Author RealityCheck Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 Dolly, I'm always either drunk or hungover!! I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. smooch smooch smooch!! By the way, its not stepping in man juice that scares me, its slipping in it and breaking my back that does!!! Well I'm sober as a judge and I love you too!!! Muahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 one more funny thing... last week I went out with friends and this guy was trying to pick up my friend telling her she is like an animal who needs to climb to the top of the trees and see what's happening out there. WTF pick up line is that?!?? What ever happened to "I just want to let you know that I think you're looking really beautiful tonight". I wasn't available, but man, that was just so nice to hear from a man!! There wasn't any expectation or anything, but a nice compliment that if I was available, I would have chatted with him a little longer. Yeah... chivalry is dead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 one more funny thing... last week I went out with friends and this guy was trying to pick up my friend telling her she is like an animal who needs to climb to the top of the trees and see what's happening out there. WTF pick up line is that?!?? What ever happened to "I just want to let you know that I think you're looking really beautiful tonight". I wasn't available, but man, that was just so nice to hear from a man!! There wasn't any expectation or anything, but a nice compliment that if I was available, I would have chatted with him a little longer. Yeah... chivalry is dead. Well, I would have turned to the guy and said..... You know, your right because it sure is not happening with YOU in here!!! *laughing* Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 You guys crack me up! Hey! Why am I the only one who is making an ass out of myself telling my sick stories about myself?! Spill it girls! Until then, I have one...and thank God it wasn't me that made an ass out of myself...(Whew!) A bunch of us from work went out for a drink after work and like many in the medical field, we are not above gallows humor... Anyway, after a few drinks, we all started talking about sex and our experiences.... One of the more flamboyant, sleazy girls that works in our lab suggested that we all go around the table and tell the freakiest thing we have ever done in the bedroom. Now, mind you, we were in On the Border, a family type Mexican restaurant in the middle of the afternoon... And, true to form, as we all know alcohol does....our voices were amplified to a dull roar.... Anyway, this particular girl offered to share her experience first. And in a very loud, boisterous voice she admitted to the entire restaurant (because she was talking that loud) that she takes it up the you know what. I swear it was a scene from Seinfeld....the entire restaurant stilled. Yeah, another classy moment in my life.... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Thanks WA...... What pisses me off, is someone starts something a little more lighter to shed a tad bit of happiness to the drama and another has to come in and throw a negative! KEEP THE NEGATIVITY OUT OF THIS THREAD!! They have a watercooler forum for threads like this.. Not being negative but you posted this in the wrong forum Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 She posted this in this forum because we are all friends here....and we need comic relief at times. I doubt that many of us go to the watercooler forum to lurk...I know I don't. Trust me Art, with what we have been through, we deserve to have something funny on this forum. IMHO, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Gah. Forums and threads go adrift every day at Love Shack. If you want to play LS Thought Police, Art Critic, you will never have a spare minute of the day. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Chump! Did I ever tell you that you are awesome?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 Gah. Forums and threads go adrift every day at Love Shack. If you want to play LS Thought Police, Art Critic, you will never have a spare minute of the day. SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH!!!! CHUMP YOU THE CHAMP!!! Now hop on the train we're all going for a ride! You know why? Because we've been to hell and back! This train is taking a much needed laughter vacation!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 Okay, here's a good one!! While I was persuing my my "Writing" career paying my dues I worked as a Financial Analyst. So, I was sitting in my office one day and a co-worker, who I adored (I'll call her Verna) walks by. Trailing behind her, was a loooooong piece of toilet paper that got stuck in her panties!! I swear, it was as long as a wedding trenel!.....lol It never made it into the toilet! I started to call her but she never heard me and she continued to strutt her stuff, maKing it all the way down the midway past dozens of offices! Everyone's mouth wide open, but no one was saying a word!!! I was killing myself laughing trying to get her attention! I was laughing so hard I could barely call her name! Finally, I pulled her into the stationery room and told her! She was so embarassed but even Verna, could not contain how funny it was. We were laughing so hard tears were rolling down our face! I said to her "it was a good thing you didn't have the s***s today"! At least the toilet paper was clean!!! Can you imagine!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 They have a watercooler forum for threads like this.. Not being negative but you posted this in the wrong forum I guess MO had no business posting a Thread of "Empowerment", because Damn!! That should have been posted in the "Spiritual" forum!!! PULEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!! I got called away to help my DIL for a few hours. I KNEW when I got back I would have missed all this!! I'm scraping here. Trying to remember a goofy story of my own, unfortunately, they're all little ones at my expense of being illogical. I'll give you a taste of what it is like to be me. Remember, I am intelligent, I am just not logical. This all started back in college when I had an apartment with 4 other girls. I was boiling water in a pot because I wanted some instant soup. One of my roommates said, "why don't you just use the teapot?" I said, "because I am making soup." She said, "Well why don't you just boil the water in the teapot?" And I said, "Because I am not making tea, I am making soup." (My mind was telling me that I am not making tea, therefore, why would I use a teapot). This went on for about 10 minutes before I realized that you didn't have to only use a teapot for tea. Thus started what they called "The Twit of the Week Award". A big cardboard poster went up on the wall. And I won almost every week with silly things like this. Fast forward 15 years later. My H and I were getting a wall knocked down in our house and french doors installed. We sat at the table with the contractor trying to decide if we should get a 5 foot door or a 6 foot door. I was totally perplexed that they would even be questioning this. I said, "Why would we get a 5 foot door? We'll both be hitting our heads whenever we walk through it." Needless to say, they were speechless. This is how I have learned to laugh AT myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!! I got called away to help my DIL for a few hours. I KNEW when I got back I would have missed all this!! I'm scraping here. Trying to remember a goofy story of my own, unfortunately, they're all little ones at my expense of being illogical. I'll give you a taste of what it is like to be me. Remember, I am intelligent, I am just not logical. This all started back in college when I had an apartment with 4 other girls. I was boiling water in a pot because I wanted some instant soup. One of my roommates said, "why don't you just use the teapot?" I said, "because I am making soup." She said, "Well why don't you just boil the water in the teapot?" And I said, "Because I am not making tea, I am making soup." (My mind was telling me that I am not making tea, therefore, why would I use a teapot). This went on for about 10 minutes before I realized that you didn't have to only use a teapot for tea. Thus started what they called "The Twit of the Week Award". A big cardboard poster went up on the wall. And I won almost every week with silly things like this. Fast forward 15 years later. My H and I were getting a wall knocked down in our house and french doors installed. We sat at the table with the contractor trying to decide if we should get a 5 foot door or a 6 foot door. I was totally perplexed that they would even be questioning this. I said, "Why would we get a 5 foot door? We'll both be hitting our heads whenever we walk through it." Needless to say, they were speechless. This is how I have learned to laugh AT myself. Ah Man!!! That's funny!! My brother's girlfriend was the same way!! She was extremely intelligent with no logic! We loved her to pieces! We have what is called "Socials" where I live. Socials are put on by people who are getting married, sports teams, people who have experienced tragedy etc....basically fund raisers. The socials are HUGE here because it is ONE huge party and takes place in a Hall of some kind. Anyway, there was a social being put on in the "winter" for a resort that I had a Beach home where all the proceeds would go to the "Childrens Foundation". So I asked her if she wanted to go to the "Beach Social" and she said "A beach social!....s***! its too damn cold"......lol She is a Lawyer!!! Now I know why I would love you to pieces MO..... Link to post Share on other sites
Bad_Monkey25 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 If you like the Blue collar comedy tour DVDs, I have a funny "here's your sign"...just one of the MANY that happen to me... I was out at a restaurant with a guy friend of mine and we had already ordered our food and decided to go out for a smoke break (when I was smoking). About 10 minutes later, our waitress came outside and asked if we were dining inside. It took everything I had in me not to say "No, I think we want you to bring the table and food out here to us." Here's your sign! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BLUE COLLAR COMEDY TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!! (maybe its because I can relate so well!) :o Link to post Share on other sites
Bad_Monkey25 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BLUE COLLAR COMEDY TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!! (maybe its because I can relate so well!) :o Hey, you aren't the only one!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 Hey, you aren't the only one!!! Dido!!! :D :D :D Link to post Share on other sites
babydoll_mimi Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I don't get the 5ft or 6ft door thing... but I have a few of my own. Actually, I have plenty, but I'll share two w/ y'all now. Ok, once I was making some of those scallopped potatoes, you know the Betty Crocker kind that can be done in the micro or the stove? Ok, so I'm following instructions, and it says 2-1/2 cups of water. I'm here laughing my butt off thinking "why did they put two half cups of H2O instead of one whole cup?" So I make the potatoes and look at them....they were as crisp as potatoe chips but thicker and...black. To this day my Dad still teases me. Second story: I'm taking a human sexuality class right now and in class one day our topic was anal sex and how only ten percent of women have tried it, and of that ten percent, the vast majority are college age women. Then this stupid old lady in the class was like "Perhaps the rest of us aren't in the practice of having anal intercourse because we are smarter than these silly college girls and it hurts." Then, without meaning to, my best friend and I (sitting right next to eachother) blurt out simultaneously, "No it doesn't!". LOL. IT was so embarassing...everyone in that small class looked at us, the girls w/ a weird look, the old lady like we were the devil, and all the guys in the class, including our professor looked at us like they were already thinking dirty thoughts.lol.... Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Okay.... I was raised Catholic, so every Sunday we went to church.... One Sunday, one of the old ladies walked in late from the bathroom. She had pulled up her pantyhose and the back of her dress got caught into it. So from behind, you could see her hiney with her dress tucked in.... How freaking embarrassing is that? I stood there horrified....no wonder I don't wear pantyhose! I was traumatized! Link to post Share on other sites
Bad_Monkey25 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Alright I got a CUTE and funny one for you.... My Daughter, who is 7, and I were on our way to see an old friend of mine, and I couldn't find the road name, and I'm saying the name out loud while looking for it, so my daughter says, "mommy, you concentrate on driving, and I will concentrate on finding the road" I laughed so hard, and she's like "what's so funny?" Kids.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 I don't get the 5ft or 6ft door thing... but I have a few of my own. Actually, I have plenty, but I'll share two w/ y'all now. Ok, once I was making some of those scallopped potatoes, you know the Betty Crocker kind that can be done in the micro or the stove? Ok, so I'm following instructions, and it says 2-1/2 cups of water. I'm here laughing my butt off thinking "why did they put two half cups of H2O instead of one whole cup?" So I make the potatoes and look at them....they were as crisp as potatoe chips but thicker and...black. To this day my Dad still teases me. Second story: I'm taking a human sexuality class right now and in class one day our topic was anal sex and how only ten percent of women have tried it, and of that ten percent, the vast majority are college age women. Then this stupid old lady in the class was like "Perhaps the rest of us aren't in the practice of having anal intercourse because we are smarter than these silly college girls and it hurts." Then, without meaning to, my best friend and I (sitting right next to eachother) blurt out simultaneously, "No it doesn't!". LOL. IT was so embarassing...everyone in that small class looked at us, the girls w/ a weird look, the old lady like we were the devil, and all the guys in the class, including our professor looked at us like they were already thinking dirty thoughts.lol.... OMG!!! I have tears in my eyes laughing so hard at the second story!! My gut is killing me! STOP! STOP! STOP! OH PLEASE! STOP! Damn! that was funny!!! I always said "that's one cherry going to heaven"! *laughing* Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 Alright I got a CUTE and funny one for you.... My Daughter, who is 7, and I were on our way to see an old friend of mine, and I couldn't find the road name, and I'm saying the name out loud while looking for it, so my daughter says, "mommy, you concentrate on driving, and I will concentrate on finding the road" I laughed so hard, and she's like "what's so funny?" Kids.... How adorable! Kids are so darn cute! I love kids stories! Thanks for sharing! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Baby-doll - I don't get the 5ft or 6ft door thing... Okay, now I don't feel so bad!! They meant 5 or 6 feet WIDE, not TALL! In other words, few people would be able to walk through a 5 or even 6 foot high door without ducking. Link to post Share on other sites
babydoll_mimi Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I totally get it...sometimes I think the blonde is my natural color and the roots are just dye.lol. But believe it or not, I'm incredibly book smart. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I totally get it...sometimes I think the blonde is my natural color and the roots are just dye.lol. But believe it or not, I'm incredibly book smart. Hey, I was born sun blonde, but it way darkened over the years. I believe you're book smart, so am I. I just don't understand why logic flies out the window so easily with me!! I often find myself saying "Duh"!! Link to post Share on other sites
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