why do guys minimize your own problems?

[ugh]

is it cause they don't know how to respond or cause they don't believe you, or what?

 

sometimes i feel so putout by my b'f because he does minimize my problems, at times even telling me it is all in my head and i hate that!

 

any ideas on how to deal with someone like this? thanks!

[Tony T]

Everybody thinks differently. You have to respect that. It's unfortunate that your boyfriend doesn't understand that women like to be listened to. Tell him that if he will just listen to what you have to say, that will make you happy.

 

The absolute fact is that men are problem solvers. They don't want to talk about problems, they want to solve them. Women seem to prefer to talk about what they perceive as their problems.

 

Problems exist only in the mind. Our mind is what conjures up troubles for us. If we change the way we look at reality, problems cease to exist. What then appears are daily challenges to be dealt with in a calm, rational way.

 

There will always be challenges throughout our lives. There is no reason to make our lives miserable because of those. Look at challenges as just another part of the day. If you want to solve those, fine. If you just want to talk about them, get your guy to listen. If he won't listen, call a girlfriend.

 

What many people see as a major problem others don't see as much of an issue at all. It all depends on the individual and how they perceive reality. That's the problem you've got here between you and your boyfriend. While I think he's very wrong in minimizing your problems, perhaps you should explore ways of seeing your realities and challenges in a more positive way.

 

I also hope you will develop and more open mind and less of a tendency to upset yourself. Upsetting yourself is a decision you make. When your boyfriend tells you your problems are all in your head, instead of getting upset ask him to explain or expand on what he has said. Accept the information kindly and then move on WITHOUT deciding to become upset.

 

You have no idea how many people go through an entire lifetime thinking it was other people who made them upset, angry, depressed, fearful, jealous, etc. when all the while those emotions were decisions they made for themselves IN EVERY SINGLE CASE, no exceptions.

 

Physical pain is the only thing other people can deliver to you without your consent.

[ugh]

so are you saying that guys want/need to solve things?

 

my guy just don't solve anything by telling me things are in my head. if that is his idea of solving things then i have my work cut out for me!

 

last night my daughter calls me, sick with the flu, i was going to take some meds to her, my b'f's response "are you sure she is sick and this just isn't another emotional thing?".

 

what did that solve?

 

totally confused here, but thanks for the advise, i will try to remember next time he makes a stupid comment like above that he is just "trying to fix things".

Everybody thinks differently. You have to respect that. It's unfortunate that your boyfriend doesn't understand that women like to be listened to. Tell him that if he will just listen to what you have to say, that will make you happy. The absolute fact is that men are problem solvers. They don't want to talk about problems, they want to solve them. Women seem to prefer to talk about what they perceive as their problems.

 

Problems exist only in the mind. Our mind is what conjures up troubles for us. If we change the way we look at reality, problems cease to exist. What then appears are daily challenges to be dealt with in a calm, rational way. There will always be challenges throughout our lives. There is no reason to make our lives miserable because of those. Look at challenges as just another part of the day. If you want to solve those, fine. If you just want to talk about them, get your guy to listen. If he won't listen, call a girlfriend. What many people see as a major problem others don't see as much of an issue at all. It all depends on the individual and how they perceive reality. That's the problem you've got here between you and your boyfriend. While I think he's very wrong in minimizing your problems, perhaps you should explore ways of seeing your realities and challenges in a more positive way. I also hope you will develop and more open mind and less of a tendency to upset yourself. Upsetting yourself is a decision you make. When your boyfriend tells you your problems are all in your head, instead of getting upset ask him to explain or expand on what he has said. Accept the information kindly and then move on WITHOUT deciding to become upset. You have no idea how many people go through an entire lifetime thinking it was other people who made them upset, angry, depressed, fearful, jealous, etc. when all the while those emotions were decisions they made for themselves IN EVERY SINGLE CASE, no exceptions. Physical pain is the only thing other people can deliver to you without your consent.