Older woman, good idea?

[Michael]

I met this girl over a month ago. We've been emailing each other a lot; at least once a day. We haven't dated or anything yet, we've just been kind of pen-pals. But I do think there is a little bit of flirting going on and I think she wouldn't mind seeing a relationship develop out of this. Anyway, she told me a while ago that she was 31 years old. I am 23. I was just wondering if anyone had an opinion on this age difference. Is 8 years too much? Would it be a bad idea for someone my age to get involved with a woman her age? What I mean is, she could be looking for a very serious commitment at this point, I don't know, maybe kids, marriage, etc. I just don't know if I'm ready for something that serious at this point in my life. I think she's a really great girl, but she might be looking for something more than I can offer right now, I don't know. Should I see if a relationship can develop here, or should I be more cautious and just remain friends and nothing more?

[Tony T]

My mother was older than me and she was great.

 

As for your potential situation, there shouldn't be a problem if you have a good talk with her and see where her head is at. Be very honest with her and let her know the marriage, kid situation is a long ways off for you.

 

Sometimes people who are smitten don't listen very well so you have to understand that in the back of her head she may have the idea she can change your mind.

 

Also, keep in mind that some older women love young guys just for the entertainment value. You would be a novelty to them for a while, then they would chew you up and spit you out.

 

She could also see you, on some level, as a son to raise...or as a young man to break in sexually or otherwise.

 

The best advice I can give is to be honest, have fun, enjoy her company, and go for it. Stay in it until you've had enough and then go your way. Then again, it's not out of the realm of possibilities that somewhere down the road this could be a keeper.

[Peaches]

My mom was 34 and my dad was 24 when they got married. 22 years later they are still together.

 

Age doesn't matter.

 

Try it. You never know.

 

Peaches

I met this girl over a month ago. We've been emailing each other a lot; at least once a day. We haven't dated or anything yet, we've just been kind of pen-pals. But I do think there is a little bit of flirting going on and I think she wouldn't mind seeing a relationship develop out of this. Anyway, she told me a while ago that she was 31 years old. I am 23. I was just wondering if anyone had an opinion on this age difference. Is 8 years too much? Would it be a bad idea for someone my age to get involved with a woman her age? What I mean is, she could be looking for a very serious commitment at this point, I don't know, maybe kids, marriage, etc. I just don't know if I'm ready for something that serious at this point in my life. I think she's a really great girl, but she might be looking for something more than I can offer right now, I don't know. Should I see if a relationship can develop here, or should I be more cautious and just remain friends and nothing more?

[BeenThere]

My boyfriend and I are also eight years apart and we've been together for over a year. Of course, the difference may be that we are both in our thirties. Age doesn't become an issue as long as both people are mature adults and their fundamental values and goals are the same. It's more important that two people share the same views and expectations when it comes to determining what a *relationship* means to them. As we know, the definition of "love" and "committment" are as varied as the individuals.

 

Personally, I have dated men who were in their mid-twenties -- not because I found them a novelty, but because there was mutual attraction and common interests. And I assure you, none of them had to be "taught" anything! However, being in my late thirties I often discovered that I was at a different place in my life. While they were looking to settle down and start families, I had already raised my child, did the house-wife thing, and was now ready to establish a more independant life of my own.

 

On the other hand, I have also dated men my age and older. Some of which were *less* mature than the twenty-five-year olds, while others were so settled they were just no fun at all! Not to mention, they had let themselves go and just couldn't keep up physically.

 

I think what works between "J" and I is that we share the same basic views about life, relationships and love. We have enough in common to keep us compatible, while at the same time just enough differences between our personalities to make life interesting. And may I add, that just because "J" is younger, doesn't mean I am trying to "raise" him. Given the extrodinary person he is, his own mother has already done an excellent job with that! As a matter of fact, he's wiser, more practical and level-headed than I am at times and he's the one I often turn to for advice. He is definately the MAN in our relationship!

 

But I must admit, there are times I worry that "J" is missing out on the whole *family* thing since he has never been married or had children of his own. But so far we are content with our lives and each other, and are happy to take our relationship one day at a time.

 

My advice would be to "go for it," Michael. How will you ever know whether or not it will work until you give it a try? What have you got to loose?...It just might work!

 

I met this girl over a month ago. We've been emailing each other a lot; at least once a day. We haven't dated or anything yet, we've just been kind of pen-pals. But I do think there is a little bit of flirting going on and I think she wouldn't mind seeing a relationship develop out of this. Anyway, she told me a while ago that she was 31 years old. I am 23. I was just wondering if anyone had an opinion on this age difference. Is 8 years too much? Would it be a bad idea for someone my age to get involved with a woman her age? What I mean is, she could be looking for a very serious commitment at this point, I don't know, maybe kids, marriage, etc. I just don't know if I'm ready for something that serious at this point in my life. I think she's a really great girl, but she might be looking for something more than I can offer right now, I don't know. Should I see if a relationship can develop here, or should I be more cautious and just remain friends and nothing more?

[arthropod98]

honestly, i wouldn't even WORRY about the age difference until you've actually MET this person! just think you may be jumping-the-gun a little, since there hasn't even been a real CONVERSATION yet!!

 

now, some people have a problem with an age difference. as for me, it just doesn't make any difference whatsoever.

 

i've been with my current girlfriend over a year now, and she's a few years older than me . . . she is absolutely the GREATEST woman i've ever known, and i am MADLY in love with her! age is just a number, my friend.

 

so, my recommendation is -- get to know this woman 1st!! then, make your decision about how you feel about the age difference. if it's too much for you to deal with, then there's your answer. otherwise, enjoy yourselves!!

I met this girl over a month ago. We've been emailing each other a lot; at least once a day. We haven't dated or anything yet, we've just been kind of pen-pals. But I do think there is a little bit of flirting going on and I think she wouldn't mind seeing a relationship develop out of this. Anyway, she told me a while ago that she was 31 years old. I am 23. I was just wondering if anyone had an opinion on this age difference. Is 8 years too much? Would it be a bad idea for someone my age to get involved with a woman her age? What I mean is, she could be looking for a very serious commitment at this point, I don't know, maybe kids, marriage, etc. I just don't know if I'm ready for something that serious at this point in my life. I think she's a really great girl, but she might be looking for something more than I can offer right now, I don't know. Should I see if a relationship can develop here, or should I be more cautious and just remain friends and nothing more?

[MercyRose]

an older woman does want a commitment eventually, not immediately, she needs to get to know you first.

 

If you just want a fling tell her so. If you don't want a commitment in the possible future with her because its not what you want tell her so.

 

Do not lead her on, let her fall in love after the big chase and getting to know eachother only to break her heart, and hurt her feelings.

[Hmm]

What do you both do with your lives? Does she have an established career- what about yourself? Do you see each other often? Share friends, hobbies, etc?

I met this girl over a month ago. We've been emailing each other a lot; at least once a day. We haven't dated or anything yet, we've just been kind of pen-pals. But I do think there is a little bit of flirting going on and I think she wouldn't mind seeing a relationship develop out of this. Anyway, she told me a while ago that she was 31 years old. I am 23. I was just wondering if anyone had an opinion on this age difference. Is 8 years too much? Would it be a bad idea for someone my age to get involved with a woman her age? What I mean is, she could be looking for a very serious commitment at this point, I don't know, maybe kids, marriage, etc. I just don't know if I'm ready for something that serious at this point in my life. I think she's a really great girl, but she might be looking for something more than I can offer right now, I don't know. Should I see if a relationship can develop here, or should I be more cautious and just remain friends and nothing more?

[Michael]

Well, as for careers, she works retail full time at a local store and has a small business on the side. And I'm currently a college student looking to start a career. As for how often we see each other, we've only met face-to-face a couple of times so far. But we'll see more of each other soon. There are some concerts & movies that we'd both like to see. However, we'll most likely be going with other mutual friends also, so those wouldn't really be considered "dates". As for friends & hobbies, as I said we have some mutal friends, and some similar interests. For instance, our similar musical tastes is actually how we met. I hope that pretty much covers your questions.

What do you both do with your lives? Does she have an established career- what about yourself? Do you see each other often? Share friends, hobbies, etc?