The Newcomer has a problem :)

[Starr1]

How's it goin everyone? I've been a member here for a couple days now, just having a read and now, I've got a problem of my own, since this is my first post here, I'll introduce myself since most of you here sound nice

 

My name is Matt, my friends call me Starr which explains my username so you can call me whichever you like. I'm male which you can probably guess through my writing style . I'm 19 and I'm an oldfashioned, true, blue aussie. I'm conservative socially and politically and throughout my life, I've been socially asexual meaning I don't find men nor women attractive although I love having as many friends as I can of both genders so you can obviously guess that I'm still a virgin which is an accomplishment over here in my circuit of friends as a 19 year old (soon to be 20) year old virgin is practically unheard of but this issue is for another time. Now that the formalities are over, let me explain one of my many pitfalls:laugh:

 

My worry I have is all about making new friends. As I said before, I love making new friends and want to have as many as I possibly can but after looking at myself, I have two problems, each I'll describe seperately. They are shutting down and giving off a wrong vibe.

 

I'm sure a lot of you know what I mean by shutting down. When I have a conversation with a person I have just met, I aim to be cool, calm, relaxed, collected and just have a good time. I like to treat the people I meet as old friends. When it comes to conversations, I'm a bit of a passivist. I am a big listener but when something comes to mind, I have no problem in getting my opinion or facts in the conversation arena. The problem is, when I talk to someone new, nothing comes to mind. I don't have any fear about expressing what comes to mind, it's just that nothing comes to mind in the first place. I like to think myself as a normal guy with individual faults like every other person. I like to think I always have a good opinion to contribute and that I'm somewhat smart (I hope:p ) so when my mind just goes blank, it doesn't scare me but just makes me disappointed. It isn't a temporary thing either, it'll start from the moment the conversation starts to the moment the person walks away to which things come back and I mingle with current friends. That's the first of my many probs.

 

The second prob I have that I just want to get off my chest is about giving off a bad vibe. Basically, this second prob can be best described through examples. A couple weeks ago, I was talking to one of my female friends, she said to me in similar words, 'You know it's weird, some of the things you say towards me sound so sarcastic. I mean, I know you are just joking around and it's all fun and games and I love you for it but just makes me think how I would react to your personality Starr when I didn't know you'. Another example is when I was talking to male friend a month or so ago, he said in similar words, 'You're a top bloke Starr ey but I gotta admit that when I first saw you enter through those doors (party ages ago), you seemed to me like one of those stuckup egotrip *****'. I didn't really know how to react but I pressed on. The last situation I'll describe was what happened to me yesterday. My mate and I were at his house with a couple of his ladyfriends(they are 17 turnin 18). I'm mingling, playing some videogames, contributing to the conversation regularly, joking around to which I see one of his ladyfriends whisper into the other ones ear. I playfully say to them, 'come on, speak up, in his house (pointing at my mate), there aren't any secrets. Share it with everyone'. One looks at me and says, 'She said I think you are really starting to piss that Starr guy off'. My heart kind of sank a little then and there. Keep in mind there have been a lot more situations than this but the last got me depressed for a little while and well, now I'm on my computer pouring my heart out onto you friendly folk:D . My close and even distant friends tell me often that I'm a good friend and that they know I'm usually looking out for them. It disappoints me when this 2nd prob of mine arises when the fact is that I take great pride in being a great friend and that I think I have much to offer such as being able to get people to laugh here or there (HA and I said to myself prior to writing this post to be as modest as possible).The thing is that all 3 times and others which I have not explained, I have been generally happy or content and don't see why these people had come up with these assumptions of me.

 

I'm a fairly conservative guy, I'm not a jerk although I like to friendly joke around now and then. Clubbing isn't for me and I'm not a gigantic partier but I like to go to one now and then. It just hits me hard when people come up with these assumptions of me and makes me think, what exactly am I doing to provoke this? Anyway, gotta go to bed but just wondering if anybody else has experienced anything the same as I'm going through and if so, what they did to deal with it:) . Anyone else with any opinions, thoughts or comments is also welcome to help the newcomer.

 

Have a good one

 

Starr

[Outcast]

Check your expression. Seriously. People who are shy or reserved will often not smile, relax, or look friendly - and these things get misinterpreted as aloofness, unfriendliness, etc. You don't have to paste a smile on your face, but there's a difference between just letting your face hang there and looking pleasant. Spend some time in front of the mirror and if you find you look serious, try to think of something that pleases you - and then adopt that expression as your regular expression.

[Starr1]

Thanks for your response dude, seems logical, I'll keep it in mind.