horsekiss Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 JUST curious those using the NC approach when that is the only option that your left with! what is the longest you have gone -and then contact made-either by dumper or dumpee? going on 3 months and 1 day hardest thing i have ever done! in my life....but i know i cant contact him he dumped me and i am not going to be the one begging for mercy-this time its different-he knows that i want a commitment-and with me not responding to him as i have in the past-its make it or break it so far i guess -its not looking good...... trying to come to grips with the relationship i had so much invested in isnt going to work-i have to move on but its so hardddddddddd 8 years isnt easy to just -dismiss! any coping mechanisms out there to make things a bit easier! tried-everything even the elastic band theory-snapping it everytime i think of the s.o.b. but that made red marks all over my wrists-being i think of him constantly!and how he could do this! when the heck does it get easier thanks everyone!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dr strangelove Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 I think the longest I went was 4 months. I assume you have done this hoping that he would break the stalemate. Women have the option of trying to contact men, as women are generally taken as being more non threatening. When a woman tells you not to contact her anymore even if she wants the reverse, its best to do as she asks thanks to some many great laws in place these days. Women dont have to worry about stuff like that. It would help if you have some place that he can bump into you or vice versa. With me it was on MSN. After almost 2 yrs of off and on contact on the phone or online I deleted her and blocked her on msn I can see that she still has me on her list though. Maybe this will force her to call or wander by where I am. I assuming she has done both already with no success. In any case that is my situation. You have a better handle on your own. If I knew a place.. where my ex might be hanging out I would probably find reasons to go their often. In any case my attempts at this have come up unsuccessful so far. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 shortest was 1 week, another was 3 weeks, another was almost one month. One was about 11 years (no clue how long) been that long since starting college... wow... The 11 years one is very interesting... no desire to have a face 2 face, at most it is email which tends to get deleted if the subject line is spam. Link to post Share on other sites
BeHappy Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 i know exactly how you feel... i want a commitment. but my bf of ten year dump me becasue he claim i withdraw from him. it has been almost 3 months. if it is mean't to be, it will... Link to post Share on other sites
PerfectLee Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 12 years. My first love cheated on me twice. Once with a girl at a party that he got drunk and had sex with. The 2nd was his own cousin who flew in to visit the family and apparently they do it every other year at family reunion's. Brings a new meaning to family tradition huh? To make a long story short, I couldn't forgive him, I was damaged, traumatized at 17 yrs old! 2 years with him. Then...I'm 29 years old and he decides after a wife & kid living 4 states away from me to contact me simply to tell me that he's sorry, and he's thought of me everyday since I walked away from him. He wondered what his life would have been like if he wasn't so stupid. Sometimes, time itself doesn't really heal the wounds. I know that wasn't much help, but ya know, at least you got a kick out of my story. lol Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 this is a gift for anybody struggling with NC. Listen to it, hope it helps: http://www.theonlineword.com/mp3/5246.mp3 Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Wow some of these are super long periods on no contact. I don't see the point but wow, congrats on the determination. I actually broke NC today, day 3, I left him a message on aim. Link to post Share on other sites
Iwanttohope Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 this is a gift for anybody struggling with NC. Listen to it, hope it helps: http://www.theonlineword.com/mp3/5246.mp3 I listened to it... it was very good... intellectually I realize the "misery" go-round is distructive... emotionally, I can't seem to "get it"... its amazing to me that I can agree with everything in this link and still manage to fail so miserably in relationships... PS: I've been in NC for 39 days... it feels as though I'm passing through hell... I use the word passing because I'm terrified this feeling will last forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 12 years. My first love cheated on me twice. Once with a girl at a party that he got drunk and had sex with. The 2nd was his own cousin who flew in to visit the family and apparently they do it every other year at family reunion's. Brings a new meaning to family tradition huh? To make a long story short, I couldn't forgive him, I was damaged, traumatized at 17 yrs old! 2 years with him. Then...I'm 29 years old and he decides after a wife & kid living 4 states away from me to contact me simply to tell me that he's sorry, and he's thought of me everyday since I walked away from him. He wondered what his life would have been like if he wasn't so stupid. Sometimes, time itself doesn't really heal the wounds. I know that wasn't much help, but ya know, at least you got a kick out of my story. lol sounds similar to me though I am only 18 and have only been in nc for almost a year now You didn't fall in love with anyone since than? I thought time healed all wounds but It's getting more clear that sometimes people never really get over someone....weird Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I listened to it... it was very good... intellectually I realize the "misery" go-round is distructive... emotionally, I can't seem to "get it"... its amazing to me that I can agree with everything in this link and still manage to fail so miserably in relationships... PS: I've been in NC for 39 days... it feels as though I'm passing through hell... I use the word passing because I'm terrified this feeling will last forever. At least you listened and got something out of it....and trust me something like tht sinks into your sunconscious. Don't expect that after 39 days a miracle is going to happen and poof your completely over it...but obviously you know that its a withdrawal you are going through, breaking NC won't help you now. Going through this and coming on the otherside will happen. It takes strength. Just believe you've got that strength. Link to post Share on other sites
PerfectLee Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 You didn't fall in love with anyone since than? I thought time healed all wounds but It's getting more clear that sometimes people never really get over someone....weird Oh no...I meant that for him, my ex. I was long OVER him. I'm in a great, healthy relationship now! Thank God! But yeah...it was kind of weird to talk to him after 12 years, he was still kind of stuck in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I think alot of people stay in the past, the " what if" my girlfriends mom got over someone in 10 years. So I can only imagine it only being one year for some people Link to post Share on other sites
BeHappy Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Use NC to heal the pain... not to wait for him to contact you... you don't want to stay in the past... move forward... enjoy your "single" life....there are days when i still get really depress. but that's okay... take a deep breath and move forward... Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 this is a gift for anybody struggling with NC. Listen to it, hope it helps: http://www.theonlineword.com/mp3/5246.mp3 Sorry that just isn't relatable to me, as an athiest I say do NC because you love yourself, and won't settle for being rejected and stabbed in the back by someone you love. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 re: HK: " JUST curious those using the NC approach when that is the only option that your left with! what is the longest you have gone -and then contact made-either by dumper or dumpee?" The 'jury' is still out on a few of those I wrote in my 'history book'. The longest stretch gone before re-contact on one, was well over twenty years. When I saw him face-to-face again, I really didn't feel a single shred of romance left, -only a sad feeling for the way he had continued to live his life and the bad shape it put him in, regarding all aspects of his life. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 8 months - he dumped me then called me out of the blue and we got back togther and have been reconciled now about 4 months but nothing has changed. I'm convinced I'm wasting my time and he's using me. I'm fixing to end it once and for all and move on. I'm not getting anything healthy out of my relationship with him and I'm avoiding him and starting to dread dates and sex with him. Last time we had sex it was totally meaningless and boring to me - I just felt sad and lonely. It's better to be single, sad and lonely than just going thru the motions knowing deep down it just ain't gonna work. Wish me luck ending it for good! Link to post Share on other sites
stronggirl Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I say do NC because you love yourself, and won't settle for being rejected and stabbed in the back by someone you love. totally. i agree in full.... Link to post Share on other sites
vipi Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 7 months and she called. Did not leave a message and i don't care any more. She got a new bf, and that made it final to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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