Playing hard to get?

[Unsure]

Greetings all,

 

I don't mean for this to sound immature, but I am interested in everyone's opinion on this. I'm not one for playing games, but almost every person I am spoken to has agreed on this topic. I want my ex back very badly and they all say ignore him, act like you don't like him, etc. They all say he wants the chase, doesn't want to be chased, and needs to know what he is missing. In my opinion, I don't see how playing hard to get works. For some reason in my mind, it just doesn't make a lot of sense. I guess I figure if he wanted me, he'd do something about it and that playing mind games doesn't "get" anyone. What do you all think? Have you had any experiences related to this? Thanks so much!

[boo boo]

In my opinion going backwards is always a bad thing. You should look forward to the future and meeting new people not dwelling on past relationships that havn't worked out the first time round. If you feel so strongly about this ex then you should talk about your feelings openly with him entering into a game plan will only confuse you, your ex and waste time for everyone. I wantedto get back with an ex once, and apart from trying to turn up in places I knew he would be spending hours boring friends with how much I wanted him and flirting, I managed to give off a message of ' I know its over but I still want sex' I didn't sit down maturely and chat about how I felt subsequently he had no respect for me. But we became friends, that part can be more important as at least you can play a part somewhere in their life (thats if they want to be friends) and maybe just maybe fate will deal a hand in your favour!!

Greetings all, I don't mean for this to sound immature, but I am interested in everyone's opinion on this. I'm not one for playing games, but almost every person I am spoken to has agreed on this topic. I want my ex back very badly and they all say ignore him, act like you don't like him, etc. They all say he wants the chase, doesn't want to be chased, and needs to know what he is missing. In my opinion, I don't see how playing hard to get works. For some reason in my mind, it just doesn't make a lot of sense. I guess I figure if he wanted me, he'd do something about it and that playing mind games doesn't "get" anyone. What do you all think? Have you had any experiences related to this? Thanks so much!

[Miss Mojo]

hi unsure,

 

firstly i have to ask, who initiated the break-up?

 

if it was him, then i would definitely keep my distance. chasing someone who broke up with you will only push them away even further and you risk making a fool of yourself in the process. i have seen this happen so many times to people i know and it only causes more pain. if he broke up with you and he wants you back, then he will come back. if he doesn't come back, accept the break up and move on. i have the feeling that he broke up with you (correct me if i'm wrong).

 

if you broke up with him then you are also in a risky situation. there is every chance that he's accepted this and is trying to move on himself, unless of course you know he is pining for you.

 

above and beyond this, usually when people break up it is for a good reason. if you are desperate to have him back, then contact him but don't push things. if you are meant to get back together, it will happen in good time. of course, it may not happen either.

 

but again, i warn you, if he broke up with you then i would seriously think twice about chasing him. it could all go very wrong. as i said, if he wants you, he will come back.

 

my advice: leave this relationship in the past, where it belongs, and move on. it is futile to want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

 

best wishes

[Tony T]

First, make sure he knows you care...then back off.

 

It is not sexy or attractive or enticing at all to a man for a woman to come begging, grovelling, or making a lot of contact after a break-up. The majority of break-ups are quite permanent because their purpose is to terminate a relationship for good reason.

 

Sometimes people make mistakes about their feelings. In those cases, the best way to get them to return is just to sit back and wait. No purpose whatsoever is served by writing them Email, sending them snail messages, calling them, etc. That actually irritates them, annoys them, and can serve to actually assure there will never be a reconciliation.

 

You have to sit back and think about some things in life. Obviously, you have not thought this out. But sit quietly and put yourself in his place. How would you feel if someone you had broken up with constantly barraged you with pleas, calls, letters, messages, visits, etc,? It would royally piss you off.

 

On the other hand, if you did not hear from this person, your curiosity would probably kill you. Eventually you would be driven to call them if for no other reason than to see what the hell was up.

 

OK, I've clearly spelled it out for you. If you don't get it by now, maybe you'll understand in a few years. But in this love stuff, you got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run (as the Kenny Rogers' song goes). You have to use your intuition and good judgement to know how to act to get love to work its best. If you can't do that, you will not do so well.

[LostCase]

Hi there Unsure,

 

To start, I'm in exactly the same situation as you are right now! It has been approximately 2 months since my G/F and I broke-up. She initated it and I had to accept it. I've done my share of trying to get her back but somehow I feel it's not working! So I decided to tell her that I still love her and when she's ready to get back together, to give me a call. If she doesn't, then I know we were never meant to be! It was hard for me to do that because I love her tremedously but I had to be strong. My suggestion from my experience is to leave him alone. Don't pester him about getting back together because it's only going to push him away more! If he wanted to get back with you he'd let you know. TRUST ME!

 

Let him know where you stand clearly and then say GOODBYE! Not for good, but to give him his space.While he's doing his thing get going and do your thang! Best Wishes and Good Luck! Keep In Touch!!