Husband's lack of libido due to steroids

[Steroid_Victim]

My husband admitted to me that he had been taking steroids since 1999 until December last year. Since steroids contain testosterone, when you take them, your body stops producing testosterone. When you stop taking them, your body still doesn't produce it for a while until it notices that your testosterone level is too low. Then it starts producing testosterone again and increases the level gradually.

 

Husband says it takes months for the body to adjust to the new conditions (no artficial testosterone). This makes the situation very frustrating given that we are newly weds. When we dated we had sex often. He is in his 40's, I am in my 30's. It's been a few months since we haven't had sex except for once a week or less when I insist and it feels like making love to a dildo. He rejects me until I manage to make his penis hard with a hand job.

 

I was understanding with some moments of frustration and some fights here and there, but last night he saw some half-naked girls on TV and stared at them almost with an open mouth. I understand that admiring beauty has nothing to do with desire to have sex, but it hurt me. I have a great body (my gym trainer says I am smoking hot) and he never looks at me when I undress. I know it's because of this steroid problem and I did tolerate that, but today when he told me to put clothes on (this is not the first time), because I was walking around in my panties and bra (I put the tanning lotion on so I didn't want to dirty my clothes until it dried up), I really got pissed and asked him why he never looks at me and suggests that I dress up, but looks at other girls' bodies. He said he has seen my body many times.

 

Well I have seen his body many times too and still watch him when he is naked, and he is not even hot (I still love him and desire him, not saying he's bad, but he is too skinny).

 

He got mad at me today and I approcahed him and said: "Why is it so hard to understand that if you don't look at me, it hurts me to see that you're looking at other women's bodies?" But he was just mad at me.

 

Otherwise he's the best person I've ever met, we don't have any other problems except sex. He never yells or disresepcts me in any aspect.

 

How should I feel? What should I say or do?

[IWalkAlone]

How about picking a guy with a natural physique?

 

I'm, a natually skinny guy. I tried weightlifting once for several months but it produced little results. I'm sick of seeing great women pair themselves off with dumbs***s with no personality just because they have huge bicepts & shoulders.

 

I've considered using steroids, but then I get pissed off thinking that I need to mess with my body chemistry and risk shrunken testicles and lowered libido if I want women to view me as more than a "friend."

[Lennox]

You should feel the way you feel. It doesn't matter whether you have a smoking hot body or you're too skinny or too fat. This type of behavior doesn't have anything to do with you actually. It's selfish, period.

 

You need to talk to him in a manner where you can express your feelings. Using phrases such as "When you do x, it makes me feel like y". If your man is particularly piggy, you may have to set aside time so that you can talk this out. Like, if he doesn't want to talk to you on the spot, come to an agreement on when you will talk about that particular subject, like in a day or so.

 

Are there any other problems that he has that is interfering with your sex life? One thing that jumped out at me is that you said he rejects you unless you give him a hand job to make him hard. One of the problems that goes along with an addiction to masturbation is lost sensitivity to the penis because of too much rough masturbation. A guy can actually do it so much that he desensitizes his penis so that in order to get hard, it takes overstimulation.

 

Iwalkalone, you're a particularly bright guy and I agree with your sentiments. Although Im not sure how great a woman is if she decides to pair off with a dumbs*** with no personality just because he's buffed. Personally, I prefer chubby guys, but even with that preference, I'd MUCH rather have a man with high intelligence than anything else. Good for you for not falling for the steroid crap! Some lady is going to be very lucky when she hooks up with you.

[Steroid_Victim]

How about picking a guy with a natural physique?

 

I'm, a natually skinny guy. I tried weightlifting once for several months but it produced little results. I'm sick of seeing great women pair themselves off with dumbs***s with no personality just because they have huge bicepts & shoulders.

 

I've considered using steroids, but then I get pissed off thinking that I need to mess with my body chemistry and risk shrunken testicles and lowered libido if I want women to view me as more than a "friend."

Sorry, but I don't see how your post gives any constructive advice. I ALERADY PICKED HIM!!! I love him to death. You just assume that he is some empty-headed body builder. He is an extremely smart, educated, and sucessful man. After all, even if he is dumb and body-oriented, maybe I am too, right?

 

Lennox, thanks for your reply. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't listen. He knows I am right. I told him this morning that if he doesn't show interest in my body, he shouldn't show interest in seeing other women's bodies either, to at least have some respect. He said he was just teasing me when he stared at that commercial on TV (that's BS, but it shows that he realizes that it hurt me).

 

I stare at pretty girls too. I admire them and envy them at the same time, but also can't take my eyes off anything that's beautiful on this planet (man, woman, child, animals, buildings, cars... geez, I tried hard to see the face of the driver in the Mercedes roadster today, I almost missed my green light, and I am not even into staring at guys! LOL).

 

Husbna dsaid I gave him a hard time over a little thing. I told him that this little thing happens to make me completely frustrated. I think he gets it, but doesn't want to admit that I am right, he is just stubborn.

 

 

Lennox, the thing with testosterone surrogates is that his libido goes down. he doesn't masturbate, he doesn't care about my hand job, I give it to him without his "permission." I just do it. Until his body starts producing testosterone naturally, he is totally not interested in sex, period. Not with me, not with anybody else. It's the gesture of watching other women's naked pictures that hurts me.

 

I gues I should just be patient...

[Kenyth]

There are drugs that prevent this from happening. A doctor could have supplied them and given him a testosterone patch program in the interim. I don't think this is the only problem you two have. The fact that he took the steroids regularly to begin with is a bad sign. Many people dabble in illegal drugs, but they don't do them regularly as an adult unless there's something amiss upstairs, like depression, addiction, etc.

 

Like many people who lift or lifted weights, I considered steroids once. I never got any further than reading about it.

[IWalkAlone]

Sorry about that. My rant is for another thread.

 

Lennox, I wish I had a dollar for everyone who said "some women is going to be very lucky..." The problem is that it really means "some other women."

[Steroid_Victim]

There are drugs that prevent this from happening. A doctor could have supplied them and given him a testosterone patch program in the interim. I don't think this is the only problem you two have. The fact that he took the steroids regularly to begin with is a bad sign. Many people dabble in illegal drugs, but they don't do them regularly as an adult unless there's something amiss upstairs, like depression, addiction, etc.

 

Like many people who lift or lifted weights, I considered steroids once. I never got any further than reading about it.

Ok, I totally don't understand the courage to make presumptions about people you don't know. I asked about steroids and you're telling me that my husband is suffering from depression and that he might have some addictions. He doesn't have any addictions and is the most cheerful person I've ever met. He didn't take the steroids regularly and stopped months ago.

 

I'll see about the medications, but I think you're just guessing without really knowing anything about it.

 

PLEASE, folks, if you know nothing about this matter and can't answer the question I posed, don't make any assumptions about my marriage.

[Lennox]

He was only teasing you? Sounds like he's backtracking and trying to cover up this particularly selfish act on his part. I don't know about him, but if I'm joking or teasing someone, I let them know it once they take the bait. It's part of the fun of playing.

 

A smart man would just reassure you and tell you how beautiful you are to him. I wish men would learn how to do that. Instead of taking offense when a woman expresses moments of insecurity, they should be taking that opportunity to reassure the woman. I bet if he had done that with you, you would have just let it go and never even posted here. But, he did the opposite and is working counter productive in handling this problem.

 

Whether you have a problem or he has a problem, it's never "just a little thing" when it is not addressed properly and adequately. "Little things" like that can snowball into really huge things that wind up hurting a relationship more than they ever should have been allowed to. A mature couple will take those small problems and nip them in the bud. Why? Because that's what mature people that have loving, fulfilling relationships do. Marriage takes a lot of hard work to maintain, and part of that work is to be mindful of protecting each other from hurt feelings whenever possible and resolve conflicts swiftly and effectively.

 

You can deal with his ED if he just is mindful about protecting your feelings and minimizing the impact this has on you. He needs to see a doctor about his symptoms of the steriod use and see if there's anything that he can be given to counteract the hormonal issues. I advocate you getting medical help for this because I have no idea if there's anything that you need to watch out for while he's getting off the stuff, even though he didn't use it very often. You didn't think there was any mental issues so that would only leave possible physical issues to deal with.

 

Iwalkalone, I hear where you're coming from and I can tell you that being morbidly obese at one time, I can identify with your sentiments. But, as you know, not every body type is for everyone. How many 200+ pound women would you seriously consider going out with? They have heard "Oh you have such a pretty face" probably just as many times as you have heard that some woman is going to be lucky that finally hooks up with you. Maybe you just need to expand the pond you're fishing out of to find the lucky lady?

[littlekitty]

Ok this is from my SO who has a good knowledge in this area:

 

Right, the effect that steroids have on your sex life will depend on two factors I'd say: the type of steroid you're using and your age/natural sex drive.

 

Steroids which are highly androgenic (such as those with ‘testosterone’ in their name and anadrol/anapolon, andriol, dianabol and sustanon) tend to have more effect on your sex drive, since they are adding a greater level of make hormone to your body than other steroids.

 

Speaking from experience I'd say if you're young, say under 30, your body will have far higher natural levels of testosterone. If you add more, via steroid with high testosterone levels, you’ll probably feel horny as a tom cat for a few weeks, before your body realizes what’s happening and adjusts your hormone levels. Then, you may experience a loss of sex drive and even impotence.

 

If you’re a tad older, your natural testosterone levels will be obviously be lower. This means that you’re likely to experience a less dramatic increase in sex drive at the beginning and less likely to lose sex drive later in a cycle. However the longer your using the more your sex drive decreases.

 

I'd definitely say that using steroids will have some impact on the sexual dynamic in a relationship.

 

He also said that if you're husband has been using for 5 years continuous, he's probably turned off the testosterone recepetors.

 

My SO's advice? Get your husband to visit a Doctor, be honest about his steriod abuse (sorry, but 5 years on it continously sounds like abuse to me), and get some help. He honestly is going to need medical intervention probably to get the right stuff to get his body back in sync.

 

If not, he should spend some time googling what he's done to his body, find out what the correct suppliments to be taking are, and head off to his steriod dealer to pick up the stuff to fix what he's done to himself.

 

Just as an aside, steriods aren't healthy. And why was he taking them if he's not a body builder?!

[Kenyth]

Ok, I totally don't understand the courage to make presumptions about people you don't know. I asked about steroids and you're telling me that my husband is suffering from depression and that he might have some addictions. He doesn't have any addictions and is the most cheerful person I've ever met. He didn't take the steroids regularly and stopped months ago.

 

I'll see about the medications, but I think you're just guessing without really knowing anything about it.

 

PLEASE, folks, if you know nothing about this matter and can't answer the question I posed, don't make any assumptions about my marriage.

 

 

Ummmm............... You're asking people you don't know, right? Anyhow, sorry for the presumptions. No need for 'em, you didn't ask for 'em.

 

There ARE drugs (other steroids included) that prevent the side effects of steroid use. There are one's that prevent side effects from the extra estrogen produced by steroid use, and a proper way to wean yourself from a cycle. To prevent the symptoms he's experiencing now (since I'm assuming from your post he went cold turkey), a Dr. could prescribe appropriate horomone replacement therapy (A testosterone patch is a common one, similar to the birth control patch), which would decrease dosage slowly until balance is regained in the endocrine system. Any other steroid with the appropriate anabolic/androgenic properties would suffice, but none are legal for prescription but testosterone IIRC. Unfortunately, a visit to the Dr. wilth this particular problem would be awkward at best. The presciptions would likely not be covered by insurance either, even if you wanted to disclose it. I know I wouldn't want MY job knowing I took illegal drugs.

[Tasteslikechicken]

IMHO age won't always play a part in whether the sex drive will increase or decrease. It's all dependant on the individual and how our bodies react to the various types of steriod they're putting in their bodies, it is also dose dependant.

 

Most anabolic steroids, especially the androgens, cause inhibition of the body's own testosterone production. When a bodybuilder comes off a steroid cycle, natural testosterone production is zero and the levels of the steroids taken in the blood are diminishing. This leaves the ratios of catabolic : anabolic hormones in the blood high, hence the body is in a state of catabolism, and, as a result, much of the muscle tissue that was gained on the cycle is now going to be lost.

 

Steriods that are testosterone based are likely to give you a much higher sex drive than those that don't again this will also take into account the dose.

 

One sure fire fact is, the loger you're on steriods the longer it will take your body to recover and start to produce it's own testosterone again.

 

The bottom line is your husband as abused steriods and is now paying the price. His own levels of test are shut down and shut down hard and it will take time to recover, how long remains to be seen.

 

Like all others on here, my advice, get down to the docs and explain the cycle, the dose then length of time he has been on. Not only will he have to deal with the fact that he needs something to help his body recover and kick start his own natural testostrone production, but depending on what he was on and the dose he might also need to have his blood pressure checked and liver values (especially if he's been using an oral)

 

In any event, I hope that you get this all sorted and if your husband plans to use steriods again, which I would advise against for a very long time, then make sure he knows what he's taking, at what dose and he has all the correct meds to hand to help with any side effects and when he's finished a cycle he takes the correct measures to help his body recover....

 

Good luck

[littlekitty]

Nice clear cut advice, and put better than by I!! Nice one TLC!!

[IWalkAlone]

Iwalkalone, I hear where you're coming from and I can tell you that being morbidly obese at one time, I can identify with your sentiments. But, as you know, not every body type is for everyone. How many 200+ pound women would you seriously consider going out with? They have heard "Oh you have such a pretty face" probably just as many times as you have heard that some woman is going to be lucky that finally hooks up with you. Maybe you just need to expand the pond you're fishing out of to find the lucky lady?

 

Well, I'll tell you I have dating 200+ pound women. Some are smart, some can even be sexy, and a smart, sexy but overweight women can be better than Internet porn. But in my experience they often have emotional issues that either cause (thorugh bad eating habits) or are caused by their weight (such as being sexually inhibited and afraid to get naked).

 

Another issue that comes up is that I like to go mountain biking, hiking and skiing, and I'd like to have an SO who can do those things with me. Is that an unreasonable expectation? Do I need to give up my dream of having an SO who can do these outdoor activities with me?

 

No, I have tried expanding the pond, but my extra catch were bottom dwellers. Women need to get a clue about the qualities in a man that really count.