love

[carrie2]

I'm with this guy, it started off perfect and now he just stopped calling as much. I asked him if he wanted to continue this, he said yes and that I was perfect. He had been cheated on in the past and got scared when he realized he had fallen for me. So he put the brakes on, but now I'm left feeling alone and hurt. What can I say or do to get things back to normal. If I say give me more time, he'll run and think I'm needy.

 

For the first 2 months we were together everyday and on the phone every night. Then school picked up, but he still managed to make time to see me atleast once a week and call everyday or every second day even if it was for two minutes, just to hear my voice and that was fine, I'm a very busy person as well. But now he calls once a week and maybe I'll call twice, and I never called him prior to the past 3 weeks and I have'nt seen him for two weeks last wed.. He just got a place of his own for the past two weeks and thats when it all slowed down. His defense is that his friends are over and they all spend the night and its rude to be on the phone for three hours. I made the huge mistake of one day telling him his flyby meetings and two min. conversations were not enough one day when I was mad and he came over for 1 hour and skrewed up my day. I had'nt seen him all week and he came by for an hour, now I realize that I was being demanding. That day he had asked me if he should'nt of come at all if it was fly by like that and I annoyed said yes. He now thinks I need all this time. Help! I don't know what to say. I tried if you wanted to make time for me you would and if you thought of me you'd call and he said he would'nt call or ans. for me if he did'nt want to and that if he had'nt called for a month he'd understand where this is all coming from. He's such a stereotypical guy and I don't want to be some needy crazy stereotypical girl. Nobody has ever made me out to look that way, guys have always said I was cool.

 

He went from saying I have you and I'm happy and that I have nothing to worry about to this. Everything slowed down after we became more intimate (no sex though), after 2 months, but now its non-existant. He saide to be a good nice person who's loyal. He's very innocent becaues he has had veryy little experience and has always said he does'nt know what to do and that he was scared of skrewing up, well he did.

[Tony T]

He didn't screw anything up. You did with your demands and expectations. Human beings are not put upon the planet to calls us when we want them to, come by when we want them to, return our emails instantly, etc.

 

Lesson One: Because somebody sees you seven times a week and calls every day does not obligate them to do so for the rest of their lives. Enjoy each encounter but make no demands.

 

Lesson Two: Most relationships where there is a lot of physical attraction start out very intense, with each seeing the other often and with a lot of passion. Most often, frequency of togetherness diminishes over time as the newness wears off. This is good. You can drive a relationship to its death by insisting that the intensity and frequency remain at its original level, no matter how good it felt.

 

Lesson Three: "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he will never be disappointed." - Benjamin Franklin, U.S. Statesman

 

Lesson Four: If a guy backs off, if you want to get a rise out of him, back off even more yourself. Nothing drives a guy more crazy than for a lady to stop calling or to respond very infrequently. Turn this around and YOU take control of the situation, not him.

 

Lesson Five: Enjoy every moment in life for that moment. Enjoy being by yourself, with friends, or with your special somebody. Don't demand that any of them give you any particular level of attention. When you get married, spell out just what you expect in the relationship, make a contract of sorts, and pray that your partner comes close to living up to its terms.

 

Oh, yes, you can continue on demanding all you want just like most of us were taught to do along the way...and you can continue to be miserable. Or you can work with other people on worthwhile compromises. Your choice.