or should respond to an email, because trust me, that's coming shortly, that he is welcoming her back into his life. I told him that if this were to happen, then I have no choice but to leave because I refuse to live the way I was forced to for the first year of our relationship with her negative influence and no regard or respect for him, me and our relationship. He said he understood, but I know him. He is ultra friendly, and I am terrorfied that they will start talking again and I will lose it and will have to disassociate myself from him and our already troubled relationship which we are in counselling for.

He told me to relax and that he knows how I feel and that he does not want things to be like they were when she was around.

How the F do I deal with this. Now I want to drive up and down the Blvd she works on and confront her.

She is poison to me and our relationship. He said she sounded pleasant on the message, yada yada yada. I said, yeah for now, wait until you start talking again, the bulls*** will start all over again.

AAGGGGHHHHHHHH! What do I do? How do I handle this? he says Im jumping the gun.

[ashnicole]

You ignore her. By you wanting to confront her, YOU'RE the one that would be welcoming her back into your life.

 

If you don't trust him, leave. If you think he's going to contact her, leave. The only thing you can do is ask him not to. What are you going to do, watch his every move to make sure he doesn't get a hold of her? That almost sounds like more trouble than it's worth.

 

Bottom line, what it sounds like to me, is that you're going to pine over this until something DOES happen, and then you're just going to leave anyway. In the mean time, you're stressing yourself out about something that hasn't even happened yet.

 

I always say, "why worry?" If it's going to happen, it's going to happen, and worrying and stressing about it is only going to make YOU feel worse.

 

Let it go, or let him go. Period.

[JackJack]

JMO, but if he had been friends with her for so long and by him not stepping up to the plate and telling her off, perhaps there was some little part of him that enjoyed the attention of being "faught" over. At any rate, you could try to get her for harrassment if she keeps it up. Maybe change your numbers on your house phone and cells etc. She sounds like a loose canon.

[SadGreenEyes]

I will not drive up and down the Blvd to find her nor do I want to confront her.

I would just like to accidently plow into her - by pure accident!

 

Im kidding! I just hate her so and hate the idea of her resurfacing and talking to him again. He said, maybe she grew up. I told him I highly doubt it, not in 10 months and her feelings didnt disapate in this short time either. Give her an inch and she will start all over again with him, calling all the time, making him feel like s***, guilty, bad mouthing me and his decisions.

I told him he was the a**h*** for listening to her in the first place. That's why they have a hang up button on the phone and a delete button on the email.

I just wish I could be Jeannie and blink the C U Next Tuesday away forever.

[SadGreenEyes]

Sorry,

I would have addressed the other post as well within my last post.

Believe me when I tell you that I have told him not to insult my intelligence! I knew damn well that he "loved" the attention he received by having 2 women vie for his love and attention. I told him, Jesus Guy, What a f***ing ego trip it was for you! I know you loved it! Meanwhile, IM, meaning ME, am your GIRLFRIEND, the one who you chose and has the potential of building a life together, where is your loyalty? Do you want a girlfriend and relationship with me or be friends with this psycho for the rest of your life, cruising around, going out to dinner where you always treated, etc? Hello?

I know it made his head 10x bigger than it was, however he would get angry because the fool played monkey in the middle, telling me what she said, telling her what I said, etc. He LOVED the attention, the dick!

I was reacting for the fun of it. I was really upset about all of this.

I gave him an ultimatum before, her or me. If he starts talking to her again, I have no choice but to leave. He knows where I stand and said to relax. He told me that when she was the negative outside force in our relationship a year ago as well.

[brightskies]

I know it made his head 10x bigger than it was, however he would get angry because the fool played monkey in the middle, telling me what she said, telling her what I said, etc. He LOVED the attention, the dick! I was reacting for the fun of it. I was really upset about all of this. I gave him an ultimatum before, her or me. If he starts talking to her again, I have no choice but to leave. He knows where I stand and said to relax.

 

Oh, good grief, save yourself the drama. If he insists on maintaining contact with someone who is obviously bad for your relationship, if he insists on not delineating proper boundaries with her, then he's not worth your time and effort. Good for you on clarifying your position: don't put up with this bullsh*t!!! You KNOW what you need to do. If he keeps up contact with her, leave.

[JadeStar]

This other girl's actions and your b/f' loving the attention and not doing anything about it, has made you become someone you are otherwise not. Its not healthy and I'm sure you are aware of that. Hopefully he will get the hint and now know you are serious in the fact that you will leave if he doesn't cut contact with her. Life is to short to be mad. Hope all works out.

 

 

 

Jade

[SadGreenEyes]

He received another call today on his cell from a blocked number. I told him I BET if was here. He didnt check his message yet.

How much you wanna bet it's her again? Her number comes up as blocked.

Oh, by the way, he contacted this other friend who the bitch said she ran into and got the info from. He said that she told him that this genital herpe infested whack job told her that she was engaged and now living in Queens, which is where we live. That's always comforting.

I know her email. Do I have a right to email her to back the f*** off?

Im sitting on pins and needles. Again, before I told him that he knows how I feel about this bitch and that she is unwelcome. He told me not to worry about it, and to relax.

How can I when she caused so much damage when she was in his life and the problems she caused between us?

He said to beat her at her own game and not to let it bother me. I said BS Guy! How can I not let the idea bother me since Im still licking my wounds.

I told him, I wish he understood how I felt. He said he did.

BullCrap! If he did, he would have done the right thing a year and a half ago and kicked her to the curb and would have told her not to frigging call him anymore.

I cant wait to see if it was her on his cell.

Im losing my mind over here. Our relationship is hanging on by a thread, its really bad. I dont need this added bulls*** right now. I have enough to worry about. Thank God for therapy and medication.

[brightskies]

What does your therapist say about all this? You seriously need to calm down or you'll end up with a nervous breakdown plus drive your bf away.

 

Don't contact the cretin and tell her to go away --- it's your bf's job to do that. If you contact her you'll just look like a "psycho-bitch" girlfriend. If he's serious about getting rid of her and protecting your relationship and your sanity, he really ought to tell her off. He can also change his phone number and block her email address. Those are things you might suggest --- not demand. It's up to him to do it, knowing how you feel about her and her intrusiveness.

 

As for your end of things, breathe deeply when you feel yourself being overwhelmed with anger and frustration, keep yourself busy with your awesome life, focus on keeping yourself happy, and keep up the meds/therapy. Another bonus: remember that someone as annoying and inconsiderate as she is must be truly miserable.

[SadGreenEyes]

Thanks for the question and thanks to all, again, for your wisdom. In this big scary world, it's nice to know there are kind caring people out there. Thank You!!

I just spoke to my therapist a little over an hour ago. I told her what was going on with this. As usual, I talk, vent and complain about a lot of things, and I have brought her up in an earlier session, so she knows about the "thorn in my side".

When I told her that she left a message yesterday, she sighed.

From what I gather, I believe my therapist is really only concentrating on ME right now, trying to help ME cope and deal. She muttered, "not good" when I mentioned her.

Ironically, and not unusual, bf and I had an argument this morning and afterwords, I called my therapist, and wouldnt you know it, he called her as well. ( She took him on as well ).

As I write, he is in his car having his session with "our" therapist, to give her his side of the story, so we'll see what happens.

Therapist has told me that he can be down right cruel and mean and questions why I am still with him, but understands that I do love him, outside of the unwanted "guests" and arguments.

She said he is diagnosible. Gee, ya think?

Will update as things frigging progress or when I have that nervous breakdown

[PandorasBox]

"He knows how I feel about the bitch and that shes unwelcome.He told me not to worry about it and relax."

 

 

Of course he is going to tell you this. He is having a good ol time watching this cat fight. While you are all upset about things, he is all calm and cool right? I have a feeling you are getting yourself all worked up for nothing, meaning he is probably not even worth this.

 

Here is just a suggestion. ask him for the sake of your realtionship if he wants to be with you, and if he is willing to cut off all contact with her. If he says yes, then ask him to call her number infront of you, while you are standing right there. He needs to tell her that he loves you and not to call him again or he will slap a harrassment charge on her.

 

I think with her, its one of two things or maybe both. Either he has told her he doesn't want to be around her not to call etc, and shes just a loose canon and doesn't listen, and so he doesn't want to be rude so he keeps talking to her. OR when she does come around, call etc, he is responding to whatever it is she is saying, which is giving HER mixed signals. It might be saying to her, well since he is paying me attention he must have an interest there, so she keeps coming around calling etc. I think if your b/f can not stand up to her and tell her a thing or two now, he never will. JMO,