nickia Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Last night I was rejected by this girl and I feel so lost and sad. Everything seems to unreal to me. I wish it's just a nightmare... I don't know what to do now.... Today I've decided to write her a letter. ================================================== ================================================== ====================== Dear Kasey: I should have written this letter before I've asked you anything, so I will be better prepared when I receive the expected answer. Unfortunately last night I was too excited and dived into the water without bringing an oxygen tank. It happened too fast, I feel weird, lost and dreamy. Yesterday at this time, I was still working and dreaming toward the goal that had being setup for eight months. Right now, the goal is not there anymore. I feel like I'm missing something, something that I have been doing every day, every week, and every month. Now I'm frightened and scared. It feels like when a young promising prodigy musician wake up one day and realized that he has lost his arms in a fatal car accident. His goal of becoming a concert musician is being crushed. He feels lost and helpless in the hospital... I always tell my friends that anticipation is greater than fulfilment, in this case, it is not even a fulfilment. I loved the process. I enjoyed sharing my feeling toward you with my friends everyday even though they were teasing me all the time. I liked the anticipation where you would show up in the hallway or going home alone so I could say a simple “Hi”. Everyday I had something to anticipate, something to look forward to, and something to dream about... It became a part of my daily life. Whenever I told people that I like you, they always asked:”What do you see in Kasey that makes you like her?” I never knew how to answer this question because I didn't really know the answer. Most of the time I shrugged it off and said “i don't know.” or replied “because she's pretty.” Throughout these months, other girls appeared to be black and white to me, and you are the only colour image in the picture. Whenever people told me to check out the hot chicks in the yearbook, I was always saying:”what? What hot chicks? I don't see any. I can only see one.” My year book is full of things about my goal. There are people told me to go for it, but the majority, people told me to give up because it was not going to work and not worth it. I thought of staying an extra year even though my marks are good enough to be accepted by universities. An extra year just see you... The first time I've noticed you was back in October 2005 near stage side exit of the cafeteria. You were wearing an identical superman t-shirt as my friend, so all of us looked at each other. I'm pretty sure that you don't remember the incident, but I do, and it was as clear as yesterday. At that time, I didn't know your name, so I could only refer you to myself and my peers as “superwoman”. That's why I made a custom “Superwoman” display picture on the MSN. Few weeks later I told Hero about the incident and he decided to find out your name. As usual, he never failed me and got your name. At first I didn't believe him but I confirmed it by checking my sister's yearbook. Doug also told me that he had seen you in the computer club. So later I got to know Allan and found out that he was tutoring the C++ workshop and you were in there. Time was passing so quickly and I didn't take any action until I realized that the school was coming to an end. Therefore at the beginning of May, I made up a plan where I must get to know you before the Summer break. Since I've never approached to the girl that I liked before (not much though, only two people in 5 years including you), I was so nervous and scared. I made up a script on what I will be saying on the first time and practised it. Throughout the days I kept telling myself that “I have nothing to lose and I must do it before it's too late.” So finally I told myself that I'm ready and it's up to the God to create an opportunity for me. Two days later which is May 18th, 2006, a somewhat rainny day, you went home alone, so lucky that I could not even believe it. My friends saw you going walking past by and told me “go man she's going home alone, talk to her.” I hesitated for awhile and decided to go when you were down to the soccer field. You know the rest of the story. After that day, I was in “honey moon” mood for awhile. Yeah I know I sound stupid and crazy, but you could never understand that, for me, fighting with people is easier than talking to the girl that I like. After the initial encountering, I wanted to know your e-mail by asking you in person but I rarely see you in school, therefore I went to Tim. He doesn't have you on the MSN list but he somehow got it for me from other people. I added you in Wednesday which I believe was May 24th, you went Online in Thursday but I wasn't ready to say anything. On Friday night around 10 p.m., you went online. I didn't know how to start the conversation, but your MSN name inspired me so I asked “why do you want a blonde wig?” I hesitated for 5 seconds before I pressed the enter key. And the rest was the story... Many days passed by and I still didn't have a chance to talk to you in person, therefore I could only stick with MSN, and I hated it. Since I didn't want to miss any opportunity of talking to you, I installed MSN PLUS and plays a custom audio to notify me when you go online. In June 2nd, that Saturday, I realized that you were missing an English reflect/retell/relate handout, so I went through my MSN list and asked for the sheet. Luckily one person has it and sent it to me. I don't know if the sheet served much purpose to you but at least I tried my best . The MSN conversations were not as good as I wanted, but I was happy. Talking to you made me happy. After several MSN conversation, I realized that you are not really interested. I'm an excellent observer and I can tell who is interested and who is not. Basically If I talk to someone who is interested, the conversation goes both way and will never stop. Both parties want to say something and ask some questions instead of one way conversation between you and me. I tried to start something interesting, something funny, and something new, but eventually I ran out of ideas because I was the only one who did all the talking. However I didn't give up because I believed that you were just busy... Everything has two sides, good and bad, and I always try to look at the good side, and maybe sometimes overlooked... I was going to say all these stuffs in person if I was able to invite you out. I wanted to take you to the Superman Returns in June 28th, 2006. But since you've rejected me, I can only do it through e-mail. Maybe it's better in e-mail because I can brainstorm everything I want to say, but texts are never as powerful and emotional as words in person... I wish that I didn't say anything last night, I truly regret it. I knew the outcome of my question, but I didn't know the consequence of it... If I didn't say anything last night, I could still have a sense of false hope, and my goal would still be there, motivates and fuels me. I imagined that there are so many things I can do with you. We could play pranks on each other and giggle all the time... I could invite you to join my LAN party in the summer and have fun... We could go to the Canada Day's parade and watch the fireworks at night... We could go to the paintball game at the summer with friends... We could take a walk in the park and have some chats... We could go to Wonderland and ride the crazy roller coaster. We could go to Tim Hortons have some hot cappuccino in the winter... We could go to the central island and ride the horse... We could also go to the New Years Eve countdown in Downtown... There are so many places to go, so many activities to do, and so many things to say to you. Sadly, these are only one-sided wishes... I understand your feeling right now. Why the heck in the world would a stranger has so many things to say to me, I don't even know him, Is he crazy? Perhaps you are right, I'm crazy, silly and foolish... Please don't be worried that I would get into drugs or hurt myself, because I won't. I truly believe in justice and I will never do bad things. If I really have to lose my life, I would rather sacrificing it while trying to save someone or fighting for the justice, because in that case, I will die in fame. I know it's too late to do anything now. I wish it was just a nightmare, an illusion... I do however believe that “if the girl tells you to f*** off, you better get the f*** off.” So don't worry, I will not be bothering you anymore. Maybe from now on, I will try keep the feeling to myself. I guess I have to do that for at least another year or two... I will wish you the best, even though this wish is full of bitter,sour and tears... Whenever I see you are happy, I'm happy... I don't know how many times I have repeated myself, I feel really regretful about last night. Without last night, I could still talk to you normally and just that makes me happy. Now it's all different... I think there are more things I want to say to you. But at this point, I can't really think of anything because my brain is really fuzzy... I'm sorry for this long letter. You can show this letter to anyone, I won't mind. I would like to thank you for the happiness that you've brought me... Maybe you will forget my name after awhile, but please just remember me as “sadboy”... Michael June 17th, 2006 3:09 P.M. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Do NOT send this letter. She will think that you are off your rocker, and you may even get a visit from law enforcement. If my daughter got a letter like this, I would be on high alert. I understand you are hurt, and I want you to know that you need to deal with this with your own friends and family, not by hassling a stranger who has already told you to leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 DO NOT send that letter. It won't bring anything good for you. It's good that you wrote it and got your feelings out, but don't send it. At the very least, wait a few days, maybe a week or two and reread it before you decide to send it. I think you realize that you have to move on now, but you should also realize that your feelings weren't really for her. You barely know her. Your feelings were for the illusion of her that you built up in your head. Next time you see a girl you like, approach her as soon as you can, because then you'll get to know the real girl while she gets to know you at the same time. That way your feelings will develop at relatively the same pace and you won't end up coming on so strong and overwhelming her like it seems you did this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 How is that wrong? I'm just stating my feeling and wish her the best... Link to post Share on other sites
Maria33 Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 I will give you the same advice that someone gave me. Write your heart out, tell her everything you want to tell her. Tell her how she hurt you and how you feel. But, the thing you have to do is then DELETE the e-mail. I sometimes save it as a draft so that I can go back and change my e-mail then save it again. But, I don't send them. I sent several to the person who hurt me. He only saw it as me trying to make him feel bad, which put him on the defense. This made him write some notes that hurt my feelings even more. Just remember, write if you have to, then hit the DELETE button. This will save you from more pain. Link to post Share on other sites
vampress1 Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Woah! I agree with the previous posts... do not send the letter!!! What is the point? You want her to know how you feel... Why? Do you think she'll change her mind and come running to you? If that's your hope, that letter is NOT the way to go about it!!! I have to agree with SoleMate and say that if I ever received a letter like that, I would show it around (like you suggested... by the way, weird!) but I would be showing it so that if I disappeared mysteriously, the authorities might have a clue where to look. You sound like a total stalker!! You have the months, days, years and times of interactions with this girl or when you saw her.... uhhhh, do you keep a log? The only thing this letter will accomplish is freaking this girl out and solidifying that she made the right choice by rejecting you. You are obviously very young... chalk it up to a learning experience. You were able to organize your feelings and write them down... that should be helpful, right? Get rid of the letter!!! Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 It's the wrong move because while some of it's sweet, it's going to freak this girl out. It's ok to state your feelings, but the extent of your feelings is too deep for the amount of time she's known you. That usually scares people. I'm not saying that you're scary of she should be afraid of you. It just sounds like you're young and maybe a little shy. I just don't want you giving this girl the wrong impression. Your letter is not going to get her to change her mind. At best, it's going to make her feel pressured and putting that kind of pressure on someone won't get them to want to be with you. If you still want to have any kind of chance with her and not horribly embarrass yourself, don't send the letter. Link to post Share on other sites
AstroTrain04 Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 This letter sounds like something Goethe's Werther would write. . . . . sad . . most girls these days could/would not comprehend such pathos sentiments. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunshine32 Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Seems like its mostly the women saying its eerie but they have a point. You have built up an image of who you think she is. Truthfully she is probably nothing like you imagine. That means she isn't even the person you wrote this letter about, just the physical image of who you think you have these feelings for. The best advice is to delete the letter. Next time try to get to know the person and give them a chance to get to know you. Its important that the relationship progresses equally for both of you. You spent all this time and effort cherishing her and she never knew who you were, you can't blame her for feeling uneasy. Link to post Share on other sites
j.carsey Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Don't send the letter. Are you even sure she rejected you? In my experience there are several levels of rejection and an insecure guy can take it too seriously ("shot down!") when often it is just a mild push back ("not now" or "try harder") Don't get me wrong, if she really told you to get lost and doesn't want to hear from her again then you have to respect that. But a long letter like that, and I didn't even read it, makes too big a deal of a situation that probably isn't a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 How is that wrong? I'm just stating my feeling and wish her the best... Do you think that any feeling is appropriate to express to any person at any time in any manner? No. Bland wishes for pleasant holidays may be shared with near-strangers. Intense feelings of attachment, bordering on the obsessive, and already rejected by the intended recipient, should not be shared with that recipient. Link to post Share on other sites
MarcoInaros Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Please don't send it...I beg of you. Concentrate on improving yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 STOP: Sometimes I wonder about the cruel words people say to fragile people on this site... It sounds as though this guy is quite new to all of this and has developed and infatuation with a female. Nothing dangerous has taken place. I think Nickia, you are just now feeling your first vulnerabilities at the whim of love, and women. A harmless crush. You sound very sweet, expressive, and in touch with your hopes and dreams. Just let this one go. Give yourself time to heal and keep no contact with her and you will soon realise you two were not meant to be. It seems like you have a lot of love to give and you are just no realising this. Just take it down a notch to start with and just keep relations with females light until you feel a connection with someone who feels the same. Please don't listen to those who have called you psychotic because of this moment of heart ache and weakness. That is not what this site is about. You knew at least when to stop. Maybe, if you still felt hurt by this in a few weeks- some counselling might help with your own insecurities. Good luck though. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 What you have been experiencing is a crush. A crush is about imagining what kind of person some stranger is and falling in love with the person you've invented. You can't love someone you don't actually know. So to confess these deep feelings for someone who knows you don't know her will just tell her that you've fallen for an image and not for her. You don't want to do this. Nothing good will come of it. Trust me on this. Forget the others saying you're 'psycho'. EVERBODY having first crushes does all kinds of things which are unwise. However it's a bad idea to confess them. I agree with everyone else that the next girl you notice and think you might like should be approached within a couple of weeks so that you can get to know the real person and fall (or not) for someone you know. And then you'll understand why it would have been a very bad idea to send the letter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickia Posted June 18, 2006 Author Share Posted June 18, 2006 thanks guys for the encouraging comments. Could I request the Moderator to delete my thread? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Hi Nickia, thanks guys for the encouraging comments. Could I request the Moderator to delete my thread? thanks Unfortunately we do not delete threads once they have been posted and have received responses; to do so would be a disservice to the community overall, and particularly unfair to those who have taken the time to respond to you. Please read our community guidelines before continuing to post on the site, so that you'll understand what conditions apply to your participation at LoveShack.org: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines/ Best wishes, midori Link to post Share on other sites
Saidar Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Hey Nickia, I was in the same situation as you were, I also wrote a stoopid letter like the one you wrote, and it was the biggest mistake in my dating "career" that I ever made. If you want to talk send me a pm Link to post Share on other sites
j.carsey Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 This is another reason I felt silly coming out of highschool. Listening to all these feminists and female educators, some young men (including me) get the stupid idea that women want sensitive men who are verbal about their emotions. I almost think this is a deliberate trick, to take the suckers (rule followers) out of the game while the same women who teach this bulls*** are hooking up with rule breakers. The biggest mistakes I've made are opening my mouth and telling a girl what I think and feel, and trying to be overly sensitive to their feelings. The world has not changed for several thousand years. Our human instinct and cultural heritage is not something you can wipe out with a little 70s era bra burning and Womyn's centres. Women still want aggressive, extremely confident men who run the show physically. They might think it's sweet to see touches of weakness and vulnerability but just a bit. Talking about your (weak) emotions and fears is definitely the best way to turn OFF a lady. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 The world has not changed for several thousand years. Our human instinct and cultural heritage is not something you can wipe out with a little 70s era bra burning and Womyn's centres. Women still want aggressive, extremely confident men who run the show physically. They might think it's sweet to see touches of weakness and vulnerability but just a bit. Talking about your (weak) emotions and fears is definitely the best way to turn OFF a lady. It's not about women wanting aggressive men. Men are just as turned off by a woman who pours out her feelings. It doesn't matter whether you're male or female, if you're pouring out your heart to someone who doesn't reciprocate or even come close to reciprocating, it's going to push them away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickia Posted June 20, 2006 Author Share Posted June 20, 2006 Hi Nickia, Unfortunately we do not delete threads once they have been posted and have received responses; to do so would be a disservice to the community overall, and particularly unfair to those who have taken the time to respond to you. Please read our community guidelines before continuing to post on the site, so that you'll understand what conditions apply to your participation at LoveShack.org: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines/ Best wishes, midori hello can you please at least take out the letter in Post #1 and Post #13? Link to post Share on other sites
theman101 Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 you can edit your posts.... Link to post Share on other sites
vampress1 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Nickia... don't sweat it! Many, many, many of us have done similar things in our youth and inexperience. You didn't send the letter so you have lost nothing. So, a bunch of anonymous people have made comments about it... you don't know any of us so there is no reason to feel silly or ashamed. I think it's great that you were able to get your feelings out on paper, share them with some people who can give you advice based on experience, and make your decision based on what you've heard. Honestly, I wish there was a site like this when I was in HS and didn't have a clue. Best of luck buddy!! Link to post Share on other sites
Geoffff Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 hello can you please at least take out the letter in Post #1 and Post #13? Buddy stop worrying so much. Everyone has been rejected. A lot of us do not take rejection well. It's all in how our mom's raised us or something. This is your first time. It sucks. BAD. But you are not alone. The game of the heart is full of twists and turns, that burn and sting. We do pathetic things when we feel hurt too, and there is not 1 exception to the rule. The letter you typed, while it may seem like her reading the letter could make something click in her head. It won't. This letter got YOUR emotions flowing, and was theraputic for you. But it won't have the same affect on her. It will make her want you even less than she does now. If she even reads the whole thing, which she most likely will not. Being rejected by a girl will happen to you all the time. Divorce, and break-ups and all that other stuff is what you need to get ready for. Keep your head up man. We've all been there, and will be there again. It feels the same for all of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts