love woes

[Guest]

I am a happily married woman of ten years, with four kids. We have been through a lot in our ten years. His alcoholism caused many of the problems we had. He has been recovering for several years now and I am very proud of him.

We have not been out by ourselves with out the children for many many years. We have a wonderful sexlife, but other than that I sometimes wonder what else we have (besides the kids).

Lately my mind has been wondering back to easier times. I had a dream about an ex, who truly loved me. Could not get him off my mind, so I called him. It had been at least ten years since I had spoken with him and more since I had seen him. We had a nice talk. We talked about his life and my life, and about the times we had together.

I want to go to lunch with him one day, but I do not want to tell my husband. I do not really know why I don't want to tell him. He has not minded when I have talked to others from my past. My husband is not the jealous type. I just want to have a day that I am me, and not a wife and mother. I want to spend a few hours with someone who just remembers me the way I used to be.

What should I do?????

[MiMi78]

I think that you should take the time for your self you only live once bsides you said that your husband didnt mind you talking to people from your past before I think that it would be great to do just as long as you are not really wanting more than just going out to eat I know frist hand that it can be tough being a wife and mother and often wounder what there is besides that I think that you should tell your husband just so that he doesnt think that something could be wrong . as far as your and your husband going out with out the kids you should hire a sitter and take the time for the two of you wish you luck

[Guest]

I think you should find a friend to talk to and maybe get involved in some hobbies that interest you.

 

And i think you should talk honestly to your husband.

 

think about what you are saying here:

 

You are bored and feel that something is lacking in your life and in your relationship.

You have been dreaming about an ex who you recall as 'truly loving you'

You got in touch with this ex and now want to arrange a clandestine meeting with him without telling your husband.

 

if it was just a friend from the past then there wouldn't be an issue.

 

but you are keeping your feelings from your husband, have secretly got in touch with an ex whom you remember very fondly and with a lot of emotion and now want to arrange a secret rendez-vous with him?

 

An emotional affair is just as hard to deal with as a physical affair - and i mean that in terms of you having to deal with your feelings about it all, as well as your husband finding out and dealing with the feelings of being betrayed.

 

be honest with him.

 

And don't meet the friend. Your motives are based on boredom and frustration. you owe it to yourself and your marriage to work through this time with your husband and family.

 

Hire a sitter and go out and reconnect with your husband.

Find things to do together and find something that occupies your mind and soul - a hobby, take up some lessons, learn a new language, join a drama group - anything that feeds your soul with creativity.

 

But don't go meet an ex-boyfriend with such rose tinted glasses. he won't be the answer to your problems, just a catalyst at making them worse.

 

Good luck

[slinkysu]

I am a happily married woman of ten years, with four kids. We have been through a lot in our ten years. His alcoholism caused many of the problems we had. He has been recovering for several years now and I am very proud of him.

We have not been out by ourselves with out the children for many many years. We have a wonderful sexlife, but other than that I sometimes wonder what else we have (besides the kids).

Lately my mind has been wondering back to easier times. I had a dream about an ex, who truly loved me. Could not get him off my mind, so I called him. It had been at least ten years since I had spoken with him and more since I had seen him. We had a nice talk. We talked about his life and my life, and about the times we had together.

I want to go to lunch with him one day, but I do not want to tell my husband. I do not really know why I don't want to tell him. He has not minded when I have talked to others from my past. My husband is not the jealous type. I just want to have a day that I am me, and not a wife and mother. I want to spend a few hours with someone who just remembers me the way I used to be.

What should I do?????

 

I think you should find a friend to talk to and maybe get involved in some hobbies that interest you.

 

And i think you should talk honestly to your husband.

 

think about what you are saying here:

 

You are bored and feel that something is lacking in your life and in your relationship.

You have been dreaming about an ex who you recall as 'truly loving you'

You got in touch with this ex and now want to arrange a clandestine meeting with him without telling your husband.

 

if it was just a friend from the past then there wouldn't be an issue.

 

but you are keeping your feelings from your husband, have secretly got in touch with an ex whom you remember very fondly and with a lot of emotion and now want to arrange a secret rendez-vous with him?

 

An emotional affair is just as hard to deal with as a physical affair - and i mean that in terms of you having to deal with your feelings about it all, as well as your husband finding out and dealing with the feelings of being betrayed.

 

be honest with him.

 

And don't meet the friend. Your motives are based on boredom and frustration. you owe it to yourself and your marriage to work through this time with your husband and family.

 

Hire a sitter and go out and reconnect with your husband.

Find things to do together and find something that occupies your mind and soul - a hobby, take up some lessons, learn a new language, join a drama group - anything that feeds your soul with creativity.

 

But don't go meet an ex-boyfriend with such rose tinted glasses. he won't be the answer to your problems, just a catalyst at making them worse.

 

Good luck

[sumdude]

So you want to have an affair. Looking at the greener grass on the other side.

 

This is what you are saying and that's barely reading between the lines.

 

Think about it.

[norajane]

You and your husband have been so focused on being parents that you've let your relationship take second place. It's not surprising that things have gotten stale at home if you haven't been out anywhere without the kids. Sneaking around behind your husband's back to meet up with an old flame is hardly going to help you regain passion with your husband!

 

Plan date nights, plan weekend trips away without the kids, plan a vacation without the kids. Start flirting with your husband the way you used to; be affectionate and touch him frequently, kiss him, hug him...if you start paying more attention to him as a man, rather than just as a father, he will likely do the same with you.

 

Seeking an ego boost by meeting this other guy is a temporary fix and likely to leave you feeling even more dissatisfied. Instead of turning to someone else to make you feel good, confide in your husband that the kids have gotten the best of both of you and you want to reconnect with him as lovers.