Dealing with Anger Part 2

[Jen]

Thanks for all the very wise advice in response to my previous post. Here I am again for some clarification. Is it abnormal/unhealthy/a sign of deep-seated emotional issues that would lead a young man to have a relationship with a woman old enough to be his mother? I thought his past history was "novel" and that his unwillingness to follow society's stereotypes about women was refreshing and mature (not only is the ex-ex 43 to his 25, but she is very average in appearance and very overweight. He is really gorgeous, tall, with a fantastic physique). Now--well now I just think it's very strange, but I wonder if I'm making myself believe that to get over my own rejection. I still struggle with the anger, but do think that posting to this forum is really going to help.

 

Hope you don't get sick of hearing from me,

 

Jen

[Tony T]

Posting to this forum won't do too much but posting to your heart and brain will do wonders.

 

You really do yourself a disservice by overanalyzing all this.

[Ed]

Some people may get tired of reading about the same old stuff and become frustrated with you, at times, if you don't seem to be progressing. Post here as often as you like if you think it will help you. If I were you I would not try to use this forum as a substitute for help from a trained professional.

 

I am not going to offer many comments about your former boyfriend. He is responsible for his own life choices, just as you are. No one, except possibly himself, knows why he is who he is or why he does what he does. Any comments from others about him are speculative.

 

My advice to you is to try not to focus on him, what he is, what he was, or why. I think your time would be much better spent trying to understand those things about yourself. Which brings me to the last part of your post...you wondering about you.

 

We all have to rationalize our own thoughts and behavior. The problem is sometimes we don't use good rationale when rationalizing! Sometimes we dupe ourselves into believing things that simply aren't accurate or true. Just try to stick to the facts, then do something about the things you can do something about and let the rest of it go. And give yourself a break if you make a mistake. As a member of the human race, you are entitled to make non-lethal mistakes with the opportunity to do better next time.

 

Have a good day.

[Jen]

The whole purpose of posting to a forum like this, in my opinion, is to actively seek to work on issues and obtain advice from others at the same time. My friends are great but they're all female and are not going to really tell it like it is. And I find the male perspective to be critical when trying to be fair with myself. I realize none of this is a substitute for counseling (which I do with both a therapist and a psychiatrist weekly), and maybe I am overanalyzing, but it seems to be that one of the ways I got myself into this situation is by not analyzing ENOUGH.

 

Sorry if I sound cross at you, but the "overanalyzing" word is a trigger, as it was used by my ex as an excuse for not communicating about issues.

Posting to this forum won't do too much but posting to your heart and brain will do wonders.

 

You really do yourself a disservice by overanalyzing all this.