Wife Unappreciated...what next?

[Just_Me]

I have from the outside an ideal life. I am a 26 year old woman married with 2 sons and a baby due in July. I have a nice house and my husband doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, has no interest in being with other women, and owns his own business which makes him available virtually all the time. Sure looks great.....but it is what everyone doesn't know that makes me in the middle of this question.....should I stay or should I go?

 

My husband and I started off as friends. We were both attracted to eachother but different paths in life left us as only friends. I was 20 at the time and was having LOTS of fun being young. I dated a couple guys at a time, and was completely into self. My husband who was my friend at the time was past that stuff (he is a couple years older) so was just confident in himself as a single man and would be happy when God blessed him with the woman he should marry. He had been in other relationships before one of which was for 5 years, and she just wasn't the one. We talked a lot but seemed to loose touch with eachother at summers end 2000. I turned 21 and really got out of hand. I made irrational decisions, really strained my relationship with my parents and moved in with my much older (15yrs) casual boyfriend. It quickly turned from casual to serious right before my eyes and instead of stopping it I just ignored it and kept dating another guy too lying to both. How I don't know but we (the older boyfriend and I) got married secrectly at the courthouse. That night I knew it was a mistake and tried to get it annulled the next day. No dice. Annullment was not valid in this situation and we would have to get divorced. He was in love with the idea we were married and a divorce would be a huge fight. I forgot to mention he knew I was dating other people by this time and he still wanted to get married. I just continued life as before pretending nothing happened. My friends and family had no idea of the marriage. I was spoiled on my lifestyle so I just stayed. We were rarely ever together and when we were I had to physically and mentally force myself to be intimate with him. Summer came again and my friend and I got back in contact, and for some reason sparks flew. After talking again and going on 2 dates something in my heart knew where I was supposed to be....with my friend. I decided to give in to anything the guy I was married to wanted to get the divorce. I was by that time staying soley in hotels at night just so I didn't have to go home and would go home when he left for work. One night the guy I was married to and I happened to be home at the same time and he really pushed to have sex so I did, and it was the last time I was ever with him and the last night I spent at home. Having a clear conscience that my friend would be the only person I was ever going to be with again, he and were together one night and he and I said I love you and messed around physically but not sexually active with eachother. We wanted to wait until we married eachother and really start it off right (even though we both knew we had been sexually active before). 2 months later I had not gotten my period and decided for the heck of it to take a pregnancy test. It seemed silly since my boyfriend and I had only touched anatomy and never penitrated. Crazy things happen I guess because the test said + (positive). Holy Crap. We were going to have a baby. I immediately packed up all the rest of my belongings at the house the guy I was married to lived and left easy divorce service papers for him to sign. No courts, and no split assets. Just signatures and we were on our way. He agreed he'd do it and so I signed and he would send it in. All was a okay. 6 months later I married my friend and 3 months later we had a boy. PERFECT!!!! Until I got a court ordered DNA test for my baby from my husband....the first one. He never sent the papers in. I was married to 2 people. Long and short the baby was unfortuanately his and not my current husbands. Not only that but my marriage to my current husband was deemed void. Chaos only followed. We seperated for a couple months, him sending our son (he still considered him his son) gifts and letters in the mail, and when we finally saw eachother again it was a very happy reunion. Our son was excited to see "daddy" again and I was excited to see my hubby. By the way our son was 13 months old at that time. Thinking we would work things out, we slept together and that next month I was pregnant. Fertal Mertal I guess. That brought a whole new mess because my husband was still going through the I love you I hate you phase of his shock. Life was hell, I had the divorce, custody, relationship horror show with my current but void husband, and now a baby. The only GREAT thing was my son. Well some how we made it through. The divorce was finalized and we had a baby boy (which yes he wanted a DNA test and the test is 99.9% that it was his). Things just kindof picked back up and we really had to rebuild our life. Our baby is now 2. This is where I am struggling. We actually didn't know for sure that our marriage was void until a couple months ago, we had an idea, but never actually had it confirmed. When I did, I told my husband I wanted us to get remarried. We live life like we are. I work my butt off as a stay at home mom, take care of him and our kids, just live like were're married. We've gone into the typical rut. He doen't take me out, never wants to go to movies, or rent movies, go out to eat togther, doesn't just sit and hang out with me at home when the kids are asleep and really doesn't seem to have an interest in the new baby that will be here next month. Rarely does he just look at me and say I love you, or pull me in to give me a hug or kiss, or just hold my hand all things I need the most right now. Worst of all when I said I want us to be remarried and he said he didn't want to. We already got married once he doesn't want to do it again. It was a one time thing for him. He seems completely useless around the house including with the kids. I am going into my nineth month of pregnancy and I am still having to do almost all of the stuff I used to do before I was pregnant because he doen't take the initiative and when he does it is ALWAYS half ass-ed. He doesn't do the things a "husband", the great protector and provider, should do. Like he'll leave the front door unlocked at night, or leave the cars gas on empty even when he knows the kids and I are going somewhere. When I ask him are you going to go to the doctor with me for our baby he just skuffs and says "no". I have said so many times that living life like this is not ok. He is taking his family for granted and he would be pretty sad if he didn't have us. I have even said I wanted to leave. He was never this kind of a man before. Everything I described was opposite, even up until a year ago. What do I do? We aren't acually married so I could really leave, but what will that do? Is there an underlying issue I am not seeing? I know he is not with anyone else. The thing that holds me from leaving is my first son. I don't want to loose a school district designation because I am considered unstable. That is the furthest from what I am. I am probably the most stable person in the world for my son, it is just my relationship between my husband and myself, (which yes it stays between us and not even known to the kids) isn't and I don't know where to go with this. HELP!!!!!!!!

[VegasFan]

I don't want to loose a school district designation because I am considered unstable. That is the furthest from what I am.

 

I'm surprised that you consider yourself stable. Stay put and be a wife and mother, and stop worrying about how much people appreciate it. The world does not revolve around you.

[Billy Bob]

"One night the guy I was married to and I happened to be home at the same time and he really pushed to have sex so I did, and it was the last time I was ever with him and the last night I spent at home. Having a clear conscience that my friend would be the only person I was ever going to be with again, he and were together one night and he and I said I love you and messed around physically but not sexually active with eachother. We wanted to wait until we married eachother and really start it off right (even though we both knew we had been sexually active before). 2 months later I had not gotten my period and decided for the heck of it to take a pregnancy test. It seemed silly since my boyfriend and I had only touched anatomy and never penitrated. Crazy things happen I guess because the test said + (positive). Holy Crap."

 

Are you really that dumb? You had sexual intercourse with your husband, did not have sexual intercourse with your boyfriend and somehow you actually believed your boyfriend was the father? You need to get on the Jerry Springer show.

 

Advice wise, I'd just grow up if I were you and be happy you have someone supporting you.. or you can just move on to bachelor number 3 and get knocked up and maybe married again? Make sure you have those DNA tests handy though:laugh: