Lovers to Best Friends ... to Lovers?

[sirjay]

I'd really like people's opinions on this, please! :

 

 

My ex of 3 years broke up with me 4 months ago. We are both deeply in love, she broke up with me because I was living platonically with my ex for financial reasons and got too depressed with everything to get out of the situation. She get fed up with waiting and was really hurt because she could never be sure what the deal was with my ex, even though I always told the truth.

 

She broke up with me last year and did the same exact thing, saying she wanted to be friends only, but we ended up getting back together and it turned out to be a game she played to try to get me to get out of the situation i was in. I didn't have enough time to get my head straight though and we slipped back into the same pattern. Our chemistry was too strong and we just screwed up, basically.

 

The breakup gave me the incentive I needed to get out of the rut I was in and I am a new man in many ways. I know I was her perfect guy in a lot of respects but fell down on independence.

 

Anyway, she wants to be "best friends", tells me she still loves me and was devastated when I told her, after a couple of months of things being really difficult between us, that I couldnt deal with that and it was all or nothing.

 

Since then we haven't spoken for 5 weeks, she dropped me a message recently to say she hoped I was well. I sense that she misses me as much as I miss her although she is guarding her feelings closely. She had suggested we take a few months apart and then get back in touch and "see how it goes", but i didnt know if she meant only as friends or possibly more. She is so good at hiding her gameplan and feelings!

 

She said if I met someone in the meantime, I should feel free to date them but I don't know if that was some kind of test or mindgame she was playing at the time. I know that I pestered her too much and she wanted me to give her space so she said stuff at the time to get me to back off.

 

I really want to make it work but I can't chase her. I tried that and it was too needy. She needs to see me back to my full confidence, new and improved. However, I do feel like the onus is on me to show it can work so its a dillemma.

 

 

 

She wants one of two things:

 

- either to really be best friends but never anything more again... (is that possible with so much feeling and chemistry between us?)

 

OR

 

- to take some time out to be out of a relationship and to see if I really get my act together and then do this thing properly in the future.

 

 

There is loads of unfulfilled potential and we are just so great in so many ways together.

 

 

I'd really like people's opinions on this: should I go along with being friends for a bit so she can see I am a changed person, or should I maintain no contact and let her miss me? I'd hate for us to get stuck as friends forever.

[norajane]

to take some time out to be out of a relationship and to see if I really get my act together and then do this thing properly in the future.

I'm guessing this is what she needs.

 

I wouldn't recommend NC in this case. She's reaching out to you; you're not chasing her by replying. She's opening the door.

 

I am a little concerned, though, that you think she is manipulating you and playing games. Why don't you believe her retreats and hesitations and longings are natural results of her feelings for you and about the situation?

 

Your girlfriend sounds like she put up with a lot - I can't imagine ANY girlfriend would be comfortable with her guy living with his ex. I can see how she would need time to see whether you are committed to your new self. She needs to get to see who you are becoming, and what kind of changes that will create in the dynamics of your relationship.

 

Are you still living with your ex? If not, how long has it been since the move?

[crazy_grl]

If you really want to be with her and you're serious about her, stop living with your ex (if you haven't already). That's totally disrespectful to your gf and it's no wonder why she guards her feelings. When you live with your ex, it doesn't exactly give her reason to be secure with the relationship and it's probably giving her a lot of mixed feelings. If you've moved out already, those feelings and confusion are probably still there.

 

There's no reason why someone should stay living with their ex because of financial reasons. There are plenty of other people to live with. If you were really dedicated to your relationship and were done with your ex, you would find a way to move out. Your gf probably realizes that too and it's most likey why she's questioning your relationship.

 

NC isn't for this type of case, because it sounds like you're making her doubt your feelings for her and NC will just make her doubt them more. If you want to be with her, get your act together by cutting ties with your ex if you haven't yet, then suck it up and appologize to your gf and tell her how much she means to you. This doesn't sound like a case of needing to prove that you're confident and not needy, but of proving that you really do care and to some extent proving that you really do need her.

[sirjay]

I hear you both Thanks for the replies, they mean a lot to me.

 

It was a really complex situation. I just got in a vicious cycle of depression and didnt want to leave the security of living at my ex's place, i had some issues from my childhood that i have been through in therapy and worked out etc.

 

I'm not there now anyway, i have done everything that i said i was going to do to make a commitment to my GF. moved, new source of income, fully independent, confidence back, issues resolved.

 

i did "suck up" to her a lot at first but i think it was way too soon for her and was taken as neediness, you are definitely right that she was very confused and hurt by the situation. it was a mixed thing for her because i was super wonderful to her in many ways but at the same time i upset her because i didnt want to leave the security behind.

 

i think i just want to tell her, in reply to her email, that i have done all the things that i said i would do, be nice but not ask anything of her, and leave the ball in her court. does that make sense?

 

i really, really want to tell her how much she means to me and how happy i want to make her now i have changed everything but i really think that will be a turn off to her.

 

from what you guys are saying, you think i should be back in contact now but let her dictate the pace, be friends and see what happens?

 

thanks

[sirjay]

I am a little concerned, though, that you think she is manipulating you and playing games. Why don't you believe her retreats and hesitations and longings are natural results of her feelings for you and about the situation?

 

Your girlfriend sounds like she put up with a lot - I can't imagine ANY girlfriend would be comfortable with her guy living with his ex. I can see how she would need time to see whether you are committed to your new self. She needs to get to see who you are becoming, and what kind of changes that will create in the dynamics of your relationship.

 

Are you still living with your ex? If not, how long has it been since the move?

 

I think you are right. i think she just wanted some time out to be single, have some space to think and see what happens with me.

 

the email she sent the other day was really curt and terse but thats how she writes so as not to show her hand. but it came out of the blue and there was clearly a reason for her writing it.

 

she said she wanted to focus on her work and i know she picked up some random guy at a bar but i dont attach much importance to that because it was so soon after we broke up and i know that she actually really doesn't like doing that. she tends to party excessively when she is unhappy. escapism.

 

I moved out a couple of months ago.

 

As far as games: well, i'm sure that it was due to the above but nevertheless, she was pretty mean to me. i'm not saying that i didnt deserve it but it was a classic case of power games: my life was in a really bad way at that point and my self esteem had bombed so i made myself look really bad. she fell in love with a big strong guy.

 

She got into a bad situation a month or so after we split: i sensed something was wrong although we were doing NC and called up and she had been drugged at a club and was in trouble. i went down to look after her immediately. i got dissed for it though because she took it as me trying to manipulate her into getting back together so she was kind of mean about it.

[sirjay]

then suck it up and appologize to your gf and tell her how much she means to you. .

 

 

I did do a lot of stuff to try and show her that i was getting my act together and how much she meant to me. it just made her back off and say horrible stuff to me. she said we would move on and be with other people etc, she told me she didnt want to get back together with me. it was said in anger but then she never took it back either. she said so much conflicting stuff to me, crazy mixed messages.

 

but then she was really super upset when i said we couldnt be friends, cried all over her mum and when i called her a few days later, she changed a clean break to: we should take a couple of months apart.

 

now, after 5 weeks of NC, she sends me this terse, non-committal little message. i really feel like if i pour my heart out, it will freak her out again. will this time apart make a difference?

 

before, she said we couldnt be together but she wanted us to be best friends. i just wish she would tell me what she really wants! i told her right at the start that i would move down the following week, but she said she wanted me to do it for myself, not for her, and that i needed time to get my money sorted out and get settled in and she didnt want me focussed on getting back with her.

 

most of the conversations we had about the whole thing were me talking and her refusing to say what she was thinking.

 

why do you think she said i should get with another girl if i met someone in the meantime? i had said: don't get married in the meantime and she just laughed and replied with that. my reply was that "i guess you said that because thats what you want to do" and she refused to reply.

 

shes not the kind of person to go straight from relationship to relationship and said she didnt want to do that anyway but i am worried about losing her to someone else. i could never be just friends with her. i cant see how that could ever work anyway with the amount of chemistry we have, unless she can do some trick in her head to make love go away. i know i cant.

[sirjay]

I'm guessing this is what she needs.

 

I wouldn't recommend NC in this case. She's reaching out to you; you're not chasing her by replying. She's opening the door.

 

 

In what sense do you feel she is opening a door norajane? by wanting to be friends? or do you mean because she sent me this little email?

 

i know she is friends with the guy she saw when she was much younger but i dont think they were really in love anymore when they broke up. i also know that they took time out for a bit and did get back together again eventually.

 

i really couldnt do just being friends while she was in love with someone else and i told her that. it would kill me. she said "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" and i said there is no point in saying that because there will never be a time when i am cool with that. but she still wanted to be "friends". so is it all a game, you think?

 

she really was totally unwilling to let me make any connection between me making the changes in my life and us getting back together and the more i tried to "fix it", the more she backed off.

[norajane]

She broke NC with you. She opened the door to communication. She's giving you a chance to slowly regain trust, and rebuild her faith in you as a man.

 

That doesn't mean you're supposed to reply with everything on your mind and tell her all the things you've done to change and how you don't think you can be just friends because blah blah.

 

It means you reply back with a short mail that tells her you're happy to hear from her, you're doing well since you moved out and started your new job, and that you hope she's also doing well.

 

As you said, let her dictate the pace.

[sirjay]

Ok, that's what feels right to me. Its a plan

 

Thanks for your support. I really appreciate it! x

[crazy_grl]

i did "suck up" to her a lot at first but i think it was way too soon for her and was taken as neediness,

 

I said suck it up not suck up, as in you should come clean and be honest about what you did wrong and why you did it without trying to rationalize it and be honest about how you feel about her. Sucking up does no good if she doesn't know why you're doing it and if you go too far it could, like you said, make you look needy.

 

i told her right at the start that i would move down the following week, but she said she wanted me to do it for myself, not for her, and that i needed time to get my money sorted out and get settled in and she didnt want me focussed on getting back with her.

 

This is almost exactly what I told my ex when he wanted to move back and get back together with me. At the time, I still had feelings for him but I wasn't sure whether I wanted to be with him and I was leaning toward not wanting to be. Where he screwed up was that he never let me have my space and he kept pushing to get back together.

 

why do you think she said i should get with another girl if i met someone in the meantime?

 

She either doesn't want to be with you, is not sure and doesn't want to hold you back, or she's playing games. In any case, I think you should do what she said. Since you've told her how you feel already, then that changes my original advice. There's not much more you can do now, so respect her wishes. She's trying to push you away, so going after her is only going to make her push harder. You probably shouldn't go NC completely, but you should definitely give her her space and take some for yourself too. Just respond cordially to her if she contacts you like norajane said, but live your own life as though she's not coming back.

[sirjay]

You two are like my extra mums! lol

 

Do you think I should initiate a conversation with this first reply, ie ask her how she is getting on, or should i make it a selfcontained message and just say i hope she is getting on well?

[sirjay]

....

 

 

and is it a bad idea to tell her i miss her ? i kind of feel like it is, but the way it went when we last spoke was that she had been pushing me away and it got to the point where my male pride kicked back in and i wasnt having it anymore so i said some stuff i kind of regret and kind of dont.

 

the last time i saw her, she was telling me how good i was looking and stuff and being really nice and smiling at me. i was just neutral because i wasnt sure if she was playing more games with me.

 

what had happened was the classic push-pull - when i came after her, she would back off and if i backed off from her, she would get anxious and start coming after me.

 

ie- i called her one night for a chat and she said she was out and could i call in the week when she was bored so i told her straight up that that was bulls*** and i wasnt having it. so she said she would call later in the week and hung up on me. later that night, i texted her and just said that i couldnt deal with it anymore, it was hurting me too much, that i felt that we truly belonged together, goodbye.

 

THEN... she starts trying to get hold of me frantically, calls me like 5 times in a row etc. The next time we spoke was when she said we should do a bit of NC and then get back in touch and see how it goes.

 

what i concluded from it was that she wanted to keep me in the picture and have some control over the situation - she didnt want me to disappear altogether but she didnt want to get back together at that point either so she was kind of trying to push and pull me into some midground that was comfortable for her.

 

i read somewhere that when people say they want to stay friends in this type of situation, it often means that they are still interested in the relationship but that time out is needed - for changes, for just having some space to oneself etc. there is also the "we can still be friends" which is a patronising attempt to soften the blow but this wasnt the case here because i really didnt want to do friends and said repeatedly that i didnt think it would work at all, and it was her who kept pushing the idea.

 

we were both very wound up and emotional at that point, i think things have calmed down a little bit now. i am going to take a really tentative approach with it and she can respond how she chooses. i think she is probably going to fish to see what has been going on with me.

 

What do you two think about all that?

[crazy_grl]

Don't tell her you miss her. If she's feeling pressured right now, that's just going to make her feel more pressured. Be friendly to her and tell her you hope she's doing well, but don't talk about your feelings for her anymore until she brings the subject up. Things like her telling you how good you look are a good sign, but be sure you don't read into those things and end up pushing her away when she's just starting to come back.

 

No matter what, let her be the one to bring up the subject of you two and how you feel about each other.

[sirjay]

Thanks crazy.

 

i think she is probably feeling less pressured now since it was me that broke off contact and i guess she probably thought i'd cave in again like i did before and get back in touch and i didnt for a long time so...

 

 

but you are completely right. i won't raise the subject...

[sirjay]

Ok, well, I waited a week or so and then I sent her an email just saying it was good to hear from her and that it had been good for me to have some time on my own to get my life together. i said i hoped she was happy and left it at that.

 

she replied immediately with a nice message with a little info on what she had been up to recently and said she was catching up on some stuff but finished with "speak though, take care!". Which I think she meant "speak soon".

 

so i think i am going to chill now and wait for her to get in touch when she is ready.

 

i don't want to hold out for too much but i really hope we can rebuild things from here. i miss her terribly and i am really making a big effort not to let my feelings run out of control and scare her off again.

 

i really hope she isnt involved with someone else already. i mean, we were together for 3 years and we have been broken up for 4 months and i know that she really isnt the type to fall in love easily. i think she is probably having fun with other guys and partying and not taking things too seriously. i hope!

 

what are your thoughts, my friends? x

[sirjay]

Feedback needed, please!

[sirjay]

Update. Need opinions, please!:

 

 

It was my birthday recently and...

 

 

she didn't send me a happy birthday message and in the end, i texted her myself. the dialogue went like this:

 

me- you are my best friend in the world and the one person i was hoping to get a happy birthday from

 

her- sorry. i didnt think you would have wanted me to. i had remembered anyway. happy birthday

 

me - what made you think that?

 

her- dont know. didnt think we were really speaking to each other like that

 

[i guess because i had told her i wanted to cut off contact entirely. it was her that broke NC]

 

me- i dont know either. its all been very confusing. i know you were right that we needed space apart and i needed to be single and find myself again. i accept that you wont give me a chance to make things right and thats cool. it doesnt stop me missing talking and hanging out though.

 

her- of course. me too. take care. speak soon.

 

 

 

 

I don't accept that we dont deserve another chance at all but chasing her to fix things up didnt work and i guess thats the only way i will get a chance to show her the new me. i am hoping that friendship is a route back to doing things properly. i know she is still missing me after 4 months anyway so i feel good about that.

 

soooo... i know she is super busy with work at the moment and i infer that she is going to get back in touch when she has completed this project. if it was just going to be a quick "hi" then i dont see a reason to wait so that seems like a good thing to me. i still feel like the relationship could be reborn and much better now i have moved cities and got my life together.

 

what do people think?

[westernxer]

I think you just shot yourself in the balls.

[sirjay]

......................

[Guest123]

I am going through much of what you are describing. No, I didn't have a problem with my ex-boyfriend living with his ex-girlfriend, but I too was in a relationship for 3 years, and have been on this rollercoaster, confusion for 2 years. I think you should really figure things out in the best and mature manner you can. Some people (like my ex) just are terrible at making decisions.

Myself and our mutual friends joke that he needs an 8 ball to decide things. So we have been "unsure" about what we have wanted for a long time.

He will get mad and say "we are nothing" and then when he's not so mad tell me all sorts of great things.

He wanted to be just friends and wanted to see me and I told him it was all or nothing because I couldn't handle being his good friend if I saw him with another woman. He claimed we wouldn't have to talk about our dating stories but I said that if I was any kind of good friend to him that he wanted, either I'd somehow find out, or we'd tell eachother.

 

Being in the middle of the road is never a good situation and I understand this chemistry you speak of. We can't seem to hang out with eachother without still acting like a couple. Yet we are denying 'in words' that we are together...yet the way we act is still very much together.

 

What my ex needs the most to figure things out is space and less pressure. Stop talking about getting back together and talking and what you guys should be and take it very slow. I have a feeling she is very confused herself and any person she picks up is just an ego-booster or a rebound. When you talk, talk about your day or what you saw on TV or anything else.

 

I'm the type of girl that doesn't like pick up lines or for someone to say they are deeply in love with me and want to see me so bad. I like the "Friend" The person that can talk about their day and their hopes and dreams in life, and what makes them happy...that's the person I find myself attracted to. I have had many guys go way overboard on the emotions and romantic stuff and that just pushes me away. Be the one she is comfortable with and I'm sure eventually she can open up.

That's my advice. I wish you the best. I always believe in second chances, cuz lord knows I want one...and I want things to work out with my ex too. He is my very best friend and when I said, "all or nothing" he had a hard time wanting it to be 'nothing' because he still has some kind of feelings for me (which are undetermined right now) and he needed time to decide on the 'all' part.

I always thought that if I didn't get back with him today...or this week...ect ect that he'd find another girl and fall madly in love and marry her and we'd be done forever.... 2 years later....hmmm... It's my birthday next week and we for sure will be having a fun time together...and I dont see him doing that for any other girl...

 

People are so confusing! Your ex sounds like my ex! So I know she must be very special to you.

[Guest]

hi guest, guest here! its sirjay but on another computer so no log in details to hand.

 

anyway, thanks for your reply. i think you are right; hard as it was, i gave her space and even pushed her away for a time. we were both confused and certainly for me, the time apart has been positive in that i have been able to address the underlying problems and i know even more so how important it is to me that we get to have a proper chance at being together. i cant say for sure but the way things have run, i am pretty sure she at least wants to see how she feels about things when we get back in touch. she was super upset at me breaking off contact altogether and wanted to try getting back in touch after a few months which would be august, after her big work project is over and we have had time to cool down and think. she is very influenced by her mother and it sounds like her wisdom.

 

i think we have been in a bit of a mexican stand off where we both backed off and wanted someone to make a move and show our feelings; since it was me that screwed things up and me that broke off contact, i decided to drop my guard. it was a difficult decision but i dont think that being macho about it was the right thing to do at this stage and since she reciprocated the feelings and wants to get back in touch....

 

so i am being cool and letting her get back in touch when she is ready and we will see what happens. i've met a number of interesting girls in the meantime but she is still the one i want in my life.

[sirjay]

Big Update!

 

 

Since my birthday, my ex contacted me a couple of times via text. Nothing important.

 

i sent out the last newsletter from my site which had items about working on a big event, partying, my new website etc. Out of the blue, i get a really nice, super friendly email from her saying how positive i am sounding, how great my new art is etc, that we should speak soon (my friend thinks the fact that the newsletter mentions another girl might have something to do with it -i havent done anything with the girl in question, it was just work stuff but still...)

 

Next day, we run into each other at the bus station. Its all quite "fate" and romantic, we are standing at the ends of an empty corridor, each framed by the doorway, she calls me ... etc etc!

 

Anyway, she invites me back to hers and we spend the evening together. Its really super nice, we are both surprised how relaxed and natural we feel after all the fighting. She is saying a lot of the right things: how much i have changed in the way that i act etc. we talk mostly about work, things are kept neutral and there is no relationship talk or mention of past issues.

 

She has been working 4 jobs at once and has had no time at all for anything which helps with my worries about her being with someone else. I don't sense that anyone else is around, it feels like just us two and all of this unresolved feeling.

 

She says she will have a lot of free time in August and wants me to be available so we can hang out a lot and go to the park near her new place. This all feels very positive to me.

 

We don't get intimate but we have a nice hug when i leave and we hold hands and it feels cool.

 

Now she starts contacting me several times a day. I have a cute picture of a dog in a suit. I want to send her it but its a bit lovey and i decide its prob too soon. the next day, she sends me the same pic! The odds of this are very low ...

 

I am playing it cool, taking my time to reply, letting her have her space and come to me. She wants me to get her a pass for this big event at the weekend, i get her guest list at the last minute and she is overjoyed.

 

We meet at the event and she goes off to hang out with friends. I feel a little rejected but want to give her her space - trying to take things slow.

 

Now things screw up. For some reason (this is uncharacteristic of me) i drink a bottle of vodka on a empty stomach and get really ill and out of control. i get really paranoid and convinced that she is playing games with me. in the end, she is ignoring me and gets some guy's number in front of me. i get really upset and end up saying a lot of horrible stuff to her. it turns out that this is just work related. she says she was ignoring me because she could tell i was wound up and thought that was the best thing to do to avoid a fight (it was a terrible decision).

 

I send her some texts, some angry words, some loving. I tell her i cant stay in touch, please dont contact me again. she replies she thought we could be friends and is really upset.

 

the next morning, i can barely remember what has happened and feel terrible. i text her saying this and that i need to talk to her. she says she wants to sort it out and we speak on the phone. she is very hurt and claims it was all my fault and that she wasnt trying to upset me and would never do that. she says she is very angry with me. i apologise profusely etc. after the call, she sends me some very supportive and kind texts about my work.

 

a couple of days later, she gets in touch - she is moving and needs me to pick up something of mine. i go there and help her move some stuff: no one else is helping her so it really doesnt seem there is anyone else on the scene. i mention i have to go somewhere after so she tells me not to help and to get on and not be late. we are having a laugh together and things are friendly but i feel a little uncomfortable with her holding back. i know she is still angry but she is burying it. she wants to know where i am going and who i am meeting. i just say a friend. she wants me to get off so she can get on with moving. i feel a little rejected and leave. no plans are made, we just say bye.

 

that was yesterday. this is what i feel about everything: we are still very much in love, both of us, and we keep getting drawn back to each other. she is very much resentful and hurt still from me not committing to her before, but she doesnt like fighting and everytime she is going to start getting it off her chest, she runs away, sometimes literally. when i was being cool and letting her come after me, things were great, i am really angry with myself for losing control of myself. now she has backed off again somewhat. its clear that neither of us want to get hurt and are circling each other warily. its clear to me that there is a lot more there than just friendship. no one would go through so much grief for a superficial aquaintance.

 

i am trying to think how to handle this from now. the key to me seems to be to make her feel comfortable, that she wont get hurt, and somehow to try to get her to express her feelings. every time i try to talk about that kind of thing, she literally just ignores it and doesnt reply. i asked her to tell me, via text, that she didnt love me anymore and she just didnt reply. i dont know why she does this: after 4 months, if she really didnt want a romantic involvement then it would be much better for her to just tell me that and then i would stop hassling her. it has been made very plain that i am not going to be hanging around being a "friend" if she is seeing someone else.

 

my gut instinct is that "friends" is some kind of neutral zone for us to resolve our differences and work things out. i feel certain she still wants me, but she wants it on her terms and in her time. she has had a brief look at me and seen some of the changes she wants. she isnt asking me about all of the key issues, but i think she will.

 

maybe she isnt ready to talk about the emotion stuff? she had to hold back on it a lot when we were seeing each other so this is a pattern.

 

how shall i handle this from now? i am naturally a very open person with my feelings so its very, very difficult for me to hold back.

[crazy_grl]

Be very careful thinking that friends means anything more. Try not to think about things too much and let things happen naturally.

 

The things you said reminded me a lot of my ex.

 

I think you may be reading a little too much into things. My ex made that mistake, and it frustrated me to no end. It also drove me further away. Another thing that irritated me was when he agreed to just be friends and then got mad at me for talking with other guys. No matter how many times or how many ways I tried to tell him we weren't together, he didn't get the point. The last time we talked, I had to tell him bluntly that there was no way we were getting back together ever, no matter what, and that I can't be friends with him when he's still only treating it as a temporary situation. I had to tell him that being friends didn't seem to be doing either of us any good.

 

Up to that point, I felt like there could have been a chance if he let go of me a little, went out and lived his life, let me grow and live mine, and in the process happened to change the things that I didn't want in a relationship. If he'd done that, maybe our paths would have led us back together one day. But since he kept pushing and wouldn't give me space, he forced me to make that final decision. Sometimes I think about him and I miss him, but it's hard to even think about taking him back after all that.

 

Don't let that happen to you. Imposing yourself in her life isn't going to get her to take you back. The only way you're going to do that is to live your life and let her live hers, but be friendly to her when she seeks you out.

[sirjay]

Hi Crazy, thanks for replying

 

I haven't been imposing on her, she came back to me and it was all going well until this weekend and that was down to drink. I'm not a heavy drinker anyway, don't know what came over me.

 

I know its not good to have any expectations of getting back together but when we met up again... it just really felt like things could be worked out, if only we could get to the point of talking about the feelings.

 

I have backed off again. Its so hard for me to know how to deal with this, she completely refuses to give me anything to go on. If she does literally only want to be friends, then why doesn't she say that? She keeps blowing hot and cold, its really hard for me to keep my cool when she does that.