Porn in Marriage!

[Guest]

Maybe men can give up the porn when women start acting like porn stars.

 

And why would it be childish? And it doesn't need to interfere, no less than anything else that a woman might do that doesn't require her husband to be present. I suppose we should give up on sports, fishing, and everything else, since they get in the way. After all, it's all just childish, right?

 

HA-HA, not! For porn-addicted men, their wives, or girlfriends could lay on the table, legs spread porn-style and they would not even bat an eye. And it can interfere in a relationship, like when the guy is only conditioned to get it up when the woman in front of him is a flat screen image!

[Guest]

I personally have been a porn user myself. In fact the one porn DVD we have is mine! I'm pro porn. Some women really need to loosen up over porn.... it is what it is. A visual stimulation and nothing more.

 

It is a problem when the sex stops! I am about to look for someone to fulfill my needs since his is fulfilled with fake women!

[Lennox]

It is a problem when the sex stops! I am about to look for someone to fulfill my needs since his is fulfilled with fake women!

I'm not going to be judgmental here because I know you want to seek validation from another man that you're a sexy, vibrant woman that is desireable. And regardless of how beautiful we are, it doesn't even matter when it comes to porn addiction. Look at Halle Berry and the sex addict she was married to. But please, consider the fact that although there are PLENTY guys out there that would jump to "help" you in your time of need that it may not be the wisest decision. Talk to hubby and lay down some groundrules and tell him that a condition for you staying with him is his seeking help for his addiction. Your welfare is the most important here, please take good care of yourself and don't do anything you will wind up regretting. Heck, maybe you won't regret it in the least, but that's for you to seach inward and decide for yourself.

[Jersey Shortie]

"..but because i am a man, and i am visually stimulated, it is very easy to open a magazine and pull the goalie. "

 

Well, I am a woman and I am stimulated when lost of men pay attention at me and look at me. So maybe if he is looking at porn then I can share pictures of body with other men.

 

 

 

"Women are emotionally stimulated, which is why alot of women read romance novels."

 

I never understand this comparison. Romance novels don't get you wet and they don't make most normal women masturbate. I think romance novels are more comparable to video games for guys, just an enjoyable activity.

 

 

 

"Imagine if your husband accused you of cheating because you read a romance novel and became emotionally stimulated, how would that make you feel, i know how my wife would react."

 

If it was really important to him I would give it up. Because he is more important to me. But apparently, for most men, porn is just as important to you as your wives/gfs.

 

"i have come to the conclusion that either i am exceptionally lucky that i have an open, self confident, wife who knows that i love her, i love the stretchmarks on her belly that bore my children, i love her slowly sagging boobs that nursed both my children, and i particularily love her brain, and the way she challenges me."

 

Don't forget your love for 18 year olds with implants to add to that list.

 

 

"..., i just have a women who is confident enough in herself to not feel threatened by a picture in a magazine or on the internet!"

 

Of course a big part of it is insecurity! How do you expect women to act when the man that *supposedly* loves them is wanking it off to women who look perfect when you know you don't. This is something men never have to deal with. You know women don't care about your bodies as much as guys care about women's. You are lucky that your wife doesnt care. But don't sit there and wonder why porn makes women insecure. It should be fairly obvious.

 

Maybe if men defended the women in their lives like they defend porn, you would have better relationships with your woman and wouldn't need porn.

 

I think it is sad that people say porn only makes their experience better with their partner. Wouldn't you want that kind of experience to come on its own without the porn? Men suck on this issue. They don't care about the woman in their lives apparently..or if they do acare about them, they care about porn just as much.

[Guest]

Well, one reason men hide porn, is because we are trained to do that our whole life. We hide the porn from our parents, because it is so "bad". Then when we go out and get married, we keep hiding it, because we just think that we have to. That doesn't always mean that it's an addiction, or that we are lying, it's just a way of life. So, blame society, and maybe be more open with your children, allowing them to look at nude women, so that we can end this viscious cycle.

 

I love how you say hiding porn isn't lying because it's something you've always done. Very interesting way to rationalize it. See when I was young, I hid stuff from my parents for fear of getting in trouble. Part of being an adult is making my own decisions and allowing others to make their own choices. This includes being honest with my partner about who I am and what I do so that they are free to make the choice regarding whether or not they want to be with me. Anything I hide takes away their ability to make an educated decision. Oh, on a side note-I also thought it was interesting how you said we should allow our children to look at nude WOMEN. Just the kind of sexist, one sided objectification that we're talking about. AND, exposing your child to naked pics is considered child sexual abuse.

[AManWithTroubles]

...Oh, on a side note-I also thought it was interesting how you said we should allow our children to look at nude WOMEN. Just the kind of sexist, one sided objectification that we're talking about. AND, exposing your child to naked pics is considered child sexual abuse.

Well, I said women, just because I turn my head when I see a guy in the nude. Exposing children to naked pics is sexual abuse?

 

Now wait a second. If I take my children to some island where the natives wear nothing but a piece of cloth around their waist, then that's sexual abuse? If they look in a National Geographic, it's sexual abuse? If they are painting pictures of nude people, looking at nude models, that's sexual abuse?

 

Watch yourself, before you jump to too many conclusions here. I am talking about a more laxed society, where nudity isn't the worst thing in the world. We were born nude, it's not an awful thing.

 

And if I speak of any children owning pornography, I would definitely mean the children closer to their older teens, not pre-pubescant children. I wouldn't be sitting around a campfire looking at it with them. But I sure as heck wouldn't tell my children after a certain age, that it's wrong to do such a thing. My wife might think differently, but I'm a bit open-minded. And if you think that this is sexual abuse, then lock me up now, because my mind isn't changing one bit.

[Guest]

Um Maybe you should get rid of the porn then DUH!!!!! I am soooo tired of men saying porn is a meaningless fantasy well if it's that meaningless and is causing sooo many problems with the woman you love then why is it worth it? I have been through this issue and it can be the only issue in a marriage and it can be a big one. With porn use comes lying and sneaking around, then there becomes a trust issue and it's not just about the porn anymore it's what else are you hiding and lying about, especially when you tell this man on your first date you do not like porn and he says thats no big deal to me then you find it hidden everywhere and he tries to lie I don;t know how that got there or I was gonna watch it and didn't, MAJOR TRUST ISSUES, and it all involves something sexual , as does cheating which also includes the lying and sneaking around. Maybe they are not the same but that makes them the same or at least feel the same to a woman and I also do not read romance novels, watch soap operas, nor do I fantasize about any other man except for my husband and to find that he did was a complete shock and feels as though He is not the person I fell in love with now because he was so sneaky about things and it feels like he had a secret life. He is very sorry for how he hurt me I know this now and I think he has realized exactly what this has done to us, but do I trust him now I'm trying like hell to get it back I want this to work more than anything there are just some things you can't take back, It's the same as me promising him something and then him finding out I had been doing it behind his back, Why don;t men ever think of that If you don't want your women out cheating take your time out for her and to learn about her rather that some slutty women that millions of other men see, because to your wife she wants to be the only one you see. She needs you to take that time for her emotionally. and to the original poster Maybe you need to put the porn down, It does cause a womans sex drive to go down, mine has I could have had sex 7 times a day and sometimes more and he could never keep up with that and I never complained and I even got turned down sometimes to find porn hidden everywhere and now I cannot even enjoy it as much All I can think about is him paying money and taking the time to thrill himself to other women while I did without. So now it's like I don;t even care about sex but I am always suspicious about porn and I don;t like being like this but hey he shouldn't have lied and made it a huge issue, maybe your wife isn't interested because your not showing enough interest in her.

[Guest (Katie)]

And that right there is exactly what I have said in every post about porn. When people jump into marriage likes its a thrill ride at Disneyland, and then complain years later b/c they didn't know something so important, it is hard to be sympathetic. But when a person clearly lays out their boundries and is lied to about it for years, I don't care what the issue is, a betrayal of ones morals is just that. That is what people need to understand in all these porn threads.

 

I totally agree......i would like to say as a sixteen year old girl that im in a serious relationship i wish to stay in for the rest of my life. As amazing as it is to find your soul mate, i also believe in the boundries you have so accurately described. I hope by admitting this i will not be systematically judged.......but i am not self-confident at all. Does the fact that i have no self-confidence make me a bad person? because this is wat most of these previous comments have suggested. I am not a bad person....but my lack of self-confidence makes me insecure and for my partner to have to look at perfect models of the female prowess, makes my situation even more dire. He knows how i feel , and respects that. I am not depriving him! If he finds that our relationship does not satisfy his needs, and needs to express his sexuality through goggling at other women, whom ever they may be, suggested to me that our relationship is not working. I do not intend to spend my life striving to fill the needs of a person, who needs to satisfy themselves by means outside of our relationship. I think it degrades the value of love, i no these are strong views and i hope you will not slate them, but simply try to comprehend the morals that I hold dear.

[Guest]

That tells me that you really don't KNOW women very well. Only a woman with truly low self esteem will stay quiet about their husband's porn addiction in fear of losing him.

 

It could go both ways. But you are assuming that the woman cares and/or it bothers her. FOR MANY WOMEN INCLUDING MYSELF, porn is a really silly issue to argue about. I just don't find it threatening. Maybe if he was doing it 24/7, but occasionally, I love watching it too.

[toby10283]

I would have to agree. I never understood why women get so angry about porn. You walk into any adult video store and many movies are centered around couples as well as the magazines. But almost all to adult toys are centered around women.

[Kathleen2260]

I don't think its the porn itself that most women are offended by, but the lying and hiding and sneaking around. I mean I would be fine with it if it was something that was shared in the relationship and not hidden. And if a partner engages in the activity knowing it causes his or her spouse pain and insecurity then that is disrepectful to the marriage. I have dated a guy who seriously was addicted to porn. I actually didn't know the extent of it until we moved into together (that only last 3 months) and I was confused as to why he was rejecting my advances. Well if I sat around and masturbated six times a day to internet pictures I wouldn't have the energy to have sex with a live person either!) So while I don' t have a problem with porn itself and am not getting into the debate over the right and wrong of it, I think the real issue is that people who are addicted to it #1 neglect their marriage and the needs of their spouse,#2 ignore the feelings of their spouse, #3 engage in behavior that is destructive to the relationship- lying, being secretive, betraying their spouse.

 

One thing I've always wondered- why is it ok for men/women to use porn as fantasy and as a mean to fulfill a need that maybe their spouse isn't providing but if a man/woman isn't getting admiration or emotional support from the spouse. it is frowned upon to go outside of the relationship and form an emotional attachment with another person of the opposite sex, say having a strictly telephone/online affair with someone they've never met. Isn't porn use (the kind that involves lying, sneaking and hiding it from the spouse and is against their wishes) the same thing? I'm not talking about all porn use, just in situations where the other spouse has problems with it or doesn't approve/feel comfortable with it.

[blind_otter]

People don't really need all these excuses to be nasty to each other, I don't know why they continue the morality masquerade.

 

It's effing hilarious to look back on the posts in this thread where people were venting their nasty witchiness at anonymous people on the internet. Oh, the humanity.

[P1xie]

 

I consider myself to be very lucky, although my wife had never seen pornography before we met, it is now a part of our healthy sexual relationship and i would be hard pressed for someone to convince me that it is somehow bad, or wrong.

 

 

My name is Mike, i like porn, but i don't have a problem, i just have a women who is confident enough in herself to not feel threatened by a picture in a magazine or on the internet!

 

What is the agruement about? He has already said that his wife is fine with it. But later when he says she isn't always there for him and he uses porn to relieve himself. I'm curious if his wife put out more if he would be so drawn to to porn.

 

If both parties are fine with it porn is not a problem. It's kind of black and white that way.