Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 See a trend?? She wasn't buying any of my pathetic attempts...she had every chance to play along and didn't...yet still emails back...weird... She works with you dude.. she isn't all about burning bridges.. when you suggested that you two cool it she took you seriously and you don't seem to be able to hold up your end so she is just being nice at this point.. Completely and forever keep it strictly business from now on.. no more trying to be her buddy.. you can't be Be your wife's buddy and friend instead.. start sending your wife emails to enhance your marriage Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rocco Cranston Posted June 20, 2006 Author Share Posted June 20, 2006 yeah, but she was sending emails out of the blue to me...including a comment that something was " 'wicked awesome' as you east coast people say" that's flirting, and she may have been doing just that--some flirting and messeing around like 22 year olds do... Hey, I am just sorting things out at this point...this whole experience was all new, that's all Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 yeah, but she was sending emails out of the blue to me...including a comment that something was " 'wicked awesome' as you east coast people say" Then you be the mature married adult and don't reply back.. She will stop.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rocco Cranston Posted June 20, 2006 Author Share Posted June 20, 2006 And to come full circle, if i DO/DID NOT stop, we could be on a so-called "slippery slope"? I still find it hard to believe email could lead to that but what do I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 And to come full circle, if i DO/DID NOT stop, we could be on a so-called "slippery slope"? You are already slipping and standing on the top of the hill.. Think of the consequences.. you could lose your marriage, your child and your job..your pride.. This 22 yr old doesn't care about what you can lose.. She doesn't have any consequences .. but you do.. I have stayed away from getting down with you.. but I'm starting to doubt your sincerity at this point and I'm also starting to believe that you just don't get it... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Email CAN lead to a place you shouldn't go as a married person. And in your case, I wouldn't go there. You seem very vulnerable and not able to resist where this is obviously going. Link to post Share on other sites
cherriesred Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 And to come full circle, if i DO/DID NOT stop, we could be on a so-called "slippery slope"? I still find it hard to believe email could lead to that but what do I know. What's hard to believe?? Like i stated in my earlier post....from personal experience "innocent flirting" turned into a full blow mess. How did the innocent extended eye contact, and little smiles turn into little conversations during coffee break...turn into the occasionally email, turn into all day long conversations, turn into phone calls, turn into a visit to his house here and there, turn into hugs a good-bye, turn into well you know where i'm going with that.... sliding down ...down ....down!! It was all just INNOCENT FLIRTING and now there is nothing innocent about it!! Now don't get me wrong, we have both been fight the attraction and the want, him more than me, he seems to be more logical thinking where as i think with my emotions. I wish someone had told me that it wasn't just innocent flirting and that i was in danger of my little game leading to this..... If i were you in the early stages of the game........heed ART's advice and just don't reply!! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 erm I'd have to say that 'wicked awesome' isn't exactly flirting, it's normal speak for a 22 year old. Whilst commented on that you're attempts were pathetic, I wouldn't have taken them as flirting and would have ignored them. Especially the bit about being 'big' - that's not worth responding to. Ok the going to the movies together - that could be seen as asking her out, if she didn't say 'yeah that would be cool/awesome' then she aint interested. She's just having some fun and getting some attention. Concentrate on what matters to you and don't get distracted by what you are reading as flirting from a younger girl. Link to post Share on other sites
grateful Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 You stopped??!! and where did you find the strength?? because i sat here all day wondering to myself how am i ever going to stop this....being angry with myself for wanting it in the first place, today i ended all of our emails quickly saying i had nothing to say. Being frustrated because i don't have the strength to just say I don't want this.....being frustrated because when i did talk myself into thinking i could stop it... i would look up from my computer, see him.......and know that unless he stops it, i may never be able to. (i just want him sooo bad) Knowing at the same time he has tried to end it too, for weeks he hasn't talked to me, then he does.......and we end up back at the same spot.......over and over and over again. I often think that i should end our friendship because i can't be friends with him without wanting to....and actually crossing the line, but we have a connection that i know i would miss. (what do i want to miss more his friendship or my family life that could be destroyed if we were ever found out??!! ....i know, i know) Maybe i really truly should consider finding another job???? Yes I stopped. The first thing to do is believe that you can stop. Quit using the rationalization that it is out of your control. That is not true, and you are using it as a justification to continue. You cannot maintain this friendship.... he is no friend to you - he is toxic to everything you care about, your family, your life. Imagine your SO standing next to you whenever you interact with the OM. If possible, yes find another job. I am lucky in that I do not work with the OM, but have back slid when I run into him so I can imagine how difficult it must be. Be strong - and believe you can do it! OP - I dunno, your posts are sounding an awful lot like rationalizations in which you are asking permission to have more elaborate emails with her; the wanting to know her motives is a sign that you aren't ready to let go - - it doesn't matter why and you will never know for sure (how can you get in someone else's head) Let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Aww, Rocco, here I was all proud of you but you've gone and started slipping back into your obsession. And now you've convinced yourself that it's all innocent. For her it might be. That doesn't matter. It's clearly not innocent for you. I guess you have to know what's going on on her side and you're not going to stop until you do. Of course, you're never really going to know anything for sure until she sleeps with you... or turns you down cold enough times. But it probably won't matter even if she turns you down, because whatever energy you're putting into her is energy that you're not putting into your wife. And who knows how long it'll take before you actually give up, maybe months even years. It's sad to see someone willingly destroy their marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
rkman Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 This is only ok if you are willing to CC your wife on each and every email between yourself and your new friend with confidence that she would have no problem with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Yes I stopped. The first thing to do is believe that you can stop. Quit using the rationalization that it is out of your control. That is not true, and you are using it as a justification to continue. You cannot maintain this friendship.... he is no friend to you - he is toxic to everything you care about, your family, your life. Imagine your SO standing next to you whenever you interact with the OM. If possible, yes find another job. I am lucky in that I do not work with the OM, but have back slid when I run into him so I can imagine how difficult it must be. Be strong - and believe you can do it! OP - I dunno, your posts are sounding an awful lot like rationalizations in which you are asking permission to have more elaborate emails with her; the wanting to know her motives is a sign that you aren't ready to let go - - it doesn't matter why and you will never know for sure (how can you get in someone else's head) Let it go. Thanks Grateful..... we had another fight last night while i was visiting him, i got up and left. This morning i sent an email asking if he was just in a bad mood or was he mad at me last night. In the end, I told him that i was not capable of being his friend, and that i don't have the strength or desire to continue this with him. Besides we fight way too often and I don't have the strength to continue trying to repair our "frienship". I explained that I did care about him and that this wasn't about the fight or fighting with him but rather what I have to end this to bring some sense of peace to my life. I asked that he please respect my request and give me the space I require to stop. This email I ended with "Good-Bye" After much MORE reflection on the whole situation, I have blocked his email address in attempt to not give into any temptation should he weaken and email me. He's pretty pissed off at the moment so it will be several days before he may attempt that if at all....which should give me lots of time to continue to work him out of my system once AGAIN!!! As for changing jobs, that's not really an option for me at this point. I love my job, and my work......and because my boss paid the down payment on my house i feel an obligation to stay here....the OM and myself are adults, we should be able to get past this like mature adults. Link to post Share on other sites
cherriesred Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Yes I stopped. The first thing to do is believe that you can stop. Quit using the rationalization that it is out of your control. That is not true, and you are using it as a justification to continue. You cannot maintain this friendship.... he is no friend to you - he is toxic to everything you care about, your family, your life. Imagine your SO standing next to you whenever you interact with the OM. If possible, yes find another job. I am lucky in that I do not work with the OM, but have back slid when I run into him so I can imagine how difficult it must be. Be strong - and believe you can do it! OP - I dunno, your posts are sounding an awful lot like rationalizations in which you are asking permission to have more elaborate emails with her; the wanting to know her motives is a sign that you aren't ready to let go - - it doesn't matter why and you will never know for sure (how can you get in someone else's head) Let it go. Hmmm......I posted a response that seems to disappeared.... I am the one you are responding to but for someone reason my the post you are quoting was posted as guest instead of cherriesred ....anyway.... this one is a test to see if it will post or get lost in cyber space too....before i type it all again. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 this one is a test to see if it will post or get lost in cyber space too....before i type it all again. You weren't logged in when you posted it.. So you posted as a guest.. I used to do that a lot before I checked the box to keep me logged in Link to post Share on other sites
cherriesred Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Yes I stopped. The first thing to do is believe that you can stop. Quit using the rationalization that it is out of your control. That is not true, and you are using it as a justification to continue. You cannot maintain this friendship.... he is no friend to you - he is toxic to everything you care about, your family, your life. Imagine your SO standing next to you whenever you interact with the OM. If possible, yes find another job. I am lucky in that I do not work with the OM, but have back slid when I run into him so I can imagine how difficult it must be. Be strong - and believe you can do it! OP - I dunno, your posts are sounding an awful lot like rationalizations in which you are asking permission to have more elaborate emails with her; the wanting to know her motives is a sign that you aren't ready to let go - - it doesn't matter why and you will never know for sure (how can you get in someone else's head) Let it go. 2nd time - Thanks Grateful.... After having a fight with him(OM) last night, I got up and left his place. I ended up sending him an email this morning asking if he was just in a bad mood or was he mad at me last night. In the end of the conversation I told him that I didn't have the strength or desire to continue this with him. We have been fight far more frequently, and that although I do care about him and my decision has nothing do with the fight/s, but rather the desire to establish some sort of peace in my life. That i can't continue being friends with him anymore at this point. I ended the email with "Good-Bye" After much MORE reflection on the situation, I have blocked his email address so that if he should weaken and try to contact me (the usual way we make up) At the moment he is really pissed off so it could be several days even weeks before he attempts that, which should give me that much to time to work him out of my system YET AGAIN!!! (I BELIEVE I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO END THIS!! - said to self) As for changing my job, really honestly that isn't an option for me at this point. I like my job and feel an obligation to my boss since he paid the downpayment on my house. I wouldn't even know how to explain why i was leaving if that was something I choose to do. Besides I not about to lose a great paying job because of the OM. We are both mature adults and should be able to deal with this situation as such. In the meantime, I am skillful trying to think of a way to pile the file boxes I have the floor of my office on the file cabinet in front of my window to block our view of each other.........with the theory "out of sight out of mind" Link to post Share on other sites
cherriesred Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 You weren't logged in when you posted it.. So you posted as a guest.. I used to do that a lot before I checked the box to keep me logged in Kinda what i thought..........thanks Art C!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rocco Cranston Posted June 20, 2006 Author Share Posted June 20, 2006 Back to the original topic......... Well despite people thinking I am a jerk or playing around here, I was not...I was just being honest...a few of you hit the reality on the head. I WAS concerned what she was thinking and I WAS almost seeking permission to continue... Right now I am just praying and giving a lot of thought to everything...clearly, my actions have been wrong and clearly I need to do some serious thinking to everything. Thanks for all of your support...I am really not as bad as I probably sound on email...either way...thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 I am really not as bad as I probably sound on email...either way...thanks I don't think you sound bad at all RC.. you sound like an honest person that cared enough about what was going on to post about it.. Nothing wrong with asking for advice.. Props to ya for having the balls for making the posts and for making changes to fix things Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 You don't sound like a bad guy, Rocco. If you were a bad guy, you wouldn't have hesitated to go after this girl. But it sounds like if you're not careful, you could make a mistake that could lead you to be one. Right now it seems like you're trying to minimalize the situation not just to us but to yourself in order to give yourself permission to continue. But once you start up again, it's only a matter of time before you slip back to where you were at the beginning of this thread and then slip even farther. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rocco Cranston Posted June 20, 2006 Author Share Posted June 20, 2006 That's just it...you hit the nail on the head....and I am going to be HONEST with myself and with you guys here, so please do not flame me with your responses... There is a part of me that WANTS her to like me (which I now believe is not and never was a possibility) There was a part of me that kind of enjoyed hearing what you guys had to say about what she was thinking. There is still a part that cares about this whole thing...which is why I am hitting a meeting and confession at my church this weekend (for me, religion is important, which really must make you wonder about me) On a spiritual level, I see this somewhat as a temptation...that I have sadly somewhat failed. My thoughts have been bad--actually doing the cheating--how and where it could happen. Awful stuff, I know...but it HAS been in my head. I think a big question has to be WHY (besides her being hot..there are a lot of hot interns and co-workers) did I get these thoughts? Was it because she gave me attention? am I THAT desparate for a woman's attention? (My wife and I's sex life is near dead and communication is awful but getting better) But seriously...star wars chat and a few other things and next I know I am ready to try to get her into bed??? huh?? Also....compare yesterday to today...yesterday there were (sadly) about 25 emails back and forth...granted, not 60 like a few weeks ago, but still some...today.....NOTHING all morning...so I said I am not going to email her...and then she throws out a SW email in the afternoon...I of course bite the bait and then after another email or two she stops emailing....and I think she's either playing the game of "I love the attention when I want it" or seriously doesn't care at all. And again...another question I have to examine is...what if she WAS serious about flirting with me...would I be THAT easy to just throw away my promise to my wife for her attention? There's a lot going on here.... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 There's a lot going on here.... No there isn't .. your married .. You have the power to make this go away and yet you are not doing it why ? Send me her email addy and I'll send her an email explaining to her that your married and not interested in breaking your childs heart for a 22 year old twit.. I'll break it off for you.. since you only feed this monster and refuse to deal with it.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rocco Cranston Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 no, I meant there are a lot of things to think about that would cause me to even give this 22 year old the time of day. I mean, WTF...WHY did I even let it get this far???? Why is there still a little of me that would love for it to catch fire??? That's awful and THAT's what I need to resolve... F her (not literally!)....I know my situation....but the fact that here we are 8 days later and I feel somewhat the same scares me, that's all... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 you need to pull the trigger on the ending of all this drama.. Pull the trigger and move on with your life.. She is a 22 year old pulling your older chain for kicks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rocco Cranston Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 F$%^ man, I know............ She IS enjoying playing with the head of a married man....besides almost screwing up my marriage/life, I have been played a fool. I guess it's a small price to pay in the big picture. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Yes, and you'd have been an even bigger fool had she not dropped you. And you might have made your wife an even bigger fool than you. Count your blessings, Rocco. Link to post Share on other sites
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