Mutual Flirting with a Customer...Is it over?

[confused_rep]

I'm in Field Sales. This has been going on for a few months now. My customer and I have been flirting with each other (both married, by the way). Some people notice a change in his behavior each time that I visit his office. At a dinner event, this customer gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, nothing more. Recently, at a similar dinner function, I tried to give him a friendly hug to show my appreciation, but he quickly turned away as if to un-hug me. At the end of the dinner event, I asked if I could walk him out as I customarily do with my VIP customers. He said 'no' even when I insisted to do this as a courtesy. He said, "Do you want to see me in a bad mood?" What's going on? Is he trying to tell me something? Is he telling me to back off and that the flirting days are over? I'm very confused. Please help!

[Bullgator]

I can think of several possibilities.

 

1.) He has re-considered his flirting with you, in light of the potential harm with both of you being married.

 

2.) He still wants to flirt with you, but there was someone at that dinner function who would be in a position to notice his behavior and make trouble for him. Perhaps a friend of his wife? Or, if he is really a Romeo, perhaps another OW.

 

3.) Someone from the office or another one of these functions has already noticed his behavior and has put him on notice that he will be outed if he continues to do it.

 

You told us that "some people" noticed a change in his behavior when you visit his office. Who communicated this information to you? Is it someone you trust? Or could the same individual be the one who has put him on notice?

 

You may wish to take this opportunity to reassess your own feelings. Was this just innocent flirting? Or were you hoping it would turn into something else? If the latter, please read the threads on this site by others who have traveled that path and learn from their experiences.

 

JMHO

[confused_rep]

Thanks for the reply, Bullgator. The "some people" I referred to were my Manager and the customer's Office Manager. When I tried to get a date from the Office Manager for a 1-on-1 dinner with the customer, her reply was: "Just you and him?", with a suspicious look in her eyes. My Manager, on the other hand, said to me: "I think he likes you. He seems to change every time you are around." (This customer is known to have an arrogant manner to him, that's why.).

 

As for the options you offered, I believe Option #1 to be true, that he has re-considered the flirting lest it turn into something potentially explosive. Honestly, I was hoping that it would turn into something that I don't even want to write about. An affair, obviously. Although I would be content with innocent flirting, especially if this would help increase the business.

 

Should I leave it alone and allow it to take its own natural course? Should I continue flirting? Should I back off? Still confused....

[Bullgator]

Although I would be content with innocent flirting, especially if this would help increase the business.

Confused, I am a married professional who frequently accepts calls from sales reps. If I were in this situation, where I had been flirting with an attractive sales rep but then had decided to cool it, her continued flirting would make me very uncomfortable. Rather than helping sales, it would probably hurt sales -- at least with my office.

 

If, on the other hand, the sales rep backed off a bit -- remaining cordial and relaxed but strictly professional, then I would relax as well and business could go on as usual.

 

Should I leave it alone and allow it to take its own natural course? Should I continue flirting? Should I back off? Still confused....

Ultimately this decision will be yours, of course.

 

But first, try to imagine the consequences an affair with a client would have on both your marriage and your career. Don't get me wrong -- it's quite normal to have fantasies about things like this. But bringing them into the real world will have real consequences.

 

There are many people here who have been in your situation. I'm hoping they will chime in and share their experiences with you. Until then, try searching this site for threads similar to this one. You may find something which leads you to an answer.