Just feel like giving up on my marriage sometimes.

[hotboy1999]

My wife and I have been together for a total of 9 years with three of those years being married. In the beginning my job required me to work 3p.m. to 11p.m. and she was working in fast food. Over the past year things have changed. I now work from 7a.m. to 3p.m. and she no longer works in fast food. She applied for a job where I work and was hired to work from 4.pm. to 1a.m. So being as how things have changed I feel kind of neglected. We might see each other about a hour monday through friday. On saturday she works from 2p.m. to 10p.m. Which allows me to wait up for her. But being as she has two sisters and a friend they like to get together on saturdays after work. All week I pick our 2 year old son up from the daycare and have him all evening. I have to try and play with him, feed him, give him a bath, and put him to sleep. Keep in mind that she takes him to daycare every morning, so that means she has all day to herself before work. Neither of her two sisters or her friend have a license or a car. So during the day she is like a regular cab and take them on errands and other places. So when I see her for that hour everyday I usually ask her what did she do today. She usually says she didn't do anything, but take her sister to work and that's about it. One of her sisters and the friend work with her but they have to be at work at 3p.m. So that means that she has to come to work an hour early to bring them to work. Also she doesn't cook anymore. Just the other day I asked her what did she cook and she said she was going to cook but her sisters called her and they decided to go out and eat. To me that seems like she is putting herself and her sisters before me and our son. I just get so mad when I sit and think about all the stuff I have to do on a daily basis why she pretty much doesn't do anything. About the only thing she does is wash clothes. After working all day I have to take care of our son, mow the yard, pick up around the house, and other things. In a way it seems I may be jealous of her sisters and friend, but I'm just feeling like I'm getting the short end of the stick. We got into alittle argument the another week about her hanging out on Saturday nights after work. They usually go over her sister house who has a male roommate and his friends be there too. I told her I felt that she didn't need to be there around all those single people and I'm stuck at home with our son. The time that she is spending over there is time that we could be spending together since we don't get to spend that much time together except for Sundays. We spent this past weekend together and did some talking, but I don't think it didn't any good because Tuesday she told me that they were getting together Saturday night after work for her sister's birthday. But I feel like since it is Father's Day weekend that she should be trying to spend that time with. Am I being jealous. The Saturday before Mother's Day I ran her a bubble bath and had candles all over the bathroom and I had went and picked up us some food. So when she got home she had a hot bath waiting on her and some hot food. But deep down inside I don't think she really appreciated because I said maybe we could something special this weekend for me like I did for you and her answer was what did you do. I feel like that is something that wouldn't forget about. Depending on this weekend I just might can't take anymore. What do you think? Any replies would be greatly appreciated!

[hotboy1999]

I forgot to mention that on one of those Saturday nights one of her sisters told her that I was cheating on her. That really pissed me off because her sister doesn't have a washer or dryer so she come to our house and wash and dry her clothes and also my wife takes her to work everyday in the car that I'm paying for, but yet she smiles in my face like she hasn't said anything.

[AManWithTroubles]

Ahhh, I've been there. Well, part of there. My wife and I have worked the opposite side of the day quite often throughout our history together. We had to, for financial reasons. As I recall, we both pretty much thought we were on the short end.

 

I will say that my wife never really hung out with other people during our little bit of free time. However, the few hours we had together did not help develop our marriage to a good point. Otherwise, I would've never come here looking for answers.

 

You have to tell your wife how you feel, straight up. Don't do the blaming game, tell her how YOU feel. Say it with the word I often. That way it won't sound like you're telling her what she's doing wrong. Something like this, "I feel like you are spending more time with your sisters than with me." Just kinda describe your feelings like this the best that you can. Once it sounds like you're blaming her, she may become defensive. But if she really cares about you and how you feel, then she should listen to you describe your feelings.

 

One other thing, don't put yourself on the short end, at least in your head. If you look at this as if you are the victim, then she may think you're looking for pity. I don't think you really want pity, you just want some attention from your wife, which is completely understandable. Besides, she may think that she has the short end of the stick, with the late hours, and taking care of her sisters. Both of you thinking that your victims could lead to many arguments.

 

And this thing about her hanging out where single men are. End that, now. Would she like it if you were hanging out with single women, in a private setting? I hope not, and good luck. I know it's tough.

[slinkysu]

scrape together enough money for one driving lesson for her sister - tell her you hope she enjoys it and will continue it because your wife isn't a cab driver!

 

her sisters need to be independant and your wife needs to appreciate that she has a family unit all of her own that she needs to give more attention to.

 

I agree with the poster above in that you both probably feel like you have the short end of the stick here, but do talk to your wife, explain how you feel and how you really want to work at this and try and think of ways to make it work (like getting her lazy sisters off their backsides and learning a new skill - such as driving!)

 

Good luck!

[hotboy1999]

I appreciate your replies. The other weekend we had a talk and she said that she would try to make things better, but after 1 weekend it was back to the same thing.