Porn in Marriage!

[littlekitty]

I'm pro porn.[/quote]

 

We already all knew this LK

 

Now while that's not realistic in many ways he has a point. He has a couple of clips of me on his phone. Although he still has a couple of favourite mags, he tends now to use his clips of me, Not something I requested..[/quote]

 

I think we all require proof of this so-called footage LK

 

Down Spidy...!! You can keep dreaming!!

[Milf629]

My husband and I have always enjoyed porn (both of us before being together and both of us after being together) it brings sex to a whole new level. and he's not away for three weeks at a time. I dont see any problem with it whatsoever. I have never thought that the women in them replace me, its just an enhancement and I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Kudos to you.

[Spiderman]

Down Spidy...!! You can keep dreaming!!

 

Worth a try

 

My mum always said, "if you don't ask you don't get"

[Pink_Tulip]

To the OP. I am glad you and your wife agree about porn. I don't believe I have ever read a post where anyone said all porn should be abolished, etc. It is a personal choice for people. I have a MORAL problem with porn. So do many, many people. So you want to tell all the Christians, Catholics, Mormons, etc, to just get over their moral and religious beliefs b/c, according to you, it all stems from insecurity? Please. You don't have to have the same moral or religious beliefs I, or anyone else does. But to start a thread telling everyone how much better your marriage is b/c your wife doesn't mind porn? There are lots of different people in the world with lots of different ideas about what's acceptable in a marriage, and what is not. The point of every porn thread is to discuss these boundries from the beginning and to make sure you and your SO are on the same page. Marriages don't work when boundries are crossed, regardless of whether it is about porn, smoking, gambling, drugs, etc.

 

And to one of the other posters- I totally agree. My H has all the pics/videos of me he wants, and can use them anytime at his discretion.

[catgirl1927]

Pink, I think the OPs insistance that there is nothing wrong with porn comes from defensiveness. He is insisting that he is doing nothing wrong. He wants everyone to concur. All people who do things that are or could potentially be hurtful to another person react this way.

 

The OP, along with many on this thread and on the others, deliberately do not see that the problem is boundaries, lying and communication. They just want justification for what they're doing. If he says another person is crazy for having a problem with a man who uses porn, then he doesn't have to feel bad.

 

None of these guys know every guy on the planet. They don't have any idea what every guy does.

[alphamale]

My name is Mike, i like porn,

now that is funny!

[Pink_Tulip]

Pink, I think the OPs insistance that there is nothing wrong with porn comes from defensiveness. He is insisting that he is doing nothing wrong. He wants everyone to concur. All people who do things that are or could potentially be hurtful to another person react this way.

 

The OP, along with many on this thread and on the others, deliberately do not see that the problem is boundaries, lying and communication. They just want justification for what they're doing. If he says another person is crazy for having a problem with a man who uses porn, then he doesn't have to feel bad.

 

None of these guys know every guy on the planet. They don't have any idea what every guy does.

 

As usual Catgirl, I agree. I would defend any mans use of porn if it was consensual and acceptable in that marriage. So why do so many men need to get their nose into marriages who do NOT want porn? You said it all.

[Outcast]

So why do so many men need to get their nose into marriages who do NOT want porn?

 

A lot of people never think to discuss it - or much else - before they marry. A lot of guys never imagined anybody would freak out so much about it - after all, everybody's dad had Playboy. A lot of guys think they can give it up easily - just like women think they can give up chips or coke easily.

 

There's plenty of reasons why guys get married without realizing that them liking porn is the worst thing a human can possibly do.

(/sarcasm)

[Pink_Tulip]

A lot of people never think to discuss it - or much else - before they marry.

 

And that right there is exactly what I have said in every post about porn. When people jump into marriage likes its a thrill ride at Disneyland, and then complain years later b/c they didn't know something so important, it is hard to be sympathetic. But when a person clearly lays out their boundries and is lied to about it for years, I don't care what the issue is, a betrayal of ones morals is just that. That is what people need to understand in all these porn threads.

[drydania]

And to all the women who want their men to rid of porn just for marriage, well, I would say that those women aren't worthy of marriage. A man needs his things, and that, my friend, is one of those things for many, many men. And it keeps us from straying on you too, when you decide that we're not attractive anymore.

 

I have to say that I resent that comment. I believe that marraige is a sacred commitment that sould not be taken lightly and that respect is a key element in a marraige. For some porn isn't an issue. For others it is a big deal. I feel sex is the most intimate way a peson can show love and that getting sexual pleasure from another woman in any form (pictures, video etc) is disrespectful and to the wife and is veiwed by many women as cheating. If a man feels the need to continually jack off to airbrushed naked women and thinks of it as a way to keep from screwing other women then perhaps HE isn't marriage material. I know that I would never chose to marry a man I knew thought like that. I am having this problem with my SO and believe me it has nothing to do with lack of self confidence...it has to do with a lack of respect for my feelings. I am glad that it doesn't cause a problem in your marraige... but I don't think it is right to condemn those of us who feel it is a problem in ours.

[catgirl1927]

And to all the women who want their men to rid of porn just for marriage, well, I would say that those women aren't worthy of marriage. A man needs his things, and that, my friend, is one of those things for many, many men. And it keeps us from straying on you too, when you decide that we're not attractive anymore.

 

I have to say that I resent that comment. I believe that marraige is a sacred commitment that sould not be taken lightly and that respect is a key element in a marraige. For some porn isn't an issue. For others it is a big deal. I feel sex is the most intimate way a peson can show love and that getting sexual pleasure from another woman in any form (pictures, video etc) is disrespectful and to the wife and is veiwed by many women as cheating. If a man feels the need to continually jack off to airbrushed naked women and thinks of it as a way to keep from screwing other women then perhaps HE isn't marriage material. I know that I would never chose to marry a man I knew thought like that. I am having this problem with my SO and believe me it has nothing to do with lack of self confidence...it has to do with a lack of respect for my feelings. I am glad that it doesn't cause a problem in your marraige... but I don't think it is right to condemn those of us who feel it is a problem in ours.

 

This is a good post. I will say again, these guys are looking for everyone to tell them what they are doing is ok. They take it personally when you say you have a problem with porn, probably because their wives are not as ok with their extracurricular activities as they say they are. They are lying and cheating and want you to say it's ok.

 

WHY WHY WHY don't these guys just find someone who wants an open relationship? Maybe those women are "worthy of marriage."

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Well put KOTG!!!!!!! I love porn...Not enough to have a "problem" with it

I love watching it with him. Having sex to the sounds of porn makes it so much hotter! Its a fantasy for many men....let them live in that world for those 2 hours. Bow Chicka Bow Wow!!

[sugarplum]

If your spouse is okay with it - its okay. If they have a problem with it, if they view it as a form of cheating, if it makes them feel insecure, or that they aren't desirable, or that you must not love them enough, etc. Then its not okay.

 

1. Why would you want to make your spouse feel like that?

2. The only person who can decide what's acceptable to your spouse is your spouse. And those feelings on such a personal, intimate subject should be respected.

[Lennox]

Well put KOTG!!!!!!! I love porn...Not enough to have a "problem" with it

I love watching it with him. Having sex to the sounds of porn makes it so much hotter! Its a fantasy for many men....let them live in that world for those 2 hours. Bow Chicka Bow Wow!!

 

I hope you encourage your daughter to grow up and make porn her career if it's so great! She can make great money AND fulfill men's "fantasies" at the same time! I can't wait to see her all grown up at 18 and being gang banged and squirted on! Bow Chicka Bow Wow!!!

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I hope you encourage your daughter to grow up and make porn her career if it's so great! She can make great money AND fulfill men's "fantasies" at the same time! I can't wait to see her all grown up at 18 and being gang banged and squirted on! Bow Chicka Bow Wow!!!

 

EVEN BETTER!!!! I'm not having kids..don't want them...can't stand 'em!!!!!

B/C ALL girls grow up to be porn stars...I forgot!

s***...If she did..and became like Jenna Jameson worth 350 million...I'm set for life.

[sugarplum]

I hope you encourage your daughter to grow up and make porn her career if it's so great! She can make great money AND fulfill men's "fantasies" at the same time! I can't wait to see her all grown up at 18 and being gang banged and squirted on! Bow Chicka Bow Wow!!!

 

my only response to that - :lmao:

 

It really depends on if you view it as degrading to women (the spouse, and the one in the pic or video) I am on the fence sometimes. However, I can understand how and why a woman would be against it, because I have those feelings too. I caught my 12 year old son trying to google naked pictures of Britney Spears last year. I tried to be rational knowing men/boys view sex differently than women and their hormones work differently. But I explained to him that every woman is somebody's daughter, maybe sister, maybe mother. Would he want to know people were wanting to see his sister or mother naked? Of course his answer was NO.

 

I still think if your partner says no to it, either respect it, or move on to a more open relationship.

[Lennox]

EVEN BETTER!!!! I'm not having kids..don't want them...can't stand 'em!!!!!

B/C ALL girls grow up to be porn stars...I forgot!

s***...If she did..and became like Jenna Jameson worth 350 million...I'm set for life.

Thank you for not reproducing, it's eased my mind.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

**SIGH** Me too....All us porn lovers are BAD BAD people and should be burned at the stake..get this too...I don't believe in god!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

I should just kill myself...It's not worth living. Thanks for making me realize that Lennox. You did your good deed for the year.

[AManWithTroubles]

This is a good post. I will say again, these guys are looking for everyone to tell them what they are doing is ok. They take it personally when you say you have a problem with porn, probably because their wives are not as ok with their extracurricular activities as they say they are. They are lying and cheating and want you to say it's ok.

 

WHY WHY WHY don't these guys just find someone who wants an open relationship? Maybe those women are "worthy of marriage."

Actually, my post was meant to get a little rise out of people, and guess what. It worked. Am I trying to find someone to tell me that it's ok? Hell no. My wife probably doesn't like my activity, but she is probably quite happy that it exists. Why? Because it allows her to sit on her lazy ass and not even try to be a sexual person towards me.

 

I don't lie and cheat. I sit at home and jack off to 10 second porn videos. I'd rather be doing these things with my wife, but she just isn't willing to provide me with my needs right now. So what do you suggest I do? Hold onto the little swimming boys until I become so angry I'm punching walls? Just like you women have your PMS to blame angry spurts on, we have a natural cycle too, testosterone and constant production of sperm. Like it or not, it's nature, and it needs to get out.

[norajane]

And to all the women who want their men to rid of porn just for marriage, well, I would say that those women aren't worthy of marriage. A man needs his things, and that, my friend, is one of those things for many, many men. And it keeps us from straying on you too, when you decide that we're not attractive anymore.

 

I have to say that I resent that comment. I believe that marraige is a sacred commitment that sould not be taken lightly and that respect is a key element in a marraige. For some porn isn't an issue. For others it is a big deal. I feel sex is the most intimate way a peson can show love and that getting sexual pleasure from another woman in any form (pictures, video etc) is disrespectful and to the wife and is veiwed by many women as cheating. If a man feels the need to continually jack off to airbrushed naked women and thinks of it as a way to keep from screwing other women then perhaps HE isn't marriage material. I know that I would never chose to marry a man I knew thought like that. I am having this problem with my SO and believe me it has nothing to do with lack of self confidence...it has to do with a lack of respect for my feelings. I am glad that it doesn't cause a problem in your marraige... but I don't think it is right to condemn those of us who feel it is a problem in ours.

 

I would venture to say that if porn is a problem between a couple, it's likely not the only problem in the marriage, and not the biggest problem.

[sugarplum]

Actually, my post was meant to get a little rise out of people, and guess what. It worked.

 

I'd rather be doing these things with my wife, but she just isn't willing to provide me with my needs right now. So what do you suggest I do? Hold onto the little swimming boys until I become so angry I'm punching walls? Just like you women have your PMS to blame angry spurts on, we have a natural cycle too, testosterone and constant production of sperm. Like it or not, it's nature, and it needs to get out.

 

1. You mean your plan to rile people up worked? I must be among the gullible.

2. Maybe her needs aren't being fulfilled either. Not wishing to start a fight here at all. You sound angry that your wife is neglecting your sexually for no reason. Understandable. But - Maybe she has an emotional issue with you that is unresolved that is affecting her desire. Just a thought, please dont jump all over my ass. Sex is generally driven by emotion for women. Not so for men, I know!

3. My pet peeve. Sometimes women get angry for valid reasons. Its not always just raging hormones and therefore not worth consideration. It's not always PMS. Thats a sterotype. I don't blame PMS. never have. In fact I cant since my hysterectomy. When I get mad, its because someone pissed me off.

[AManWithTroubles]

Yes, sugarplum. I am quite aware that there are other problems. However, I have no way to fix them. There needs to be a willing person on the other side. It's not like I'm not there for her; it's more like she doesn't want me there, unless of course, it means changing the brakes on her car.

[sunseed]

"One thing that was very clear was that women's sexual fantasies are not about romance and tenderness...:lmao:

 

Women are just as raunchy as men, and their fantasies are just as 'unspeakable' in polite company."

 

YEP!!! I don't wish to be rude, but KOTG, you are laboring under a misapprehension about us ladies. Phew. Wow. We're not walking vestiges of the Victorian age, nor romance embodied. Sex is sex is sex, you know? But sex between people who have pledged monogamy is something that I do take seriously, and maybe other women are like me when it comes to sex in a loving relationship, though I can't ever know for sure. Assuming I'm right at all, I have a sense that this may be what you may really mean when you think about women's fantasies and emotion. Don't know though. You tell me.

 

My opinion on pornography in marriage is as follows:

 

I get that when people are single and alone, porn use can't really be called bad as an outlet. And if it's outspokenly allowed in a relationship, that's not bad either! But if one partner goes to porn first knowing the other partner wouldn't want that, then something's amiss. And if lying is involved, you're treading on or near addiction territory. Not JMO. I've done some reading on this (and would be happy to share resources if anyone's interested) besides much talk with licensed therapists on the topic.

 

Anyhoo, KOTG, if it works for you and your wife's cool with it, then good. No judgments from me. It looks like you are in a happy marriage that porn can't hurt and I'm totally happy for you. Wish I had that myself, but my husband's an addict, so his emotional states are governed by his maturbation, and he is racked with a cocktail of shame, guilt and secrecy that started when he was quite young. Nice, huh? Not normal, not healthy, and very painful for him to come to terms with, as he is doing in therapy now. Please don't assume that all women who don't want porn in their relationship are insecure or incorrect. That's not any more fair than anyone saying your use of porn in your marriage is wrong. Which again, I'm not saying. But it doesn't work in mine.

 

Wank on, Mr. Mike, and guilt free for crying out loud. Now let the women who have been hurt by porn and lies just deal with our stuff while you enjoy your happy marriage with porn and no lies. I genuinely hope for both of you that addiction will never come into the picture at any point, and I genuinely hope that communication continues between you as it has.

 

Thanks for your post! A good conversation starter.

[Lennox]

**SIGH** Me too....All us porn lovers are BAD BAD people and should be burned at the stake..get this too...I don't believe in god!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

I should just kill myself...It's not worth living. Thanks for making me realize that Lennox. You did your good deed for the year.

Who the frick cares about what you believe or not in regards to religion??? When did that subject ever even come up? I don't care for religion whatsoever, so if you think I'm coming at this from a religious perspective, you're really nuts.

 

You certainly have a lot of issues going on there.

[Pink_Tulip]

Yes, sugarplum. I am quite aware that there are other problems. However, I have no way to fix them. There needs to be a willing person on the other side. It's not like I'm not there for her; it's more like she doesn't want me there, unless of course, it means changing the brakes on her car.

 

AMWT- I think you are being a little oversensitive toward the intent of Catgirls post. I know I don't, and I don't believe Catgirl does either, hold you at all at fault for using porn considering your situation. Having followed your other threads, you are right, you have been given no other choice by your wife.

 

I think for most women in this thread, the issue is when women are willing to do whatever it takes to satisfy their SO's sexually, and STILL are told to just deal with the porn. As you said, you would much rather be with your wife. If she was willing, you two had a good sex life, and she asked you not to look at porn as it hurt her, would you still look? I imagine not. You shouldn't feel you have to defend yourself to us, as your situation is totally different, and as I said, understandable, you know?