two confused

[the bronze]

Hi there,

 

I was seeing a guy for a few months. We took things very fast in that we spent a LOT of time together, called every day, he bought me flowers and stuff when I was sick. I liked him, he seemed like a nice guy. We slowly started getting intimate and suddenly I was feeling really strange. I wasn't sure if I was attracted to him. I felt like I wanted to slow things down and just be friends. I told him exactly how I felt and I was releived when he was totaly cool with it. He's a real sweetheart.

 

We agreed to be friends and we've hung out a few times since. However, I feel that when he's around me, he still really likes me. He touches me in little ways that let me know that he still feels for me. This makes me feel completely uneasy.

 

So, we had a long conversation the other day where we shared what was on eachothers minds. He said he has stuff he needs to work out on his own, but is still wanting to hang out. I am currently seeing someone but I don't feel it's the right time to tell him cause it may just break his heart. Should I wait on telling him, or do you think this will ehlp him move on?

 

Also, I've only seen this new guy for a short time and I'm unsure if he's the right one for me. I don't want to play them both. What should I do?

[Tony T]

The first guy really likes you more than just a friend and he's a fool for hanging around you feeling that way when you are not willing to return those feelings. You need to be very straight with him and part company for a time.

 

You are absolutely right in that he will be devastated when he finds out you are seeing someone else on a dating basis. You don't need to tell him...you just need to get away from him. This is not a friendship you have between the two of you because his agenda is far different from yours. I'm sure he hopes that one day your feelings for him will change and become more romantic. Hanging around with him only gives him hope.

 

If you're keeping him around for a spare tire, shame on you. Why did you even bring up this "playing them both" thing? You obviously don't care for your old guy in a romantic way.

 

Take it from one who's been in the situation your guy buddy is in now. Do the humane thing and part ways until he's had a chance to get over you and find real, true love elsewhere.

 

And best of luck to you in finding it for yourself. Just don't keep this guy on a chain near your side while you're looking.

[Ed]

Although people may have expectations and make assumptions, if you have not explicitly made an agreement to exclude other people from each other's dating life, then no one can hold anything over your head.

 

However, you seem to already know he is not one of the ones that could quell your urges to do more exploring. In that case, you definitely need to tell him so, in a tactful way, and stop dating him altogether. Spare him from anymore hope that anything further will develop.