My next chapter is about to begin

[dgiirl]

eh?

[CryingCanuck]

Gunny is on the wrong thread.........

 

How's your day so far DG? Foggy misty here.....

 

Was in NYC most of this week on business, rained there too but I love that town.....

[dgiirl]

So for the past two weeks, I've been doing extremely well. But although I'm doing well, I'm still having moments of sadness pop into my head. I've given myself permission that it's ok to still not be over it. And I'm trying not to feel guilty or disappointed in myself for still getting caught up in my emotions. It is what it is, and there's no magic wand I can wave to make me be over it. So I just focus on the things I can focus on and let the healing take care of itself. I will say tho that the thoughts of my ex in my head have become almost nil. Another change in my progress has happened, and I can feel that. And to boot, a dear friend has noticed a change in my wording towards my marriage. I'm starting to use "We use to do this" less and "When I was with" more.

 

I recently joined a photography group and have been really active in that for the last two weeks. And on top of that, meeting up with all my friends. It's absolutely crazy but I've gone out almost every single day, or second day the last two weeks. I'm exhausted And I still havent started xmas shopping!

 

I've met a lot of new people lately through this new group. Everyone is extremely friendly, social and active, and have invited me to quite a few things, especially one guy in particular. However, I'm now struggling with wondering if one of my new found friend is just being friendly, or might have some interest in me. I dread situations where the guy is interested and all I want is friendship. And the more I'm friendly, the more the guy takes it as interest. Do I say something before the guy takes a risk to say something, or do I sit quitely giving subtle hints which rarely ever work? Or do I decline all offers of social events simply because I _think_ he might have an interest, but have absolutely no clue?

[jerbear]

And I still havent started xmas shopping!

Bad kitty!

 

I've met a lot of new people lately through this new group. Everyone is extremely friendly, social and active, and have invited me to quite a few things, especially one guy in particular. However, I'm now struggling with wondering if one of my new found friend is just being friendly, or might have some interest in me. I dread situations where the guy is interested and all I want is friendship. And the more I'm friendly, the more the guy takes it as interest. Do I say something before the guy takes a risk to say something, or do I sit quitely giving subtle hints which rarely ever work? Or do I decline all offers of social events simply because I _think_ he might have an interest, but have absolutely no clue?

 

I don't think you should just stop going because of him. However, subtle hints first then just tell him you are only interested in friendship. He might agree and stick around while harbouring other things.

 

You might want to consider group outings versus alone time with him. Also don't pair up. You might lose a "friend" but that is part of life. Gain some, lose some.

[PWSX3]

I've met a lot of new people lately through this new group. Everyone is extremely friendly, social and active, and have invited me to quite a few things, especially one guy in particular. However, I'm now struggling with wondering if one of my new found friend is just being friendly, or might have some interest in me. I dread situations where the guy is interested and all I want is friendship. And the more I'm friendly, the more the guy takes it as interest. Do I say something before the guy takes a risk to say something, or do I sit quitely giving subtle hints which rarely ever work? Or do I decline all offers of social events simply because I _think_ he might have an interest, but have absolutely no clue?

dgiirl, you are a very smart gal and I respect what you say so I have no worries you will be able to figure out what you need to do or say for you.

Maybe just let it go for a while and see what happens, you need to give it a chance to see if he wants more or maybe he is just wanting to be friends. If you feel it isn't what you want then maybe it would be good to explain your feelings to this person. Remember us guys aren't very good at reading minds so it does help to let us know your side and thoughts.

 

It's good to hear you are out and about having fun, I wish we could post pictures here because I would love to see some of your that you are taking.

I'm glad you are able to share with us newbies your story and what you are still going thru because it shows us that everyone has feelings and things still bother us after time but there is hope.

 

Good luck and just enjoy meeting all those new people.

[dgiirl]

Thanks PW & Jer!

 

So, I went out with this new friend Monday with the club, Tuesday privately to exchange pictures from Monday's event and Thursday again with the club. He lives next to me, so he drove me home both Monday and Thursday and Tuesday was a last minute thing since we live so close. He then invited me out with his friends Friday night and I decline. He offered to go shopping with me and I decline. He now called me Saturday morning to ask me to go see a movie this coming week. I was in the shower, and it went to voice mail so I have to respond. Should I just decline his offer or should I say something? I initially agreed to meet up with him because he offered to be a mentor and yet nothing has really happened in that department yet, except him lending me one of his cameras both outings with the group.

 

Sheesh, I'm complicated eh? I feel guilty. I get so depressed because I'm alone, and yet there's a few guys who would like to date me. Unfortunately, I dont feel any spark with them and I'm not the type to casually date.

[PWSX3]

Sheesh, I'm complicated eh? I feel guilty. I get so depressed because I'm alone, and yet there's a few guys who would like to date me. Unfortunately, I dont feel any spark with them and I'm not the type to casually date.

 

First off you shouldn't feel guilty because the guilt you are feeling is for someone else, it's not a feeling for you such as anger or hurt. (hope that makes since)

 

If you don't like to date casually maybe you should explain to the guy it seems like he is wanting to do a lot lately with you and you are not the type of person that would like to move that fast.

(you can put it in your words because you are so much better at that)

 

I feel it is a good thing he has been doing all these things with you because that shows he is interested, but you have to be interested in him as well and if you aren't then I feel it's only fair to "yourself" that you tell him. Explain how you feel to him so he understands and doesn't just think you are blowing him off. If he is really a good guy I think he would understand and if he doesn't understand then you know your answer.

 

You sound scared and I don't blame you, but I feel you will know when it is ready for you to start dating again and maybe now is not the time but only you will know.

 

And if you feel lonely you could always invite all of us over to watch football on that big TV.

 

Good luck

[ilmw]

Hi dgiirl,

 

You could just thank this fella and then explain that you just got divorced and are not ready to see anyone...??..

 

Does it seem that is what this guy wants?.. sounds like it to me..

 

That would I would think let him down easy... ... and not crush him

[dgiirl]

I'm not really sure what he wants. I'm assuming a lot, and perhaps all he is looking for is friendship. I dont know. But I hate telling a guy "I'm not ready to date" because they get hurt when I am ready to date and I dont choose them So I prefer to be honest, although sometimes i'm too honest. I wish there was a code for relationships that people could give and know without a doubt if there's a strong interest, semi interest, only friends interest.

 

Anyways, i sent him an email. Hopefully it wasnt too harsh. If it is, c'est la vie. I didnt know him that well. I just hope there's no backlash from it. Another guy invited me out next weekend too. Eeek. Besides a 2 second intro, I havent really talked to him in person, so i'm a little nervous about meeting him too.

[PWSX3]

Anyways, i sent him an email. Hopefully it wasnt too harsh. If it is, c'est la vie. I didnt know him that well. I just hope there's no backlash from it. Another guy invited me out next weekend too. Eeek. Besides a 2 second intro, I havent really talked to him in person, so i'm a little nervous about meeting him too.

Are you gussing again girlfriend??? :laugh::lmao:

 

I am sorry but I just can't see you being harsh to anyone when you are doing something in a kind manner.

 

I would have to say you are one popular person around that area, good for you!!!

Just go out and have fun and don't worry so much about it......

[dgiirl]

Well, I'm about to get ready to spend some time with the family. I just wanted to wish _every_ one of you guys a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a fantastic new year! Every single one of you has a story to share, and by sharing, each one of you has helped me in my healing. So thank you!

 

Last year was my first year single and I remember how hard it was. For those of you who this is your first year, remember, you can make the holidays as happy or sad as you choose. If you want a great holiday, then you have to work for it. Focus on the things that DO make you happy and try not to focus too much on the things that dont. You dont know what tomorrow will bring, so stop worrying about it and just enjoy the present moment. Today, right now, noone is there hurting you. And if you are sad and crying, it's because of your own thoughts. When you control your thoughts, you control your happiness. It's ok to cry when you need to, but it's also ok to be happy and enjoy the time spent doing what YOU want when you want. So give yourself a gift for the holidays and just enjoy the present moment! Smile! Smile to strangers! When you notice you put a smile on someones face because you smiled at them, it's the greatest feeling. Try it Young, old, male, female. Makes no difference. Just smile. Even if you have to fake it!

 

Here's to a great holiday!

[Ladyjane14]

Great post as usual, Dgiirl.

 

~Happy Holidays!~ :bunny:

[PWSX3]

Well, I'm about to get ready to spend some time with the family. I just wanted to wish _every_ one of you guys a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a fantastic new year! Every single one of you has a story to share, and by sharing, each one of you has helped me in my healing. So thank you!

 

Last year was my first year single and I remember how hard it was. For those of you who this is your first year, remember, you can make the holidays as happy or sad as you choose. If you want a great holiday, then you have to work for it. Focus on the things that DO make you happy and try not to focus too much on the things that dont. You dont know what tomorrow will bring, so stop worrying about it and just enjoy the present moment. Today, right now, noone is there hurting you. And if you are sad and crying, it's because of your own thoughts. When you control your thoughts, you control your happiness. It's ok to cry when you need to, but it's also ok to be happy and enjoy the time spent doing what YOU want when you want. So give yourself a gift for the holidays and just enjoy the present moment! Smile! Smile to strangers! When you notice you put a smile on someones face because you smiled at them, it's the greatest feeling. Try it Young, old, male, female. Makes no difference. Just smile. Even if you have to fake it!

 

Here's to a great holiday!

 

VERY WELL SAID BROVO, BROVO!!!!! (standing up clapping)

 

Right back at you, hope you have a fantastic Holiday!!!

[ilmw]

Thx for that post Dgiirl..

 

and... Merry xmas too;)

[PCB]

Dgiirl,

 

Just wanted to share something with you: knowing the harsh truth it better than living a sweet lie. I didn't follow carefully your thread, but I guess that part of your hard recovery is that you believed something that was a lie. You believed that you husband was a good guy - and I guess he made you believe that. Well, it turned out that he either lied to you or misled you. Now you know the truth and you live a harsh reality, but it's good to know that what you live is real.

 

I guess that I'm mostly over my cheating ex-wife, and just a few minutes ago I though that it's good to live the truth, however harsh it is. It's brave, honest and simple. It's better than living some twisted deception, image or lie and try to fit the reality into it.

 

You know, when I was with my ex-wife, she did quite a number of suspicious and cruel things and it made me wonder how I fit her actions into my image of her. It wasn't exactly a conscious effort, but rather something that bothered my mind and distracted me, and naturally it made me sad.

 

I was often wondering what is it that motivates her. She told me that she had loved me and that she had hated cheaters, yet she was doing things that made me suspect her of infidelity. All this confused me! Now I know that she cheated, and she repeatedly lied and misled me. All this now makes perfect sense!

 

 

Best of luck,

PCB

[dgiirl]

Thanks for your message pcb. Some how I missed it, but I wanted to post an update and read your message. You are right in that I'd rather live with the truth.

 

Sometimes I feel like such a fraud with you guys. One minute I'm saying how great my new life is, and really, it truely is, and the next I'm feeling so sad and lonely and depressed. I'm nearing the two year mark, and I can honestly say I'm so far removed from d-day. Life has changed so much and I'm trying new things that I never thought I'd ever do. But once a month, I get emotional and depressed. I know it has to do with my hormones, and I try to comfort myself with that thought, that in a few days these emotions will pass. But I'm sick and tired of this cycle. One minute I'm truely loving my life, really happy to be single, no worries in the world, being positive about everything, then wham I slip into a little depression, scared and lonely, and dreading life and feeling like a fraud. Here I spew off how happy i am, which i truely was when I said it, and now I'm feeling like this. Losing focus of staying positive. Letting my thoughts drift to negativity.

 

The last two weeks I was off work and I truely enjoyed every single day of it. I went back to work this week and I woke up each day with dread. The same morning dread I felt when d-bomb dropped. I think I hate my job. One time, I use to truely enjoy it, was so thankful and blessed to do something I truely enjoyed to do, and now I absolutely hate doing it. And I'm not sure if changing companies will help. I just hate working and I've lost focus. I'm glad I started to pick up photography because atleast that's giving me a little excitement in life.

 

What would I say to myself? I'm in control of my happiness and by changing my thoughts I control my mood. Yah, I know what to do. Just it's hard to implement sometimes.

[magichands]

and I'm trying new things that I never thought I'd ever do.

How about you leave your sex life out of this?! Really.

I just hate working and

I feel you. Just hate one day at a time. Take, I mean take.

[PWSX3]

Dgiirl, thank you for sharing with us and trust me you aren't the only one that has those feelings.

 

You have been an inspiration for MANY of us here and I for one appreciate it.

 

I hope someday those lows you have will be short and your highs will be much better.

 

Keep your chin up and remember it does help to post and share your feelings here.

 

BIG HUG for (((((((((((((((((((((Dgiirl))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[magichands]

You have been an inspiration for MANY of us here and I for one appreciate it.

It's so true. PWSX3 appreciates it.

I hope someday those lows you have will be short and your highs will be much better.

Drugs are getting better and better every year. I'm astonished at the rate of medical advances.

[ilmw]

Thanks for your message pcb. Some how I missed it, but I wanted to post an update and read your message. You are right in that I'd rather live with the truth.

 

Sometimes I feel like such a fraud with you guys. One minute I'm saying how great my new life is, and really, it truely is, and the next I'm feeling so sad and lonely and depressed. I'm nearing the two year mark, and I can honestly say I'm so far removed from d-day. Life has changed so much and I'm trying new things that I never thought I'd ever do. But once a month, I get emotional and depressed. I know it has to do with my hormones, and I try to comfort myself with that thought, that in a few days these emotions will pass. But I'm sick and tired of this cycle. One minute I'm truely loving my life, really happy to be single, no worries in the world, being positive about everything, then wham I slip into a little depression, scared and lonely, and dreading life and feeling like a fraud. Here I spew off how happy i am, which i truely was when I said it, and now I'm feeling like this. Losing focus of staying positive. Letting my thoughts drift to negativity.

 

The last two weeks I was off work and I truely enjoyed every single day of it. I went back to work this week and I woke up each day with dread. The same morning dread I felt when d-bomb dropped. I think I hate my job. One time, I use to truely enjoy it, was so thankful and blessed to do something I truely enjoyed to do, and now I absolutely hate doing it. And I'm not sure if changing companies will help. I just hate working and I've lost focus. I'm glad I started to pick up photography because atleast that's giving me a little excitement in life.

 

What would I say to myself? I'm in control of my happiness and by changing my thoughts I control my mood. Yah, I know what to do. Just it's hard to implement sometimes.

 

Hi dgiirl,

 

Thanks for this post too..

 

It helps those of us still the other side of the d-fence... Reading things like what you are going through... helps me prepare for what is to come...(i guess??)

 

To know the pain will linger for quite some time... is good to know...(I already know this) but to see it in someone else's words... helps.. make it real...

 

You are doing good dgiirl....and have helped me and I'm sure many others with your experiences... so keep up the good work:laugh:

 

Oh yeah... when you are down... get on here and we can all give you a big cyber hug:bunny: ..

 

Take care...

ilmw

[Gunny376]

I just hate working and

 

Once I gave up smoking, drinking, gambling and women ~ I discovered I didn't have a need to work!

 

Un-fortunately ~ I soon discovered I didn't have any reason for living either, so I went back to work!

[Gunny376]

To know the pain will linger for quite some time... is good to know...(I already know this) but to see it in someone else's words... helps.. make it real...

 

Yep, years from now you can be kicking down the road, on a bright sunny spring day, rubbing a little sunshine on your face, flowers blooming, the bluebirds are singing, then BAM! Suddenly out of knowwhere, whoooppppssss up side your head, and you soon find yourself in the package store, mumbling to the clerk behind the counter, "Just give my azz two fifths of anything you got, I don't give a s***!

[dgiirl]

Gunny, you're hilarious but so right.

 

Thanks everyone for your support and cyber hugs

 

To be honest, the lows are not as nearly long as they use to be. I can go for weeks on end completely happy and content about my life. Then out of nowhere, bam, something reminds you of the past, or more in my current case, just overall loneliness. I dont cry as often as I once did, and when I do, it's only for a few seconds. I'm not missing my ex, i'm just a little lonely and anti-social at the same time. I know for me, I've got a lot going on at the moment too. Lots of stress about my job, an upcoming job interview, upcoming dbomb anniversary, still havent received my official d-papers, and hormones. Mix it all together and you start getting down

 

But coming here definitely helps. Having you guys support me and being able to take my mind off myself by talking to others, gives me some meaning to my life.

[magichands]

But coming here definitely helps. Having you guys support me and being able to take my mind off myself by talking to others, gives me some meaning to my life.

I took my mind off myself once. Scary. Won't be doing that again.

[princessa]

But once a month, I get emotional and depressed. I know it has to do with my hormones, and I try to comfort myself with that thought, that in a few days these emotions will pass.

 

Hey I haven't read your whole thread cause it's really long but... if it's hormones/PMS consider taking up exercising.. also eat less simple carbs.. I used to have bad PMS and found that exercising really helped... you can also google it to find advice on how to fight it, there are definitely changes that you can make to your lifestyle that could help you with this once a month emotional stuff... just throwing ideas out here... anyways take care of yourself and stay strong!