My next chapter is about to begin

[ilmw]

I've shown mine ~ now its everyone else's turn

 

Happy now... only one I could find..

[chadnickole]

Happy now... only one I could find..

 

This is my "Want Milk?" Photo

[dgiirl]

heeeeellooooo Guys!!! w00t w00t

[dgiirl]

k, this one's for cc next to the quebec flag in my room...

 

also, i wear glasses, but hate taking my pic with them on so

[Trimmer]

Well this was hard to do... I find I am less squeamish about looking at my own picture if it is very small and somewhat blurry...

 

- T

[dgiirl]

Well this was hard to do... I find I am less squeamish about looking at my own picture if it is very small and somewhat blurry...

 

- T

 

lol I too Trimmer, I too

 

It's nice to see the face behind the name tho

[Gunny376]

Its is nice to see a face behind all of these conversations we've had long in the wee hours of the morning. LOL!

 

 

To ilmw ~ is that a margarita I see in your hand?

 

To Chad ~ The Marines are looking for a few good men!

 

To Dgiirl ~ grrrrrr!

[PWSX3]

Would it be OK if I join you guys?

This is me in Patrick's Sami being strapped a snow drifted.

I think I need a closer picture, this one didn't turn out as good as the big one before cropping it down.

 

Gunny it is always fun to put faces to names. At work I have talked to people for years and have never seen what they look like.

 

The question is how many people look like you thought they might?????

[dgiirl]

Would it be OK if I join you guys?

 

Of course you can!! And I agree, you and ilmw both need closer pictures Can barely make out your faces

 

 

K, i'm taking mine down... big bro and all.

[PWSX3]

Of course you can!! And I agree, you and ilmw both need closer pictures Can barely make out your faces

 

 

K, i'm taking mine down... big bro and all.

OK dgirrl, here is a picture my son took for me the other night. That should be a little better.

[Gunny376]

OK dgirrl, here is a picture my son took for me the other night. That should be a little better.

 

With a gotte and berad like that you need a Harley!

[ilmw]

Of course you can!! And I agree, you and ilmw both need closer pictures Can barely make out your faces

 

 

K, i'm taking mine down... big bro and all.

 

There yah go.. the best I could do... that is me after driving through 3 states... and not shaving for 6 days and living in my car for the the most part...

[Gunny376]

Happy now... only one I could find..

 

 

A "Road~Warrior' if I've ever seen one!

[PWSX3]

It sure is nice that we can all still have some fun with each other after all that we have been thru.

Gunny, I'm sorry but a Harley just isn't comfortable enough for me.

 

ilmw, are you sure you aren't one of those undercover gangster looking cops???:lmao:

[dgiirl]

Looking good PW and ilmw!!

 

Where's Lor? She's missing all the eye candy!

[CryingCanuck]

I missed all the fun...

Oh well C'est la vie......................

[dgiirl]

cc!! where were yoU??? lol

[Touche]

So I just read through this whole thread...avoiding my work. Wow, I was so impressed with you DG. But I'm DYING to know..what happened with the Pizza dude? Are you seeing anyone now? Do you still like your apartment?

 

Hope you don't mind my questions. I never really read up on your story and once I did I got really sucked in. You went through a lot of what I did in my first marriage. I used to lie awake when I was married to the ex, and dream about a man like the one I finally met and married. Your prince will come too!

[dgiirl]

Wow, thanks Touche

 

It's really strange, sometimes, it feels like I've been here for a very long time and I have to keep reminding myself it's only been 4 months. And then other moments, I'm in awe that I'm really here. I freak out when I see I'm surrounded by new license plates, or all the signs are in english, or whatever. I absolutely LOVE my appartment. I love every single thing about it. And I've never ever felt this about any place in my entire life. I'm usually easy going with material posessions and stuff and can adapt to pretty much anything and be content. But this time, I'm absolutely happy with my appartment. I'm also a lot more at ease. Although I have the ocassional freakout, I'm actually a lot more patient and kinder to myself and I dont have to worry about anyone judging me, which is a really nice after feeling judged for so long.

 

As for Pizza dude, after 3 attempts at meeting up in a month, I decided that it was too complicated to meet up and I wasnt obviously that much of a priority, so I said "see ya" to Pizza dude. I've talked to a few other guys online, but I'm still coming up empty handed and have decided to give the whole thing a break for a little while.

 

In the meantime, I'm starting to get active in photography. Each weekend I've roamed the city like a tourist and take a bunch of pictures. I even found a local photography group and even challenged my comfort zone a little this past weekend by meeting up with a group of strangers And I enjoyed a little adventure by ending up lost in a mental hospital for the seriously deranged and/or drugged addicted. I was the only sane person walking amongst a bunch of people having complete conversations with themselves, trying to find where I was suppose to go and noone to ask lol It was quite the adventure for this timid girl.

 

At the same time, I try and meet up with my friends as frequently as possible. My best friend lives in the appartment building right next to me, and I have another friend a few blocks away, along with all my university friends in the city and brother. So I know if I ever need anyone, they're there. Which is an amazing feeling. Living so far away, I had isolated myself, and when the ex left, it really made me open my eyes. Sadly, I was hurting a lot, and spent a lot of time alone in an empty house. I definitely needed that time, but it's nice to not be in that space anymore. I was organizing my pictures and saw some of my old house. It's like a vague memory. It feels so surreal. It was such a cold and empty house.

 

I'm glad to hear things turned out good for you Touche. It does give me a little bit of hope. Februrary will be my 2 year dbomb anniversary, and I've been feeling a little down lately losing hope. But I try to keep reminding myself that you never know what will happen tomorrow and as long as I had a good day today, that's all that matters.

[Touche]

That's SO great. I'm very happy for you. I think you will inspire many with your strenth. And it's great to live on your own like this for awhile. You will be a better and stronger person for it and you'll be ready to meet a REAL man. One who will value you for the person you've become. I'll be following your story and wishing you the BEST!

[dgiirl]

Thank you Touche.

 

I know I've grown so much in the last 2 years and have become stronger in the process. If you really want to see messed up, check out my very first post lol

 

I had reached a point in my life where I was severly depressed, hated myself, was angry with everyone in my life, petrified of doing _anything_, basic things like getting a loaf of bread cut, constantly in doubt of my own opinions, trying desperately not to make a mistake and ashamed of who I was and where I came from, denying my own pain, trying to be the good little wifey so he would love me. And the sad thing is, I didnt even realize what I was doing. I knew something was wrong, and I started to think I was going crazy, which just added to my depression. But I had no voice to describe what I was going through. I couldnt see the situation clearly. I didnt know i was depressed, or why, or anything. I just knew something was wrong. I was basically a basket case up till the day he left and since the day he left I have been getting stronger and stronger, slowly but surely. I cannot really fault him for the way I was, but I blame the dynamics of our relationship. One thing led to another to another that created this really dysfunctional relationship.

 

I have doubts that my prince will come and even if he did, I dont think I'd let him into my heart. Not after all I've gone through. I lost myself in my last relationship. I became this pathetic devoid of any substance of a person who lost my own morals, character and beliefs in an attempt to please and make him proud. I cant do that anymore. And at the same time, I dont think I can fully trust someone again. My exh has made me doubt everything I thought was true. He told me he never wanted to get married, wanted to end the relationship after 6 months of living together, said he was about to ask for a divorce 3 years prior to when he actually did. So I lived with this man for 8 years of my life, and he confesses to me that from the very beginning it was _all_ a lie. He's made me question every single thing in my life and I dont think I can ever truely get over that.

 

So I focus on me, on my life, my interests, what I want to do with it. Living alone has been great. I'm my best friend again. I really like who I am. I really enjoy my own company. Other's may or may not, but I dont care anymore.

 

I'm free.

[Touche]

I would love to go back and read from the first post. Can you do that? I think on mine it only goes back to a certain point. I'll check that out though when I get back. Have to go to my son's school for a while here soon.

 

I can't get over the dynamics between your marriage and how you were and what you've become. SO much like mine. But with ONE major difference.

 

Let me say this first though. Of course we can be happy without a man. You've proven that to yourself. It's a big step in life to realize that you can be happy alone. You can create your OWN happiness with your friends, in your work, in your surroundings (I LOVE decorating by the way, isn't it fun?) and in your hobbies.

 

But you strike me as a passionate woman. One who would welcome the love of a good trusting man. Please say you won't let your ex take that hope away from you. If you do then you're still giving him too much power over you. See that's the difference I'm seeing between us. You're letting him still have a little bit of control over you that way.

 

Please say that you will be open to letting another man into your heart some day. You can still be cautious and go slow and not jump into anything. But don't punish yourself. You said you were your own best friend. That's GREAT! Now prove it to yourself by not punishing yourself. By not denying yourself the gift of a partnership with a man. Not all men are like your ex. I know you know that.

 

Just make up your mind that in the next relationship you will continue to be basically your OWN person. That you will never let a man change who you are again. That was my conviction. And I've stuck to it. And to be honest, it's something I STILL occasionally have to remind myself of. My husband has a strong will and had I been the person I used to be I'd be bending to his will ALL the time. But no. Not anymore. Luckily, he's also a FAIR man and backs down if and when I stand up to him. In fact, I know he respect that in me. I guess I keep him on his toes that way!

 

Anyway, keep it up DG. But please think about what I said. When the right guy comes along, and I have no doubt that he will since good men are drawn to "together" women like you, please don't turn your back on him, OK? I almost did. I almost did. I've told my story. But something inside me said NO!!! He's not going to take away my hope in addition to everything else he took from me. And boy was I glad that I had that little stubborn streak and that little shred of hope left. It's ALL I had at that point. And it made ALL the difference in my life. I wish you the same.

[CryingCanuck]

I really haven't been around much recently, remember a couple of our PM's I thought I should take a breather.

 

Messed up is still my world, but not as much so I think..

 

I do have some direction, I think for now, instead of wondering about going the divorce route, I'm simply going to heal.... When I'm healed maybe then the time will be right, some here have said you can't really heal until the divorce is done, but I've also read that it doesn't matter whether there is a D or not, what matters is that you let time heal... So that's my game plan.

 

Hey I've also caught this real nasty bug, and yesterday for the first time in a year I woke up, ( well I have been sleeping for two straight days) but woke up and didn't think about my EX or the situation and later when I did I simply thought of something else... So that is progress.....

 

So you're up to date......................

[dgiirl]

Touche, I hear you loud and clear. And I'm a little stubborn too to not let my exh win. So if the opportunity arised, I think I'll follow through, I hope I would. It's just hard to maintain faith when you've been single for so long and no interesting prospects. No sparks, no butterflies, nothing.

 

I did an advanced search for all the threads started by me. I havent read any of these posts in a really long time but I'm sure they're messed up lol Bewarn, I'm sure I've rambled.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=1065535

 

 

 

CC, glad to hear you're hanging in there. I know it took me a long time before the first thought in the morning wasnt about him. So it is progress!

 

 

On a lighter side, OMG I JUST BOUGHT MY FIRST MAJOR PURCHASE!!! I bought a TV all by myself! A 37" sucker too! Wheeeeeeeee this is the biggest purchase I've ever made all by myself. Got it on sale, and even got them to give me a little more discount on the sale item. Wheeee I hope I made the right decision but it feels good

[Touche]

Touche, I hear you loud and clear. And I'm a little stubborn too to not let my exh win. So if the opportunity arised, I think I'll follow through, I hope I would. It's just hard to maintain faith when you've been single for so long and no interesting prospects. No sparks, no butterflies, nothing.

 

I will read your past posts soon. But in the meantime I'm SO glad that you're "stubborn" like me. That means that you're allowing yourself to have a chance at happiness. YAY for DG! But don't say you "think" or that you "hope" you will follow through on an opportunity with a good man. Tell yourself that you WILL!

 

I know it's hard to maintain the faith but the more open you are to finding the right man, the better chance you will have. Just hang in there ok?

 

Oh and one more thing..CONGRATULATIONS on the TV! I remember when I made my first purchase in my own place. It was a stereo system. I was nervous and excited to spend that kind of money. But it felt great. Enjoy it!