Okay, so let's do a little role playing...

[norajane]

I guess I can wait another 21 years to have sex/get married/etc.

 

Why do you say that? Why would you have to wait at all? There are plenty of single men out there who would love to meet a 21 year old woman. And because they aren't married, you're free to have sex, fall in love and get married.

[lonepearl]

I don't consider "advising" degrading and slandering people; that is in poor taste. So' date=' maybe by my THINKING about a married man, I am not the best person, but by you belittling someone whom you've never even met by wishing ill of them, calling them pathetic, etc. isn't in good form either. So, I take it you have been cheated on (either emotionally or physically)? Since you have such a strong opinion regarding the situation. Or were you the child of a broken marriage due to some "pathetic" person like me stealing away your mother/father? I am just trying to understand how someone who doesn't even know me can disrespect me so severly on an anonymous fourm. I will have to check out some of your threads and see what kind of saint I am dealing with here .[/quote']

i do not disrespect the person you are... i disrespect the path you are going down IF you are intending to...and from your posts it seems you are..

 

advice is not slander i agree. i am not slandering i am merely stating the fact that i have no respect for people who do such things... or am i not entitled to even express that ?

[dgiirl]

However' date=' what I meant was that, if presented with the situation, I would do it;[/b'] I think. I don't know. I mean, of course I think about his wife, and his children, and of course I know it is morally wrong. It's just that I want someone like that for me. I am 21, never done anything, I feel like I missed my chance. I mean, here he is, and I can't seem to help myself. Since I really like him as a friend, and I work with him, it is hard to just stop speaking to him. I mean, nothing has even happened yet, so how exactly do I explain my cold behavior? He will think I have gone mad if after how much time we spend together I just stop cold-turkey. Lord, he probably really does only view me as a friend, and here I am over-analyzing his behavior. He is a really good man, and he loves his kids very much; I know he would never break up his home by leaving his wife, and I'm not expecting him (nor would I ask him) to. I mean, what is a little fling? How badly could it hurt? His wife gets to have him for life, and I can have a little fun with him for a moment. I am not asking him to leave, I would never want to hurt his wife or kids by them finding out; it would just be an experience and then it would be done.

 

SNR, when you post things like this, expect people to judge you. The fact of life is, we are judged by what we do and what we say. You cant just go around saying you'll do what you want, when you want, because you want to and who cares who you hurt, and then get offended because others speak harshly to you. And then accuse them of being bitter old ladies whose husband's cheated on them. Being cheated on is EXTREMELY painful (something I hope you never have to experience). And then having you rub it in their face is cruel. I understand you are trying to defend yourself, but be a little objective and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Why were they saying that to you? They didnt seek some random stranger on the internet and just started throwing accusations with no cause. They said it in response to your post.

 

I just want to clarify to you. You're not wrong because you became friends with him and now you have stronger feelings towards him. You didnt know that becoming friends with him would lead you down this road. However, you are NOW aware that you do have stronger feelings for him than just "friends". You have a crush on him and are starting to dance around that dangerous boundary where you can get yourself into a lot of trouble, AND cause a lot of pain to other people. This is when you have to make a decision. You can distance yourself from him until you get a grasp on your emotions and stop being so flirty and friendly with him, or you can become selfish and do what you want. This is the decision people are judging you on. This is the decision that determines what kind of morals you have. This is the decision that lets you define who YOU want to be. Everyone who has posted IS trying to help you. Granted, some are more hurtful than others, but if noone cared, they wouldnt be wasting their time on you. I understand that you are young, but you are not stupid. You know you are walking down a bad path, and we're just trying to warn you that it's not the right one. Instead of trying to defend yourself, just listen to what people have to say and try to understand why they might say that to you. You dont have to believe what they say, you dont have to follow what they say, but every single person has a lesson that is valuable. Just listen to what people have to say, and then make up your own mind. There's more wisdom in listening than speaking.

[whichwayisup]

Good post reply dgiirl!

[Outcast]

I guess I can wait another 21 years to have sex/get married/etc.

 

Oh cut that out. In fact, if you take the time you've been wasting mooning over him and spend it in joining a club or getting out more some other way, you will meet people your own age who are single. And quit having lunch with this man!!!! You must have other (female) colleagues you can befriend - and who probably have male friends to introduce you to!

[Spank'n'Rationality]

Oh cut that out. In fact, if you take the time you've been wasting mooning over him and spend it in joining a club or getting out more some other way, you will meet people your own age who are single. And quit having lunch with this man!!!! You must have other (female) colleagues you can befriend - and who probably have male friends to introduce you to!

 

Hahaha, you are probably right. It is just so hard to stop talking to him; I swear it is like an addiction. I know that I probably didn't represent myself very well saying that I would do what I want to do, with no concern for anyone else (which I couldn't actually ever do, because I actually do have morals). I just haven't felt this way about someone before, and it is so un-nerving (sp?)!

 

Anyway, thank you and (most) everyone else for your advice/concern. I know most of you meant well, and I do appreciate it. I just was blinded by my feelings, which has never really happened to me before. I don't even know why I like him; I mean we are so very different. Yet, there is also much that we have in common. He has mentioned that when he gets a divorce he would take me out. So, I guess I started liking him after that. I don't know. Would it be wrong to date him if he gets a divorce? I know most of the time when MM say that, they don't actually go through with it. So, I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up .

 

I just don't know where to meet single people around here; most of my co-workers' friends are older and married. This is a REALLY small town, and most everyone is taken, or are just not my type (drinkers, partiers, drug-addicts, etc.). I think I just need to leave this community. It's SO small and boring, which is why the idea of an affiar seems so exciting to most people (infedality (sp?) is a big thing around here; that and drugs (neither of which I have participated in as of yet)).

 

Anyway, thanks again. I don't know that I can completely stop talking to him, but I will try to restrain myself, and will cut out our "lunch-dates" .