I got my second chance...

[J dub]

A CIA agent who spends time on this site should be fired, unless it's a tactic to weed out the online terrorists.

 

[timidity99]

Be honest with yourself. You dont want her as a friend, you dont want to hear about her dating escapades and you will not be able to provide her with an objective point of view in your "friendship". Friends dont have agendas, and you & I both know the reason you want her in your life at the present time is in hopes of preventing her from moving on with her life. Otherwise you'd allow for ample time for her heart to move on before barging back in on her. You already broke her heart by declining her marriage proposal. For gods sake, leave the woman alone, at least until she's back on her feet.

 

As for you being a CIA agent, thats fabulous. It still doesnt define anything though. I know excellent men who are computer programmers. It doesnt make up your personality, its a job.

 

Are you saying she's not going to take any time to grieve the loss? If she could walk away that easily then those 3 years didn't mean anything to her. I don't see how rejecting someone's marriage proposal would break their heart. She should see it as my loss and not hers. She should at least give me credit for being honest with my answer.

 

The whole point I was making earlier about my career is the fact that I am finanically stable & self sufficient. I don't know what else I need to be a good catch. I mean nobody's perfect. I know I'm not perfect but I have the looks and occupational status. I don't go around acting like I can't live without a woman. I can live without them and women are attracted to men who don't need them. Women are just icing on the cake.

[Guest]

I'd like to see you have happiness and a family without that "icing". get over yourself, women look for men with a brain and a heart, not an ego.

[Art_Critic]

Women are just icing on the cake.

 

No.. your life and happiness with a woman are the icing.. The woman is supposed to be the cake..

Saying she is the icing makes her 2nd best .. no woman wants to be 2nd best

[timidity99]

You don't need to have children in order to be happy. Happiness is all about changing your mindset really. I've always been told to take care of myself first. Women lose respect for you if you put them above everything else. One's education and/or occupation should be first priority in his/her life.

 

I think my ex's problem is that she's co-dependent. She's so desperate for marriage. If she wasn't then she would have been willing to wait longer. Her walking out that easily proves that she probably never loved me to begin with. She feels like she can't be happy unless she's married. She's making that her security and that's dangerous.

 

Now that I've had time to reflect back on the relationship she's the clingy/needy type of woman. If you are getting married just for the sake of getting married then I would take a hard look as to whose hands you are putting your happiness in. I learned the hard way 4 years ago that I can't rely on someone else to make me happy and that I'm not responsible for someone else's happiness.

 

I went out on a date the other night with somebody else. I had a pretty good time. Once again this new woman I met says she does not want to get married. We'll see if she is set in her ways. The only difference this time is that this new woman is divorced. So I'd say the chances of her wanting to stay unmarried is much higher than my ex since my ex was never married before.

 

I do not live my life based on fear but on realism. Look at the divorce forums on these boards. That outta tell you the harsh reality that marriages don't last anyway. I'm speaking to those of you who are considering marriage. The odds of getting divorced if you are a guy is 75%.

 

I spend several hours reading stories in the divorce section. If my ex could walk away from me that easily now then what's to stop her from walking away from me after we've been married 30 years? If I were to give in to her ultimatium and marry her then she would probably find another reason to leave through divorce. Women will divorce you for shallow reasons such as being bored with the marriage. So what's the point of getting married if you can always get a divorce for such a shallow reason as boredom or because your husband gained too much weight???

 

I don't want to spend my life wondering when she will get bored & unhappy and want out of the marriage. I've noticed alot on these boards that women are quick to give up and leave if things don't go their way whether they are married to the guy or not. I've come to the conclusion that alot of women here do not care what we men want. They don't want to work out some compromise. Instead they would rather take the easy way out and leave. To put the icing on the cake they get plenty of advice from posters telling them to dump the guy and move on whether she's married to him or not.

 

Reading those divorce forums and the fact that my ex walked away easily just reinforces my beliefs about marriage. If you want to commit to somebody then you have to make that decision day by day and moment by moment. It's not a one time decision that you make at a public ceremony. I'm dealing with the heartache now but at least I didn't give her a foothold to screw me finanically. That's about the only difference between a break up & a divorce.

[rkman]

I think my ex's problem is that she's co-dependent. She's so desperate for marriage. If she wasn't then she would have been willing to wait longer. Her walking out that easily proves that she probably never loved me to begin with. She feels like she can't be happy unless she's married. She's making that her security and that's dangerous.

 

Now that you have a Ph.D. in Women perhaps you can move on and leave the poor woman be. Or perhaps you can go study more about yourself, to learn more about how great of a person you are.

[daphne]

Timidity,

 

Boy you're clueless. Seriously.

[timidity99]

Now that you have a Ph.D. in Women perhaps you can move on and leave the poor woman be. Or perhaps you can go study more about yourself, to learn more about how great of a person you are.

 

Poor woman? You talk like I was abusing her in the relationship. I didn't do anything wrong. It's not against the law to reject someone's marriage proposal for crying out loud.

 

I just tell the truth as I see it. Alot of women will get mad at me about it because they are afraid I might have a point. Sometimes the truth hurts. I do my own investigation about things and draw my own conclusions.

[Meliboo]

Lol Lol Lol

[Meliboo]

Timidity I think you have a point. You tell it as you see it but do listen hear what someone else is telling you? Your ex gave you clues before she left you, but then again you left her along time ago. When you realized she wanted more than you could offer, you pulled away. That's probably why she seemed so desperate to you and you were not attracted to that desperation. That's what you wanted and you got it. You more than likely were going to break up with her first but she beat you to it. There's nothing wrong with being in a relationship that does not lead to marriage as long as that is what the both of you want. I agree that looks are important on some level, and that's coming from a woman. I have a feeling you are in your twenties, if not physically, emotionally. Nothing wrong with the way you are feeling just note that one time your view point may soften a bit.

[Guest]

Poor woman? You talk like I was abusing her in the relationship. I didn't do anything wrong. It's not against the law to reject someone's marriage proposal for crying out loud.

 

I just tell the truth as I see it. Alot of women will get mad at me about it because they are afraid I might have a point. Sometimes the truth hurts. I do my own investigation about things and draw my own conclusions.

 

How's that working out for ya?

[timidity99]

Timidity I think you have a point. You tell it as you see it but do listen hear what someone else is telling you? Your ex gave you clues before she left you, but then again you left her along time ago. When you realized she wanted more than you could offer, you pulled away. That's probably why she seemed so desperate to you and you were not attracted to that desperation. That's what you wanted and you got it. You more than likely were going to break up with her first but she beat you to it. There's nothing wrong with being in a relationship that does not lead to marriage as long as that is what the both of you want. I agree that looks are important on some level, and that's coming from a woman. I have a feeling you are in your twenties, if not physically, emotionally. Nothing wrong with the way you are feeling just note that one time your view point may soften a bit.

 

 

Hey I understand what you are saying. I'm not saying I agree or disagree with what you are saying but with the exception that what two people want out of a relationship has to be mutual otherwise it won't work. On this I agree. I'm not against people getting married. I'm not against people who don't get married. I'm against the judgemental attitude against those who don't wish to take that step in a romantic relationship.

[J dub]

Funny how a simple thread like this can shed so much light on someone's personality and characteristics. It's obvious that Timidity99's relationship was all centered around him and what HE wanted, seeing as, you know, he managed to hijack my whole entire point here and make it all about him. Not that anyone's keeping score, but I had to point it out.

 

Timidity, I wish you all the best of luck bro. I think the whole being-terrified-of-marriage is only the tip of the iceburg in your fear category. Take care.