Cyrano911 Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Dear all, I'm posting this to all you perfect strangers because I'm at a loss. Like many others, I find myself in love with my best friend. I've read many of the other posts on this site, but I feel that none reflect my situation sufficiently, so please bear with me while I explain my situation a bit. I would appreciate any advice you can give. I'm a 23 year old guy. About 6 months ago, I was introduced to a girl through a mutual friend at a social event. At the time, I was interested in someone else and, while I found the girl in question attractive, I didn't look at her in 'that way' at all. We hit it off instantly and it didn't take long for us to become friends. As the months went by, we started spending more and more time with each other and by now speak to each other over the phone daily, often for hours on end. Almost everyone who's spent time with the both of us in these last, say, 5 months has asked me whether or not we're together. We've always flirted quite a lot and she always seeks out my company. I'm never possessive and make sure not to exclusively spend time with her whenever we're around mutual friends. About two weeks ago, I started noticing that I might have feelings for her that progress beyond friendship. I think about her all the time and have found myself wanting to kiss her on several occasions, though never gave in to the temptation. As someone who has been in love before and who has been in several serious relationships (more serious than most people my age), I think it's fair to say that I'm in love with her. Problem is that I'm afraid our friendship has progressed too far by now. Months ago I got more cues from her body-language that stemmed me hopeful, but back then I wasn't interested in her. I attach so much weight to it now (in my mind) that I find physical contact with her 'scary' and have trouble being casual. This girl is very dense in these matters, but one would think she'd notice. Though I still jokingly flirt with her, I find it much easier to flirt with other girls (and I do), but she's the one that I want. I'm afraid that she doesn't reciprocate my feelings, but how can I be sure? My previous most serious relationship was born from a similar situation. That solved itself when circumstances forced us not to see each other for many months, during which we both dated other people. When we saw each other again, we fell for another instantly. Is there a way I could make this work without having to wait for something like that? The bottom line is this: I don't want to lose my friendship with her, which means the world to me, but I know that if I don't pursue her, I'll always end up wondering what could have been - she's the most amazing girl I've ever met and I am confident that we could have a wonderful relationship together. How do I play things to enhance my chances of being able to try? Dear people, please advise me: What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Go ahead - give in to the temptation and kiss her. If you didn't respond to her signals before, she's not likely to try again. It's up to you to take the risk this time...be bold, sweep her off her feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Ja5e Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Its a sticky one indeed. I went through this some months back , well - still going through it. I confessed to my best friend that i loved her , we carried on as friends for a while , then I couldnt take it anymore. I'd warned her that I may not be able to stay so close , but when it came to the crunch and I decided on a no contact period , its all gone pear shaped. I havent spoken to her for 8 weeks now - but this morning I bumped into her and she was crying. I asked what was wrong , she wouldnt say and added "your not my friend anyway". It confused and saddened me - as we had been so close and we both knew that i had feelings for her for 18 months , but she seems unable to let me have space to save our friendship and has taken the option of not wanting to ever speak to me again :-( Its a risk you run , but you've got to be true to yourself in the end. It kills you inside if your feelings get stronger and they arent reciprocated. You may lose the friendship , but in the end you will hopefully feel better and move on. Hopefully , both you and I will one day be "just friends" with our significant others. Link to post Share on other sites
ace06 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 well take my advice as you may. but i say pursue her. its funny that i'm writing this because i dont follow my own advice. i too love my bestfriend. but i'm scared i may be reading him in the wrong way(oh i'm a girl). let me guess...you feel like she completes you. when she's not around you think of her in ways that a "friend" shouldn't. she holds your heart with her personality,your mind with her wisdom, and your whole being with her love...more than likely she's just as scared as you. not wanting to loose the friendship. you mentioned how before she sent you signals but now not so much. her feelings might have changed. not saying that shes not still in love with you but, because you seemed uninterested she wasnt/isnt going to put herself out there. moral of the story just talk to her.start the conversation as any other. when you feel comfortable change the subject. there is no pressure into telling her right away.because love is love. no matter how long you wait. love will survive.i hope this helps you. Link to post Share on other sites
dancehead Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I actually hate this being friends with a woman thing. Because more often than not in my case, once you are in the 'friend zone', theres no getting out. She sees you as a friend and thats it. By the time you think you might want to make a move shes got so used to you just being a friend she doesn't think of you in any other way. Also because you are so preoccupied in being 'a nice guy' she doesn't see the charming side of you at all. She doesn't see any confidence because you are treading softly softly not wanting to upset the friendship and all your moves will be cautious, unconfident ones. Actually the whole being a friend when all you really want to do is be with her is rubbish, and I prefer to just go dating properly. Then you both know the score and if you haven't got anywhere in a month or so you know you never will. Perhaps other people can pull it off - but I can't. You should have asked her for a date much earlier on somehow, would that have been possible? Link to post Share on other sites
travellingman Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 What do I do? Go for it, you're not at all in the friend zone, you're just afraid of being hurt. If you were in the fz, she wouldn't spend so much time talking with you, and would have clued you in by now that she wasn't interested. Link to post Share on other sites
dancehead Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 But thats what friends do, they talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Timberlane Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 There is always this talk of the "friend zone" being some sort of tar pit that you get stuck in. It has been more a continuum of potential for a sexual relationship as far as I have observed with others around me and in my own experiences. Sometimes there is really no potential, sometimes there is just some but not much, and other times you are probably destined for more than friendship anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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