general question

[yes]

i am from europe, and i think my main confusion in north american dating scene is because i don't understand some terms ...

 

what is a gf/bf? does that imply committment?

 

when somebody asks u out, do they mean to ask if u want to be their gf/bf? or just date them?

 

dating means no committment, right? dating = going out?

 

i'm just not sure what guys expect... if i'm "dating" a guy, does he expect me to not go to movies with other guys? or just not to fool around with them?

 

Am i asking silly questions?

 

the way it worked in where im from is ... the guy simply invites you out (movies, dinner - same stuff), but until u'r engaged or married, there's no committment involved really... it's more comfortable, because unless engaged or married, ppl don't break up or divorce, they simply stop accepting the other one's invitations to get together, and that's it...

 

i guess my problem is that - if i simply go out with a guy now n then, i dont feel any committment whatsoever, but when he "asks me out", so we're supposedly "going out", or "dating", i'm not sure what's expected, generally...

 

Thanks...

[Ed]

People have different definitions of bf/gf. It's probably the same where you come from, you just haven't been there in a while.

 

Some people think if you go out with someone ONE TIME, they are your gf/bf. I don't see it that way. The way I see it, it goes like this -

 

1. friends only - may go out together, no romantic involvement intended, open to dating others.

 

2. friends with benefits - may go out together, open to dating others, no commitment, possible romantic involvement and/or commitment, could be considered gf/bf by some.

 

3. gf/bf - go out together, could be dating others, could be committed, either committed or the possibility of a committed relationship.

 

4. engaged - this usually means that marriage has been proposed and accepted by both parties - generally, dating no one else AND working toward a longtime commitment or have decided to get married at some future time.

 

5. married - complete exclusion of other potential partners for the foreseeable future.

 

Number two and three are where there can be a lot of confusion. If you go out with someone or are seen exclusively, in public, with someone more than a few times, some people (including the other party) may consider you to be gf/bf, whether you have explicitly made a commitment or not.

 

Just because you go on dates with someone, does not mean there is a commitment. There is not a commitment until you have both talked about, and agreed to, exclude dating others for possible romantic involvement.

 

Now! Does that completely confuse you?

[yes]

Well, it does help that there's no clear-cut definitions!

 

My problem is just that ... when a guy asks 'whats going on between us' while we're in the transition just friends - more than "just" friends - im not sure what to say ... those labels like gf/bf don't clarify the situation for me, i dunna if it would for him ...

 

thats why the only answer i can give is - whatever, just let it be ...

 

who cares what the label is, right?

 

thanks tho

People have different definitions of bf/gf. It's probably the same where you come from, you just haven't been there in a while. Some people think if you go out with someone ONE TIME, they are your gf/bf. I don't see it that way. The way I see it, it goes like this - 1. friends only - may go out together, no romantic involvement intended, open to dating others. 2. friends with benefits - may go out together, open to dating others, no commitment, possible romantic involvement and/or commitment, could be considered gf/bf by some. 3. gf/bf - go out together, could be dating others, could be committed, either committed or the possibility of a committed relationship. 4. engaged - this usually means that marriage has been proposed and accepted by both parties - generally, dating no one else AND working toward a longtime commitment or have decided to get married at some future time. 5. married - complete exclusion of other potential partners for the foreseeable future.

 

Number two and three are where there can be a lot of confusion. If you go out with someone or are seen exclusively, in public, with someone more than a few times, some people (including the other party) may consider you to be gf/bf, whether you have explicitly made a commitment or not. Just because you go on dates with someone, does not mean there is a commitment. There is not a commitment until you have both talked about, and agreed to, exclude dating others for possible romantic involvement. Now! Does that completely confuse you?