Melinlove Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Hi I'm falling for a coworker. We get along great and talk all the time and I'd say flirt. We have started the "accidental" touching too. We always look at each other and as I was looking one day he caught me but neither of us looked away for about 8-10 seconds which I know is pretty intimate and does not happen with just anyone. I see him looking and he looks away really quickly and I know he catches me too. Somedays I'm 99.99% sure is mutual but other days I read to much into it guess. He even told my daughter he wants me when she was asking for me. Complicated by the fact that I'm married though very unhappy and have been for several months. Do you think his back off momments are due to that? I believe he knows its unhappy marriage. I guess maybe he's afraid to get hurt. So I'm waiting for a good momment to tell my husband its over. How long should I drag out this "ride" with him. I'm over my husband and definitely want to end marriage but I want to give it time and take things VERY slow with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 I'd say it might be mutual, but don't be so naive to trust your new interest. I've been in a similar situation with a co-worker as well. We'd been exchanging some very meaningful eye contacts for about 3 months, and seemed to be on the same page as far as our understanding of each other. Just like yourself, some days I was 99.9% sure it was it, and there were days when I questioned my suspitions. I was getting emotionally involved, still stuck to my guns by acting tough. We did talk too but only business. One afternoon, though, as we were passing each other, I made a casual compliment about his new shirt. About an hour later I was called into a chief manager's office for a coaching session concerning my "inappropriate" conduct. In other words, basically the guy who'd started it all in the first place turned me in for harrasment. I was trully stunned. I told them I was just responding to something he'd started, and that I sincerely believed it to be mutual. Boy, did I feel embarrassed and rejected for nothing, also confused, then I became angry but didn't show. I took a few days of vacation this week to get away from the place and have some time to deal with my feelings. I'm getting over it now, but will be back to work Monday to face the jerk again. It's been a very unpleasant situation indeed, but has taught me a good lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Hi I'm falling for a coworker. We get along great and talk all the time and I'd say flirt. We have started the "accidental" touching too. We always look at each other and as I was looking one day he caught me but neither of us looked away for about 8-10 seconds which I know is pretty intimate and does not happen with just anyone. I see him looking and he looks away really quickly and I know he catches me too. Somedays I'm 99.99% sure is mutual but other days I read to much into it guess. He even told my daughter he wants me when she was asking for me. Complicated by the fact that I'm married though very unhappy and have been for several months. Do you think his back off momments are due to that? I believe he knows its unhappy marriage. I guess maybe he's afraid to get hurt. So I'm waiting for a good momment to tell my husband its over. How long should I drag out this "ride" with him. I'm over my husband and definitely want to end marriage but I want to give it time and take things VERY slow with this guy. It goes without saying that you should NOT get involved with a co-worker. Simply because that is your job and if you care about it very much, then I suggest you do not persue this. You are also married. When you say a few months do you mean you have been married a few months or you have been unhappy for a few months ? Nothing good comes from this . You should decide that you have a poor marraige and not fueled by some attention from another man. Imagine what the other man thinks of YOU if you CHEAT with him on your husband ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Melinlove Posted June 18, 2006 Author Share Posted June 18, 2006 Well I know that much wouldn't happen. Maybe have to be embarassed and possibly leave. I'll take the risk though because when I leave my husband what little I make there is not gonna be enough I'll need something higher paying. I know we talk more about our interests (music, movies and such) than work related stuff and a teeny bit about my breaking marriage. Its a casual environment (daycare) and I'm in a couple hours early everyday so my daughter can eat and nap with the other kids. So I spend 2 hours "helping" him off the clock. hehe We usually get about an hour of that time and we just chat and listen to music. Alot of this could be we were working literally 50-60 hours a week and saw each other more than anyone else. So have become pretty good friends now. Now that we aren't short staffed anymore(for now anyway) we have had more time to talk especially since he changed classes to the one right next to mine so we see each other pretty much all day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Melinlove Posted June 18, 2006 Author Share Posted June 18, 2006 It goes without saying that you should NOT get involved with a co-worker. Simply because that is your job and if you care about it very much, then I suggest you do not persue this. You are also married. When you say a few months do you mean you have been married a few months or you have been unhappy for a few months ? Nothing good comes from this . You should decide that you have a poor marraige and not fueled by some attention from another man. Imagine what the other man thinks of YOU if you CHEAT with him on your husband ? I wouldn't cheat. Even my husband knows this because I was newly out of a relationship when I met him. I'm 100% certain I want to leave my marriage. I've been unhappy for about a year and really unhappy about 5-6 months. We have been married for 3 years. We met and were married within 6 months and expecting(which was really planned,perhaps poorly) Anyway I know the risks of office romance. I met my husband at work too(my previous job). See when I married my husband I believe it was out of expectations to have changes in insecurities about him. When we first started living together he a couple months later opened up singles ads only reason I know is it was on the bank statements. The fact that I am married is one reason I haven't done anything and WOULDN't until I was atleast moved away from husband even then I dunno because I'd take it really slow. I've learned a lot in these short 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 I wouldn't cheat. Even my husband knows this because I was newly out of a relationship when I met him. I'm 100% certain I want to leave my marriage. I've been unhappy for about a year and really unhappy about 5-6 months. We have been married for 3 years. We met and were married within 6 months and expecting(which was really planned,perhaps poorly) Anyway I know the risks of office romance. I met my husband at work too(my previous job). See when I married my husband I believe it was out of expectations to have changes in insecurities about him. When we first started living together he a couple months later opened up singles ads only reason I know is it was on the bank statements. The fact that I am married is one reason I haven't done anything and WOULDN't until I was atleast moved away from husband even then I dunno because I'd take it really slow. I've learned a lot in these short 3 years. How many weeks did you date before he proposed ? Did you marry because you were expecting ? How did that change the dynamics of the relationship ? How soon after you married did you feel that you really might have rushed into it ? The child is the common bond now but you want the marriage to end ? It happens everyday to couples who rush to marriage . Do you feel that you really did not know him that well after becoming his wife ? Link to post Share on other sites
Diver012 Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 This is an incredibly dangerous idea. I am currently mourning the loss of a woman I dated at work for 6 months. I loved her dearly. We were a HUGE item in the office and there had been talks about weddings, ect... When I got dumped, everyone said,, you just needed a little break.. it went to fast. The breakup was sudden and absolute. It is sheer torture to work thre for me now at times. My only saving grace is that shes in another part of the office I dont have to go to. I avoid her now like the plague. You are in teh middle of a life changing decision. This could be an incredibly good thing for you, or a very destructive thing for you as it has been for me.... I wouldnt do it if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Melinlove Posted June 19, 2006 Author Share Posted June 19, 2006 How many weeks did you date before he proposed ? Did you marry because you were expecting ? How did that change the dynamics of the relationship ? How soon after you married did you feel that you really might have rushed into it ? The child is the common bond now but you want the marriage to end ? It happens everyday to couples who rush to marriage . Do you feel that you really did not know him that well after becoming his wife ? We were dating only a few weeks when I moved in with him. We were living together only about 4 months when we decided to do away with birth control(yes it was mutal decison not one of those crazy girls who go behind their back). A few months after we got pregnant we got married. It was FAST. No we did not marry because we were expecting. Pregnancy changed it some but not a lot at first. Eventually it go to a he worked and I did the baby stuff thing. For awhile I worked part time out of the home(a few months) and then I was either not working or working from home(doing home daycare). It was maybe a year into marriage when I started thinking it was rushed into. And YES I want the marriage to end I have no feelings for him. I know him but I don't think I knew a few things about his "goals" in life until recently. Sure almost daily I feel like I don't know him. I know the marriage is over but just wondering if this guy sounds to have similar feelings. Its not a getting divorced for another person deal. Its(marriage) going either way. I believe office romances can be VERY successful seeing as about 33% or maybe even more these days, of marriages form after a meeting at work. And more so than meeting guys out in bars(which I'm 25 and have never been to one and never would "meet" people there). I've done the online meeting thing and believe its even WORSE. Where else is left. We obviously have similar interests. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Melinlove Posted June 19, 2006 Author Share Posted June 19, 2006 This is an incredibly dangerous idea. I am currently mourning the loss of a woman I dated at work for 6 months. I loved her dearly. We were a HUGE item in the office and there had been talks about weddings, ect... When I got dumped, everyone said,, you just needed a little break.. it went to fast. The breakup was sudden and absolute. It is sheer torture to work thre for me now at times. My only saving grace is that shes in another part of the office I dont have to go to. I avoid her now like the plague. You are in teh middle of a life changing decision. This could be an incredibly good thing for you, or a very destructive thing for you as it has been for me.... I wouldnt do it if I were you. I'm not that attached to my job that if things went sour I'd have to stick around. In fact we both were talking yesterday about other job options. I asked him if he was leaving and he says not yet. He left already once(his mom is director) and came back because of back injury. Wouldn't see a guy at work AFTER separation/divorce? Or get divorced? Because like I said divorce is going to happen regardless its not about swapping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Melinlove Posted June 19, 2006 Author Share Posted June 19, 2006 Did you marry because you were expecting ? Not because of but I think perhaps we should have wait until AFTER marriage to "try" for baby and even then A WHILE after marriage. I think part of it was we didn't get much time for romance and discovering each other. With in a year we were married and had a baby. I was young but not that young 22 when we met 23 when we had baby. We did "talk" about being together but he didn't "propose" really until we got the ring picked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 I'm not that attached to my job that if things went sour I'd have to stick around. In fact we both were talking yesterday about other job options. I asked him if he was leaving and he says not yet. He left already once(his mom is director) and came back because of back injury. Wouldn't see a guy at work AFTER separation/divorce? Or get divorced? Because like I said divorce is going to happen regardless its not about swapping. I'm saying in general with a job you care about not getting involved with someone. If the job is one easily replaced then you should be able to do this . I personally have been offered this scenerio at work with a male co- worker and told him NO. I told him I don't want to jeopardize my job with office romance . Thank you for answering my questions earlier. It gives a better perspective to see you in your situation Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts