Is it Possible? - Long Story for you all :)

[everlongdrummer]

Long Random Story Alert***

 

Ok I don't expect anyone to reply because I'm just basically throwing out my situation for a small chance that someone may have some advice.

Basically it's about an ex-girlfriend and the chances of winning her back. I'd like to see if anyone has any comments to help out. I'll get started then.

 

I'm 18 years old, fairly good looking I guess, pretty funny and fun to be around, am a musician in a band and go to university. I've had never really dated at all for a few years because I never had alot of confidence with girls. Anyway in April I was out in the town hitting a few clubs like I usually did every weekend, and found myself with a really nice girl and she was 21 yrs old. We obviously have had a few drinks and spent the whole night together, went back to my cousin's place and slept in the same bed (didn't sleep with her though although I would have if i had some protection on me :S). Anyway I called her a couple days later and went out for coffee. I started to really liker her alot. Over the next 2 weeks I went over her place a few times and went out again on the weekend. Because I wasn't an experienced dater I really didn't know how things were going, but was really happy I had finally found someone cool. We did share a few intimate times too which was awesome for me. She also had a older sister (22) and they rented a house together by themselves not far from mine.

 

We would usually message alot and call here and there. 3 weekends after I had met her, she suddenly didn't message for a couple days. We did meet up in town again, and at around 2am she started to cry and told me I probably liked her more than I liked her and that she wanted out. I just said my goodbyes and just left her there and then went to catch the last train out. I messaged her again just to make sure she might change her mind but she gave me the whole "I'm not a relationship person but I really want to be friends" crap. Apparantly she really enjoyed my company though. The next day I agreed to be friends - I liked her too much to drop her completely.

 

One thing that I realised after the breakup was, that I really didn't be myself at all, I was probably a little too shy to be any fun, and also a little too nice as well - which probably contributed alot.

 

I took it pretty hard, and personally couldn't believe that a 'relationship' that lasted less than a month could hurt so bad. It was crazy. Later that week after the breakup she casually invited me to her place on the Friday night to watch a movie or two. Not knowing anything about the rule about no contacting, I accepted - not knowing if it was a booty call or just a friend thing. Nothing happened. It happened again the next friday, this time we bought a whole lot of beer and watched a movie at her place. Again, I didn't push anything and nothing much happened. In the morning I overheard her sister saying to her "Maybe he doesn't want to" Whether this was referring to sex or something I don't know.

The next weekend i got really drunk and my friend decided to help me out and send her a few messages telling her I'm going to show her a good time and we should get back together. She replied she enjoys my company and only wants friends. I apoligised about the message the next day after sobering up.

 

I still wanted her back by this stage and decided to do some no-contact time. It lasted a week, I finally got message from her asking how I was and stuff. I replied that I was really happy with life and everything was cool. I work at a winery to she said she wanted to come and visit the next day, which she did, I was pretty dull when I saw her. She liked a couple of wines so the next week after not hearing from her at all I said I'd drop in a give her a few bottles of wine on my way to university in the late afternoon. When I got there she was all dolled up ready to go out and her sister was staying home. For some reason my mind suddenly jumped to the conclusion she had met some other guy and was going out, which was probably not true but it still cut me up. I'd also add that we do get along VERY well.

 

This is about where I am now. I had gone to her house exactly 3 days ago and have not heard from her since. What should I do?

 

-Stop all contact AGAIN and wait for her to start calling?

-Stop Contact and call her again after a week or 2 weeks?

-Ler her know I'm dating again and maybe she'll realise what she's lost?

-Be honest and tell her I want her back and risk pushing her away?

-Just delete her number and move the f*** on?

 

Any comments would be appreciated. I realise that I should just go out and date more girls, and I probably will eventually, but I'd like to see if I can do anything to get this girl back. If I can't then I'm OK with that.

[Smung]

First, sorry to hear that your in this trouble! The good news is that your young with a good head on your shoulders and will be able to bounce back in no time!! The short amount of time you were together is an indication of possible incompatibility. I have learned that relationships go though cycles, meaning compatibility test periods. The first is at three months, the second eight months, and the third at eighteen months. By what you wrote it seems that the relationship needs time to allow a connection to actually occur. It does not matter if you’re the most attractive person in the world. What really matters is do you fulfill the needs of intimacy in your partner though shared common experiences? I would suggest a book by Squareone publishers “Love Tactics” it gives some good ideas on the art of attraction. If you want to build a relationship you’ll need to always project the following:

Confidence!

Self Reliance!

Friendly Casual attitude!

In other words, try being the kind of person who you would like to be around. Never EVER, show jealousy as that shows low self esteem and that is one of the biggest turn offs for women. Also, keep her wondering what’s going on with you! You can do this by being hot and cold!! Respond to some emails and not to others. Wait a couple of days before replying. This prevents you from being a dog on a leash and promotes a sense of mystery about you.

 

Hope this helps,

Smung

[Buttaflyy]

Move on! You're not ready to be friends with this girl and she doesn't want anymore than that. Since you won't be terribly broken up about it, do it while it's the easiest. Don't string yourself along anymore.